Freudian Slip

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Et_Cetera

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First and foremost, let me give everyone here a little background information regarding my stepfather. He is a psychiatrist who graduated from Yale and who is very good looking. Most likely as a result of the two aforementioned attributes, he is a bit arrogant, but not altogether unpleasant. In fact, he can be very nice, and everyone in my family (my mother, biological brother Eli, and stepbrother Sven) generally regards him as being an excellent provider and good conversationalist. In short, we like him.

However, we have hit a rocky patch, which I assume most have surmised due to the general nature of forums. Please allow me to expound upon the issue in question. Approximately one week ago my friends Julie and Jason were at the house. We, along with my brothers, were getting ready to go and play a round of golf. We were also waiting for my mother to get home from the store, so that we could ask her if she’d like to join our game. Since we had a few minutes to spare, we all went into the library to talk and casually look through some books to see if we could find anything to aid Jason with an upcoming economics paper. About one minute later, we heard a startled yell come from Julie’s mouth. In a surprised tone she said, “[minor expletive], look at this!”

I wish I would have averted my eyes. She had found naked pictures of my stepfather. I know that the house is primarily his, and I’m sure that he did not intend for the pictures to be seen by us. After all, they were tucked into an older book in what would generally be seen as a rather large library for a private home. My friend Julie even said that she did not mind that much because he was pretty attractive, so it’s not as though she’ll be scarred for life. The issue does still need to be addressed with him.

My stepfather and I are scheduled to have lunch tomorrow anyway, and I would like to casually approach this topic. However, I am afraid that he will give me the “Freudian slip”, which is term that his friends and family use when addressing his tendency to overlook his own shortcomings. How should I rationally discuss this with my stepfather?
 
Et_Cetera said:
First and foremost, let me give everyone here a little background information regarding my stepfather. He is a psychiatrist who graduated from Yale and who is very good looking. Most likely as a result of the two aforementioned attributes, he is a bit arrogant, but not altogether unpleasant. In fact, he can be very nice, and everyone in my family (my mother, biological brother Eli, and stepbrother Sven) generally regards him as being an excellent provider and good conversationalist. In short, we like him.

However, we have hit a rocky patch, which I assume most have surmised due to the general nature of forums. Please allow me to expound upon the issue in question. Approximately one week ago my friends Julie and Jason were at the house. We, along with my brothers, were getting ready to go and play a round of golf. We were also waiting for my mother to get home from the store, so that we could ask her if she’d like to join our game. Since we had a few minutes to spare, we all went into the library to talk and casually look through some books to see if we could find anything to aid Jason with an upcoming economics paper. About one minute later, we heard a startled yell come from Julie’s mouth. In a surprised tone she said, “[minor expletive], look at this!”

I wish I would have averted my eyes. She had found naked pictures of my stepfather. I know that the house is primarily his, and I’m sure that he did not intend for the pictures to be seen by us. After all, they were tucked into an older book in what would generally be seen as a rather large library for a private home. My friend Julie even said that she did not mind that much because he was pretty attractive, so it’s not as though she’ll be scarred for life. The issue does still need to be addressed with him.

My stepfather and I are scheduled to have lunch tomorrow anyway, and I would like to casually approach this topic. However, I am afraid that he will give me the “Freudian slip”, which is term that his friends and family use when addressing his tendency to overlook his own shortcomings. How should I rationally discuss this with my stepfather?
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I am not sure what the problem is? What would you discuss? Why does it matter to you?
 
I think it’s a little strange to leave that around in the house, and I didn’t want to have to say it, but my little brother and I also once found a box of about five videos that were of my stepfather having sex with other women. However, this was before he married my mother. If it had been after, I would have destroyed him myself. My youngest brother, Eli, is only 10, and I don’t want him getting the wrong messages about sex from my stepfather.
 
I am not clear on whose house you were in, whose office or library, and whose books you were looking through. Is the moral issue browsing someone’s library w/o permission? I think it would be a kindness to the gentlemen to mention privately what you found, apologise for the browsing if in fact it was his private office, and simply suggest that he should know in case these are things he does not want others to see. Other than that, in Christian charity we are obliged to always put the most charitible possible construction on the actions of other people, as difficult as that may be at times. If this were a room where young children or teens habitually are invited to browse the library, that would be another issue.
 
Puzzleannie, this is my stepfather’s house, where my mother, brothers, and I currently live. It’s understood to be the family library since it is in our house. My youngest brother, Eli, loves to read like the rest of us, and often browses through the library by himself. I want to make sure that little Eli doesn’t encounter anything else like this.
 
Then state it like that.
Explain that you were under the impression that the library was open to the entire family, and acting thusly, you were browsing through some books and found some pictures that probably would be better placed in a more private area of the house, but is it possible that you misunderstood who was to use the library and overstepped your bounds?
 
Et_Cetera said:
. I want to make sure that little Eli doesn’t encounter anything else like this.
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as I said that would change things. If little Eli was my kid or under my care I would make sure stepfather kept his little private library locked up or face the consequences, and make sure he understands he will be my late stepfather if he ever does anything to endanger little Eli.
 
Since it is our family home, I believe that we are able to look through the library. It is not as though it is a little annex from one of my stepfather’s rooms, but rather it is a large room unto itself. He has never done anything to indicate that we would be unwelcome in the library. In fact, he often encourages us to read from it. This is why I primarily believe that the pictures are the result of a forgetful mistake, and we have just effectively removed them from easy access. I suppose the issue is more with some of the attitudes regarding sex that my stepfather has. He is a nice man who means well, but he has been a bit marred by some of the modern modern sexual views. I want to kindly ask that he not attempt to indoctrinate Eli with them, but I also don’t want to hurt the feelings of the man who has always treated us so well.
 
Et_Cetera said:
First and foremost,… He is a psychiatrist who graduated from Yale and who is very good looking. Most likely as a result of the two aforementioned attributes, he is a bit arrogant, but not altogether unpleasant. In fact, he can be very nice, and everyone in my family … generally regards him as being an excellent provider and good conversationalist. In short, we like him…

… How should I rationally discuss this with my stepfather?
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You should privately say “Dad a friend found …(pictures?)… in the …, it kind of caused an issue.” Then move off the subject forever.
Et_Cetera said:
… I would have destroyed him myself…
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Now that is a Freudian Slip and frankly the heart of the issue is exposed so you feel a need to hurt him but why. Do you want respect from him? or do you feel he dominates your life?
Et_Cetera said:
Puzzleannie, this is my stepfather’s house, where my mother, brothers, and I currently live. It’s understood to be the family library since it is in our house. My youngest brother, Eli, loves to read like the rest of us, and often browses through the library by himself. I want to make sure that little Eli doesn’t encounter anything else like this.
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the word starts with Bull…, you need to address the core issues and get off the destruction wagon.
Et_Cetera said:
Since it is our family home, I believe that we are able to look through the library. It is not as though it is a little annex from one of my stepfather’s rooms, but rather it is a large room unto itself. He has never done anything to indicate that we would be unwelcome in the library. In fact, he often encourages us to read from it. This is why I primarily believe that the pictures are the result of a forgetful mistake, and we have just effectively removed them from easy access. I suppose the issue is more with some of the attitudes regarding sex that my stepfather has. He is a nice man who means well, but he has been a bit marred by some of the modern modern sexual views. I want to kindly ask that he not attempt to indoctrinate Eli with them, but I also don’t want to hurt the feelings of the man who has always treated us so well.
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If your stepfather has a problem you will see it again, so you can step off the holier than thou soap box without a fear of losing the grandstanding privilege. Second, you may want to consider the long term affects of breaking the current marriage apart, as the affects will probably be worse than the current condition. Also the manipulation of Eli is unhealthily. It is used to mask actions which should not be taken.

So again what is your problem?
 
The problem? Nudity pictures should be considered pornography, and that has no place in the home. Especially when there are kids in the house. But it can also other problems. What if her mother was the one who found those?
 
Et_Cetera said:
. I want to kindly ask that he not attempt to indoctrinate Eli with them, but I also don’t want to hurt the feelings of the man who has always treated us so well.
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if that is your goal this man’s feelings should be the least of your worries
 
Christy_Beth said:
The problem? Nudity pictures should be considered pornography, and that has no place in the home. Especially when there are kids in the house. But it can also other problems. What if her mother was the one who found those?
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Not necessarily – perhaps they were part of a legitimate art project. Probably not the case, but it’s possible. 😉

Peace,
Dante
 
Christy_Beth said:
The problem? Nudity pictures should be considered pornography, and that has no place in the home. Especially when there are kids in the house. But it can also other problems. What if her mother was the one who found those?
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Since when has the naked form instantly been considered pornography? :confused:

Et Cetera:
The problem you broached in the original post is now different from the one you seem to have really meant. The OP, dealing with the discovered pictures, is easily dealt with, as per several suggestions.

The deeper issue, your step-father’s relationship to sexuality and your relationship to his relationship is dealt with in a far different matter.

As for the matter of your brother, which is still another issue, I don’t know how old you are, but I would suggest that one way to help your little brother with a strong chastity formation is to model it yourself. Be transparent about your feelings about living a holy Catholic life- sex included- so your brother has a concrete example to follow. This does not have to be done in a way confrontational to your step-father (though he may find it so), but should be done in a way that is understandable to a 10 year old.

Have you approached your mother about your brother’s chastity formation? Again, not in a way that undermines her authority, but in a genuinely curious way? Perhaps offer to help in ways she chooses- I know that when my boys get older I will want their father to take the lead in this aspect of their education- she might feel relieved that she’s found a trustworthy male to help guide him.
 
First of all, thank you for the replies. Now I shall address some of the more prominent issues that have arisen with the continued offerings of advice. Texas Roofer, I think that perhaps you have misunderstood the general idea of my posts. I am not out to destroy my stepfather, but rather I view him in a respectful manner. When I stated that “I would have destroyed him myself” I was merely referring to the issue of the videos. At any rate, if I would find anyone hurting another member of my immediate family, namely my mother, I would be out to wreak havoc. However, my initial statement on such a subject was merely an aside, for color if you will.

I quite like the idea of breaching the subject matter with my mother, but I still worry that instinctively (or perhaps by the subtle nudging of society) Eli will be more readily influenced by the “man of the house” regarding sexual issues. Carl, you’re correct in your statement that the core issue has shown itself to be much more than what was initially stated. The real matter is indeed the welfare of my little brother. I know that Eli’s well being carries much more weight than than the feelings of my stepfather, Elliott, but I am not one who can easily hurt the feelings of another person, as I was raised (my brothers as well) in an atmosphere that was taught to be proper and respectful. We are not smothered in any way, but I do not like to make anyone feel hurt or ashamed. Thank you.
 
Et_Cetera said:
First of all, thank you for the replies. Now I shall address some of the more prominent issues that have arisen with the continued offerings of advice. Texas Roofer, I think that perhaps you have misunderstood the general idea of my posts. I am not out to destroy my stepfather, but rather I view him in a respectful manner. When I stated that “I would have destroyed him myself” I was merely referring to the issue of the videos. At any rate, if I would find anyone hurting another member of my immediate family, namely my mother, I would be out to wreak havoc. However, my initial statement on such a subject was merely an aside, for color if you will.

I quite like the idea of breaching the subject matter with my mother, but I still worry that instinctively (or perhaps by the subtle nudging of society) Eli will be more readily influenced by the “man of the house” regarding sexual issues. Carl, you’re correct in your statement that the core issue has shown itself to be much more than what was initially stated. The real matter is indeed the welfare of my little brother. I know that Eli’s well being carries much more weight than than the feelings of my stepfather, Elliott, but I am not one who can easily hurt the feelings of another person, as I was raised (my brothers as well) in an atmosphere that was taught to be proper and respectful. We are not smothered in any way, but I do not like to make anyone feel hurt or ashamed. Thank you.
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I am sorry to inform you I am not confused. I did not use the word “destroy” that is your Freudian slip. Additionally specifying your immediate family as meaning your mother (exclusion of Step father, father, and precious Eli) is a second slip. The welfare of your brother is not at all your concern, after all you are after his stepfather, but why?
 
If Et Cetera doesn’t mind me trying to shed some light on the situation, I’m going to try to illuminate things as I understand them (though I have no advice on the matter at hand).

When the comment was made about destroying the stepfather if it had been after he had married the mother, it seems to me that it was meant that if the videos were made after the two had married, there would be an issue. I can understand that. If I had a stepfather who had made videos of affairs he was having, I would be incredibly upset as well.

I do not see in the comments any evidence of intent to want to hurt the stepfather in the given situation, merely an example of a situation in which that intent may be provoked.

Is it really our place to try and decide what the OP’s real intent is?
 
Cari

The nude pictures can indeed be considered pron. Think about it, there is playboy magazine. It’s biggest draw? Pictures of nude women in various poses.

Besides, what was the motivation behind the pictures? First, the tapes were found before the marriage, now these. The thought crossed my mind that he may have, well, the thought isn’t nice. But, what if he is still having sex with other women? Could the pictures were made to scan onto the computer and put on the internet. There are many different things out there for stuff like that.

Of course, these may also be old pictures from years ago that he may have forgotten them. If his library is anything like my dad’s was, there are probably lots of books that he hasn’t read in many years.
 
Christy_Beth said:
Cari

The nude pictures can indeed be considered pron. Think about it, there is playboy magazine. It’s biggest draw? Pictures of nude women in various poses.

Besides, what was the motivation behind the pictures? First, the tapes were found before the marriage, now these. The thought crossed my mind that he may have, well, the thought isn’t nice. But, what if he is still having sex with other women? Could the pictures were made to scan onto the computer and put on the internet. There are many different things out there for stuff like that.

Of course, these may also be old pictures from years ago that he may have forgotten them. If his library is anything like my dad’s was, there are probably lots of books that he hasn’t read in many years.
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I can not help wonder how the OP and her bother know the vioeos were of their step-father having sex? One would not know unless they watched the tapes-it seems lioke a lot of things are accidently being found in his house.

As a sidenote if Eli has seen a video of his stepfather having sex with other women how shocking would seeing naked picutres of his step-ftaher be.

It would help immensley if we knew how old Eli is.
 
what videos?
I sense OP is being somewhat less than candid about this entire situation, or at least coy bout what he tells, why and when so I am leaving this thread which is what grandson calls icky, and I so agree. If I knew where little Eli lived and was nearby I would be watching this family like a hawk and have the CPS hotline on my cell phone, but then I am just a nasty minded old lady.
 
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