Frantic - went to priest today and it didnt help - please help me

[Larry1700]

Regarding your question about why God doesn’t seem to answer your prayer, I had the same question for many years. But recently something happened that helped to increase my understanding. The problem I had was exteremely small in comparison to what you’re going through, but to me it was a big problem at the time.

My car had one of those intermittent problems for about a year. Sometimes it would die, and it took 20 minutes or more to get it restarted. It made me late for work a couple of times at a new job, so I needed it fixed.

I couldn’t figure out the circumstances causing it to happen. It seemed to happen mostly under wet conditions, but not always. I took it to a repair shop twice over a couple of months, and they couldn’t fix it because it wouldn’t fail while they had it.

One day I was driving to work in the rain, and went through several puddles, so I’m assuming that moisture is not an issue. I turned into the street leading to the parking garage, and it died about 10 feet from the garage.While I was trying to start it, a security guard told me I’d have to have it towed (I had already had it towed a week earlier, so I wasn’t excited about the idea).

Anyway, I kept trying, AND PRAYING, and it still wouldn’t start. I finally told the security guy I had to go in and set up the rooms for my patients, and would be out again to try some more.I went out again just before my patients arrived. I kept trying and kept praying, and still it wouldn’t start. I finally went inside, thinking, “Well, there’s another unanswered prayer.”

When my patient arrived, and we were going through the pleasantries, I mentioned the car problem I was having. It turns out that he – my patient – was the owner of a car repair shop, and as he was walking into the hospital he saw me trying to start it. He said he’d had the same problem with another Mazda, and believed he could fix the problem. I had it towed to his shop, and haven’t had the problem since!!!

The icing on the cake is that he is an Eagle Scout, and his family has been very involved in scouting, meaning I know I can get honest work done by him. We had previously bounced around to various repair shops, and I was not impressed with any of them (except one, which was a long distance from us).

If God had answered my prayer the way I wanted it, I would have gotten the car started that night, but I would still have the intermittent problem, and would still be looking for a reputable repair shop. He answered my prayer, but in a way I never imagined, and His way was far superior to mine!

 

[vester444]

Firstly, let me say I am quite overwhelmed. I had never expected this kind of heartfelt response (I dont know what I expected, but not this…) thank you all so much. You had said a lot, and it will give me a lot to think and meditate on today, I would like though to answer some of you - as you were so kind as to write so much from your hearts…

I don’t know if this helps you or not, but it has sometimes helped me to remember that we see life as on the “undeside” of a tapestry, full of hanging bits, messy, ugly, with pieces that go nowhere. We may or may not see the other side, where it makes sense, in this life. God does, and he makes sure that the design is OK, no matter what.

I had never heard of this - but I love it - it is a tangible way to think about things.

Think of Abraham’s situation when God asked him to sacrifice his son, Isaac. How unfair and horrible would that have seemed if we did not trust in God’s plan for our lives?

You know now that I have my own child, and you have brought this to my attention again, I have a newfound respect for Abraham - how impossible would it be to do that? …

MS Joan: I think I am going to call another priest. I talked to a priest in my parish but not my “favorite” priest. Honestly, it wasnt that he gave me an answer I didnt like - i could have handled that - it was that he had NO answer. and that disturbed me…I mean, come on - I cant have been the only person to ever come to him and ask him about illness and coping right??? Ugh.

BrendaV: I have heard of St. Faustina - my mom loves her. I am a big St. Therese of the Little Flower fan myself Anyway - I will look that up after I finish posting I am really interested.

Princess Abby: YOU ARE A GODSEND - I cant believe you know exactly what this disease is. You got it spot on. You are absolutely right on all the tests, etc, but instead of all of that I could bypass the tests and instead just get one DNA test - which we are considering doing - just for peace of mind (well, hopefully peace of mind.) I know that you know a lot about this - so I can tell that you might think I’m silly because well, she really only does have the one spot…maybe not even ash leaf, but certainly hypopigmented…sigh.

You might look at this possiblity (which seems so understandably menacing) as an opportunity to surrender yourself. I struggle with that daily, myself. But the reality is that we can’t control very much in this life, and we have to accept that God allows difficult things for our sanctification

And you know I’ve thought a lot about that - and you know you are right - I mean what am I going to do if she has it - nothing. There is nothing I can do.

I have struggled with “control” my whole life. And I never seem to have any at the end of the day and I’ve wasted so much time trying to get it, or being upset that I didnt have it. Of course, knowing that logically doenst help me when I’m really upset about it.

Larry = thank you for your car story - it was helpful!!

I guess my whole bottom line is - how do you go from talking the talk to actually really living and walking the walk? I can say all day that I should I SHOULD pray and surrender, but oh God (literally) how hard is that??? Again, thank you all - you were all a Godsend and a miracle, and a complete blessing to read when I came to work this morning - just what I needed.

Vester

 

[puzzleannie]

Dear Child, we are praying for you mightily.
am also frantic, DD is 12 weeks along, no heartbeat, and I have put her on every prayer network I can think of.

Your priest gave you the best advice of all for a frantic person. There is abosolutely nothing you can to do help the situation, other than what you are doing in following medical advice etc., except pray. Prayer is actually the only thing that will resolve your first dilemma–the state of anxiety or being frantic. That worry only makes the situation worse, and poses more potential risk to health as well. The answer to anxiety is reliance on Divine Providence, and the only way to reach that frame of mind is through prayer.

the only thing I have really learned in my long career as daughter, sister, mother, grandmother, aunt, friend is to pray in these situations. The only prayer in my experience that works in a state of anxiety is the Rosary, because it allows the Holy Spirit to take a major part in the prayer. The rhythmic nature of the prayer is the antidote to the anxiety and its physical symptoms, and the Holy Spirit brings the mind and heart to idenify with Our Lady and Our Lord in their sufferings–and to the realization of how Our Lady suffered in witnessing helplessly His suffering. That conformity of mind and heart brings one gradually to the point where one can ask to emulate Them in conforming and submitting mind, heart and will to God.

 

[vester444]

Dear Child, we are praying for you mightily.
am also frantic, DD is 12 weeks along, no heartbeat, and I have put her on every prayer network I can think of.

Your priest gave you the best advice of all for a frantic person. There is abosolutely nothing you can to do help the situation, other than what you are doing in following medical advice etc., except pray. Prayer is actually the only thing that will resolve your first dilemma–the state of anxiety or being frantic. That worry only makes the situation worse, and poses more potential risk to health as well. The answer to anxiety is reliance on Divine Providence, and the only way to reach that frame of mind is through prayer.

Puzzleannie: I will pray for you and your baby as well. You truly understand the panic and fear that one feels when things are not “going right” or “as expected.” Thank you for taking time to address my concern when your own looms so heavily on your heart.

It isnt necessarily WHAT the priest said…its what he DIDNT say, and its HOW he said it.

You know - he sort of acted like he was doing me a favor by “fitting me into” his schedule and hurried me along, and then as I’m sitting there crying, after about (literally) 15 - 20 minutes, he was like, ok then, gotta get moving on - just pray. I’m like yah, I get that I’m supposed to pray, I want to understand a deeper meaning of this - give me a verse to reflect on - give me a cut and paste of some homily you did about this subject - give me SOMETHING other than a quick “drive through” answer of “just pray” Yah, I knew that before I stepped through the door…

I will pray for you though and for your child.

Vester

 

[Larry1700]

I guess my whole bottom line is - how do you go from talking the talk to actually really living and walking the walk? I can say all day that I should I SHOULD pray and surrender, but oh God (literally) how hard is that??? Again, thank you all - you were all a Godsend and a miracle, and a complete blessing to read when I came to work this morning - just what I needed.

I’m sure we all have doubts and wavering faith during our lives. Even some (probably all) of the saints sometimes had their “dark night of the soul.” St. John of the Cross wrote about it, and I have heard that even Mother Teresa experienced it for a long time (years?) My faith often needs a “shot in the arm” to bolster it. I wish my faith was more solid, but I’m a work in progress, like everyone else. More than anything, tell God you are willing to accept His will, and try to believe He knows what’s best.

 

[albireo]

I’m in a similar place right now. I’ve always been very serious about my faith and have tried with every fiber of my being to give my life to God. My wife and I have had a number of miscarrages (some nearly 6 months along) and have together suffered and prayed together constantly. I know what it’s like to feel the dreaded worry as your baby grows… We have 5 children now and lost 6 along the way. It’s been very hard, BUT we got got through it.
Unfortunately I’ve found my way back to that aweful worrysome place. I’m 48 and found that I might have prostate cancer (My PSA’s were slightly elevated - not normal). I have to wait 30 days to retest my PSA’s and see where the levels are. Meanwile, my thoughts have RUN AWAY from me with worry. I find myself being sucked into that dark place where I’m sure it’s all over and I’m on the ride to the end. I have tired to be hopeful, but I find myself strangely drawn to darkness! I’ve always prayed and have been very active in my faith, yet here I am again, worrying so much - my mind flooded with negative thoughts - that I can barely function. I already have been trying to control my high blood pressure (my dad died at 49 from a heart attack) and fats in my blood with exercise and diet… This worry will proabably kill me first…
It’s nuts! I have always been a hopeful person, and now I feel almost helpless with fear… I know the scriptures, I pray the rosary… I feel so weak. I want to have the perspective that my life is God’s and leave it all to him, but my thoughts turn me to mush.
Joe

 

[vester444]

Joe,

I will pray for you as well. You have articulated how I feel. I’m not sure if that helps or hurts you to know that someone out there feels as you do. I’m “mush”. I’m TOTAL “mush.” that is how I feel. Its not how I want to feel - I want to feel the Holy Spirit - I want to feel the Grace, the Peace, the comfort…I want that - and I’m sort of standing in my own way, but I dont know how to get out of my own way to have that happen if that makes sense.

The advice I would give you is advice I cant seem to take for myself. Be calm. Pray. Dont dwell. Realize that you are probably fine. If you aren’t there is nothing you can do anyway. All of that advice I cant seem to take myself so I feel like a fraud if I try to give it.

Maybe you were meant to find this thread to know that there are others going through the challenge along with you.

Vester

 

[llowwelll]

Vester,

I wanted to let you know that I stopped to pray for you several times over the last day and will continue to do so. It seems that I am not the only one and that you have quite a few people here that care about your situation and love you as a sister. There is much power in prayer: “…pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” (James 5:16)
You mentioned that you understand the benefit and necessity of offering up your worries to God, but that you have trouble actually doing it. I agree with you, this is often difficult to do. It might be helpful to look to how Christ handled himself in the garden of Gethsemane on the eve of His crucifixion for some guidance (Mark 14:33-36):
33 He took with Him Peter and James and John, and began to be very distressed and troubled.
34 And He said to them, “My soul is deeply grieved to the point of death; remain here and keep watch.”
Mark says that Jesus was worried to the “point of death”. That certainly is a lot of worry. In Luke 22, it says that Jesus’ sweat became like drops of blood. How did Christ handle it? What did he do?
35 And He went a little beyond them, and fell to the ground and began to pray that if it were possible, the hour might pass Him by.
36 And He was saying, “Abba! Father! All things are possible for You; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will.”
He fell to the ground in prayer and abandoned himself to God’s will. That is such a beautiful story to me. I think we can all learn a lot from it. I hope it is helpful for you.
As far as how your priest handled your concerns, I am sorry to hear that he did not give you the emotional and spiritual salve that you craved. It’s hard to say what he was thinking. I’ve been to counselors and priests before for various issues and I’ve had the same type of experience as you had with some of them. My problems and concerns are so important to me. It seems that the priest or counselor just doesn’t take the same degree of concern in my problems as I do. It can be frustrating and disappointing. Who is wrong? Is anyone wrong? It’s very difficult to say. Maybe God is trying to tell us something in these situations. Maybe the priest was not living up to the obligations of his ministry. Only God knows. Regardless, it doesn’t change the fact that we must stand fast and hold to our faith in God; we must look at that cross of ours every single day and willingly and honorably carry it forward in God’s name.

 

[vester444]

Llowwelll:

You made me smile now. I cant believe that someone would take time out of their schedule to pray for me and for my daughter, people that they have never met. That means a lot to me. I appreciate it - and hope that God hears you and answers a resounding “yes.”

I do love the Garden story and meditate on it - but its never easy for me - some Christians seem so “at ease” with mortality, and pain, and illness. The idea of my little girl suffering (if she even has this) is more than I can bear.

Thank you for encouraging and continuing to lift me up (everyone) I have found a home here, of that I am sure.

Any other advice/comments are anxiously awaited by me. I have devoured every word you have all written, and it has meant a lot to me…

Vester

 

[albireo]

These replies are so soothing… To be in touch with people who are striving for the same thing is a great comfort.
Vester, I will pray for you too - count on that.
I spent 30 minutes on the phone with Fr. Vincent from Catholic Answers and it was a REAL EYE OPENER. I don’t think he said one thing that I hadn’t heard before, but it really hit me between the eyes.
What I asked was a way to endure not just this thing but things now and the future; not only my own suffering but endure the suffering in the future. I know that if God leaves me here I’m not done with worry if I get through this current disaster. The one thing I know is the guarantee of MORE of the same. I want peace always, not just “dodging the bullet.”
Fr. Vincent said he believed that all the answers we are looking for are contained by understanding the Passion. All the struggles we meet are there. He said so much, I’m at a loss to put even a small piece here… but I’ll try because you and I are such mush.
He mentioned that my problem is extremely common - I want to be able to control the things around me, and when I can’t get control my problem starts. It’s very easy to get into the rut where your life revolves around your controlling things. It’s very doable until you get to something you CAN’T possibly control like these things. This is our wake up call. We need to let go of these things and let God take over. We need to remember that God wants to give us all we need, we just need to want what he wants us to have. That’s the answer. If we learn to live in his will then we will be at peace no matter what comes our way - because we trust in his guidance and direction. Our faith will be not in having what we want, but what he wants - which is far better. Once we learn to trust him we will let go our fears.
He stressed over and over to make time to spend quietly before the Blessed Sacrament (or at least a Crucifix). He said he couldn’t say strong enough how important it is to EVERY DAY take time to LET GO of our selves and practice embracing him, becoming open to his will in our lives. This letting go of controlling everything and opening ourselves to him is key… He said that Teresa (sp?) always considered herself a toy in the hands of God.
Fr. Vincent said this attitude wouldn’t happen overnight, but will in time make a HUGE difference in how we handle suffering and the waves of life.
Does this mean we won’t suffer? That we won’t lose what is most dear to us? What it means is that if we trust him (by understanding the Passion) we will be at peace no matter what comes our way, because he loves us so dearly and wants us let let him take our burdens. The burdens of the things we fear are too great for us. We need to let him bear them for us…
I’m sure I didn’t get everything he said to me, but it’s a good paraphrase.
Pray that this cup will pass, but learn to let it be his will not ours.
It’s a tall order for someone like me, but I have to let go and learn to give God all I have. My life, my kids, all that I have been given. After all, even if I don’t let go they are all his anyway… I’d rather wake up and do this right. Here’s something I CAN control - giving myself and all I have to him, really trusting. It’s a lot harder to do with these things than trusting him for something I can fix myself! (like a house payment, taking a walk when someone is mad, work overtime to pay bills, etc.) Any fixing this time has to be him, and I need to find that place where I can and DO trust him.
Let’s all pray together and hope for healing - not this one time but a healing to keep us close to him. It’s the safest place to be.
God Bless you all.
Joe

 

[Brenda_V]

Joe - that was wonderful. I fully understand what Fr. Vincent was trying to convey to you and you did a good job of sharing it here .

Vester - I am so happy to see that someone made you smile! I can guarantee that even i some of us didn’t say we would be praying, that we indeed were.

Not knowing and waiting seem to be the hardest part of any disease or disorder - waiting for the diagnosis, one way or another, is so hard. It is stomach clenching, digestive upsetting, headache causing and an insomnia maker!

Brenda V.

 

[Brenda_V]

I looked up the Tuberous Sclerosis Complex and found this site: tsalliance.org/

Vester maybe you can connect with others who have children with or are adults with TSC. There was an on-line community link there too.

Brenda V.

 

[albireo]

Brenda,
Thanks for the encouragment! I know it was a bit “wordy” and didn’t want to confuse anyone, after all I’m trying to help!

The problem for me is that although it makes “sense” to me head-wise, it gives me white knuckes thinking about it. I need to get to a point IN MY HEART where I can see a crummy test result for me or my family and not fall to pieces - to know it my heart that God somehow wants this for me and can be “ok” with it. To be afraid is I’m sure human, but to have peace and trust in my Lord is something that is further down the road for me.
I guess it took me a long time to get to where I’m at, it will probably take a while to unlearn trusting in myself…

May God have mercy on us all as we strive to trust in him.

Joe

 

[katy]

Albireo, thanks for sharing what you got from Fr. Vincent. I have been in those places before and know for sure I will be in them again. I am trying to learn how to trust God instead of becoming entirely paralyzed by fear, which is my usual reaction. What you wrote helped me see another arrow in the right direction. Thanks, and God bless you in your current situation.

 

[heartaflame]

Vester,

Please know that I will be keeping you in . I can’t imagine what you must be going through.

I am 25, and I too suffer a rare, serious disease. Why? Sometimes this question just can’t be answered this side of Heaven.

Put in a prayer request for the Nuns at EWTN’s website. I do that when I get overwhelmed.

Please keep us posted.

 

[vester444]

Joe: Wow. What wonderful words to wake up to this morning. You certainly must have some “pull” in order to take to Fr. Vincent hehe! You and I do sound a lot alike, and I guess my priest wasnt so far off in giving me a stations of the cross booklet, but it was his approach that was so off-putting. I actually talked to my friend about it and she said that she has stopped going to see him for the same reason - he is a bit cold - and goes to see a different priest now ! What you said makes sense HEAD WISE but again, its SO HARD TO PUT IT INTO ACTION…

Of course, IRONICALLY one of my favorite phrases that I made up myself is - if its the hard thing to do its probably right…

Anyway - I will re -read your post, Joe, I think there is a lot there that is good to focus and meditate upon.

BrendaV: Yes, of course, I have looked up that website (along with about a million others - I think I’m an expert now and my baby may not even have this!!!) I catn believe you took time out of your schedule to look this up - wow - I’m just still **so amazed ** by the people on here and how helpful they have been - amazing. What a blessing - really. Honestly.

Heartaflame: thank you also for keeping me in your prayers. It sounds as if you **do ** understand if you have a rare illness yourself - you are exactly where I am with my husband at least I’m sure and have had to work through a lot.

I just cant say how much I appreciate all of this.

Here is my question - if God says that He wont give you anything you cant handle, what about the people who DONT end up handling things well? (like me?) obviously I cant handle it…I’m mush!!!

You know its so hard but when I start to think about it - I just get this anxiety and want to just scream - I DONT WANT TO DO THIS - OR GO THROUGH THIS!!!

Vester

 

[albireo]

Vester,
I’m so glad that the help I’ve been given can be helpful to you. Here’s some more - I went to the head Priest at my parish last night with my wife and discussed all of this with him. Not surprisingly, his words to me and my wife echoed Fr. Vincent.
One thing that was kind of funny - after he explained my situation he thought that I’d already had the diagnosis and was asking me questions… I told him that I hadn’t had that diagnosis yet, but was worried that it was coming… He just about fell out of his chair! He had this big smile on his face - “You mean that you haven’t had the next test yet??” I told him I hadn’t, but was being crushed to dust over what may happen… He then spent the rest of the time helping me understand what it is I must do. Here’s the short version:

• I have to build a relationship with God instead of just relying on my usual “things I do” (rosary, prayer for myself and others, etc.) Not that I stop doing “the right things” but I need to build that connection between Him and I that is beyond stuff I DO (things that I am able to control). A real RELATIONSHIP.
• I have to “let go, and let God” - seems trite, but that’s it. It’s easy to do that when you are used to controlling things. It’s much harder when it’s beyond your control. This is where life actually starts for us, when we all get to that point where we let God take over.
• I need to stop predicting the future and learn to take things 1/2 day at a time.
• He wants me to take time every day to STOP and just “be with God.” Not asking, not telling, just BEING with HIM.
• He wants me to go to Him as I am. Fearful, angry, anxious, whatever and tell him how I feel. Then leave it with him.
• He wants me to offer up my sufferings, especially this time during Lent.
• He told me to PUT OUT OF MY MIND all the bad things that are causing my pain. After I reject the irrational thoughts I then remember to trust in HIM. Trust that God will carry me. trust that God may not give me what I want, but what he wants. He mentioned several times that it’s easier said than done, but it takes time and lots of practice.
• He said that many things happen we will never understand, there are no explanations. Especially in pain and suffering. We need to learn to trust God and leave it to him to keep us and guide us as we go. He gave several examples of people he knew that had done that and that they had peace. He gave the prime example of the Last Supper, and how things were about to get very very bad for everyone, and yet he said to them “Peace be with you…” Also Mary didn’t understand many things from start to finish and she just trusted and lived “be it done to me according to thy will…” We need to be like her.
  In the end, no matter what happens we have to get to the place where we let go and let God run our lives. We can do that if we learn to trust him through a RELATIONSHIP. Remember you don’t always FEEL the relationship (he gave the example of my wife and I - 24 years married) - many times you know your love based on the life you’ve lived together.
  Last he encouraged me to give thanks for everything he’s given me each and every day.
  This is a LOT, but I hope it helps. If I can help anyone else with the help I’ve been given I will have done a good thing.
  Oh, one more thing - he STRESSED that these things won’t just happen in one day. It takes TIME. Take the time and be patient, he cares for us.

Katy - this is my goal too. I know that even if I get through this one I am not going to be done suffering. I need to give myself now to God that he may guide me and then I will have peace. (Philip 4:4).
I read Lam 3:17 - 29 today, it was very helpful.
It was really helpful when I did the Rosary - the Joyful Mysteries - I was surprised when I read it (for the 4 millionth time) - here was something that I didn’t get before - Mary said, at the start, before she got all the facts, did the research, etc…
“May it be done to me according to thy word…” Exactly what I needed… Wow, how could I possibly have missed that. I need to rely less on my own “research” or “plan” and rely on Him.

God Bless all of you!
I will continue to pray for you.

 

[albireo]

One more thing - EVERYONE should read the apostolic letter written by Pope John Paul II on suffering - it’s so good. I thought that it would be “hard reading” but it read very well and was extremely comforting. I’ve read it before, but now it really touches me. It’s especially helpful considering all the suffering he did during his life. Yet he had peace.
It’s called:
APOSTOLIC LETTER
***SALVIFICI DOLORIS

God Bless,
Joe

---

 

[vester444]

I just talked with my “good” priest haha, at my church. He was, as always, fantastic. He said I didnt need to wait for an appointment, just wanted to talk on the phone !! How great is that?

Long story short, he did give me a lot of comfort - he is so wonderful and so great.

He said for me to just put away the stations of the cross, the rosaries, everything, and just sit - and sit - and sit quietly a couple of times a day in God’s presense…and not even necessarily say anything to him, but just repeat a mantra if it helps and just exist in his presence and meditate on how I can believe stronger in Him and His Plan, and that if I want to I can read a small section of the Bible, or just open the Bible up and let something find me…

He also said to remember that I should imagine…and “Behold God Beholding Me, Smiling.” That is a wonderful image. And of course he said that even though bad things happen we just HAVE to believe that God still love us, and that we understand that we dont understand…

I dont know if this will help anyone else?

I know it helped me. He is just such a soft calming presense, I really love that priest. He is wonderful.

Vester

 

[albireo]

That’s exactly what my priest told me! Although he said that the Rosary is great, I have to first just learn to realize his presence with me. The other things are good to, but it’s easy for them to turn into more “getting control” type stuff, where I’m doing something to achieve a goal. Again, all the other things to help us get to God is wonderful, but it seems it’s important to folks like us to learn to be with Him too.
Today I spent a lot of time just meditating on the many things he’s done for me, the gifts he’s given me, so I can look back and see how he’s been with me all along…
Soothing…

Thanks for the encouragement, isn’t it interesting that we have three priests from different places who don’t know each other telling us the EXACT SAME THING? Now THAT’S God talking to us.
Wow.
Joe