Fr or first name

[Livnlove55]

Scullinius:

In my parish (and the one next door that I sometimes attend – I love that church!), it’s generally “Father __________” or “Monsignor __________.”

Except for one priest in his mid-60s whom everyone loves. People sometimes refer to him as “Father Dan,” but not to his face, I think. Anyway, he’s about to move to a different parish. (Lucky them!)

I’ve never heard a Monsignor called “Father.” (Hope I never do.)

Found this old thread while searching on the topic of calling priests by their first name and would like to add to it, especially to your last comment.

As a new Catholic who has only been attending my parish since last August, I remember being very unsure about the proper way to address priests. The pastor of my parish is a Monsignor but the very first time I spoke with him, he answered the phone saying “This is Father Bauler.” I followed his lead and called him “Father” in that first conversation but a few days later I was told that Monsignors should always be addressed as Monsignor and I have done that ever since.

I have since been blessed to have gotten to know our pastor very well and the more I know him, the more my respect and admiration, even awe, has grown. Frankly, in my entire life, I have never known a holier, more Christ-like person. I truly feel like I am in the presence of a saint when I am with him.

That’s why I was surprised (almost shocked) when I was in the parish office the other day and a parishioner came in and asked the secretary '“Is Gary in yet?” (Gary, of course, is the Monsignor’s first name.) I turned to him and said “You called him Gary! I could** never** call him Gary!” He smiled and said “I started to say Father Gary but didn’t.” I replied “I couldn’t even call him Father Gary. Actually, **I **couldn’t even call him Monsignor Gary!” At that point the Monsignor walked into the room and the conversation ended (interestingly, I’m sure he heard my last comment but said nothing about it.)

Afterwards, I thought a lot about this. We have a younger associate pastor whom everyone calls “Father Lawrence”, including me. While he is a wonderful priest and I respect him, too, his personality doesn’t inspire the same level of awe and respect that I feel for the Monsignor. He’s got a great sense of humor and is down to earth and friendly but he seems almost too able to meet people at their level, if that makes any sense. Probably because he had a late vocation and spent many years as a layman before being ordained 8 years ago. The Monsignor, on the other hand, was ordained at 26 and has been a priest for 38 years.

I respect him as a priest with almost 40 years of experience. I respect him for his age and the wisdom gained from his age and experience. I respect him as my pastor and spiritual father. I respect him in a special way because he **is **a Monsignor. Most of all, I respect him for the obvious holiness of his life and the example he sets for all of us in my parish.

And, as I said, there is no way I could ever maintain that respect and address him by his first name, even with a title before it. I do not know the relationship of this particular parishoner to our pastor. I suppose it is possible that they are very close friends and the Monsignor has asked him to call him “Gary.” But I would like to know… Is that proper, even assuming the Monsignor requested it? Or do all formalities like that disappear, even in public, if one happens to be close friends with a priest?

Inquiring minds would like to know…
In His love,
Rhonda

 

[JCPhoenix]

Our priests are almost all Fr. Last name, and they introduce themseves this way.

On occasion some want to be called Fr. First name and we respect that…and in my parish, I have seen that those priests who do go by Fr. First name are HIGHLY respected and very highly regarded.

We do have one priest currently who goes by Fr. first name, likely because he is Indian and his last name is very long…it would take someone half the day just to call him Fr. Last name! He is also very much respected.

I have usually found it best to follow their lead when they intoduce themselves as to what they want to be called. However, I am with everyone else…even if he wants to only go by his first name, I could not do so as I would have to call him Father.

 

[Deacon_Ed]

Deacon Tony560:

As a deacon, only my children can call me father.

Deacon Tony,

I our eastern Catholic tradition Deacons are called “Deacon [first name]” or “Fr. [first name]” or “Fr. Deacon [first name]”. In Arabic I am called “Abouna Ed” or “Abouna Shemas Ed” (Fr. Ed or Fr. Deacon Ed). Priests and professed monks are also called “Fr.” even if the monk is not a priest! The title “Father” refers not to our ordination, but to our role as spiritual fathers. In fact, Eastern Priests will frequently sign as “the Priest [first name]”.

Deacon Ed

 

[ThornGenX]

I would not feel comfortable calling a priest anything but Father. Just like I never called a school teacher by their first name when I was their student. This applied even in college.

 

[Brain]

father is waht i use, but if i need to distinguish between priests, i call them father whatever they intrioduce themselves as, all the priests but one that i have met go by father last name, the last one Fr Phillip Fitzimons, would answer to father fitzimons, but father phillip was perferred (and he was a super-orthodox irishman)

 

[Livnlove55]

JCPhoenix:

I have usually found it best to follow their lead when they intoduce themselves as to what they want to be called. However, I am with everyone else…even if he wants to only go by his first name, I could not do so as I would have to call him Father.

Well, I absolutely cannot remember how he introduced himself when I first met him and I can’t recall hearing him introduce himself to anyone else so I can’t go by that. I did check a letter he wrote to the parish last week, though, and he signed it “Monsignor Bauler.”

Thing is, the man is so humble that I doubt he cares how people address him and certainly wouldn’t demand to be called Monsignor Bauler. It’s only ***me *who believes he deserves to be addressed with the utmost respect. Thinking about it, though, and knowing the kind of person he is, I bet if I asked he would tell me that Monsignors in general should be addressed like that.

I think to me he will always just be “The Monsignor” – the amazing man God has sent to be our shepherd.
In His love,
Rhonda

 

[netmilsmom]

Shae:

I’m a grown adult, but I’ve grown with the rule to respect titles. So I’m just wondering. I hear lots of parishioners call nuns and priests by their first name, and I’ve heard they prefer this anyway. Especially if your in the same age group. I still call my aunties and uncles, well aunty and uncle Bob, Chris whatever. You know what* I mean. wow how did I suddenly get slanty writing, are my eyes playing tricks, is my writing slany, yes it is. Let me know how you call priests and nuns. Thanks.*

Shae

Aaaauuuuuuggggghhhhh!
Father! Always!
My Uncle is a Bishop. We NEVER call him Uncle, per my dear departed Mom. Always, Father Gil. My children do the same!

 

[InnocentIII]

Shae:

I’m a grown adult, but I’ve grown with the rule to respect titles. So I’m just wondering. I hear lots of parishioners call nuns and priests by their first name, and I’ve heard they prefer this anyway. Especially if your in the same age group. I still call my aunties and uncles, well aunty and uncle Bob, Chris whatever. You know what* I mean. wow how did I suddenly get slanty writing, are my eyes playing tricks, is my writing slany, yes it is. Let me know how you call priests and nuns. Thanks.*

Shae

Father, Sister, My Lord and Your Grace or Eminence. Don’t care what they want me to call them they are consecrated and deserve my respect. If a priest insists on the first name bit I will go as far as Father + first name. I think it is like parents who want to be best friends with their kids. Frankly it doesn’t make them popular only pathetic.

 

[Liberian]

Shae:

I’m a grown adult, but I’ve grown with the rule to respect titles. So I’m just wondering. I hear lots of parishioners call nuns and priests by their first name, and I’ve heard they prefer this anyway. Especially if your in the same age group. I still call my aunties and uncles, well aunty and uncle Bob, Chris whatever. You know what* I mean. wow how did I suddenly get slanty writing, are my eyes playing tricks, is my writing slany, yes it is. Let me know how you call priests and nuns. Thanks.*

Shae

Shae,

Regarding the slanty writing, my guess is that you accidentally hit Ctrl-I (meaning start or stop italics) when you meant to hit Shift-I (meaning put a capital “i” into the text). Other nifty hotkeys are Ctrl-B for bold and Ctrl-U for underline.

As for how one addresses a priest, my experience is that people call him Fr. (last name) unless the last name has four syllables or more, in which case it’s Fr. (first name). There isn’t a hard rule about that, that’s just my observation.

• Liberian

 

[Grace_and_Glory]

My experience has been that what we call priests depends on the parish. At one parish, we called our priest (assistant pastor) “Father [last name]” and our pastor “Monsignor [last name].” When the priest was moved to another parish, he was called “Father [first name].” At the church I’m at now, all of our priests are addressed as “Father [first name]” with the exception of the monsignors, who are addressed as “Monsignor [last name].”