Franciscan University of Steubenville

[JMJ_Pinoy]

My parents and I have major disagreements about college.

I’ve been accepted to the Franciscan University of Steubenville, in Ohio, which is my first choice so I’d really like to go there. However, my parents have made it clear that I cannot go there, even if I obtain enough grants and scholarships to cover all expenses, because it’s too far from home and they “want to keep an eye on me.” Even if I attend San Diego State University or UC San Diego, my parents want me to live at home, not on campus.

My parents know that I really want to go to Franciscan, but they have made it clear that any school outside of San Diego is not an option for me. They’ve tried to convince me to stay here by saying that there’s hurricanes and tsunamis in Ohio and that Franciscan isn’t a good school. My second choice is UC Los Angeles, which is two hours from where I live, but they’ve said that UCLA is also too far from home.

My parents also disapprove of my goal of becoming a counselor. They want me to work in the bank or in the medical field, but I feel that counseling is my calling.

I’m from a Filipino family and my parents did not attend school here in the U.S. The advice my friends have given me is to go to whichever college I want go to because it’s my life and I shouldn’t have to regret not going to Franciscan. I don’t know what to do. Any advice?

 

[YinYangMom]

oh geez, that’s really a tough situation, especially because your parents did not attend school here.

Understand that they are fearful for your life, and rightly so. I have two teen children. My son will be going to college next year, my daughter has another 2 years left. My son flat out isn’t ready to live on his own even though he’d love to. He knows how to cook, clean, do laundry, but he hasn’t had to work and pay bills. He hasn’t bought his own groceries or made his own doctor appointments, he doesn’t have a car. He also struggled with grades his sophomore and junior year and just this year finally figured out what it takes to get As across the board. We’ve talked about his options, understands our concerns and accepts them.

Husband and I are college graduates and we work in the university setting. We work with professors of undergrad and graduate programs, we work with resource counselors on campus and we know kids who’s first time out of the house is a college environment don’t know how to handle it. If Mom and Dad did all the scheduling back home, if they checked on grades all the time, if they did the cooking and cleaning, if they set curfews because you the kids wouldn’t come home on their own, if the kids never had jobs while going to school before - these kids are overwhelmed their first year. Many of them ruin their grades, several of them party way too much. College life begins at 10pm and goes on until 3am. Most of the crimes and accidents resulting in injury and death happen after midnight - on school nights! So that’s what your parents are worried about.

Now, Steubenville is an excellent school, so you’re already on a good footing to present a case for attending. This is what you need to do:

1. visit the newspaper websites of the area in and around the university. Check out the crime-blotter pages to see what time of crimes occur and with what frequency.
2. Visit the city government’s website and get demographic statistics…you’re looking to show how stable the city is.
3. Visit the university website and see if there is an asian studies program or some sort of association/advising entity on campus which may be of assistance to you in addressing the concerns of your parents from their culturall perspective.
4. Contact a university admissions counselor…let them know what your situation is. You’ve been admitted. I’m sure they deal with parent insecurities all the time. They should be able to speak with your parents, invite them to an open house, send a video, something to help them understand what a wonderful Catholic education the university can offer you.
5. Take an inventory of your readiness to live outside of range of your parents. If you can prove to your parents you are responsible, you care about your grades, you care about your health, your hygiene, finances, your spiritual growth, then that goes a long way.

I’m a San Diego native, graduated from USD. UCSD and SDSU will not give you the moral university education Steubenville can. If you absolutely had to choose one or the other, I’d take UCSD, but it depends on your major. Still, if you parents’ main concern is your safety and your moral development, Steubenville can make a strong case against UCSD and SDSU on both fronts. Let the Steubenville admissions person know UCSD and SDSU are the competition.

Good luck to you!

 

[ProudArmyWife]

Excellent Advice YingYangMom

 

[katybird]

Ohio doesn’t have hurricanes or tsunamis. Ohio has tornados.

Anyway, I have no real advice. What would they do if you tell them that you’re going to do what you want when you’re 18? Would they get over it and decide they may as well help you pay for college? Would you be willing to pay your own way?

Staying near home wouldn’t be the end of the world. Close-knit families are one of the things I envy about Asian families.

 

[Alfie]

JMJ_Pinoy:

My parents and I have major disagreements about college.

I’ve been accepted to the Franciscan University of Steubenville, in Ohio, which is my first choice so I’d really like to go there. However, my parents have made it clear that I cannot go there, even if I obtain enough grants and scholarships to cover all expenses, because it’s too far from home and they “want to keep an eye on me.” Even if I attend San Diego State University or UC San Diego, my parents want me to live at home, not on campus.

My parents know that I really want to go to Franciscan, but they have made it clear that any school outside of San Diego is not an option for me. They’ve tried to convince me to stay here by saying that there’s hurricanes and tsunamis in Ohio and that Franciscan isn’t a good school. My second choice is UC Los Angeles, which is two hours from where I live, but they’ve said that UCLA is also too far from home.

My parents also disapprove of my goal of becoming a counselor. They want me to work in the bank or in the medical field, but I feel that counseling is my calling.

I’m from a Filipino family and my parents did not attend school here in the U.S. The advice my friends have given me is to go to whichever college I want go to because it’s my life and I shouldn’t have to regret not going to Franciscan. I don’t know what to do. Any advice?

I live in Steubenville. I heard that one of Mel Gibson’s daughter’s attended Franciscan University under an assumed name. At least that is what one of my teachers told me at a local college that I attend. He said some of his friends are teachers at the college and that they taught her in their classes.

 

[JMJ_Pinoy]

YinYangMom:

oh geez, that’s really a tough situation, especially because your parents did not attend school here.

Understand that they are fearful for your life, and rightly so. I have two teen children. My son will be going to college next year, my daughter has another 2 years left. My son flat out isn’t ready to live on his own even though he’d love to. He knows how to cook, clean, do laundry, but he hasn’t had to work and pay bills. He hasn’t bought his own groceries or made his own doctor appointments, he doesn’t have a car. He also struggled with grades his sophomore and junior year and just this year finally figured out what it takes to get As across the board. We’ve talked about his options, understands our concerns and accepts them.

Husband and I are college graduates and we work in the university setting. We work with professors of undergrad and graduate programs, we work with resource counselors on campus and we know kids who’s first time out of the house is a college environment don’t know how to handle it. If Mom and Dad did all the scheduling back home, if they checked on grades all the time, if they did the cooking and cleaning, if they set curfews because you the kids wouldn’t come home on their own, if the kids never had jobs while going to school before - these kids are overwhelmed their first year. Many of them ruin their grades, several of them party way too much. College life begins at 10pm and goes on until 3am. Most of the crimes and accidents resulting in injury and death happen after midnight - on school nights! So that’s what your parents are worried about.

Now, Steubenville is an excellent school, so you’re already on a good footing to present a case for attending. This is what you need to do:

1. visit the newspaper websites of the area in and around the university. Check out the crime-blotter pages to see what time of crimes occur and with what frequency.
2. Visit the city government’s website and get demographic statistics…you’re looking to show how stable the city is.
3. Visit the university website and see if there is an asian studies program or some sort of association/advising entity on campus which may be of assistance to you in addressing the concerns of your parents from their culturall perspective.
4. Contact a university admissions counselor…let them know what your situation is. You’ve been admitted. I’m sure they deal with parent insecurities all the time. They should be able to speak with your parents, invite them to an open house, send a video, something to help them understand what a wonderful Catholic education the university can offer you.
5. Take an inventory of your readiness to live outside of range of your parents. If you can prove to your parents you are responsible, you care about your grades, you care about your health, your hygiene, finances, your spiritual growth, then that goes a long way.

I’m a San Diego native, graduated from USD. UCSD and SDSU will not give you the moral university education Steubenville can. If you absolutely had to choose one or the other, I’d take UCSD, but it depends on your major. Still, if you parents’ main concern is your safety and your moral development, Steubenville can make a strong case against UCSD and SDSU on both fronts. Let the Steubenville admissions person know UCSD and SDSU are the competition.

Good luck to you!

Thanks for the advice!

 

[JMJ_Pinoy]

katybird:

Ohio doesn’t have hurricanes or tsunamis. Ohio has tornados.

Anyway, I have no real advice. What would they do if you tell them that you’re going to do what you want when you’re 18? Would they get over it and decide they may as well help you pay for college? Would you be willing to pay your own way?

Staying near home wouldn’t be the end of the world. Close-knit families are one of the things I envy about Asian families.

I’ve already explained to them that once I turn 18, I’m considered a legal adult so I will be able to move out if I want to. I’ve already told them that I’m willing to go to college without their financial support. But they still keep telling me that I’m not moving out.

If I stay near home, I’d at least like to live in a dorm b/c it’s part of the college experience. I don’t want to attend college in San Diego, though, b/c I really don’t want to end up living at home.

 

[montanaman]

JMJ_Pinoy:

I’ve already explained to them that once I turn 18, I’m considered a legal adult so I will be able to move out if I want to. I’ve already told them that I’m willing to go to college without their financial support. But they still keep telling me that I’m not moving out.

If I stay near home, I’d at least like to live in a dorm b/c it’s part of the college experience. I don’t want to attend college in San Diego, though, b/c I really don’t want to end up living at home.

Tell them that they can’t watch you all the time, and if they want you to be exposed to every form of temptation, you should go to the public school. If, however, they want you to be in an environment that incessantly promotes holiness, Franciscan is your best bet.

I went to both public state schools AND Franciscan, and I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt, if they want you in a moral environment, there’s no other choice but Franciscan. Yes, there are still all the normal temptations there, but you’ll also have a couple thousand peers reminding you of what’s right and good.

Your parents, while they have the best intentions, are insisting on a course of action that will force you into the worst circumstances. Their lack of trust and the whole public school system’s celebration of debauchery is a recipe for disaster. I know. It got me.

 

[my4ducks]

Steubenville is a wonderfull school and your parents should be proud that you would prefer a school like that over a party school like UCSD. I know the distance is far but what a blessing!!! Believe me you will have more temptations at UCSD living at your parents then you would at Steubenville. I have several friends who have graduated from there and all their experiences have been excellant. Our close friends even grew up in the town and it was wonderful. Very family oriented which keeps the crime rate down. I know I will miss my children greatly when they go off to college, just as my mom did (I actually went to Europr for a year), but it is right of passage that I would never begrudge my children of. I would stand respectfully firm and accept Steubenvilles offer for admittance. This is a huge regret that you don’t want to have. Believe me.

Good Luck to you and may you be happy, safe and use good judgement know matter where you end up. Listen to our Lord. He will guide you. Peace.

 

[JMJ_Pinoy]

montanaman:

Tell them that they can’t watch you all the time, and if they want you to be exposed to every form of temptation, you should go to the public school. If, however, they want you to be in an environment that incessantly promotes holiness, Franciscan is your best bet.

I went to both public state schools AND Franciscan, and I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt, if they want you in a moral environment, there’s no other choice but Franciscan. Yes, there are still all the normal temptations there, but you’ll also have a couple thousand peers reminding you of what’s right and good.

Your parents, while they have the best intentions, are insisting on a course of action that will force you into the worst circumstances. Their lack of trust and the whole public school system’s celebration of debauchery is a recipe for disaster. I know. It got me.

I don’t think my parents are very much concerned about temptations. They go to church, but they don’t really see anything wrong with premarital sex, contraception, abortion, etc. So I’m having trouble understanding why they want to keep me at home. At first, I thought it was because of cost. But when I asked them if I could go if I got full expenses paid from grants and scholarships, they still said no. I informed them that SDSU has a bad reputation as one of the nation’s “top ten party schools” and that alcohol is prevalent on campus, but their response was “then don’t party or drink.”

 

[JMJ_Pinoy]

my4ducks:

Steubenville is a wonderfull school and your parents should be proud that you would prefer a school like that over a party school like UCSD. I know the distance is far but what a blessing!!! Believe me you will have more temptations at UCSD living at your parents then you would at Steubenville. I have several friends who have graduated from there and all their experiences have been excellant. Our close friends even grew up in the town and it was wonderful. Very family oriented which keeps the crime rate down. I know I will miss my children greatly when they go off to college, just as my mom did (I actually went to Europr for a year), but it is right of passage that I would never begrudge my children of. I would stand respectfully firm and accept Steubenvilles offer for admittance. This is a huge regret that you don’t want to have. Believe me.

Good Luck to you and may you be happy, safe and use good judgement know matter where you end up. Listen to our Lord. He will guide you. Peace.

I did some research on Steubenville’s crime rate and dicscovered that it’s MUCH lower than San Diego’s. I also found out that the Farmers Insurance Group named Steubenville as one of the most secure U.S. places to live, based on factors such as extreme weather and risk of natural disasters.

I also compared the 4-year graduation rates…
Franciscan: 63%
SDSU: 12%
UCSD: 34%

My parents’ response to all of this was “that’s not true.”

I don’t think I’ll be able to change their minds about this, so I guess all I can do now is pray and work really hard on obtaining as much financial aid as possible.

 

[montanaman]

JMJ_Pinoy:

I don’t think my parents are very much concerned about temptations. They go to church, but they don’t really see anything wrong with premarital sex, contraception, abortion, etc. So I’m having trouble understanding why they want to keep me at home. At first, I thought it was because of cost. But when I asked them if I could go if I got full expenses paid from grants and scholarships, they still said no. I informed them that SDSU has a bad reputation as one of the nation’s “top ten party schools” and that alcohol is prevalent on campus, but their response was “then don’t party or drink.”

Then your parents are irrational. When you turn 18, and if you can get the funding, go to Franciscan.

Pray hard.

 

[JMJ_Pinoy]

Thanks for all the advice! I would greatly appreciate your prayers.

Merry Christmas!
JMJ_Pinoy

 

[Benedictus]

Wherever you end up going to school, live on campus the first year, and don’t let your parents control you. Just don’t expect them to pay your bills if you don’t go where they want you to go.

Personally, I’m a fan of the less expensive public institutions. I’m just not convinced that a private school worth paying more than twice as much. As for the moral environment, a school will only corrupt you if you let it.

 

[CARose]

JMJ Pinoy,

While I too believe Stuebenville is by FAR the better school and best choice for your education, I want to strongly encourage you to not butt heads with your parents on this. They are your parents, deserving of your respect and obedience. They are the God given authority in your life, even at this time when you are turning 18 and entering into the world of being an adult.

You are likely to get much farther with them by accepting their authority and not fighting them.

But, does this mean you have to completely throw in the towel and accept their decision regardless of how strongly you feel? Not necessisarily.

I’d recommend that you continue to work with them as you explore where you’ll be going to school next year. I liked YinYangMom’s advice and would like to suggest you also see if there are any alumni from Stubenville in your area who would be willing to meet with your parents, if possible, someone who is Filipino would be best.

Then, work WITH your parents, not against them, in exploring the options. Go with them to a campus tour at the San Diego schools and see if you can’t get them to go with you to Stubenville (not highly likely I suspect, but ask anyway, if you have money, you could look into the cost of airfare and see if you could pay for a portion of the trip).

Create a report comparing and contrasting the schools. Be absolutely certain that you fairly include items which make the San Diego schools a better candidate.

Your parents have expressed as strong interest in having you study Banking or Medicine. I know that UCSD (especially Warren) has an excellent rate of graduates going to medical school. What are the rates from Stubenville? What are the majors which most frequently go on to careers in Banking? You could contact the Placement Centers at each campus and ask about placements in the banking industry.

Would you be willing to commit to spending the first 2 years of your studies exploring either business or pre-med for your parents? Tell them how you’re willing to accept their counsel and then do so.

Remember, even if they’re not from America and therefore didn’t go to school here, they are your parents and they know you like no one else can. Give them the respect that is due to them when you attempt to work through this.

They deserve it. Even if you don’t ultimately go to the school of your first choice, you certainly wouldn’t want to damage your relationship with your parents over this. That certainly wouldn’t be within the spirit of what Stubenville is trying to accomplish.

God Bless you as you handle this challenge,

CARose

 

[annony11]

Alfie:

I live in Steubenville. I heard that one of Mel Gibson’s daughter’s attended Franciscan University under an assumed name. At least that is what one of my teachers told me at a local college that I attend. He said some of his friends are teachers at the college and that they taught her in their classes.

One of the oldest rumors around. Mel Gibson’s daughter did not go to FUS. I have lived in Steubenville for 12 years and we hear that one all the time. Proof of this lies in the fact that Gibson is so conservative that he would consider FUS to liberal to send his daughter there.

 

[Princess_Abby]

I actually read that Mel Gibson’s oldest daughter (who is still pretty young, under age 20, I think) is living as a novice in a cloistered convent.

Ah, the gossip…always wrong.

 

[YinYangMom]

JMJ_Pinoy:

I don’t think my parents are very much concerned about temptations. They go to church, but they don’t really see anything wrong with premarital sex, contraception, abortion, etc. So I’m having trouble understanding why they want to keep me at home. At first, I thought it was because of cost. But when I asked them if I could go if I got full expenses paid from grants and scholarships, they still said no. I informed them that SDSU has a bad reputation as one of the nation’s “top ten party schools” and that alcohol is prevalent on campus, but their response was “then don’t party or drink.”

Ah, this is interesting…
why do you want to go to Steubenville? Why did you even apply?
Be honest. It’s important to help determine the best way to approach your parents.

 

[YinYangMom]

JMJ_Pinoy:

I did some research on Steubenville’s crime rate and dicscovered that it’s MUCH lower than San Diego’s. I also found out that the Farmers Insurance Group named Steubenville as one of the most secure U.S. places to live, based on factors such as extreme weather and risk of natural disasters.

I also compared the 4-year graduation rates…
Franciscan: 63%
SDSU: 12%
UCSD: 34%

My parents’ response to all of this was “that’s not true.”

I don’t think I’ll be able to change their minds about this, so I guess all I can do now is pray and work really hard on obtaining as much financial aid as possible.

You realize, don’t you, that it’s not about changing their minds?
That’s not going to happen before you go. It’ll happen over time, after you’ve been there for awhile and they see for themselves that their worst fears didn’t come to be.

What is holding you back from accepting and attending Steubenville despite your parents’ objections?

 

[JMJ_Pinoy]

annony11:

One of the oldest rumors around. Mel Gibson’s daughter did not go to FUS. I have lived in Steubenville for 12 years and we hear that one all the time. Proof of this lies in the fact that Gibson is so conservative that he would consider FUS to liberal to send his daughter there.

My mom likes Mel Gibson, so I was about to tell her that his daughter went to FUS!