Friend expecting a premarital baby?

[farawayaria]

one of my friends at college told me this morning that his other half was expecting a baby… i was the first to know, and i felt half honored that he trusted me enough to tell me.
but when he told me i had no idea what to do. he knows i’m Catholic, and i think he knows my view on things - he certainly teases me on how much i don’t dwell on inappropriate things.

i just don’t know how to react. i want to tell him how new life is a blessing but it must be created in a secure marital relationship… but at the same time i don’t want him to feel that i don’t value the baby.

he says that his girlfriend is the love of his life and they will hopefully get married “some day”… it’s good that they both seem to love each other but i’m just mortified that they didn’t wait until marriage! they have no faith. if i were to tell him the truth he would neither listen nor believe.

my first initial fear was that he would abort the baby… but after speaking to him for a while he seems to be preparing for the baby’s birth - he’s saving up for it and he told me his family are fine with it.
some Catholic friends of mine would probably ask why i’m even friends with this person since we have contrary ways of life/morals. i would reply that i see in him a vulnerable person who needs to be redeemed. i feel the need to share my friendship with him! and to stand with him as a solid witness to the faith when times are tough for him. i know he needs God… i just need to tell him somehow when it’s most effective and when my words are most likely to have an impact.

how should i do this? when? what should i even say about the baby? should i even give him my congratulations? please advise! what would any of the saints do?

 

[agnes_therese]

one of my friends at college told me this morning that his other half was expecting a baby… i was the first to know, and i felt half honored that he trusted me enough to tell me.
but when he told me i had no idea what to do. he knows i’m Catholic, and i think he knows my view on things - he certainly teases me on how much i don’t dwell on inappropriate things.
i just don’t know how to react. i want to tell him how new life is a blessing but it must be created in a secure marital relationship… but at the same time i don’t want him to feel that i don’t value the baby.

This really isn’t the time for a morality lecture. You say you think he knows your views, so there’s no need to make an issue of it right now.

some Catholic friends of mine would probably ask why i’m even friends with this person since we have contrary ways of life/morals.

So, they don’t have any friends who are sinners? Must be a really short list. I’m glad my friends don’t feel that way.

what should i even say about the baby? should i even give him my congratulations? please advise!

How about “which of you do you hope the baby will look like?” or “any ideas yet for names?”

 

[Deputy_Seraph]

This really isn’t the time for a morality lecture. You say you think he knows your views, so there’s no need to make an issue of it right now.

So, they don’t have any friends who are sinners? Must be a really short list. I’m glad my friends don’t feel that way.

How about “which of you do you hope the baby will look like?” or "any ideas yet for names?"

 

[FaustinaJulia]

Well, first of all, Hallelujah that this young man and his girlfriend are thinking of paying for diapers and NOT thinking of an abortion. The horse is out of the barn now after all, however that happened, and I agree with agnes therese that morality lectures are not appropriate at the moment. I would rather that you helped him to keep on course in his determination to be a father to his child. It is still early days and easy to be discouraged from doing so in the college environment where the life of the unborn is so easily discounted as worthy of continuing. You could be a critical component for life to this young couple and their unborn child and a witness to the fact that those who support life are not just finger wagging lecturers who berate then simply leave the parents to be to face the reality of childbirth and rearing on their own. Seeing you as a positive influence and example will often soften their hearts to the further example of Catholic merits. Perfect timing for all of this too with Advent on the horizon and Christmas so very close!

 

[HB11]

Well, first of all, Hallelujah that this young man and his girlfriend are thinking of paying for diapers and NOT thinking of an abortion. The horse is out of the barn now after all, however that happened, and I agree with agnes therese that morality lectures are not appropriate at the moment. I would rather that you helped him to keep on course in his determination to be a father to his child. It is still early days and easy to be discouraged from doing so in the college environment where the life of the unborn is so easily discounted as worthy of continuing. You could be a critical component for life to this young couple and their unborn child and a witness to the fact that those who support life are not just finger wagging lecturers who berate then simply leave the parents to be to face the reality of childbirth and rearing on their own. Seeing you as a positive influence and example will often soften their hearts to the further example of Catholic merits. Perfect timing for all of this too with Advent on the horizon and Christmas so very close!

 

[Country_Gal]

I think the main reason that young people in these situations aren’t marrying these days is that there is a lot more government help for single parents. Realize this and try to be supportive.

In all likelihood, this couple will never marry and so “premarital baby” is a misnomer. Such is the state of affairs in our culture today.

 

[schaeffer]

If we are pro life we understand babies to be a blessing, I don’t think it is ever appropriate to see them as “proof of sin” and treat them, or the parents in that manner.

Support them in being great parents. Feel free to share your beliefs, but share them as your beliefs, not as a lecture.

If you feel you cannot remain friends with people who sin, I hope you find an appropriate hermitage to live out the rest of your Christian life. Please pray for those of us who must maintain ties with the rest of the world. Not all are called to that vocation.

I mean that with all respect. Some people ARE called to a life of withdrawal and contemplative prayer.

 

[oldgraymare2]

Hi farawayaria,

If you aren’t sure about what to say to them, then I would wish them well, and wish them the best, and hope that she has a healthy pregnancy.

I agree with the others who said that you should not give him a lecture about morality at this time.

I also agree with those here who said to offer your support to them as parents. You could also be a positive role model of faith, too.