Friend with "dark" beliefs?

[Emilamb]

Couldn’t figure out where to post this, but this seems like the best place. Sorry if I messed up.

For the record, I’m in my late 20s and am an artist. So I’m young, stupid, and have a flowery imagination, but fortunately I’m not quite as sheltered as when I was a teenager. Please forgive me if there’s a very simple solution to my problem which I’m not considering due to a lack of life experience.

I have a close friend who believes in Heaven and Hell, but believes the latter is the right way to go. She believes in demons and darkness, saying that those sort of forces bring true freedom and power, and she often complains that God wants people to submit to an order which might not be best for everyone.

Despite all of that, I love this friend very much (not romantic, but as a person in general), and have the utmost faith in her. I think she has a lot of potential, that there’s a lot she could give the world if somebody gave her a chance and a loving, listening ear.

She’s had a horrible life and suffered all kinds of abuse, and while I disagree with her beliefs, I can definitely see how she might have reached a conclusion based in logic that God isn’t there, for otherwise she would have been rescued much sooner.

In other words, i truly believe that my friend is a victim of circumstance, nothing more. She’s the sort of person who’s truly in danger of slipping through the cracks without someone to pull her out of it, and who knows what she could become with proper love.

The problem is that I’ve been working with her for years on this, trying to show her that God’s always been there for her, loving her, ready for her to turn and greet the light of day. It never seems to work - I only meet with rejection. Others have tried to take her to churches and things like that, but after being abused at the hands of people who professed to be religious, she simply doesn’t trust such places not to hurt her.

I pray every day, trying to listen to what God wants me to do in my life and hers, looking for signs of the right course to take.

Recently, I’ve been questioning if it’s right for me to even be trying to do this. Who am I to try and be someone’s healer, someone’s “guardian angel”? Yet I fear that if I do not try, nobody else will bother, since pretty much everyone other than me has given up. She tends to turn inward, angrily yelling at and turning away anyone who tries to become too close of a friend, and she only trusts me because I’ve endured many such episodes.

Sometimes the lectures she gives me against God, and the unfair-seeming things about the world that she gets upset about, make me question my own faith. This bothers me a great deal - I do not feel that it is right for me to continue listening to these words that twist me into doubting myself, but I also refuse to believe for even a second that it’s right to let go and abandon someone in need.

What’s the right thing to do? How can I know what God wishes of me? For all I know, there’s a passage of scripture for a situation just like this, which I’ve been blind to in my worrying.

 

[josephdaniel29]

All you can do is love her and witness to her through your actions, not your words alone. Nothing you can say or do will change her mind. You have no control over what another person thinks or feels so don’t beat yourself up over it.

If you continue to love her and demonstrate selfless love for your neighbor then if/when she becomes ready you will be there.

In Christ
Joe

 

[Emilamb]

Thank you for the advice. More than anything, I think I just needed to hear it from someone outside the situation.

The hardest thing is trying not to beat myself up that the wounds aren’t healing sooner. I didn’t even consciously realize I was punishing myself, but you’re right, I kinda am. Every day that things don’t seem better, I say “Blast it, I must have failed somehow!”

But it’s not like that, is it? It’s not in my hands, and the best thing I can do is be there.

Again, thanks.

 

[Garyjohn2]

It think its really good of you to care so much for your friend in this way. Take care however not to let it get to you when she lectures you…you don’t want to be negatively influenced. I agree with the previous poster that said not to bear the burden yourself though…its mostly between your friend and God I’d say. It’s great if God wants to use you, and I can tell you are willing to let Him, but don’t worry too much.

I think the best and most powerful way you can help (and have been helping) your friend is through your prayers. Keep that up, and don’t worry about a thing.

 

[josephdaniel29]

The hardest thing is trying not to beat myself up that the wounds aren’t healing sooner.

The wounds may never heal. The impetus is on her to open herself up to God’s love and allow Him to heal her. All of her problems are based in self-centered fear. That is why she doesn’t open herself up to God or to other people. I will say you may be surprised how people change in time. God implants the longing for Himself in every human heart, there are no exceptions to this.

I am a recovering alcoholic and I have seen firsthand the miraculous changes God makes in human hearts once they get over that fear and begin to genuinely trust Him. I also know, as I said before, that you cannot force someone to get over that fear. All you can do is be there for them if and when it happens.

Be there for her, demonstrate unselfish love and you will be doing God’s will.

In Christ,
Joe

 

[KathySFSD]

Is she only a victim or circumstance, or could she be the victim of spiritual attack? The dark forces do not need much encouragement. If she has explored that stuff she may have opened the door to something that needs more that a loving friend who sets a good Christian example. Any one but me think that spiritual warfare might be necessary?

God Bless you!
Kathy

 

[vera_dicere]

Pray for her in the privacy of your home. Pray off any spiritual attacks she may be victim too. Bind any spirits and break the spiritual links between her and these “beleifs”.

I have a friend and she used to be deep into the occult. Tarot, “ancestor contact” through ouija et cetera. She had some Christian beleifs intermingled into that mess, and so I prayed for her, bound the spirits that existed about her, and lived an example of a good christian life with its spirituality. It’s taken 7 years, but she’s out of it now. I had to get a lot of people praying for her. It wasn’t easy. But this sort of spiritual battle never is. Those demon mutts don’t want to let people go.

God isn’t trying to prevent us having fun by denying us a play in the world of demons and spirits. He’s protecting us. People can get into a heck of a big mess if they go down the occult path.

So yeah, pray, and maybe get your parish priest to say a Mass for your friend, or see if there’s any prayer warriors at your local church. And be careful, regarding my friend, another Christian girl who was also in our circle of chums ended up getting very curious about the occult and fell into it big time, even deeper than the orginial friend, we’re still trying to get her out of it.

 

[Holly3278]

She sounds like a Satanist to me. If I were you, I’d pray very hard for her conversion and also pray very hard for your protection and hers. With those kinds of beliefs, she could easily end up with demonic problems such as possession if she doesn’t already have them.

 

[kenofken]

She doesn’t need exorcisms or “prayer warriors” or any other over the top lunacy. She’s had quite enough of that in her life, from the sounds of it. It’s a confused young person with legitimate unanswered (perhaps unaswerable) gripes about a supposedly all-loving and all-seeing God who seems to have let her down. It’s perfectly reasonable, if misguided, to supposed that the other side might be running the show and that they drive a more honest bargain, if not a sympathetic one. She needs to experience love and trust by example, for a long long time before she will come around.

 

[excubitor]

I think the advice given here is nuts. I would have nothing to do with her except for friendly hellos and goodbyes as you pass in the street. What fellowship hath Christ with Belial?You will witness more of the truth to her by severing contact and explaining the reason than you will by giving tacit acceptance to her life by being all friendly.

Find some Catholic friends who are going to build up your faith. You have your own salvation to think of. I think this is a terribly dangerous situation and I would be running as fast away from the situation as possible.

I might be wrong so if you have continuing doubts go and discuss it with a nice traditional hard line priest who understands about Satanism.

Keep praying for her by all means but I think personal contact with her is highly dangerous and may in time ruin your faith.

Wait until she comes to you for advice on Catholicism and then refer her to a priest or a mature layman of the church. It could well be that it is actually Satan trying to recruit you through her.

 

[Emilamb]

Just wanted to thank everyone so much for sharing their feelings on the subject. Everything here surely took a considerable amount of time, love, and effort to write, and I’m so grateful! I was hoping for (name removed by moderator)ut on the subject, and frankly, I’m overwhelmed by the amount of support. Thank you!

Much of this also mirrors the debates I’ve had with myself on the subject. There’s value to every view here, and it’s hard to know which one is right. I felt like no matter who I asked, I’d probably get a different opinion every time. Made sense to ask on a forum where many people could respond, so that I could hear all of them at once.

The thing about my friend is that I’m pretty sure she craves God’s love, truly and completely. She’s just scared, like a turtle receding into its shell after running into too many threats at once. In fact, she occasionally confides in me that she wishes she didn’t “have to” look at the things she does, but feels as if there’s no other option.

To me, it’s on the level of someone deeply in love yelling “I hate you!” during a lovers’ quarrel. It’s surely a sin, and one that must be answered to and learned from, but it can’t be forgotten that everyone involved truly just wants to be happy and loved. Things usually get better, too.

When I think about it, I guess the root question I have is this: If I feel deeply called to love someone selflessly, to take care of them in their hour of need, should I heed that urge even if they’re looking at things I might find distasteful or risky?

To me, it feels like there’s no answer other than “Yes! Of course God would want me to love, that’s what God’s all about!” However, I’m about as fallible as they come, and could be misled. So, I figured I’d ask everyone’s feelings here.

I think I’m going to take a middle route - I’ll be careful, and ask someone with authority what they think about it. However, I’ll keep loving my friend just the same.

 

[AndyF]

Emilamb:

OT tradition usually recommends avoidance of these people if they do not respond to direction. I also think there wasn’t a clear cut understanding of the psychological implications of a badly influenced life. But since you care about her then perhaps you can help.

Have you tried sacrifice and charity on her behalf? This you can do and follow up by a special prayer of offering such has is found in the old testament. Your state will need to be in the best position to make the offering, that is in a state of friendship with God. On her own she will need to advance in Faith all the same, but this endeavor on your part will establish your concern and determination and you will become her silent intercessor until she can gain positive results. Appeal to the saints on her behalf. St. Augustine’s mother prayed for her obstinate husband for decades before he started to show positive gains. Perhaps she can help. I forget her saintly name, perhaps others would remember.

In closing, prayer, avoidance of the occasions of sins,confession and the receipt of the sacraments will bring on positive results. She will need the initial grace of the benefit of the doubt and to be persistent. Those who have become distant through sin will experience a dryness initially which could last a long time. Even the saints have experienced this.

Avoid confrontations. State the truth or say you don’t know if you don’t. Don’t get pulled into argument. Recommend she see a priest or spiritual adviser. But it will still call for her to remain optimistic and hopeful. She will need to stay uninfluenced by the negative experience of life around her and know that forces would like to throw her off. Tell her to leave everything to God and to ask him what he wants her to do.

AndyF