Friend denying hard working husband relations

[dulcissima]

He should contact “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” The house would be done in a week. Problem solved.



(I apologize if my humor is out of place.)

Actually, that would make a great show, and I am sure there would be a special emphasis placed on the design of the master suite.

 

[Jesusloves]

Just a quickie, why should she have sex with her husband?? The wedding vows do not state though must have sex weekly monthly or yearly - her body her choice! My partner and I have often gone months without having sex it is not the foundation of marriage some people just dont enjoy it I cant say that I think it is the greatest thing in the world! Perhaps she believes that she has four children a house in ruins and woudl prefer to spend her time concentrating on other things! I am pregnant and me and my dh wont be having sex for a LONG time its my body and if I choose not to have my husband inside it thats my choice - the church only tells me I need to be open to life during relations not that I need to have relations.

Many of us lasted many years before having sex living chaste lives if her husband or any husband is considering divorce on the grounds that his wife wishes to not have sex for a year I would recomend counselling!

 

[dulcissima]

Just a quickie, why should she have sex with her husband?? The wedding vows do not state though must have sex weekly monthly or yearly - her body her choice! My partner and I have often gone months without having sex it is not the foundation of marriage some people just dont enjoy it I cant say that I think it is the greatest thing in the world! Perhaps she believes that she has four children a house in ruins and woudl prefer to spend her time concentrating on other things! I am pregnant and me and my dh wont be having sex for a LONG time its my body and if I choose not to have my husband inside it thats my choice - the church only tells me I need to be open to life during relations not that I need to have relations.

Many of us lasted many years before having sex living chaste lives if her husband or any husband is considering divorce on the grounds that his wife wishes to not have sex for a year I would recomend counselling!

I would recommend counselling too if a wife thinks it’s OK to go a year without having relations with her husband. When you get married, it is no longer just your body. You have become one flesh with your husband and you need to think about each other’s needs in the same way that you think about your own. For one spouse to regularly deny the other is every bit as wrong as it is for the other spouse to give no choice in the matter.

 

[buffalo]

WOW! This is a sure way to bitterness and resentment. Relations should never be bargained for.

 

[Jesusloves]

would recommend counselling too if a wife thinks it’s OK to go a year without having relations with her husband. When you get married, it is no longer just your body. You have become one flesh with your husband and you need to think about each other’s needs in the same way that you think about your own. For one spouse to regularly deny the other is every bit as wrong as it is for the other spouse to give no choice in the matter.

It is always YOUR body - you may share it with your spouse but god gave you a body and he did not make SEX the part part of marriage it is about far more than that - choosing not to have sex is in no way denying your spouse it should not be an essential part of the marital agreement to have sex anymore than the person who wishes to have sex the least wants it. A good husband should respect his wife desires as a good wife should respect a husbands I would say it would be important for a spouse who is so desperate to have sex regardless of the others wants to have the counselling. I choose regularly not to have sex not because their is anything physically or emotionally wrong with me but because it is not the ‘be all and end all’ my marriage is based on love and partnership and their are more ways to show this than to jump in bed with each other. I far prefer a night on the couch cuddling up with a book to relations and my partner feels the same if a couple would rather have sex daily nightly or weekly that is their prerogative but if one spouse would prefer that the event took place far less the other should respect this. Sex has and always been more about a mans desire - porn, masturbation and prostitution prove this and I see no reason why the weakness of a man should mean a woman should be subjected to sex more than she desires just as women have crosses to bear such as jealousy and judgement men to should deal with theirs.

Returning to the topic however it is between the couple how often they have sex and I find it highly unlikely that either a wife or husband would give the whole tale to anyone other than their spouse regarding sexual matters or emotional - it is more likely to be a throwaway comment just as one might say ‘im banning him from the TV until…’ or ‘im not taking her shopping until…’ it sounds to me like girl talk which as all women should know is always half of one and a dozen of the other!

Just my 2pennies worth!

 

[Jesusloves]

Oh and just one final point for many women sex is incredibly painful due to gynae reasons (not emotional reasons) I no I have suffered with endo since I was 16 and pre - treatment I found sex to be excruciatingly painful both during and after so going without sex for a year does not mean counselling necc me and my dh had sex on our wedding night and then not again for 6mths we have a healthy sex life with a healthy appetite for it but that means different things to different ppl my hubby and i might go two months without and then a couple of times in a week only to find that it doesnt happen for a few more weeks it is impossible for anyone to know how much is too much or not enough for any couple! My dh and I certainly have other things worth doing in our precious time together such as talking watching a movie reading going out and visiting friends and family!
Too much emphasis is placed on sex in todays world when really their are other things!

 

[whatevergirl]

Just a quickie, why should she have sex with her husband?? The wedding vows do not state though must have sex weekly monthly or yearly - her body her choice! My partner and I have often gone months without having sex it is not the foundation of marriage some people just dont enjoy it I cant say that I think it is the greatest thing in the world! Perhaps she believes that she has four children a house in ruins and woudl prefer to spend her time concentrating on other things! I am pregnant and me and my dh wont be having sex for a LONG time its my body and if I choose not to have my husband inside it thats my choice - the church only tells me I need to be open to life during relations not that I need to have relations.

Many of us lasted many years before having sex living chaste lives if her husband or any husband is considering divorce on the grounds that his wife wishes to not have sex for a year I would recomend counselling!

I think the issue is that she is using sex as an ultimatum to getting the house finished…big difference. I agree with you in the sense that if this were a more ‘normal’ situation, what would the big deal be…but withholding sex because one wants something else, is actually pretty selfish…and twisted.

 

[actorgirl]

I think the issue is that she is using sex as an ultimatum to getting the house finished…big difference. I agree with you in the sense that if this were a more ‘normal’ situation, what would the big deal be…but withholding sex because one wants something else, is actually pretty selfish…and twisted.

But the OP’s second post stated that it was more she didn;t want to be pregnant while the house was being finished…

 

[dulcissima]

Where does the Church teach the person who least desires sex gets to determine the frequency of marital relations? That would be rather selfish on the part of the person who is not interested in having relations. Remember love is selfless, not selfish. One partner does not have veto power over the other. Marriage is about the mutual gift of self.

When a couple marries, they do give each other rights to the marital act:

Discussing the object of consent, St. Thomas observes that the spouses explicitly "consent to marriage and implicitly to the mutual yielding of the right over the acts proper to marriage."8 Surrendering to another person the right over one’s acts means giving one’s will over those acts, and since free will means also possession of self, by giving one’s free will over certain acts, the person gives his or her self. The spouses consent to give to each other the right to certain acts or services ordered to the ends of marriage, and through the mutual, exclusive, perpetual and irrevocable right to these very personal acts,9 they mutually give and accept each other in order to form a marriage. This is the object of marriage consent which, in juridical terms, can be formulated as the ius ad operationes coniugales. It is important to understand that the ends of marriage (“the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of children”) cannot be the direct object of a contractual agreement because the attainment of those ends is not always within the spouses’ power. A marriage is valid as long as the spouses consent to the acts ordered to those ends even though the good of the spouses, the procreation of offspring or the upbringing of children may not be successfully attained.

catholic.net/rcc/Periodicals/Homiletic/06-96/2/2.html

I’m not saying it is all about the needs of the partner that wants more frequent relations. I am just saying that the needs of the individual who is disinterested do not outweigh the needs of the spouse who is interested.

And of course the disinterested spouse is gravely sinning against their marriage if they are holding marital relations at ransom, to have power over their spouse in some other avenue.

 

[FLCathMom]

1 Corinthians Chapter 7 states:

7:4. The wife hath not power of her own body: but the husband. And in like manner the husband also hath not power of his own body: but the wife.

7:5. Defraud not one another, except, perhaps, by consent, for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer: and return together again, lest Satan tempt you for your incontinency.

I think it pretty clearly states that abstinence is allowed only if husband and wife both consent. Although, in the case of OP, where the wife is not a Catholic, I don’t know if there is much you can (or should) say or do. I think the suggestion of mentioning NFP by way of a pamphlet or book is a good one.

 

[whatevergirl]

But the OP’s second post stated that it was more she didn;t want to be pregnant while the house was being finished…

I can’t imagine sharing this with a friend.

 

[dulcissima]

I can’t imagine sharing this with a friend.

I agree, but I have heard women rather flippantly say this type of a thing, sometimes even announce it publicy. I’ve always tried to take it as something they are just joking about or are really exaggerating.

 

[whatevergirl]

I agree, but I have heard women rather flippantly say this type of a thing, sometimes even announce it publicy. I’ve always tried to take it as something they are just joking about or are really exaggerating.

hmmm…maybe they equate it to feeling powerful? you know what I mean? why else would a woman share this? I’m not saint in my marriage, by a long shot…but I’m not going to brag about it.

 

[johntkd]

hmmm…maybe they equate it to feeling powerful? you know what I mean? why else would a woman share this? I’m not saint in my marriage, by a long shot…but I’m not going to brag about it.

You hit the nail on the head most times its a show of power. esspecially when they talking to a friend they are in essence telling the friend they are in control, But as I have seen in the past “are they really in control?” most men will say to themselves ok she dont want someone else does and they seek the other out, and guess what? there is always someone else out there wanting to be where the wife/ husband dont,truth be told I know far more women cheating on hubby than i do hubby cheating on wifey, although I am surre if statisics were available its 50/50.

she may think she is in control now and may actually be but it wont last…if was me after a month or 2 of denial i would be curbing and looking for a replacement,AND I am not the Cheating type either…