Fostering/adoption

[Nanny_PK]

For the last several weeks I’ve been feeling the call to foster and/or possibly adopt a child in need. There are several things that concern me about that calling. So I’m looking for advice/comments.

1. I am single, no kids so my thought is a younger child – not a baby as I think if at all possible they should go to a two-parent family. I want to rescue a child who has nothing and give them something that they might not ever have the chance to have. I do not think it is smart to throw someone in my position into a teenager situation seeing as how being around teenagers drives me crazy because I’m not used to be around them.
2. How does religious education work with foster children? Obviously if you adopt, you have the right to bring up that child in any way you see fit – for me Catholocism. But if you’re just fostering, do you have any right to try and get that child some religious foundation?
3. If I were married, it would not be an option – I would stay home with any kids that we had, biological or adopted. However, being single that is not an option. Is it fair to throw a child into day care when they’re trying to get used to a family situation?

I’m sure I have a lot more questions. I’m hoping some of the responses will trigger some good discussion for me to consider.

Thank you in advance for all your comments.

 

[CatholicSam]

I have no experience in this area, but you may want to re-post this in the Parenting sub-forum. Good luck to you in your discernment process!

 

[azgirl]

Hi Nanny, I am also in the process of discerning foster care and am single myself. I am actually quite far in the process, I started the classes a year ago and received my license about two weeks ago. The process took so long for me because I had to put it on hold while I sold and moved to my new place. Then my licensing worker took a leave of absence and so on. Not sure when I will take my first placement as I have a family vacation planned for July that I wouldn’t be able to take a foster child on (out of the Country). I can’t write much now as I actually need to leave. Feel free to PM me and I would be happy to share my limited experience with this.

 

[Cathy]

Hello dear, kind foster parents-to-be. Think and pray and consult with friends and family. Especially family. See if they will be there to back you up, not just in emergencies, but also during the every-day times, such as soccer games and first communions, etc. I have a dear friend who is single and adopted two daughters from Colombia, each when they were about 12 years old or so. Both are in their 20’s now. One is a college graduate (Franciscan Univ. at Steubenville) and married to a fellow alumnus who adores her. The other girl is struggling terribly. Adoptive mother and daughter are going through very hard times, both with each other and with the world. The mother is a school teacher and the now-grown daughter has been everything from a bar maid to a baby sitter, to, well, things that have landed her in jail. Fortunately the adoptive mother has an extended family that is fairly close and supportive. Without that, it’s hard to see how she could have survived as well as she has (including a bout with breast cancer, including surgery, chemo and radiation).

If you’re planning to adopt as a single mom, just be sure you have a good solid support structure in place and keep phone numbers handy of family, friends and agencies who can help. Oh yes, and pray, pray, pray.

My single friend wouldn’t give up her daughters for anything. She loves them and they love her (though there are some serious disagreements). They’re probably helping each other to become saints, with God’s help. Would my friend try so hard to keep close to God if she hadn’t been challenged so mightily by her daughters?

 

[bayoubutterfly]

I also would like to adopt and have been thinking about this a lot lately. I need to get a stable career going first, but I think it is a great thing to do!

 

[Cathy]

I also would like to adopt and have been thinking about this a lot lately. I need to get a stable career going first, but I think it is a great thing to do!

I agree that adoption is a great thing to do. It would be even greater if a person were married. Something like 80% of California prison inmates are from fatherless homes. I wonder if my friend’s adoptive daughter would have had better relationships with men (and less time in jail) if she had had an adoptive father as well as an adoptive mother. I don’t blame my friend for her daughter’s troubles. Without my friend’s intervention, both her Colombian daughters faced a near-certain life on the streets of Colombia.

Still, if you’re considering adoption, if marriage is an option for you, that should come first if possible.

 

[Sierrah]

For the last several weeks I’ve been feeling the call to foster and/or possibly adopt a child in need. There are several things that concern me about that calling. So I’m looking for advice/comments.

1. I am single, no kids so my thought is a younger child – not a baby as I think if at all possible they should go to a two-parent family. I want to rescue a child who has nothing and give them something that they might not ever have the chance to have. I do not think it is smart to throw someone in my position into a teenager situation seeing as how being around teenagers drives me crazy because I’m not used to be around them.
2. How does religious education work with foster children? Obviously if you adopt, you have the right to bring up that child in any way you see fit – for me Catholocism. But if you’re just fostering, do you have any right to try and get that child some religious foundation?
3. If I were married, it would not be an option – I would stay home with any kids that we had, biological or adopted. However, being single that is not an option. Is it fair to throw a child into day care when they’re trying to get used to a family situation?

I’m sure I have a lot more questions. I’m hoping some of the responses will trigger some good discussion for me to consider.

Thank you in advance for all your comments.

I see adoption as a good thing. For myself I would probably adopt an older child. I’ve been through the baby phase with children I watched as well as siblings so I don’t feel the need to go through that again. Also I feel drawn to adopt an older child because they have less of chance of being adopted. In any case it’s up to God to provide the means if he so wills. I’m not able to provide for a child right now…it’s all I can do to keep my self these days.