Friend in an unhealthy relationship

[Hardenedxheart]

Hello.

I have a friend who has been seeing her boyfriend for almost 3 years now. However, he is very controlling and manipulative. Her parents, all of her friends, and the rest of her family do not approve of the relationship. He is extremely jealous (for no reason). She needs to ask permission to do anything: go out to lunch, study in groups for school. She needs to show him pictures of what she is wearing so he can approve. If she does get permission to go out, he texts her the entire time and if she takes too long he gets angry and shuts off his phone and doesn’t respond to her. It has affected her relationship with her family and friends and has severely affected her schoolwork.

She is Christian, not Catholic, however she feels that God wants her to stay in this relationship as punishment for her past unfaithful ways. She feels that he will change one day and everything will be perfect.

I was wondering if there were any Bible passages that I can pass on to her that describes the love God truly wants for us. She is always reading the Bible and belives only what is written, so maybe that will help her see.

 

[Xantippe]

Hello.

I have a friend who has been seeing her boyfriend for almost 3 years now. However, he is very controlling and manipulative. Her parents, all of her friends, and the rest of her family do not approve of the relationship. He is extremely jealous (for no reason). She needs to ask permission to do anything: go out to lunch, study in groups for school. She needs to show him pictures of what she is wearing so he can approve. If she does get permission to go out, he texts her the entire time and if she takes too long he gets angry and shuts off his phone and doesn’t respond to her. It has affected her relationship with her family and friends and has severely affected her schoolwork.

She is Christian, not Catholic, however she feels that God wants her to stay in this relationship as punishment for her past unfaithful ways. She feels that he will change one day and everything will be perfect.

I was wondering if there were any Bible passages that I can pass on to her that describes the love God truly wants for us. She is always reading the Bible and belives only what is written, so maybe that will help her see.

There’s a book entitled “Why Does He Do That?” that you should read and that you may want to share with your friend.

It may help her to discover that the answer isn’t, “Because he loves me soooo, soooo much,” but “Because it gets him what he wants.”

Best wishes!

 

[FrenzyJen]

I hate to be an echo, but even the books “But He Loves Me” and “But He Never Hit Me” could be extremely useful to give to your friend. They are from a secular, medical viewpoint, but make it hard to brush off abuse like this, like victims often tend to do.

 

[pacomius]

it is a pretty regular pattern for abused people to justify their abusers. I say ‘abused’ because I think she is undergoing emotional abuse at least. it’s usually hard for them to move on because they are afraid that there will be no one to fill the void the abuser will leave. a very vital part of her recovery lies with her family and friends. they need to show her that they will always be there to support her.

also important is counselling because she is carrying the load of past unfaithfulness into her present. She needs to let go.

above all is prayers. we should all PRAY for her!