I was born into two of the prominent Mormon dynasties in Utah in 1931. Pure bred pioneer stock, polygamist ancestors on either side. Iâm so Mormon I bleed green jello.
I started to question the foundational claims of the LDS Church in 1978 when the Church opened up the priesthood to men of African descent. Itâs not that I wasnât happy for my Black brethren. The priesthood ban was one of those âput on the mental shelf and deal with laterâ sort of dogmas of Mormonism for me. The ban made no logical or compassionate sense, but I âknewâ it was of divine origin so I accepted it with great reluctance. I had spent decades teaching others that there existed some unknown yet innate quality of Black men rendering them unsuitable for the priesthood
because the Church I believed in so steadfastly told me so. For the Church to completely repudiate that teaching, over night, within the obviously politically expedient context in which the decision was made left a very sour taste in my mouth.
Over the next ten years I did what all members are warned not to do: consult non-LDS materials about LDS history, and then every last card of the house fell. I knew about polygyny, but polyandry!? Joseph Smithâs marrying of already wed women!? âTranslationsâ of scripture that donât even involve the source text!? Burning of the
Nauvoo Expositor!? Multiple âFirst Vision(s)â!? It became readily apparent to me that Joseph Smith Jr. was a conman and a charlatan. He was no prophet of God, the âscripturesâ he âtranslatedâ were figments of his imagination, and the âchurchâ he founded was an entire sham.
I never lost faith in God, but I remained a closeted disbeliever in Mormonism. It never really occurred to me to investigate other denominations of Christianity (or even other religions for that matter). I felt that I knew enough about the rest of Christendom to still believe that there was an apostasy (something that Joseph Smith just so happened to
accidentally get right). Without a new place to go I saw no reason to leave the place I was at, and so Iâve been here ever since. To this day Iâm still a practicing member. I hold a temple recommend and various callings. All of my children, grandchildren, and my wife are active LDS as well.
It was some time around 2003 when I moved to Oakland, California that I had my first genuine exposure to Catholicism. The church a block from my house was under the care of the Institute of Christ the King Sovereign Priest. They had a daily TLM Mass, and public chanting of Lauds and Vespers. While walking by one evening the doors were open and I could hear Vespers from the street. I crept in as inconspicuously as possible for fear that the Catholics may proselytize like us Mormons (Will there be nuns and monks keeping a careful eye for obvious visitors? Will they love-bomb me and want to have âdiscussionsâ with me?) Surprisingly no one took notice of me, so I started to make a habit of it.
A close neighbor turned out to be a parishioner there. One day he noticed me leaving the church and approached me with a huge grin. âI always thought Iâd catch you leaving a bar before Iâd ever think to see you leaving a
Catholic church!

But donât worry, your secret is safe with meâ, he chuckled. Henceforth he became a sort of Catholic mentor. I went to him with questions and eventually I attended my first Sunday Mass. Holy Moly! I instantly fell in love with the liturgy. Couldnât understand a word of it, but I loved it.
I began to wonder if my left over Mormon assumptions about other faiths was even valid. The linchpin of course would be the supposed Great Apostasy. If it really did occur then my experience of Catholicism was merely superficial and emotional. If it did not occur then Catholicism may actually be what she claims!
I began to read anything I could get my hands on about early Christianity. Patristic writings, critiques by detractors of Christianity, Catholic sources, Orthodox sources, even Protestant sources. Iâm convinced that Apostolic Christianity is true and the unanimity of certain doctrines among all the Apostolic Churches is enough for me to accept them as well. I believe the Nicene Creed. I believe in the perpetual virginity of the Blessed Virgin Mary. I believe in the Real Presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. I believe in the Communion of Saints and in asking for their intercession. So why am I not yet Catholic? Itâs because I feel that Iâve reached a road block in ascertaining
which of the Apostolic Churches teaches âthe fullness of the truthâ. Papal authority and jurisdiction is a biggy, but not the only one. Are the Chalcedonians or the non-Chalcedonians correct? Does the quantity of ânaturesâ of Jesus Christ even matter?
I may be stuck here for the rest of my days and since neither the Catholic nor the Orthodox church will accept me for baptism without confessing faith in the entirety of their dogma. I hope in Godâs mercy that if I were to die tomorrow in this state that Iâd have a shot at being covered by invincible ignorance, though I havenât used this hope as an excuse to become complacent. Maybe one day, by the grace of God, Iâll have an epiphany of sorts and be able to make that leap of faith.
