Friend receiving communion without Confession

[BusterMartin]

I’m not sure what to do in this situation. Here’s the short (although still long) version of the story.

I’ve been helping my best friend with rediscovering the Catholic faith. He was raised Catholic but fell away from the Church after high school. He hasn’t gone to Mass basically for 10+ years, but over the last few months he has been going back. Initially, he wasn’t receiving Communion while at Mass because he wasn’t sure of his belief in the sacrament. I explained that was good since he also needs to go to Confession prior to receiving Communion since it’s been so long since his last Mass (and because of other discussions we’ve had about other choices made).

He asked if I wanted to go to Mass together tonight, so he, my wife, and I went to Mass together, and he received Communion. After Mass, I talked to him about this, and he informed me he still hasn’t gone to Confession. He said he wants to go but hasn’t been able to match up his schedule. I explained the urgency of going before receiving Communion again (and why), but he still said that he’s going to receive Communion regardless because he’s prayed about being sorry and he plans on going to Confession as soon as he can. He also doesn’t want to discuss it any further.

I did tell him to call a local parish because most will set up Confession based on your schedule if needed, but based on our conversation it’s uncertain if he’ll do that or not. So, here’s my question: If he asks me again to go to Mass with me, what should I say? I don’t want to be the reason to send him away from the Church by saying no, but at the same time I also don’t want to help him receive the Eucharist unworthily. Any thoughts?

Thanks for the help!

 

[ConstantineTG]

It is acceptable to make an act of perfect contrition before receiving Communion but those who do are urged to go to confession ASAP. Perhaps that trust that what he prayed for is such an act and continue urging him to seek confession ASAP. It will be very difficult not having gone to confession for quite a long time. Be encouraging and be careful not to sound critical.

 

[corsair]

And if he dies before he gets to Confession, he has committed a sacrilige on top of his sins. Not good advise. He needs to go to confession ASAP.

 

[streetpreacher]

Try this. Ask him to go to a partial confession., as in, he tells the priest that he’s just going to confess a few recent sins, and then do the full one later. Urge him to at least do this before partaking of the sacrament again, not that it would put him in perfect accord with it, should he do it only in that manner, but it’s worth a try here, and read along my logic:. What you’ll find is, he’ll most likely spill his guts for all of it, and that’s what is holding him back from going now, out of embarrassment due to the long time away from it.

Another piece of advice, these guys are trained pro’s at this, not just to simply listen, but to offer empathetic advice when needed. They are spiritual counselors, and discussion about sin, any sin the parishioner is struggling with, or has struggled with, he will offer good advice"chances are high, the priest has a big list of sin’s he’s wrestling with in his life as well". I’ve also found Priests will shine in this area that may not necessarily shine in others. Also above all, tell your friend he won’t feel out of place, embarrassed, or uncomfortable once he starts. People climb to the dentists chair without as much trepidation as they do the confessional, and personally, I’d think the pain one endures while getting your teeth worked on far exceeds the confessional…

 

[Totterman]

Jesus,our Lords peace be with You.
Dear friend,it is not up to You,even if it is right,to force someone to confess,he/she might have done a lot of sins,and are because of that in a state where he/she can’t recieve Communion. There are,however things that is between God and just one person and I think we should let God take care of this one. In a way we are all forgiven even without a Confession thanks to God’s wonderfull love,heaven is not only for catholics but for all who love Jesus with all our heart and soul.
I am sure he/she will go to Confession when the time is right,waiting for that,pray with him/her,and for,and don’t worrie,You are not doing anything wrong,if You feel bad You can off course Confess,but that wont help Your friend. I am anyway sure that all will end good,thank’s to God’s love,and forgivness,and who knows,maybe God has forgive him/her when he/her has been praying,it would not be the first time,believe me,I know when God forgive You,the peace of mind and soul is so clear that You know.

 

[cjforJesus]

Jesus,our Lords peace be with You.
Dear friend,it is not up to You,even if it is right,to force someone to confess,he/she might have done a lot of sins,and are because of that in a state where he/she can’t recieve Communion. There are,however things that is between God and just one person and I think we should let God take care of this one. In a way we are all forgiven even without a Confession thanks to God’s wonderfull love,heaven is not only for catholics but for all who love Jesus with all our heart and soul.
I am sure he/she will go to Confession when the time is right,waiting for that,pray with him/her,and for,and don’t worrie,You are not doing anything wrong,if You feel bad You can off course Confess,but that wont help Your friend. I am anyway sure that all will end good,thank’s to God’s love,and forgivness,and who knows,maybe God has forgive him/her when he/her has been praying,it would not be the first time,believe me,I know when God forgive You,the peace of mind and soul is so clear that You know.

This is very good advice.We cannot judge the state of another person’s soul.That is up to God.

 

[Joan_M]

ConstantineTG;7218764**:

It is acceptable to make an act of perfect contrition before receiving Communion but those who do are urged to go to confession ASAP

. Perhaps that trust that what he prayed for is such an act and continue urging him to seek confession ASAP. It will be very difficult not having gone to confession for quite a long time. Be encouraging and be careful not to sound critical.

This applies ONLY to priests who must celebrate Mass and have not been able to get to confession. NOT to us, the laity, since the priest must consume both the Body and the Blood of Christ at each Mass, but we have no obligation to receive Holy Communion except once per year.

 

[laszlo]

The perfect contrition is perfect if we love God so much, that we do not sin any more. Quite rare, mostly only in deathbed. Meditate of the fact that if one love’s one’s spouse truly, one does not cheat on one’s spouse.

Partial confession is invalid. One must confess all the grave sins, what one remembers.

 

[BusterMartin]

This is very good advice.We cannot judge the state of another person’s soul.That is up to God.

I agree we can’t judge another’s soul. However, I’m not judging his soul. He, himself, has said he has about 15 years of mortal sins to confess. So, I’m just going off of what he has said (plus, I’ve been well informed about the sins over the years). Knowing even he admits to so many mortal sins, I really feel he should be going to Confession before receiving Communion again.

I do appreciate everyone’s feedback on this, but I guess I should clarify my question. I’m actually wondering what to do if he asks to go to Mass with me again. Should I say yes? Should I say no? Should I ask him about his Confession status and say yes or no based on that? Should I just till him he may go along with me as long as he treats the reception of the Eucharist properly? How should I answer the “May I go to Mass with you?” question? Thanks!

 

[GwenL]

It is acceptable to make an act of perfect contrition before receiving Communion but those who do are urged to go to confession ASAP. Perhaps that trust that what he prayed for is such an act and continue urging him to seek confession ASAP. It will be very difficult not having gone to confession for quite a long time. Be encouraging and be careful not to sound critical.

What is your reference for this statement?

Here is the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

1385 To respond to this invitation we must prepare ourselves for so great and so holy a moment. St. Paul urges us to examine our conscience: “Whoever, therefore, eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of profaning the body and blood of the Lord. Let a man examine himself, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For any one who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment upon himself.” Anyone conscious of a grave sin must receive the sacrament of Reconciliation before coming to communion.

1415 Anyone who desires to receive Christ in Eucharistic communion must be in the state of grace. Anyone aware of having sinned mortally must not receive communion without having received absolution in the sacrament of penance.

Please share with us what Church teaching tells us that we can receive Holy Communion while being aware of mortal sins, without first receiving the sacrament of Reconciliation. Personally, I’ll stick with the Catechism.

The OP has not judged the state of his friend’s soul. His friend has announced the state of his soul–he is in mortal sin. In my opinion, the OP owes it to his friend to be aware of the teachings of the Church for 2000 years. If you receive in a state of mortal sin, you bring judgement upon yourself. Once you tell him that, you’ve done your part.

I would say: encourage him with your own good witness–you might try leading by example. If he asks you to go to Mass with him, tell him that you are going on Saturday, but will go early because you will go to confession first. (I’m assuming that your parish, like most, has confession prior to Saturday vigil Mass).

 

[lutherlic]

Try this. Ask him to go to a partial confession., as in, he tells the priest that he’s just going to confess a few recent sins, and then do the full one later. Urge him to at least do this before partaking of the sacrament again, not that it would put him in perfect accord with it, should he do it only in that manner, but it’s worth a try here, and read along my logic:. What you’ll find is, he’ll most likely spill his guts for all of it, and that’s what is holding him back from going now, out of embarrassment due to the long time away from it.

Another piece of advice, these guys are trained pro’s at this, not just to simply listen, but to offer empathetic advice when needed. They are spiritual counselors, and discussion about sin, any sin the parishioner is struggling with, or has struggled with, he will offer good advice"chances are high, the priest has a big list of sin’s he’s wrestling with in his life as well". I’ve also found Priests will shine in this area that may not necessarily shine in others. Also above all, tell your friend he won’t feel out of place, embarrassed, or uncomfortable once he starts. People climb to the dentists chair without as much trepidation as they do the confessional, and personally, I’d think the pain one endures while getting your teeth worked on far exceeds the confessional…

This seems problematic. If he actually thought there was such a thing as a “partial confession”, did not tell the priest, and did not confess all the sins he was aware of, then he might wrongly think he was in a state of grace. Also, the guy really should be given honest advice.

A better idea might be just to urge him to “informally meet with a priest” to discuss his situation. The priest can take it from there as you point out.

 

[streetpreacher]

This seems problematic. If he actually thought there was such a thing as a “partial confession”, did not tell the priest, and did not confess all the sins he was aware of, then he might wrongly think he was in a state of grace. Also, the guy really should be given honest advice.

A better idea might be just to urge him to “informally meet with a priest” to discuss his situation. The priest can take it from there as you point out.

If he tells the priest, it’s only a partial confession, there will not be a problem, nor will he be told by the priest that after wards, he’s in a state of grace. It’s the intent that matters, all that is necessary for most people is to get into the confessional, it’s natural for them to desire for a full and complete confession once they begin.

 

[GKCT]

You should certainly allow him to attend Mass with you. You are not his judge and jury. Yes, he should go to confession, we both know that. Even a good, great, sorrowful Act of Contrition does not remove mortal sin, but it does allow one to receive Holy Communion as long as the person vows to receive the sacrament of reconcilation within a reasonable amount of time, usually considered one week. Otherwise he is just compounding sin upon sin.
Most priests will let you make an appointment to hear confession. Then you don´t have to worry about time and taking too long. A priest has heard everything and will not be shocked to hear your friend´s confession.
But please don`t tell him not to come with you. You can only pray for him.

 

[ChrisCrop]

nope, one MUST attend the sacrament of reconciliaton BEFORE receiving the eucharist. (if they are in a state of grave/mortal sin)
Fact .

 

[GwenL]

You should certainly allow him to attend Mass with you. You are not his judge and jury. Yes, he should go to confession, we both know that. Even a good, great, sorrowful Act of Contrition does not remove mortal sin, but it does allow one to receive Holy Communion as long as the person vows to receive the sacrament of reconcilation within a reasonable amount of time, usually considered one week. Otherwise he is just compounding sin upon sin.
Most priests will let you make an appointment to hear confession. Then you don´t have to worry about time and taking too long. A priest has heard everything and will not be shocked to hear your friend´s confession.
But please don`t tell him not to come with you. You can only pray for him.

Where is your reference for this statement–that you can receive Holy Communion while in a state of mortal sin, as long as you vow to receive the sacrament of reconciliation later? The catechism says the opposite.

 

[GwenL]

I think that people are bady misunderstanding, and misrepresenting, this canon of the Church.

Can. 916 A person who is conscious of grave sin is not to celebrate Mass or receive the body of the Lord without previous sacramental confession unless there is a grave reason and there is no opportunity to confess; in this case the person is to remember the obligation to make an act of perfect contrition which includes the resolution of confessing as soon as possible.

To receive Holy Communion while in a state of mortal sin, without receiving the sacrament of confession, requires two elements be met:

1. There must be a grave reason.
2. there must be no opportunity to confess

Inconvenience is not “no opportunity to confess.” Schedules don’t match is not “no opportunity to confess.” Wants to receive communion after coming back to the Church is not a “grave reason”

Colin Donovan on EWTN talked about this a few weeks ago on his call-in show. He came up with some examples that meet both elements. Being in a POW camp. Being a priest, in mortal sin, with no other priest available to confess to, and needing to offer Mass to the faithful. Being near death. Being a Christian in a foreign country where the only Christian minister available is a Catholic priest.

Colin emphasized the need to meet both elements. Neither are met in the case of the OP, unless he has left out major parts of the story.

 

[ConstantineTG]

This applies ONLY to priests who must celebrate Mass and have not been able to get to confession. NOT to us, the laity, since the priest must consume both the Body and the Blood of Christ at each Mass, but we have no obligation to receive Holy Communion except once per year.

Canon 916 is not limited only to priests

 

[ConstantineTG]

Inconvenience is not “no opportunity to confess.” Schedules don’t match is not “no opportunity to confess.” Wants to receive communion after coming back to the Church is not a “grave reason”

You might also be misinterpreting what the person is saying. Maybe inconvenience means, “confession is only offered on weekdays and I have to miss work to go to confession.”

 

[GwenL]

You might also be misinterpreting what the person is saying. Maybe inconvenience means, “confession is only offered on weekdays and I have to miss work to go to confession.”

No, this is not what it means. You inserted the word “inconvenience.” That is not what canon law says. It says, as I posted, “no opportunity to confess.” “no opportunity to confess” does not mean “inconvenience.” It means “no opportunity to confess.”

Additionally, two elements are required–both of them. There must also be a grave reason. There must be no opportunity to confess.

Missing work does not equal both a grave reason and no opportunity to confess.

I did not interpret what the person is saying. I was quoting canon law.

Here is a quote from Colin Donovan, EWTN’s canon lawyer, regarding Canon 916:

“…the laity would almost never be able to take advantage of this, as our opportunities for confession are extensive and the obligation to receive Communion generally not present. Of course, it is a blessing to know that if we face death without the physical possibility of confessing, that our perfect sorrow is sufficient.”

Note how he said “facing death,” NOT “facing work.”

 

[BusterMartin]

You might also be misinterpreting what the person is saying. Maybe inconvenience means, “confession is only offered on weekdays and I have to miss work to go to confession.”

No, I know his schedule. He could find time if he really wanted to. And, even if he couldn’t before, he could now that he knows he can call for appointments. I even gave him a suggestion as to a parish that offers scheduled confessions.