Friend is blaming God for father's homicide/suicide

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ellam25

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So my friend Hanna’s dad over the weekend murdered his girlfriend (my friend considered her a close friend, her father and his girlfriend have been together since she was 8 years old, she is 25 now) and then committed suicide. Both her dad and his girlfriend had been babysitting her 2 and 6 year old sons only a few hours before their deaths. Her sons are okay thank goodness. She has been talking to me and she keeps saying why would God allow this, I don’t think He is real if He is He is not good!" Just stuff like that. I don’t say anything because I think the last thing she needs is a lecture. She has been posting similar things on facebook. Should I come forward and tell her why I think it is wrong of her to say that and how do I explain it was not God’s fault this happened? Pray for her she is a great person and a great mom and I feel so sorry for her and her family and what they are going through.
 
Anger is common in the early stages of the grieving cycle; she may be more receptive to your words after a cool-down period, so as to speak.

Praying for her and for all concerned.
 
You should realise that this is probably the most traumatic event your friend has ever had to confront. There will be shock, anger, outrage, fear, almost the entire gamut of human emotions and they are hitting out. It is like grief. You must give a person mental space, empathy, non-confrontational compassion, non-judgmental friendship and most important of all… time.
Don’t start theological arguments with them when they just need a long hard hug.
Pray for their recovery both mentally and in their faith. Leave the repairing of their relationship to God.
 
Blaming God is way more comfortable than dealing with what her dad did.

Give her some space and time.
 
I strongly agree with Petaro; I can’t even imagine what your poor friend must be going through. Just the ordinary death of my father from cancer was quite traumatic for me, and I had many months to spend with him before hand, to travel with him and to say goodbye. And I still took it very, very hard. So I’m praying for your friend. She’s dealing with something just unbelievably difficult.😦

:gopray:
 
Leave your friend alone, when my mom died, all I did was blame God. It’s normal to grieve this way
 
ellam25 said:
So my friend Hanna’s dad over the weekend murdered his girlfriend (my friend considered her a close friend, her father and his girlfriend have been together since she was 8 years old, she is 25 now) and then committed suicide. Both her dad and his girlfriend had been babysitting her 2 and 6 year old sons only a few hours before their deaths. Her sons are okay thank goodness. She has been talking to me and she keeps saying why would God allow this, I don’t think He is real if He is He is not good!" Just stuff like that. I don’t say anything because I think the last thing she needs is a lecture. She has been posting similar things on facebook. Should I come forward and tell her why I think it is wrong of her to say that and how do I explain it was not God’s fault this happened? Pray for her she is a great person and a great mom and I feel so sorry for her and her family and what they are going through.
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In such cases, I always look to St. Augustine. For many years, he, too, questioned why there was evil in the world. A friend sent him to Simplicianus, the priest who had baptized St. Ambrose (who in turn baptized St. Augustine). Simplicianus told him that the evil men do is caused by the fact that God has given man free will. God does not WILL evil. Rather, He permits it because He has given man the freedom to choose good versus evil.
 
She’s in shock. Logic and reason often fail when a sudden trauma occurs. Stay close and wait it out. It takes time, and rushing it can be a bad idea if the person is not equipped. Don’t be too harsh right now. There will be a time for her answers. When she’s ready to talk, she’ll come to you.
 
It’s a normal response. Even from the most devout Catholics I’d say. Wait for a while and let them get over it. She probably has to be angry at someone in this situation.
 
ellam25 said:
So my friend Hanna’s dad over the weekend murdered his girlfriend (my friend considered her a close friend, her father and his girlfriend have been together since she was 8 years old, she is 25 now) and then committed suicide. Both her dad and his girlfriend had been babysitting her 2 and 6 year old sons only a few hours before their deaths. Her sons are okay thank goodness. She has been talking to me and she keeps saying why would God allow this, I don’t think He is real if He is He is not good!" Just stuff like that. I don’t say anything because I think the last thing she needs is a lecture. She has been posting similar things on facebook. Should I come forward and tell her why I think it is wrong of her to say that and how do I explain it was not God’s fault this happened? Pray for her she is a great person and a great mom and I feel so sorry for her and her family and what they are going through.
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Oh that poor woman…my heart breaks for her.

I would avoid using the word ‘wrong’. I would, instead, tell her that I absolutely understand how she would feel this way. It must be terribly painful for her to have to face the fact that her father is a murderer and possibly mentally ill.

Perhaps a response to her Facebook posts along the lines of “I am so very sorry for your loss. I am so grateful your children were not in harms way when this happened! Whenever you want to talk, my friend, I am here. You call anytime” is enough for now. Then I would simply and gently remind her every time she needs to talk about this how blessed she is that her children were not there when her father made this choice. I think, and I may be wrong, that eventually she will come to realize that this choice - perhaps a choice made from anger, mental illness, fueled by substance abuse or whatever - could have included those precious children and that God’s blessing is just that - the kids are all right.
 
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