Friend with terrible husband

[OKComputer]

Many years ago I encouraged a woman to leave her abusive husband. I was Catholic back then too, but I feel no guilt over it. She could have died.

 

[whatistrue]

to push back with love, and set up loving limits

It would be really nice if that were workable, but how is a husband who doesn’t care about his marriage vows, is emotionally abusive, and keeps control of all the money likely to react to any sort of pushback or attempt to limit his perceived power, no matter how loving it is? People like that rarely accept any views other than their own and often react violently to what they perceive as an attack on their power.

 

[katpants]

She will get to a point she just leaves. I did. I couldn’t deal with the abuse anymore so one afternoon I just went to the women’s shelter. I stayed there two months and have been on my own ever since.

She needs ALL the support of her friends she can get.

Find shelter information for her, etc. She needs all the personal papers with her and her children as well, and pack a month of medication too.

I don’t regret it one bit. I’m in a better mental place nowadays.

Kat

 

[VeryBlessed]

I think you’re right, the abuser will probably get mad if the status quo he likes is interfered with. We just don’t know if the abuse has been (or will be) physical. If there’s a serious threat of physical abuse, then one of those loving limits is to very clearly promise that legal authorities will be called in if any such thing happens.

I’ve seen it happen where the abused gets stronger and it prompts the abuser to initiate the leaving. And rarely, but sometimes, the abuser changes.

It never ceases to amaze me that these men are able to find spouses. I wonder if longer engagements can help prevent this for some, although, these people are often good at hiding their faults. It’s heartbreaking.