Friend and non-Catholic marriage

[dje101]

One of my friends is engaged to get married in May and wants me to be in the wedding party. He and I were discussing the plans for the wedding, and I asked who would be officiating it. He said he didn’t know, but it probably will be a friend that gets certified. He said that if it were to be a religious person, it’d either be a rabbi for him or a priest for her.

I’ve known him for a couple years now, but I’ve only met the girl once for a brief 5-10 minutes and that was it. I actually had no idea that he was Jewish and no idea that she was Catholic. So, basically, is this one of those situations I always hear and read about where I cannot attend the wedding unless they get the dispensation thing?

 

[1ke]

I don’t think you can assume Catholic by his use of the term “priest”. Anglicans/Episcopalians use that term, Orthodox do, and Catholics. And you have no business asking about dispensations.

You proceed with the most charitable view possible regarding the upcoming nuptials.

And, if you have questions about whether you should attend or be in the wedding party, you should ask your pastor not strangers on the internet who don’t know you or the situation.

 

[dje101]

I don’t think you can assume Catholic by his use of the term “priest”. Anglicans/Episcopalians use that term, Orthodox do, and Catholics. And you have no business asking about dispensations.

You proceed with the most charitable view possible regarding the upcoming nuptials.

And, if you have questions about whether you should attend or be in the wedding party, you should ask your pastor not strangers on the internet who don’t know you or the situation.

Okie dokie, thanks…

 

[dje101]

I get it. I just hear people on the radio call in all the time with these types of questions, but the answers are always kind of…I dunno…vague. I just want to do things in align with church teaching is all, and since I’m still a new Catholic, these gray-area situations kind of confuse me sometimes. Just looking for a little guidance.

 

[dje101]

Although, come to think of it, usually people are calling about their children or their siblings. I guess that’s the difference?

 

[z_0101]

I don’t think you can assume Catholic by his use of the term “priest”. Anglicans/Episcopalians use that term, Orthodox do, and Catholics. And you have no business asking about dispensations.

You proceed with the most charitable view possible regarding the upcoming nuptials.

And, if you have questions about whether you should attend or be in the wedding party, you should ask your pastor not strangers on the internet who don’t know you or the situation.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

OP, it is not your responsibility to interrogate this couple on the particulars of their marriage; especially as it seems that you don’t even know the woman. As such, there would be no fault in you attending the wedding.

If you knew for a fact that the wedding was objectively invalid, things might be different; but clearly that is not the case here.

 

[juno24]

Although, come to think of it, usually people are calling about their children or their siblings. I guess that’s the difference?

Yes, exactly. If you don’t really know the couple, there is no harm in you going (because you really have no idea what arrangements have been made, or even IF either party is actually Catholic. The situations you hear about are usually from people who know for a fact that their Catholic child, sibling, etc. has actively decided NOT to follow Church law. Many times, not attending will do damage to the relationship that might not be mended, and an opportunity to give witness to the Catholic faith (in deeds, of not necessarily words) to the couple would be lost for good.
If you are just friendly with, or an acquaintance of, the man involved, wait for your invitation before deciding whether or not you will attend, but do not put yourself in any way into the wedding plans.

Edited to add: I just realized you said he wants you to be in his wedding party. If so, you are still under no obligation to accept, but since you don’t seem close to either person, you still have no responsibility to verify if they are doing things according to Church law.

 

[dje101]

OP, it is not your responsibility to interrogate this couple on the particulars of their marriage; especially as it seems that you don’t even know the woman. As such, there would be no fault in you attending the wedding.

If you knew for a fact that the wedding was objectively invalid, things might be different; but clearly that is not the case here.

Thank you

 

[dje101]

Yes, exactly. If you don’t really know the couple, there is no harm in you going (because you really have no idea what arrangements have been made, or even IF either party is actually Catholic. The situations you hear about are usually from people who know for a fact that their Catholic child, sibling, etc. has actively decided NOT to follow Church law. Many times, not attending will do damage to the relationship that might not be mended, and an opportunity to give witness to the Catholic faith (in deeds, of not necessarily words) to the couple would be lost for good.
If you are just friendly with, or an acquaintance of, the man involved, wait for your invitation before deciding whether or not you will attend, but do not put yourself in any way into the wedding plans.

Edited to add: I just realized you said he wants you to be in his wedding party. If so, you are still under no obligation to accept, but since you don’t seem close to either person, you still have no responsibility to verify if they are doing things according to Church law.

Thank you

 

[otjm]

Although, come to think of it, usually people are calling about their children or their siblings. I guess that’s the difference?

The Church does not have a black-and-white, one-answer-covers-all response to the questions. And to carry it further, there are some who insist there is a black-and-white answer, and seek to show others how high and holy they are. Others, who are seeking an answer, are simply trying to do what is right.

Probably the best answer is from 1ke - if you are concerned, ask your parish priest. Understand there can be both issues of justice and of mercy.