Friend getting married...feeling guilty

[BornAgain2010]

Okay, there’s this friend of mine thats getting married. I kinda feel guilty about it, though.
Here’s why:

She’s catholic and her fiance is too, but he’s non-practicing.
She wants to be a Catholic couple and raise a family Catholic.
She has all of her Sacraments, he has none, not even Baptism.

So first off, he has a ways to go as far as Sacraments. She, my friend, asked me if I knew anything about the protocols or procedures or anything like that in that department. (She knows I’m religious, so she figured she’d ask me).

They used to live in the valley (Rio Grande region of Texas). She asked me if she had to do anything like retake Sacraments since they recently moved to town. I told her either her family themselves are supposed to keep records, or her old Church should have them in the Parish office. If not her old Church, then certainly the Diocese.

So since she’s taken care of, she asked me about Baptism. I gave her the number of the Deacon that is one of the intstructors for the Baptism classes. She never called him.

I asked her why, she said her fiance doesnt want to go through the classes and that he just wants to take the Sacraments and be done with it. To me, he seems willing to do the Sacraments, albiet somewhat grudgingly. But who am I to judge?

Anyway, he (the fiance), is scared that he’ll have to go on a retreat as part of the marriage classes. I’ve never heard of that, but it could be something new and I just missed the memo.

So, if anyone is particularly knowledgeable in this department, if y’all could please post.

Also, I cant help but feel guilty for sticking my nose in their business. Honorable as my intentions may be, I still feel guilty. I mean, if my friend or her fiance have questions, I’ll be more than happy to help out. But, I feel kinda guilty taking such an eagerness to help out, like I’m being over-zealous or something…
should I feel guilty?
or just keep on helpin’ em with everything?

(Either way, I’m still gonna back-off, as I’m sure she’s probably annoyed anyway.)

 

[redtech]

My husband is not Catholic and has never been baptised. We talked to the priest individually who then put us in separate rooms and made us take a compatitbility test. Then we took the regular Pre-Cana classes with all the other Catholic couples in our diocese that wanted to get married that year. It was a weekend thing. Went a couple hours on Saturday and a couple hours on Sunday and then “graduated” with a nice candle light dinner. It was really nice.

Our priest never stressed any concern over DH not being Catholic. He explained to DH that he would receive communion during our wedding but that was his only freebie and he would have to go through RCIA if he wanted to keep receiving. So far, he hasn’t but there’s hope for him. He goes to mass with us every now and then.

 

[ConstantineTG]

My husband is not Catholic and has never been baptised. We talked to the priest individually who then put us in separate rooms and made us take a compatitbility test. Then we took the regular Pre-Cana classes with all the other Catholic couples in our diocese that wanted to get married that year. It was a weekend thing. Went a couple hours on Saturday and a couple hours on Sunday and then “graduated” with a nice candle light dinner. It was really nice.

Our priest never stressed any concern over DH not being Catholic. He explained to DH that he would receive communion during our wedding but that was his only freebie and he would have to go through RCIA if he wanted to keep receiving. So far, he hasn’t but there’s hope for him. He goes to mass with us every now and then.

I am concerned with the part where you say your husband has never been baptized but the priest gave him Communion.

 

[Spirithound]

Okay, there’s this friend of mine thats getting married. I kinda feel guilty about it, though.
Here’s why:

She’s catholic and her fiance is too, but he’s non-practicing.
She wants to be a Catholic couple and raise a family Catholic.
She has all of her Sacraments, he has none, not even Baptism.

So first off, he has a ways to go as far as Sacraments. She, my friend, asked me if I knew anything about the protocols or procedures or anything like that in that department. (She knows I’m religious, so she figured she’d ask me).

They used to live in the valley (Rio Grande region of Texas). She asked me if she had to do anything like retake Sacraments since they recently moved to town. I told her either her family themselves are supposed to keep records, or her old Church should have them in the Parish office. If not her old Church, then certainly the Diocese.

So since she’s taken care of, she asked me about Baptism. I gave her the number of the Deacon that is one of the intstructors for the Baptism classes. She never called him.

I asked her why, she said her fiance doesnt want to go through the classes and that he just wants to take the Sacraments and be done with it. To me, he seems willing to do the Sacraments, albiet somewhat grudgingly. But who am I to judge?

Anyway, he (the fiance), is scared that he’ll have to go on a retreat as part of the marriage classes. I’ve never heard of that, but it could be something new and I just missed the memo.

Also, I cant help but feel guilty for sticking my nose in their business. Honorable as my intentions may be, I still feel guilty. I mean, if my friend or her fiance have questions, I’ll be more than happy to help out. But, I feel kinda guilty taking such an eagerness to help out, like I’m being over-zealous or something…
should I feel guilty?
or just keep on helpin’ em with everything?

This is unique…Do you often feel guilty over doing favours? just kidding, of course, but I really don’t think you should feel guilty. Just keep helping with whatever you feel comfortable with.

Now on to the meat! If the gentleman is not baptized, then he is not considered Catholic. He does not need to be baptized for them to get married, but she will need a dispensation to marry a non-Christian.

Her sacramental record will be at the parish of her baptism, and she can ask them to mail her a copy.

 

[anp1215]

I am concerned with the part where you say your husband has never been baptized but the priest gave him Communion.

I am very concerned about this too, especially the part where the priest called the partaking of our Lord by a non-Catholic as a “freebie.”

 

[Matthew_Holford]

She’s catholic and her fiance is too, but he’s non-practicing.
She wants to be a Catholic couple and raise a family Catholic.
She has all of her Sacraments, he has none, not even Baptism.

I presume when you say “she has all of her Sacraments” you mean that she has be baptised and confirmed. You say: “She’s catholic and her fiance is too, but he’s non-practicing … he has none, not even Baptism”. If he is not baptised then he is not a Catholic. Either he needs to be baptised and for that he will have to go through RCIA or she can ask for a dispensation from ‘disparity of cult’. For that her priest will need to apply to the diocesan bishop although he’s probably delegated that responsibility to the diocesan chancery.

She asked me if she had to do anything like retake Sacraments since they recently moved to town.

No, baptism and confirmation can only be received once.

 

[Matthew_Holford]

… who then put us in separate rooms and made us take a compatitbility test.

It sounds like the priest was running a dating agency rather than applying the Church’s teaching on marriage.

… he would receive communion during our wedding but that was his only freebie …

Absolutely no way that priest should have given the Most Holy Eucharist in that way. It would be bad enough to give it to a non-Catholic but even worse to give it to a non-Christian.

 

[BornAgain2010]

I am very concerned about this too, especially the part where the priest called the partaking of our Lord by a non-Catholic as a “freebie.”

LOL…right?

EDIT:

The priest might as well just say, ‘eh, just for laughs,…lets try to get a two-for’

Talk about your secular clergy, geeze

 

[Phemie]

It sounds like the priest was running a dating agency rather than applying the Church’s teaching on marriage.

Many dioceses use tests like FOCCUS to find areas of concern that couples should reflect and work on before the marriage. It’s less about compatibility than about ‘are you on the same page on things like church attendance, financial responsibilities, how to deal with each other’s family members, etc.’ To quote from the FOCCUS website “The FOCCUS© Inventory is designed to help engaged couples appreciate their unique relationship, learn more about themselves, and discuss topics important to their lifelong marriage.”

Absolutely no way that priest should have given the Most Holy Eucharist in that way. It would be bad enough to give it to a non-Catholic but even worse to give it to a non-Christian.

Why priests and bishops think that doing that is being pastoral is beyond me. Since the husband wasn’t Christian the marriage should have taken place outside of Mass.