Friend leaving the church

[breneriu]

My wife and I have a friend whos father died a year ago.Recently she asked that her father’s name be mentioned at mass.Well they refuse to do it and she became so angered that she says she is leaving the church and is now going to a Baptist church with her husband who is also a catholic.What good reason can I tell her that her church refused to do what she requested?

Thanks
Erick

 

[jimmy]

breneriu:

My wife and I have a friend whos father died a year ago.Recently she asked that her father’s name be mentioned at mass.Well they refuse to do it and she became so angered that she says she is leaving the church and is now going to a Baptist church with her husband who is also a catholic.What good reason can I tell her that her church refused to do what she requested?

Thanks
Erick

I don’t know of a reason to tell her, but that is no reason to leave the church and go to a Baptist church. Think about what she is doing. She wants them to mention her fathers name at mass so that they can pray for her father, but she leaves the church and goes to a church that thinks that praying for the dead is evil or unnecisary. Very contradictory.

 

[carol_marie]

Was your friend’s father Catholic? Ask her how he would feel knowing that he was the reason she was leaving the church?

Also, no doubt her feelings were deeply hurt in her already fragile state over the loss of her dear father. However, having your feelings hurt is no reason to change faiths. Her feelings will get hurt in the Baptist church as well… (especially when they tell her that unless her father accepted Jesus as his Lord & Savior and was baptized (as a believer) he’s PROBABLY (they say probably but they mean most definatly) NOT in heaven.

 

[marciadietrich]

breneriu:

My wife and I have a friend whos father died a year ago.Recently she asked that her father’s name be mentioned at mass.Well they refuse to do it and she became so angered that she says she is leaving the church and is now going to a Baptist church with her husband who is also a catholic.What good reason can I tell her that her church refused to do what she requested?

Thanks
Erick

I would guess that her father had a Catholic funeral Mass. And was probably mentioned - prayers for him and for the family- at the time that he had recently passed away. During one month we have a book where we write the names of our departed loved ones, and their names are read during the daily Masses.

What I would guess was she wanted it done at a Sunday Mass, it has been some time since her father passed, they can’t do that for everyone who would want it done so they refused. But that doesn’t mean there are not ways to have Masses dedicated to him (they write it up in the bulletin when the Mass is in someone’s memory) or that he can’t be mentioned in the way our parish does with the book of names around the time we remember our departed brothers and sisters.

And the other replies here were good on what she’s leaving and going into. They sure won’t say prayers for the dead.

Marcia

 

[1962Missal]

breneriu:

My wife and I have a friend whos father died a year ago.Recently she asked that her father’s name be mentioned at mass.Well they refuse to do it and she became so angered that she says she is leaving the church and is now going to a Baptist church with her husband who is also a catholic.What good reason can I tell her that her church refused to do what she requested?

Thanks
Erick

There may be a reason involving canon law or something why the Church cannot offer a Mass intention for him.

Find out the details and ask in the “ask an apologist” forum.

Justin

 

[Fidelis]

People rarely suddenly leave the Church for such an isolated and (fairly) arbitrary reason. As noted above, under normal circumstances there is no reason why a person cannot not be mentioned at Mass, though not always the Mass of one’s choosing.

I suspect that: a) There is more about this particular episode than what you’ve told us, or b) your friend left the Church for other reasons, either moral or docrinal which have little to do with this particular experience, which either may be the catalyst, or the excuse. If you really want to help her, try to find out more.

 

[puzzleannie]

there are about 275 daily Masses (if no Saturday Mass) and from 50 to about 200 Sunday Masses each year and one Mass each Sunday must be offered for the intentions of the people of the parish. that leaves from 400-500 Masses which can be offered for other intentions, usually for deceased of the parish, or of families of parishioners at their request. Sometimes a nominal donation is accepted and if it is the priest is bound to say the Mass promised for that intention. We had about 100 funerals last year, and most families ask for a Mass to be said a year later on the anniversary of the death, so that leaves about 300 Masses which others can request for their deceased loved one. Priests are not supposed to accept donations for multiple intentions for one Mass. Usually the names are not mentioned during the Mass, but should be published in the bulletin or elsewhere. Our parish secretary opens the book for next year at the beginning of December, and it is usually full by the end of January.

There is only one priest in the parish, so there is a limit to how many Masses he can offer for individual intentions.

There are many other ways to request a Mass prayed for your deceased loved on or other intention. There are many orders of missionary priests who willing offer their Masses for intentions of the faithful, and accept donations to further their missionary work. Any Catholic magazine has ads and listings of these orders. A small donation also brings a lovely card or memorial to send the family of the loved one. there are retired priests in your diocese who say Mass every day and would love to pray for your family member.

this person used this incident as an excuse to leave the church, it was not the real reason.