Friend denying hard working husband relations

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blueskiesrgs

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A non-Catholic friend of mine has told her husband (who is Catholic), that she will not have relations with him until their new house is completed, a project which he is doing himself and will take at least a year. He has been working incredibly hard (over a hundred hours a week) and is also putting 110% into their relationship, even doing things like taking care of the kids while she sits in the house and watches TV, while he is working on the house and they are definitely in the way. Please, please pray for him, because he is feeling very desolate. Also, does anyone have any advice for me in trying to reach out to my friend?
 
If this woman married your friend in the church, she’s in violation of her vows. Part of the marriage preps include understanding that you cannot arbitrarily cut off relations with your spouse. I really have no advice for your friend other than beware. Frequently a spouse who is involving themselves with someone new stops having relations with their spouse. Studies show that this situation is because the spouse feels like their cheating on their new relationship by having sex with the person they’re married to. Bizarre, but true. I will say a prayer for your friend.
 
When she brings up the subject, suggest strongly that she speak with her minister (you said she is not Catholic) or with a professional. Suggest they go to a Priest or one of the well known Catholic marriage workshops. Tell her you prefer NOT to hear about their sex life - then change the subject.
 
blueskiesrgs said:
A non-Catholic friend of mine has told her husband (who is Catholic), that she will not have relations with him until their new house is completed, a project which he is doing himself and will take at least a year. He has been working incredibly hard (over a hundred hours a week) and is also putting 110% into their relationship, even doing things like taking care of the kids while she sits in the house and watches TV, while he is working on the house and they are definitely in the way. Please, please pray for him, because he is feeling very desolate. Also, does anyone have any advice for me in trying to reach out to my friend?
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Might there be something else to all of this? I feel terrible for the husband if this is the way she treats him.😦 I will pray for your friend and her husband.
 
I think she may need to be reminded of how good she has it and that if she keeps this up, her hubby might leave her. And then does she really think she’ll find another man to marry her who is half as devoted to her and her children? She needs a wake-up call.
 
:twocents: says that there’s much more to the story than meets the eye.

You don’t mention how long you’ve been friends, but for the life of me, I can’t imagine a scenario where this woman (based on your description of her) and I would ever be friends.

Be very careful when treading near friends’ marriages & offering advice, solicited or not.
 
StephanieC said:
:twocents: says that there’s much more to the story than meets the eye.

You don’t mention how long you’ve been friends, but for the life of me, I can’t imagine a scenario where this woman (based on your description of her) and I would ever be friends.

Be very careful when treading near friends’ marriages & offering advice, solicited or not.
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Yeah – something’s going on here. If the stated explanation is the ONLY reason, that sounds awful arbitrary. Using sex as a weapon is anti-thetical to the gift of self that it is intended to express. Does she have ANY idea how difficult a strain that can put on a marriage and on a man. That would place let’s just say undue pressure on him to seek other means of gratification – of course any sin is a sin and you didn’t make them sin. However, in a case like this – she’s not helping the matter. On the other side of things, it’s wrong for him to demand things and that or a while host of other reasons may be at the heart of this. Potential for a lot of messiness – and likelihood of only a portion of the story being told. Playing with fire will eventually get one burned and/or others burned at some point…

And yes, if this is a close friend – probably best to not get too entangled in such matters. Sometimes you just have to throw up TMI (too much information!) and move on to another topic of discussion…
 
Does your friend (the wife) usually tell you such things without also giving a reason? Why did she tell you this, was she telling you how unhappy she was or was she seeking your advice maybe?
 
Is it possible she was making a joke? I find it hard to believe that anyone would behave in such a despicable manner and then go around and tell others about it.
 
Her reason is simply this, that she doesn’t want to deal with being pregnant while her husband is building the new house, and since the Catholic Church won’t allow ABC she think that the best solution is merely to deny him relations. In her defence, she does not sit around all day watching TV, but when her husband is around, she takes advantage of the fact and send the boys out to be with him. I do think that she does need the break (as the mother of 4 boys who wouldn’t), but I don’t think she realizes that it really could be dangerous both for her sons and for her husband. After all, who heard of construction sites being safe (or good for children’s umm… growth in vocabulary???) It is hard to be raising 4 sons, and I know that and sympathize, but I do see how hard her husband is trying to please her (he is building the house because she is sick of the old one), and I just worry that he will be driven away from her!
 
blueskiesrgs said:
Her reason is simply this, that she doesn’t want to deal with being pregnant while her husband is building the new house, and since the Catholic Church won’t allow ABC she think that the best solution is merely to deny him relations.
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One thought here. Since NFP is not mentioned in all this, perhaps a little bit of information about that topic could be of use to this couple, like that the option exists. I’m guessing that they already know about it, but perhaps not. They may only know about “rhythm” and not realize what knowledge is available now.

It is hard to watch friends struggle with a marital issue like this. I suspect there is an undercurrent here, but I don’t know what it is.
 
blueskiesrgs said:
A non-Catholic friend of mine has told her husband (who is Catholic), that she will not have relations with him until their new house is completed, a project which he is doing himself and will take at least a year. He has been working incredibly hard (over a hundred hours a week) and is also putting 110% into their relationship, even doing things like taking care of the kids while she sits in the house and watches TV, while he is working on the house and they are definitely in the way. Please, please pray for him, because he is feeling very desolate. Also, does anyone have any advice for me in trying to reach out to my friend?
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hmmm I know what i would do if i was the man and it does not just involve putting the tools away forever, But I have to be honest what I would do is not good advice esspecially for a friend,Life is way to short to play games with someone that wants to be that controlling, there are way too many fish in the sea …
 
Hmm…

If I was in that situation, I would take that as an indication that my wife wanted a divorce. I can put up with a lot, but sexual manipulation? No way. Sounds like this guy is maxed out, and no amount of extra work is going to make it better. Again, if I was in that situation, I’d say “Fine, honey, if that’s the way you want it, I’m cutting back on my work and house-building hours. It’s obvious my hard work doesn’t please you, so I’m going to stop killing myself in the attempt.”
 
I generally would be cautious about accepting the complaints someone makes about their spouse. Sometimes things aren’t entirely what the husband indicates. But still it could be good to sympathize with him. But if he finds this a serious problem, it is more important for him to seek marriage counseling than to have sympathy. If he is saying these things help is needed somehow, whatever the case.
 
Dacinom said:
OP, thank you for further clarification…however, I still beleive that this matter is a highly personal one, and not one for you to involve yourself with on any level. Prayer is key here.
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I mostly agree. I think that the OP could give her friend (if she is a close friend and not an acquaintance) a pamphlet on NFP or even a book such as “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” or one of the many other good NFP books out there. Maybe the OP could say “I’m sure this has been difficult on both of you. Maybe this can help.” She may look at it and be interested, or she may just toss it aside. But beyond that, there’s nothing else to do except pray.
 
I concur with Monicad…it’s not something I would want to be privvy to, and I would pray, and suggest counseling for your friend.
 
SeekerJen said:
I mostly agree. I think that the OP could give her friend (if she is a close friend and not an acquaintance) a pamphlet on NFP or even a book such as “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” or one of the many other good NFP books out there. Maybe the OP could say “I’m sure this has been difficult on both of you. Maybe this can help.” She may look at it and be interested, or she may just toss it aside. But beyond that, there’s nothing else to do except pray.
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How the heck did NFP get into this ???
you have to have relations to have to worry about NFP,
 
blueskiesrgs said:
Her reason is simply this, that she doesn’t want to deal with being pregnant while her husband is building the new house, and since the Catholic Church won’t allow ABC she think that the best solution is merely to deny him relations. !
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Now that is completely different from your orig message. She’s not doing it out of a punishment. It DOES make sense not to want to be pregnant all the while raising 4 kids and during a major home repair.

It looks like she is trying to respect her husbands church teachings to the best of her knowledge. She doesn’t use ABC and she has FOUR kids. Chances are if she used ABC she would be having sex with her husband, Perhaps school her on NFP.
 
NFP is an option however it would not be a valid reason to be using it for these reasons,either way its a sorry excuse to deny and also extremely selfish as well i say curb the house project until she gets off her duff and helps and quits barking commands.
and setting rules, if commands continue there are other fish in the sea to catch.
 
He should contact “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” The house would be done in a week. 👍 Problem solved.

:rotfl:

(I apologize if my humor is out of place.)
 
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