Friend had abortion

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phil8888

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Hi. My friend moved away 3 years ago and moved to another part of the country. She met a man about 25-30 years her senior from Jamaica. She’s white. Anyway, I did not really talk to her much at all while she was there. She came back yesterday, and we were hanging out with her. Then she said she could have been a mom to a 1 year old. I didn’t know what she meant until after. She had an abortion. She told us (there were about 3 of us listening). One of my friends, who knows I’m very pro-life said, “uh oh, don’t tell phil, he will be very upset”. I basically agreed with her and said ya. I didn’t make a big scene. but I did let her know that I was not happy by agreeing with my friend.

last night she was leaving my house (I had invited them earlier to my house). when the girl was leaving she gave me a hug and said “Don’t judge me”.

tonight we have another get together for a friend who was also gone away. the friend who had an abortion will be there.

what do you think I should do?
 
Yes, pray for her, and commit her to God’s mercy. She knows your feelings. I imagine you won’t feel close to her, but you are a gift from God for her soul. Courtesy and respect, as God is her judge. And Redeemer, but you don’t have to get really involved personally. You are someone who prays for her and inspires us to pray for her. That’s your function, thanks to God’s mercy. Don’t make her feel judged, though you may feel you want to say it has made you sad.
God bless and comfort you. And may God flood merciful grace and healing on her soul.
 
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Angel7:
I feel bad for the little child…
Click to expand...
The child went straight to heaven, feel bad for the woman.
 
That’s a very, very difficult situation to be in. I am so sorry. I wonder if she is trying to re-connect with people who she knows will steer her in a better direction? Perhaps you could give her a book or pamphlet about recovering from abortion. Here is a link to a pamphlet available on the Priests for Life site: priestsforlife.org/store/p-45-rachel-weep-no-more-how-divinebrmercy-heals-the-effects-of-abortion.aspx

She sounds young and may not realize the damage she has done to her own soul through this act. She may be grieving but unwilling to really share it yet. I wish I had more words of wisdom to share. You and your friend (and her child) will certainly be in my prayers.
 
phil8888 said:
Hi. My friend moved away 3 years ago and moved to another part of the country. She met a man about 25-30 years her senior from Jamaica. She’s white. Anyway, I did not really talk to her much at all while she was there. She came back yesterday, and we were hanging out with her. Then she said she could have been a mom to a 1 year old. I didn’t know what she meant until after. She had an abortion. She told us (there were about 3 of us listening). One of my friends, who knows I’m very pro-life said, “uh oh, don’t tell phil, he will be very upset”. I basically agreed with her and said ya. I didn’t make a big scene. but I did let her know that I was not happy by agreeing with my friend.

last night she was leaving my house (I had invited them earlier to my house). when the girl was leaving she gave me a hug and said “Don’t judge me”.

tonight we have another get together for a friend who was also gone away. the friend who had an abortion will be there.

what do you think I should do?
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She is talking openly about how old her child would have been. Perhaps (well most likely considering) she is hurting deeply. If you can manage to do so without sounding judgmental, suggest a post abortion recovery group such as Project Rachel. I don’t know her religious beliefs, but if she is Catholic, she needs to know that if she confesses there is still forgiveness…
 
**Tell her you love her & Jesus loves her! Tell her you would never judge her!

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;” (Lk 6:37)

If she mentioned her abortion openly, she is crying out for help.

We all make horrible mistakes & we need a firm, forgiving & loving hand to guide us to the Truth.

Try to talk to her privately, letting her know Jesus is ever Merciful & she is not alone!

There are many resources she can use to find the love of Jesus, like Rachel’s vineyard rachelsvineyard.org/,
& the ladies of the Silent No More Awareness Campaign silentnomoreawareness.org/
**
Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, Ora pro Nobis Peccatoribus!

mark
 
phil8888 said:
what do you think I should do?
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Either nothing or say “that must have been a very difficult decision for you to make; if ever you feel the need to talk to someone about it, you can count on me to be there for you and be discreet”.
 
pray for her and for the soul of her child

don’t come down too hard on her. thats a good way of making them rebel against the truth and against God. try to get yourselves in a position that you can talk to her about your position and perhaps guide her to the truth. is she Catholic? even if she’s not, let her know that the fetus is a human life and that she should feel sorry for what she has done

and pray more
 
The first question you need to ask yourself is “Have I ever committed a mortal sin?” If the answer is yes, then you need to decide why you may merit forgiveness, and she should not merit it.

Odds are you are not equiped to deal effectively with whatever she may be dealing with or trying to deal with. Without getting into what happened and why, you should first be prepared to suggest help for her - such as Rachel’s Vineyard - and then if appropriate, ask her gently if she struggles with the issue. If she says yes, then with all the mercy you can muster, suggest that there is counseling available such as Rachel’s Vineyard, indicate you would and will support her, and then stay out of the rest of he story.

She has lost her child; it is obviously on her mind if she is making remarks about how old the child would be. You were not there when it happened; you did not walk in her shoes then and don’t do so now. It would appear that she is not taking this lightly and neither are you (which is good), but Christ forgave sinners - both her and you. She needs healing (which does not mean this is going to go away). You can help or hinder. Your choice.
 
Yes, pray for her, but don’t “come down” on her at all.
She already knows it was a human life, shown by her mentioning the birthday of the child.
I have known women who spent decades wandering in the dark because of the guilt, and felt unable to return to the Church.

Phil,
Lots of good advice here, I think.
What Mark 77 said!
And the person who mentioned if she were Catholic to remind her that she could repent and seek reconciliation with Christ and his Church… and if she isn’t Catholic, it would be good to explain that, too. This is a wonderful gift that Catholics have in this sacrament… she may be practically dying to know how to save her soul after this.
 
phil8888 said:
tonight we have another get together for a friend who was also gone away. the friend who had an abortion will be there.

what do you think I should do?
Click to expand...
greet her as you do all your other friends, tell her you don’t judge her, God alone does that, but you pray for her always and grieve for her. Be the one person who may be an open door for her when she is ready to acknowledge her need of healing.
 
phil8888 said:
Hi. My friend moved away 3 years ago and moved to another part of the country. She met a man about 25-30 years her senior from Jamaica. She’s white. Anyway, I did not really talk to her much at all while she was there. She came back yesterday, and we were hanging out with her. Then she said she could have been a mom to a 1 year old. I didn’t know what she meant until after. She had an abortion. She told us (there were about 3 of us listening). One of my friends, who knows I’m very pro-life said, “uh oh, don’t tell phil, he will be very upset”. I basically agreed with her and said ya. I didn’t make a big scene. but I did let her know that I was not happy by agreeing with my friend.

last night she was leaving my house (I had invited them earlier to my house). when the girl was leaving she gave me a hug and said “Don’t judge me”.

tonight we have another get together for a friend who was also gone away. the friend who had an abortion will be there.

what do you think I should do?
Click to expand...
Phil,
Most women do not share this information with friends, out of fear of being judged. I wonder if she needed to tell you and your friends, because she is experiencing a lot of grief over her decision? Maybe you might be able to direct her to some counseling resources that can help her deal with the spiritual and emotional ramifications of having an abortion.
 
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