Quote:
You can’t FORCE your way back into the Church. You can only ALLOW yourself back into the Church. That takes humility. The humility to allow God qua God, and not “God” qua god (idol), to be your God by allowing revelation to be what it is instead of simply “rationalizing myth”.
I feel like I’ve tried a whole lot. Yes, there was a big period over those 12 years where I did everything I could to be humble, sitting quietly in an empty church, adoration, rosaries, talking with priests, retreats, having others pray for me, asking on this board what else i could do, etc, wondering what was wrong with me that faith just kept slipping away no matter what I seemed to do. I can see how my sentence is confusing – I did not try to force myself back for the whole 12 years, but I did at the end; I was desperate. Its not easy or fun to have everything you believed in and were taught about the religion to be turned on its side. I still have a big stack of books I need to read, but besides that, I’m out of ideas. If you have some other reasonable suggestion(a 4 month pilgrimage is not doable at this time ), I’d love to hear what I’ve been doing wrong all this time.