Frantic handshaking during Mass

[Actaeon]

If you read ALL the posts in this thread you will see that there are MANY people that are in the OP’s shoes and your post clearly can be applied to ALL that have been in those shoes. You are the one that is trying to make this thread about one and only one person.

YOU quoted ONE of my posts, addressed directly to the OP regarding the OPs complaint that handshaking comes off poorly and that it can cause the spread of germs. YOU then tried to turn that into advice for everyone, a position I have never taken. I have clarified it charitably once before that I did not intend that post to apply to anyone other than the OP.

I am now asking you, politely, to stop taking what I said to one person with very specific complaints and trying to apply that to people who have suffered abuse and/or have medical conditions.

I believe I on the other hand was trying to get everyone to consider that the person they are about to exchange the sign of peace with that is rejecting their handshake may very well have their good reasons for doing so

And that’s a valid point, one which I have never said was wrong…

and they are under absolutely NO obligation to explain why. You don’t have the right to know why I may reject your handshake, I am under absolutely NO obligation to tell you why I’m not shaking hands. Its NONE of your business or anyone else’s that find themselves in a similar situation when someone doesn’t want to exchange the sign of peace by physical contact. As a survivor of an abusive situation, I’m certainly not going to stand there in the middle of mass and explain to someone that I’m not shaking hands with them because of my past. Nor should someone that has an illness or health issue have to explain to someone when they are not comfortable with sharing that information. To require an explanation by the person not want to shake hands in the middle of mass is absolutely absurd.

Did I say anything about REQUIRING people to explain why they don’t shake hands? No. Not at all. What I said was that SOME people MAY be offended if they receive the wrong signal from someone refraining from shaking hands. While it’s great to say that people should always consider the personal reasons someone might have for not shaking hands, the reason we have this thread at all is because some people DON’T consider those reasons and become “aggressive handshakers” as a result.

FACT: some people are offended when others don’t return a handshake.

Now, does that mean that any explanation is OWED to them? Certainly not, and certainly not in any violating level of detail. But if one chooses to refrain from noting that they don’t mean a slight by not shaking hands, the reality is that SOME people will continue to get offended by that. Now, as I originally noted, there are three ways to deal with that:

1. Let them be offended and not care
2. Shake their hand
3. Provide some sort of explanation that a slight is not intended

I really can’t think of a magical fourth option, can you?

 

[Brendan]

In the middle east, it was (and still is) a kiss…

That is not how the Chaldean (Iraqi) Catholic Church does it.

The Kiss of Peace is done by the priest lightly touching the finger pads of the deacon with his own finger pads ( sort of like as if you went to shaken hands, but stopping after the finger tips touched)

The Deacon then does the same to the altar boys. The altar boys will go down the aisle and do the same to the first person in each row. That person will do the same to the person next to them until it has gone down the whole row.

There is no contact with anyone other than the two people to your immediate right and left, it is done quietly and somberly.

In the Maronite ( Lebanese) Catholic Rite, The priest touches the altar, and cups his hands to ‘hold’ the blessings of the altar, and then passes those blessings to the deacon or altar server, who ‘passes’ those blessings along to everyone else.

So, when you are speaking of it being done in the Middle East, which Rite are you referring to?

 

[Gailance]

I find hand shaking disrespectful to our fellow humans. All men should embrace one another as familiy in a long warm hug. It shows our affection for our fellow man. It also bring them closer to us. Hand shaking is too formal. Foramity at religious services is something that has to stop. Religion needs to be more informal and more communal.

 

[RB2]

The gloves are a good custom, like head scarves.
As far as germaphobia, I think it needs to be distinguished from common sense precaution, which says avoid touch contact to avoid colds and flu. Of course, people sneeze on the missalettes, etc. so maybe disposable plastic glove dispensers in the pews would help. If those were present I’d be happy to engage in the handshaking contests.

I substitute teach primary grades and believe me, I feel like I should wear a biohazard suit to work with those kindergartners once the viruses start going around.

I wanted to respond to Christine77, but responding to you is just as good since you encapsulate some of what I want to say.

Its been known for decades that preschool and the early years of grade school are ‘get sick zones’. People know this because its been covered in the news. But there are many things and ways of thinking that lightly ‘media aware’ people will snicker and scowl at you about out of their ignorance and/or inability to be independent thinkers

At what stage does a large densely poplulated metropolitan area with a large international airport approximate the same thing-- a sick zone equal to preschool. This has been covered in the news but your average person is not really aware of it except in the case of flu or cold season.

Each flu and cold season for nearly the last 10 years, some diocese has made the news for cancelling the sign of peace, there are usually a handful each winter season in the N. hemisphere. The day will come due to an especially bad season or illness when this will be done on a large scale. Then everyones lightbulb will go off. Frequently what makes sense at a later time, should have made sense earlier!

It used to be, some places still is, that Starbucks would give out free bakery samples at the cash register–they would be uncovered. The same cash register where everyone who comes into the store, lines up at the register and has their chance at coughing, hacking and sneezing on the free bakery items. You touch one of these then touch or scratch your face or nose and you could have a bad flu that you wouldnt otherwise catch. Same goes with resting your hands on a fast food counter at the register. All day long people line up and put their hands down there and the clerks use the same wet rag(same dirty rag) all day long to just accomplish swirling around what is there instead of actually making it clean.

Colds and Flu’s are transmitted primarily through human contact and the shared things that people come into contact with. Living in large metropolitan areas and touching areas where large amts. of people also touch, exponentially increases your chances of getting sick as if you were in preschool environment. If and when something really nasty and life-threatening emerges on the scene as in a 100-year flue, this kind of thinking(already employed in Japanese culture) will spread.

All the above applies towards mass and shaking hands.
I’ve worked for small companies where all they gave you was 5 days paid sick leave a year, I finally adopted some of this thinking as a way to stay less sick and with more money in my pocket out of necessity. Instead of burning up 5 days sick leave and still be sick another 3-5 days during the year and it not be reimbursed. Reducing my exposure in common sense ways in a large metropolitan area can reduce your exposure to as if living in a suburb environment(less people) and less sickness’s that you’ll catch.

As to ‘Mass Behavior’, during the sign of peace , I keep my hands clasped in prayer and bow respectfully. I have been doing this a fair number of years, some people get miffed, others see the posture, understand and know not to forward their arm for a shake, others are clueless and want to shake and get mad. I do it because of germs/sickness and because I prefer not to shake hands with someone unless it is a ‘meet and greet’ --exchange names. Silently shaking hands and not actually being introduced to a person seems very stunted,empty, inappropriate and holds no intrinsic value.

 

[PatriceA]

YOU quoted ONE of my posts, addressed directly to the OP regarding the OPs complaint that handshaking comes off poorly and that it can cause the spread of germs. YOU then tried to turn that into advice for everyone, a position I have never taken. I have clarified it charitably once before that I did not intend that post to apply to anyone other than the OP.

I am now asking you, politely, to stop taking what I said to one person with very specific complaints and trying to apply that to people who have suffered abuse and/or have medical conditions.

And that’s a valid point, one which I have never said was wrong…

Did I say anything about REQUIRING people to explain why they don’t shake hands? No. Not at all. What I said was that SOME people MAY be offended if they receive the wrong signal from someone refraining from shaking hands. While it’s great to say that people should always consider the personal reasons someone might have for not shaking hands, the reason we have this thread at all is because some people DON’T consider those reasons and become “aggressive handshakers” as a result.

FACT: some people are offended when others don’t return a handshake.

Now, does that mean that any explanation is OWED to them? Certainly not, and certainly not in any violating level of detail. But if one chooses to refrain from noting that they don’t mean a slight by not shaking hands, the reality is that SOME people will continue to get offended by that. Now, as I originally noted, there are three ways to deal with that:

1. Let them be offended and not care
2. Shake their hand
3. Provide some sort of explanation that a slight is not intended

I really can’t think of a magical fourth option, can you?

And I said from the very beginning, let them be offended and not care. Their reaction is their own responsiblity, not anybody else’s.

But for what ever reason, you have taken exception to anything I post as if I’m speaking only to YOU.

And for the record, NO I will not stop taking what you say to ONE person as this is a situation that affects all in this thread, not just the OP. You may not realize your advice is NOT directed at just the OP, but to everyone reading this post that finds themselves in the same situation. We’re not having a private conversation with the OP, anybody that is reading this thread can participate and apply the advice to themselves just as the OP can. I absolutely will continue to give advice that can be directed towards anyone reading this post, even the lurkers not responding. That’s how a message board works. If you want to give advice to just ONE person, use the personal message option on CAF.

 

[Actaeon]

That is not how the Chaldean (Iraqi) Catholic Church does it.

The Kiss of Peace is done by the priest lightly touching the finger pads of the deacon with his own finger pads ( sort of like as if you went to shaken hands, but stopping after the finger tips touched)

The Deacon then does the same to the altar boys. The altar boys will go down the aisle and do the same to the first person in each row. That person will do the same to the person next to them until it has gone down the whole row.

There is no contact with anyone other than the two people to your immediate right and left, it is done quietly and somberly.

In the Maronite ( Lebanese) Catholic Rite, The priest touches the altar, and cups his hands to ‘hold’ the blessings of the altar, and then passes those blessings to the deacon or altar server, who ‘passes’ those blessings along to everyone else.

So, when you are speaking of it being done in the Middle East, which Rite are you referring to?

Sure, and that’s a great example of a different social norm… but the Chaldean Catholics are a heavily persecuted rite because they are what is termed a “counter-culture” insofar as they are not muslim and espouse different signs than their contemporary societies. Again, this is why I have reference multiple times that I’m discussing social norms, not liturgical ones (since the liturgical norm is simply “some sign of peace”).

So when I say that in the middle east a kiss is considered a sign of peace, I’m actually referring generally to the muslims, not Chaldean Catholics specifically. We could get into all sorts of discussions about the various sub-cultures and counter-cultures in a particular area, but the point is that each culture or society has their normative practices and social deviance from that norm can produce no reaction (at best), amusement, discomfort, offense, and persecution (at worst, of which the Chaldeans are a great example).

 

[Faithdancer]

In re: social norms…I don’t know of any secular, “social” gathering where everyone has to suddenly rush pell mell to shake hands with as many people as they can. Perhaps some strange parlor game? Or maybe in the black hole at the Oakland Coliseum, whenever the Raiders score a touchdown- which hasn’t been all that often in recent years, but still…

As far as someone getting miffed because I smile and bow and say the words, but don’t shake hands…I have to agree with some of the other posters, it’s the other person’s problem. If they want to get upset because not everyone wants to hug or shake hands, perhaps they should step back and ask themselves why they are bothered? Do they feel “disrespected,” is that it? What about respect for the rights of those who want to stay composed and focused on the Eucharist, and are anticipating the Agnus Dei?

At one of the churches in the Inland Empire, the most liturgically orthodox RC church in the whole diocese according to many, neither priest or deacon invite the people to share the sign of peace. Now I understand why, they obviously got tired of the excesses and the pastor exercised his right to delete the invitation entirely.

 

[MarMax]

Sure, and that’s a great example of a different social norm… but the Chaldean Catholics are a heavily persecuted rite because they are what is termed a “counter-culture” insofar as they are not muslim and espouse different signs than their contemporary societies. Again, this is why I have reference multiple times that I’m discussing social norms, not liturgical ones (since the liturgical norm is simply “some sign of peace”).

So when I say that in the middle east a kiss is considered a sign of peace, I’m actually referring generally to the muslims, not Chaldean Catholics specifically. We could get into all sorts of discussions about the various sub-cultures and counter-cultures in a particular area, but the point is that each culture or society has their normative practices and social deviance from that norm can produce no reaction (at best), amusement, discomfort, offense, and persecution (at worst, of which the Chaldeans are a great example).

So… the Chaldeans don’t exchange a kiss, per the “norm of the culture”, which is now admitted by you as a muslim cultural thing…

I could care less if the social norm of Widgetarians is to do the macarena when greeting each other. We’re talking about MASS, not Widgetism. Muslim practices are IRRELEVANT. The Chaldeans, as Brendan stated, DO NOT do what you’ve said. Why? Because they’re not muslim. But, Chaldeans will, when greeting each other outside of mass, exchange that ARAB greeting of kissing both cheeks. It has nothing to do with basically anything you’ve stated.

Your argument is moot.

 

[LucyLight]

In re: social norms…I don’t know of any secular, “social” gathering where everyone has to suddenly rush pell mell to shake hands with as many people as they can. Perhaps some strange parlor game? Or maybe in the black hole at the Oakland Coliseum, whenever the Raiders score a touchdown- which hasn’t been all that often in recent years, but still…

As far as someone getting miffed because I smile and bow and say the words, but don’t shake hands…I have to agree with some of the other posters, it’s the other person’s problem. If they want to get upset because not everyone wants to hug or shake hands, perhaps they should step back and ask themselves why they are bothered? Do they feel “disrespected,” is that it? What about respect for the rights of those who want to stay composed and focused on the Eucharist, and are anticipating the Agnus Dei?

At one of the churches in the Inland Empire, the most liturgically orthodox RC church in the whole diocese according to many, neither priest or deacon invite the people to share the sign of peace. Now I understand why, they obviously got tired of the excesses and the pastor exercised his right to delete the invitation entirely.

People frantically want to shake your hand? Sounds like people really like you.

Maybe I’m wrong but I thought the point of the sign of peace was to right any wrongs we have with fellow parishners to properly dispose ourselves for receiving the Eucharist. You seem to instead be creating division. Do you want to be the cause of hurt or anger in someone right before they receive communion? Some people are pretty sensitive to rejection. They may have been in the right state to receive until this encounter. You may not like the sign of peace but if someone really wants to shake your hand, in all charity, you should just shake their hand. Don’t think that they are less focused on the Eucharist, they may be filled with the love of the Holy Spirit and want to share it with you. This may just be a cross that you will have to bear.

Regarding the orthodox church in the Inland Empire, maybe the priest likes to give long homilies and they needed to shorten the Mass. Who knows?

 

[J_Peterson]

I personally don’t like it but do it anyway. You can tell the people that don’t want to shake, I just smile and nod. I used to really hate it until once when I shook an older lady’s hand and she said “thank you”. It wasn’t a “thank you” said just to be polite but a real one that I felt. Since then I realized that even if it means nothing to me, it could mean quite a bit to the other person.

Also, if you get sick at mass, God must have wanted you to get sick. Did anybody ever look at the holy water, there’s probably more germs in there than on your neighbors hand.

 

[pnewton]

First, we can date the kiss of peace back to Judaism and time in synagogue, since Jewish worship includes (and included) a time to greet one another with Shalom Aleichim (meaning Peace be with you). Jesus uses this greeting several times as well (such as in Luke 24:36, John 20:21, and John 20:26).

If that weren’t enough, we are extolled FIVE TIMES in the New Testament to greet others with a holy kiss (of love). These are Romans 16:16, 1 Cor 16:20, 2 Cor 13:12, 1 Thes 5:26, and 1 Peter 5:14

Still not enough? St Justin Martyr, in the oldest account of the mass, tells us in Chapter 65 of his first apology that: When we have completed the prayers we salute one another with a kiss, whereupon there is brought to the president bread and a cup of wine."

Still not enough? St Augustine said (emphasis mine): “Then, after the consecration of the Holy Sacrifice of God, because He wished us also to be His sacrifice, a fact which was made clear when the Holy Sacrifice was first instituted, and because that Sacrifice is a sign of what we are, behold, when the Sacrifice is finished, we say the Lord’s Prayer which you have received and recited. After this, the ‘Peace be with you’ is said, and the Christians embrace one another with a holy kiss. This is the sign of peace; as the lips indicate, let peace be made in your conscience, that is, when your lips draw near to those of your brother, do not let your heart withdraw from his.”

There was PLENTY of signs of peace going around pre-tridentine rite, and it was viewed as a very important part of the mass, which is why it was restored.

Interestingly enough, I have never seen anyone, prior to this thread, try an claim that the sign of peace was an innovation. I was getting ready to quote this stuff when I say your post. Thanks.

Here is what I do. First, if I am alone I do nothing. If there are those singing with me, I shake their hands, Then, after 10-15 seconds, I start the intro to the Agnus Dei. This takes about another 10 seconds. That is adequate time to wish peace 360 degrees around.

 

[LucyLight]

I personally don’t like it but do it anyway. You can tell the people that don’t want to shake, I just smile and nod. I used to really hate it until once when I shook an older lady’s hand and she said “thank you”. It wasn’t a “thank you” said just to be polite but a real one that I felt. Since then I realized that even if it means nothing to me, it could mean quite a bit to the other person.

Also, if you get sick at mass, God must have wanted you to get sick. Did anybody ever look at the holy water, there’s probably more germs in there than on your neighbors hand.

Good point about the holy water…I never thought of that one.

 

[pnewton]

I am a big believer in the Sign of Peace. It is important to have human contact and if there everyone a place for human contact it is at Mass where we are in one communion together. Our relationship with each other is integral to the Mass.

 

[Tantum_ergo]

People frantically want to shake your hand? Sounds like people really like you.

Maybe I’m wrong but I thought the point of the sign of peace was to right any wrongs we have with fellow parishners to properly dispose ourselves for receiving the Eucharist. You seem to instead be creating division. Do you want to be the cause of hurt or anger in someone right before they receive communion? Some people are pretty sensitive to rejection. They may have been in the right state to receive until this encounter. You may not like the sign of peace but if someone really wants to shake your hand, in all charity, you should just shake their hand. Don’t think that they are less focused on the Eucharist, they may be filled with the love of the Holy Spirit and want to share it with you. This may just be a cross that you will have to bear.

Regarding the orthodox church in the Inland Empire, maybe the priest likes to give long homilies and they needed to shorten the Mass. Who knows?

Wait, just a quick point, what about hurt and anger in somebody who has arthritis and gets his or her hand shaken and then has to live with that pain for days or maybe weeks? What about their feelings of rejection when they make a big smile, a nod, even a whispered’, "My arthritis is bad today, please understand why I’m not shaking hands’ and THEY are met with pursed lips, head shaking, eye rolling, huffing, sotto voce mutterings of "well really what are they doing at Mass if they’re not willing to shake hands". . .

As I mentioned earlier, if a child, or even an adult, reaches over and grabs my hand or persists in tugging etc even after I make an explanation, I will shake hands. . .and then I’ll go home and take some Advil, and pretty much revamp my entire day (if I’m lucky it will only be the one day) because I won’t be able to go out for a drive, do handwork, write letters, do chores etc for some hours at least. . . because yeah, I AM concerned about wanting to be at peace with my brothers and sisters and apparently my physical pain is the price I pay for keeping them from feeling an emotional rejection.

I just wish that, now and then, it might cross people’s minds to consider that maybe the nice person at Mass who greets you before, helps you to your car after, shows up at parish functions, quietly prays for parish intentions, etc. is not out to offend big important YOU (not personal ‘you’ but ‘general’ you’) by not rushing to shake, shake, shake at the summit of Mass- The Handshake of Peace and Community greeting. . .and that maybe there are people in the world who are just like you in all things except for having arthritis or other issues that make ‘handshaking’ a real physical or emotional or spiritual pain. . .and that, once in a while, those handshakers might start to worry about how their insistance that it’s OUR way of giving peace or else, and anybody who doesn’t do it our way offends us might be causing offense --and PAIN–to their brothers and sisters.

It’s a two-way street here, isn’t it? We are supposed to respect others, but they have a responsibility to do the same to us.

All I ask is that there be mutual respect and concern for the other person’s point of view and actions.

Is that really too much to ask?

 

[Faithdancer]

People frantically want to shake your hand? Sounds like people really like you.

Maybe I’m wrong but I thought the point of the sign of peace was to right any wrongs we have with fellow parishners to properly dispose ourselves for receiving the Eucharist. You seem to instead be creating division. Do you want to be the cause of hurt or anger in someone right before they receive communion? Some people are pretty sensitive to rejection. They may have been in the right state to receive until this encounter. You may not like the sign of peace but if someone really wants to shake your hand, in all charity, you should just shake their hand. Don’t think that they are less focused on the Eucharist, they may be filled with the love of the Holy Spirit and want to share it with you. This may just be a cross that you will have to bear.

Regarding the orthodox church in the Inland Empire, maybe the priest likes to give long homilies and they needed to shorten the Mass. Who knows?

First, I never said I “don’t like the sign of peace.” I did say that I don’t like being accosted in Mass, and that’s exactly what some people do. Your argument ignores the feelings of those who just want to exchange a sign of peace, which by definition can be a smile and nod with folded hands. And I don’t need to shake hands to feel the love of the Holy Spirit. If someone else does need that, there should be enough others present at Mass to satisfy them.

I have never said that handshaking should be banned, but there seem to be a few folks here who want to make it mandatory for all, or guilt trip those of us who prefer to exchange a sign rather than a handshake.

 

[LucyLight]

Wait, just a quick point, what about hurt and anger in somebody who has arthritis and gets his or her hand shaken and then has to live with that pain for days or maybe weeks? What about their feelings of rejection when they make a big smile, a nod, even a whispered’, "My arthritis is bad today, please understand why I’m not shaking hands’ and THEY are met with pursed lips, head shaking, eye rolling, huffing, sotto voce mutterings of "well really what are they doing at Mass if they’re not willing to shake hands". . .

As I mentioned earlier, if a child, or even an adult, reaches over and grabs my hand or persists in tugging etc even after I make an explanation, I will shake hands. . .and then I’ll go home and take some Advil, and pretty much revamp my entire day (if I’m lucky it will only be the one day) because I won’t be able to go out for a drive, do handwork, write letters, do chores etc for some hours at least. . . because yeah, I AM concerned about wanting to be at peace with my brothers and sisters and apparently my physical pain is the price I pay for keeping them from feeling an emotional rejection.

I just wish that, now and then, it might cross people’s minds to consider that maybe the nice person at Mass who greets you before, helps you to your car after, shows up at parish functions, quietly prays for parish intentions, etc. is not out to offend big important YOU (not personal ‘you’ but ‘general’ you’) by not rushing to shake, shake, shake at the summit of Mass- The Handshake of Peace and Community greeting. . .and that maybe there are people in the world who are just like you in all things except for having arthritis or other issues that make ‘handshaking’ a real physical or emotional or spiritual pain. . .and that, once in a while, those handshakers might start to worry about how their insistance that it’s OUR way of giving peace or else, and anybody who doesn’t do it our way offends us might be causing offense --and PAIN–to their brothers and sisters.

It’s a two-way street here, isn’t it? We are supposed to respect others, but they have a responsibility to do the same to us.

All I ask is that there be mutual respect and concern for the other person’s point of view and actions.

Is that really too much to ask?

I’m sorry that sounds awful . My comments were really directed at the OP who seems to *not like *the sign of peace. My point was that it was a charitable thing to do because of the offense that refusing may cause. You have a very valid reason to refuse doing so even if it may cause offense.

Now that you bring this up, I do remember a woman who barely held my hand on Sunday when I offered it. I hope she wasn’t suffering in the same way.

 

[Faithdancer]

I am a big believer in the Sign of Peace. It is important to have human contact and if there everyone a place for human contact it is at Mass where we are in one communion together. Our relationship with each other is integral to the Mass.

I looked up a couple of definitions of “sign” and found nothing about touching. I already knew that would be the case, just wanted to double check. In fact, “sign” and “touch” are non-interchangeable terms.

I can understand how those who absolutely have to touch may not be able to feel communitas without touching. However, aren’t they only thinking of their own needs then, if they insist on their “right” to touch others who don’t need or invite touching?

 

[maltmom]

mutual respect and concern for the other person’s point of view and actions.

Is that really too much to ask?

No, it isn’t too much to ask. I’ve only encountered someone who didn’t smile and extend their hand to me. I was behind an elderly woman. She had moved almost out of her pew. I didn’t pick up on it. As I extended my hand she pulled her hands into her body and shrunk away. I gave her a big smile instead. I didn’t get a good look at her hands, but from what I saw I think she had arthritis. Whether she did or if she had another reason for not wanting to shake hands I respect her feelings. I would feel horrible if I had caused her pain be it physical or emotional. I tried to find her the following week so I could sit behind her again. I’ve never seen her again. At least she would have known that someone would just smile at her and nothing more.

My sweetest handshake came from a little girl about 3. I shook hands with her mother and as I looked down she had her little hand held out. As I shook it she said “peath be wit ju.” I saw the love of God in those sweet little eyes.

 

[Faithdancer]

I’m sorry that sounds awful . My comments were really directed at the OP who seems to *not like *the sign of peace. My point was that it was a charitable thing to do because of the offense that refusing may cause. You have a very valid reason to refuse doing so even if it may cause offense.

Now that you bring this up, I do remember a woman who barely held my hand on Sunday when I offered it. I hope she wasn’t suffering in the same way.

Again, I never said I “don’t like the sign of peace.” A handshake is not a sign, it is a touch. Even so, I never said it should not be allowed, but those who want to do it should observe the cues of others, and should not be so hypersensitive- which is really self-centeredness- as to take offense when someone else prefers to bow and smile. I wonder how anyone could misread cues like this. If someone looks at me and I fold my hands together, bow and smile and say “Peace be with you,” and they insist on extending their hand anyway, then get an attitude when I don’t shake their hand, that is really not my fault. Sensitive people observe the cues of others, and respond appropriately.

 

[LucyLight]

First, I never said I “don’t like the sign of peace.” I did say that I don’t like being accosted in Mass, and that’s exactly what some people do. Your argument ignores the feelings of those who just want to exchange a sign of peace, which by definition can be a smile and nod with folded hands. And I don’t need to shake hands to feel the love of the Holy Spirit. If someone else does need that, there should be enough others present at Mass to satisfy them.

I have never said that handshaking should be banned, but there seem to be a few folks here who want to make it mandatory for all, or guilt trip those of us who prefer to exchange a sign rather than a handshake.

When you describe the sign of peace as “being accosted”, talk about germs and your personal space being invaded it seems to indicate that you don’t like the sign of peace.