Franciscan University of Steubenville

[JMJ_Pinoy]

YinYangMom:

Ah, this is interesting…
why do you want to go to Steubenville? Why did you even apply?
Be honest. It’s important to help determine the best way to approach your parents.

I want to go to Steubenville for many reasons. For one, I know that it’s a great school where I’m likely to stay out of trouble. I don’t want to place myself in tempting situations. I also want to grow in fellowship with other Catholics who are as fired up about their faith as I am, and I want to grow in my faith. While I am Catholic, there is still a lot I need to learn about my faith and I know that I can learn so much from Steubenville and that it has so much to offer. But it’s not like I can tell my parents this. They’re not really understanding of me when it comes to matters of faith. For example, when I tell them we need to go to Mass for holy days of obligation, I’m criticized of “wanting to become a priest or something” and told that we don’t need to go. They want to keep me at home, so they even suggested I attend USD. But I know that today’s students @ USD aren’t much different from SDSU or UCSD, and that the school is incomparable to FUS.

 

[JMJ_Pinoy]

YinYangMom:

You realize, don’t you, that it’s not about changing their minds?
That’s not going to happen before you go. It’ll happen over time, after you’ve been there for awhile and they see for themselves that their worst fears didn’t come to be.

What is holding you back from accepting and attending Steubenville despite your parents’ objections?

The problem is, I don’t really understand what their fears are. What they continue to tell me is that FUS is too expensive and too far from home. But they’ve told me that I can’t go to FUS even if I get tons of financial aid. So I suppose the distance is their only problem. I’ll also be the first of three children in my family to attend college.

My parents’ objections is the only thing holding me back from going to Steubenville. If they had no problem with me going, then I would be going there for sure. Franciscan’s my first choice, but I’m still not making a final decision until I know how much financial aid I’ll be able to get.

Thanks, again, for all the advice!

Mary ChristMass!

 

[CARose]

Hey JMJ,

I’ve been thinking about your situation over the last several days, and suddenly realized there may be another solution which may meet both yours and your parents concerns. Have you heard of the new University in San Diego, John Paul the Great University?

I don’t know much about them other than their name, but they had a booth at the Catholic Family Conference in Anaheim last summer and with a name like JP the Great, I doubt they’re liberal. I believe they have just opened their doors and they have a business major that your parents should love.

I don’t know what kind of financial aid they have or if it’s too late for you to apply for admission in the Fall, but you might want to give them a call. Information about them can be found on their website at: jpcatholic.com/

It might be worth going for a campus tour, either alone or with your parents.

I’m sorry to read that they don’t accept your desire to be true to the faith and that they mock you with priesthood, as if that could be something bad. Perhaps we need to start a prayer chain for your parents, that they come home to the fullness of the Truth given to us through the Church. Catholicism is so incredibly beautiful it’s sad to learn that your parents have raised you in the faith and yet fail to grasp it’s splendor themselves.

God Bless you as you continue to work through these issues.

CARose

 

[turboEDvo]

JMJ_Pinoy:

I’ve already explained to them that once I turn 18, I’m considered a legal adult so I will be able to move out if I want to. I’ve already told them that I’m willing to go to college without their financial support. But they still keep telling me that I’m not moving out.

Well, if you feel strongly, then you can leave. It’s your choice. However, you would then truly have to pay for everything (and tuition, books, living expenses, incidentals, and room and board is quite a lot).

They are probably just worried about your ability to handle yourself away from home. You may just have to work to convince them that you are ready. I would bet that is the thing that is bothering them the most. As you said, they said the two issues are money and distance. If money isn’t an issue, then it is only the distance, which means you will be too far away for them to keep an eye on you. If money is an issue, the costs of going to school away from home can be high. There is air fare, shipping stuff, etc. and those costs do stack up. That could be one argument against your leaving.

However, I would ask your parents exactly why they worry so much about the distance.

Eamon

 

[Tonks40]

JMJ -

I’m sure you understand the Filipino parents’ need to insure that their child does not take the wrong path (in my younger days it was called ‘control’). Your parents have some pretty strong, set ideas of what you’ll be doing after you graduate high school - and what kind of girl you’re going to date and marry, and how many kids you’ll have, and of course, what your career path may be.

Along with that, culturally, Filipino children usually desire not to do anything against their parent’s wishes, for fear of having them look down on you for what you decide for yourself.

Yes they have fears. But by what you’ve been saying, ideally, it would be great if they could see how you see it and understand where you are coming from.

No matter what you do or decide, it’s been my experience as a Filipina that you can never make your parents completely happy with you. You have a good head on your shoulders - you’ve done what you need to do in high school in order to get your acceptence into Steubenville. That’s wonderful in any circumstance! You have a strong faith, and goals that you want to achieve in life. Believe it or not, it is time for you to set yourself on a course towards your future.

It’s going to be hard to bring this to their attention, and there may be lots of yelling and screaming. But be calm, have faith, and do what you need to do now in order to get the financial support you need to attend the university of your choice. I’ve seen many of my Filipino friends take the same kind of journey you’re taking right now…it wasn’t easy for them, but after many years, and seeing their successes, their parents can be nothing but proud of them. (Filipino parents can change - they just do it kicking and screaming!)

This is part of our Filipino culture. It’s not easy to live with, but it’s possible!

Good luck on whatever you decide and God Bless!

PS - if my parents or I ever had a child like you, we’d be all like “Go ahead! Go! Get out of here and do something great in your life!”

 

[JMJ_Pinoy]

CARose:

Hey JMJ,

I’ve been thinking about your situation over the last several days, and suddenly realized there may be another solution which may meet both yours and your parents concerns. Have you heard of the new University in San Diego, John Paul the Great University?

I don’t know much about them other than their name, but they had a booth at the Catholic Family Conference in Anaheim last summer and with a name like JP the Great, I doubt they’re liberal. I believe they have just opened their doors and they have a business major that your parents should love.

I don’t know what kind of financial aid they have or if it’s too late for you to apply for admission in the Fall, but you might want to give them a call. Information about them can be found on their website at: jpcatholic.com/

It might be worth going for a campus tour, either alone or with your parents.

I’m sorry to read that they don’t accept your desire to be true to the faith and that they mock you with priesthood, as if that could be something bad. Perhaps we need to start a prayer chain for your parents, that they come home to the fullness of the Truth given to us through the Church. Catholicism is so incredibly beautiful it’s sad to learn that your parents have raised you in the faith and yet fail to grasp it’s splendor themselves.

God Bless you as you continue to work through these issues.

CARose

Thank you for the suggestion. I’m pretty sure I want to become a counselor, though. My parents only suggested that I major in business, education, or something in the medical field because of the high pay for those jobs. I want to become a counselor, though, and I can always change my major if I change my mind.

 

[JMJ_Pinoy]

I think my parents are starting to consider allowing me to study out of state. I talked with my mom a little about expenses and financial aid last night, and my parents will help me pay for my housing deposit. They know how badly I want to attend FUS, so I guess they’re starting to reconsider. If I get enough financial aid, my parents may end up letting me go to FUS.

 

[montanaman]

JMJ_Pinoy:

Thank you for the suggestion. I’m pretty sure I want to become a counselor, though. My parents only suggested that I major in business, education, or something in the medical field because of the high pay for those jobs. I want to become a counselor, though, and I can always change my major if I change my mind.

Hah! My roommate at FUS majored in theology. Yeah–close to $30,000 a year for THEOLOGY. That might say enough right there, but this guy–27 years old at the time–had serious problems. Deep, disturbing problems. So, when he was about to go through graduation he was in panic mode. He realized he was going to have to start paying down those FUS loans on a Catholic school teacher’s salary and, oh yeah, he had better start looking for a job.

The last thing I heard from him was that he was going to get a Master’s in History. Poor guy.

Anyway, if there’s a point to that story it’s this–if you can get it all paid for, GO FOR IT. But, don’t spend $30K+ per year on something that won’t even pay for tomorrow’s gas prices.

 

[CARose]

JMJ_Pinoy:

…my parents may end up letting me go to FUS.

This is wonderful news!

Also, if compromise helps, please consider it. It may be possible to start with a business major and still be a counselor in the end. This has the added benefit of giving you a fall-back plan if you have a need to make some serious money to pay off the student loans or other financial obligations you incur in the future.

God Bless!

CARose

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Isn’t there another thread you opened on this? And we all gave you advice on it?

Yep, I thought so. Here it is:

Argument w/ Parents Over College

I think I weighed in on this- If you can’t get them to go along with you, and you feel you are in God’s Will going to FUS, and you obviously have the whole thing paid through grants and scholarships, then you should go, being prepared to live the consequences of your attendance at FUS. Don’t expect them to like it, don’t expect them to take you to the airport, don’t expect them to supply a car or spending money. You might expect them not to even talk to you, and to forbid your sibs from doing so.

More prayers for you.

 

[Dorothy]

JMJ_Pinoy:

Thank you for the suggestion. I’m pretty sure I want to become a counselor, though. My parents only suggested that I major in business, education, or something in the medical field because of the high pay for those jobs. I want to become a counselor, though, and I can always change my major if I change my mind.

You should pursue what you believe you are called to. Parents should not try to control their children’s choice of vocations. Money should not be an issue, you need to be happy in what you choose to do.

 

[tiny_smommy]

I’m an FUS grad, and I got a wonderful education, but it isn’t the land of milk and honey, honey, believe me. But most of the students have equally over protective parents, so you should fit right in!

You could always do what I did: move out, get a lousy job until you’re 22, make sure you’re a resident of Ohio and go to school basically for free (as long as you are living below the poverty line, which you will be if you you’re that young and working without a college degree!). At the age of 22 the govt considers you to be independant and you file for financial aid alone, without your parents.

I didn’t have over protective parents. On the contrary, they encouraged me to be an adult when I was 17. I took care of myself until I was married, and now my husband and I take care of each other. My husband’s family on the other hand are freakishly overbearing. They are from Italy, and he has cousins that are over thirty and say they “aren’t allowed” to move out of the house because they aren’t married yet! Psychotic! Really, what would the reprocussions be? Less stress? Nobody to do their laundry? I have no idea. Their big excuse is to “save money.” Yeah right. They don’t save money. They buy $300 shoes and $50,0000 automobiles because they don’t have to pay any bills or buy any food. My husband is a wonderful, wonderful man, but I married a child. He couldn’t take care of himself because his ma did it for him for so long. I basically had to crash-course raise the man in a couple of months. We had every one of our utilities shut off within the first two months of marriage because he didn’t understand that if you don’t mail the check, ma doesn’t do it for you. It’s sad really.

Anyway, Franciscan is a good school, but it’s not the be all end all. And life on your own is great, especially when you’re young. It’s a big exciting world out there. Don’t let you’re parents scare you. Poverty isn’t that bad either, and believe me I have experience in that department. Jesus led a life of poverty, and so did St Francis. You could spend the rest of your life worrying about the what-ifs, and an airplane could fall out of the sky right now and land on your house - so what? God provides for the birds, He’ll provide for you.

 

[pittsburghjeff]

There is only one Steubenville in the world…no other college, Catholic or non-Catholic is quite the same. By all means if you want to go there don’t let anyone stop you. It truly is a fantastic school. The students are incredible.

Sure, some of the students and the alumni (like the last post) will point out that it is not perfect. Let me tell you though that I have seven years of higher education and I have been across the country visting colleges and meeting with students and any problems that Steubenville has are quite microscopic when you compare them to what is going on at other colleges (Catholic and non-Catholic) in this country.

You should consider your parent’s advice as far as it is based on their objective desire for what is best for you, and disregard it so far as it is based on a selfish desire to control you. Just try and make an objective decision based on all the factors about what is the best college for you and don’t forget to pray. Good luck.

 

[chicago]

katybird:

Ohio doesn’t have hurricanes or tsunamis. Ohio has tornados.

Doesn’t the San Diego are have earthquakes? And Fires? And mudslides?

Ultimately, it seems like this is a matter of a family wanting to stay close, parents worrying about letting go of their “little baby”, and a young person who desires a little room to grow into one’s adult self. Those are probably the real issues which need to be discussed at home and some accomodation come to. That will likely demand sacrifices of some sort on all parts.

 

[chicago]

JMJ_Pinoy:

So I suppose the distance is their only problem. I’ll also be the first of three children in my family to attend college

There’s the crux of your problem right there. They’re experiencing parental detachment issues. It’s not an uncommon matter for many a mom (especially) and dad. Try to be understanding and put yourself in their shoes. One day a couple of decades from now you may go through it yourself.