Friend - should I say something?

[Cupcake143]

So, I became friends with this girl who I met through another friend. We’ve been going out a lot together now on the weekends mostly, but have gotten close. She’s a really sweet girl, but she gets way too drunk when we go out. It’s very annoying, especially at the end of the night because she acts like a kid. I’m always sober too, so it’s not so fun for me. Anyway, don’t want to get too much into detail, but last night my best friend came out and she met this friend of mine for the first time. She liked her at first meeting, but as the night went on not so much. My best friend’s cousin came too and she even told me ‘don’t hang out with her, she’s bad news.’ I think a lot of reason was also because she takes advantage of people when it comes to money and she doesn’t seem to pay her fair share. Some kind of issue happened with the bill, And my best friend had to pay extra because the waitress said Bill was still short. My friend was trying to say my best friend and her cousin and other friend didn’t pay, but they did because I saw them put down cash. They all thought my friend was the one who didn’t pay, and I think so too. She pulls shady stuff when it comes to money… She even one time didn’t want to pay at a buffet we went to in the casino.

My concern though, is that my best friend mentioned something about a hangover to my friend and she said she doesn’t get hangovers, because she takes adderall. She has told me she takes adderall before. I don’t think she needs it though, but takes it because of this reason. My best friend told me she thinks she does cocaine too, because she knew someone in college who acted that way. She gets really sloppy drunk, and honestly she doesn’t even drink that much. It might just get to her real fast, but I still think it’s crazy how drunk she gets. I googled adderall and mixing it with alcohol, and it’s dangerous and so bad for the body. Should I say something to her about or no?

 

[Lou2U]

Why not? Ask her if she takes it when drinking, and let her know that it’s dangerous. It’s up to her what she does with the information, but at least you’ll have told her.

Lou

 

[Convert1]

IMHO, there are way too many unhealthy dynamics going on here. It’s not just your friend mixing drugs and alcohol (which is extremely dangerous) but her overall destructive behavior is scary in itself. You should set some very definite boundaries with her, as far as your friendship goes. A couple I can think of:
*Limiting her alcohol intake when you are out (if she cannot do that she needs help)
*Paying her own way and splitting everything fairly when it comes to money, out of simple courtesy
*Ceasing to expect you to be her “babysitter”. She’s an adult. She should be responsible.

You should have a very honest conversation with her if you wish to continue the relationship. Otherwise you are enabling this behavior and allowing her to take advantage.

God Bless you, and good luck!

 

[Exiled_Child]

She sounds like bad news. Trust your instincts, because poisonous people can poison your heart and your life.

Helping people who are having a hard time in their life is one thing, but risking someone subtly changing you is quite another.

 

[Catholic1954]

It wouldn’t hurt to bring it up, but don’t expect a favorable reaction from her. It sounds like she has problems and issues you didn’t cause and you can’t fix. Your other two friends are right; this girl is bad news and you should not be going to places with her where she drinks so much that she ruins everyone else’s good time.

 

[angell1]

if you’re not comfortable, I would talk to her about it.

I don’t like dropping friendships completely but yes, boundaries. you don’t want to get yourself influenced by bad behaviour. anf you may be a positive influence for her in the long run.

that being said, I think maybe you guys might need to stick to activities that don’t involve alcohol when you hang out, especially if she can’t control herself.

 

[Irishmom2]

if you’re not comfortable, I would talk to her about it.

I don’t like dropping friendships completely but yes, boundaries. you don’t want to get yourself influenced by bad behaviour. anf you may be a positive influence for her in the long run.

that being said, I think maybe you guys might need to stick to activities that don’t involve alcohol when you hang out, especially if she can’t control herself.

Yes, see if she is interested in doing things that don’t involve alcohol. And also see if when not drinking, she pays her way. If it is still a problem, or she only wants to go out to drink, then I would limit my time with her. No one wants to babysit a friend like that. If she asks why you don’t want to hang out anymore, tell her honestly, but tactfully.

 

[Cupcake143]

Thank you all for the responses, they were all great advice. I feel better now about bringing it up, because I wasn’t sure if I should or not. i just don’t like going out with her like that anymore because she does ruin the night, and I always feel like a babysitter. I feel bad, she told me she had lost her mother 4 years ago, and is a reason why she drinks like that. But, I don’t know if that’s really true or not to be honest. She loves to party.

Also, she rarely likes to do anything else besides go out on the weekend and drink. Whenever I ask to dinner or lunch she does not want to.

 

[Irishmom2]

If you do end up talking to her, you might want to work into the conversation grief counseling for her to help her instead of drinking. She will probably deny she has a problem at all, but at least you put the idea in her mind.

 

[Cupcake143]

Whenever she wants to take uber, I do it from my phone and get charged going there and leaving to take uber on Saturday night is always higher. She never gives me any money for it. We only take uber usually when we go to a certain city. But, I deleted my uber app because it’s just not fair and it’s too much money at the end of a Saturday night.

 

[Irishmom2]

Is it possible she is friends with you because she knows she can take advantage of you and you never say anything?

 

[Sunbreak]

I think you should say something to her. It does not seem like a healthy friendship. A friend doesn’t leave you holding the bill or expect you to pay all the cost of transportation that you both are taking.

 

[Cupcake143]

Is it possible she is friends with you because she knows she can take advantage of you and you never say anything?

I definitely think she takes advantage of me when it comes to driving, because I always pick her up, and also with money for sure. But, I do think she has fun with me and she did tell me she trusts me and tell me more than her other friends.

 

[heidi_storage]

I definitely think she takes advantage of me when it comes to driving, because I always pick her up, and also with money for sure. But, I do think she has fun with me and she did tell me she trusts me and tell me more than her other friends.

This girl is not your friend, even if ehe “trusts” you and “tells you more” than your other friends. You sound young, so it would be an excellent thing to learn–now–how to put your foot down. When your acquaintance asks you to do something that makes you uncomfortable, say no. When it comes to money matters, never put yourself in a situation where you can be taken advantage of–for instance, the Uber thing. My guess is that this person won’t want to hang out with you as often if she cannot leech off you.

Finally, be aware that drugs and alcohol could lead to some sticky problems, including legal problems. Do you want to be around if she gets arrested for public drunkenness and then is found to be positive for other substances? Do you want to be involved if there’s a shady sexual encounter? No, you don’t. Furthermore, it is no kindness to this person to keep going along with her destructive tendencies.

Speak up if you wish. Maybe it’ll lead to her taking serious stock of herself and choosing better ways. Be prepared for this not to be the case, though, and start firmly erecting boundaries for when and how you will hang around this girl. Remember: This is not you being “mean.” It is you exercising good judgment, which is to everyone’s benefit.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

So, I became friends with this girl who I met through another friend. We’ve been going out a lot together now on the weekends mostly, but have gotten close. She’s a really sweet girl, but she gets way too drunk when we go out. It’s very annoying, especially at the end of the night because she acts like a kid. I’m always sober too, so it’s not so fun for me. Anyway, don’t want to get too much into detail, but last night my best friend came out and she met this friend of mine for the first time. She liked her at first meeting, but as the night went on not so much. My best friend’s cousin came too and she even told me ‘don’t hang out with her, she’s bad news.’ I think a lot of reason was also because she takes advantage of people when it comes to money and she doesn’t seem to pay her fair share. Some kind of issue happened with the bill, And my best friend had to pay extra because the waitress said Bill was still short. My friend was trying to say my best friend and her cousin and other friend didn’t pay, but they did because I saw them put down cash. They all thought my friend was the one who didn’t pay, and I think so too. She pulls shady stuff when it comes to money… She even one time didn’t want to pay at a buffet we went to in the casino.

My concern though, is that my best friend mentioned something about a hangover to my friend and she said she doesn’t get hangovers, because she takes adderall. She has told me she takes adderall before. I don’t think she needs it though, but takes it because of this reason. My best friend told me she thinks she does cocaine too, because she knew someone in college who acted that way. She gets really sloppy drunk, and honestly she doesn’t even drink that much. It might just get to her real fast, but I still think it’s crazy how drunk she gets. I googled adderall and mixing it with alcohol, and it’s dangerous and so bad for the body. Should I say something to her about or no?

Why do you surround yourself with these types of people and situations?

 

[Cupcake143]

Why do you surround yourself with these types of people and situations?

Mostly because I want to go out on the weekends, because I don’t like sitting home and I want to meet someone (guy). It’s usually when we go out on the weekend when I meet guys, and my best friend hasn’t been wanting to do anything for a long time. She’s starting to now, and she likes to do dinners, maybe lounges. She’s definitely nothing like this other friend. I just at one point felt desperate for friends to go out with. I won’t go anywhere though that I don’t feel comfortable with, but she is veryy persistent when she wants to do something that I don’t. I don’t like that.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Mostly because I want to go out on the weekends, because I don’t like sitting home and I want to meet someone (guy). It’s usually when we go out on the weekend when I meet guys, and my best friend hasn’t been wanting to do anything for a long time. She’s starting to now, and she likes to do dinners, maybe lounges. She’s definitely nothing like this other friend. I just at one point felt desperate for friends to go out with. I won’t go anywhere though that I don’t feel comfortable with, but she is veryy persistent when she wants to do something that I don’t. I don’t like that.

So you want to meet guys in this situation?

Ooooookaaaaayyy.

Well sounds like you actually like the drama.

Perhaps you could try to lead your “friends” to a more holy life.

Perhaps you need to reevaluate responsible decision making. That would probably attract a better type of guy for you rather than one who sees who you are currently running around town with.

 

[Lou2U]

Mostly because I want to go out on the weekends, because I don’t like sitting home and I want to meet someone (guy). It’s usually when we go out on the weekend when I meet guys, and my best friend hasn’t been wanting to do anything for a long time. She’s starting to now, and she likes to do dinners, maybe lounges. She’s definitely nothing like this other friend. I just at one point felt desperate for friends to go out with. I won’t go anywhere though that I don’t feel comfortable with, but she is veryy persistent when she wants to do something that I don’t. I don’t like that.

I agree with Hoosier Daddy - it isn’t a good idea to look for a relationship when drugs and alcohol are around.

If you don’t want to go somewhere, but your friend persists, she is not being a good friend. She isn’t respecting your opinions and isn’t listening to you. It sounds like she just wants to go out and get drunk rather than be a friend. You cannot have a good relationship when one person only wants to benefit from your money and time. I used to have a friend like yours, but we drifted apart because she went down the “drinking and drugs” route, and I refused to follow. I am concerned for her health, but I know there was absolutely nothing I could have said to her to stop or change her behaviour.

I really advise you to take a step back from this friendship - it’s very one sided, and you aren’t getting anything in return.

Lou