Friends- age differences

  • Thread starter Thread starter Cupcake143
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

Cupcake143

Guest
Do any of you have a friend who’s much older than you, or a lot younger? There’s this old man who’s an attorney that has taken a liking in me. He would compliment me and tell me I was beautiful, and that he thought highly of me. I thought that was very nice of him to say, however, now it seems a bit weird. He emails me, and he wanted to take me to dinner one night. I don’t think he means anything by it …just strictly a friendship. I think he just enjoys my company from when we met. But, he is 80 years old and is married. Anyways, recently he suggested that he take me to supper on Monday and for me to come by his office around 6:30-7pm. The first time he asked me to dinner I asked if he would invite a lady friend of his, who he had told me about before. I didn’t end up going though. I could ask him to tell her to invite her, but I don’t know if I even feel comfortable going out to dinner with an 80 year old man who i don’t know too well. I guess I am not used to having friends this much older than me. plus, I feel it’s weird that he wants to take me to dinner when he has a wife. Maybe lunch but dinner just seems weird to me, even though I don’t think he means anything by it but friendship. i didn’t respond to the email. Do any of you think I am overreacting or is this actually weird to anyone else?
 
I think you’re first instinct is right. Could be innocent, but it’s better to be safe.
 
Cupcake143 said:
Do any of you have a friend who’s much older than you, or a lot younger? There’s this old man who’s an attorney that has taken a liking in me. He would compliment me and tell me I was beautiful, and that he thought highly of me. I thought that was very nice of him to say, however, now it seems a bit weird. He emails me, and he wanted to take me to dinner one night. I don’t think he means anything by it …just strictly a friendship. I think he just enjoys my company from when we met. But, he is 80 years old and is married. Anyways, recently he suggested that he take me to supper on Monday and for me to come by his office around 6:30-7pm. The first time he asked me to dinner I asked if he would invite a lady friend of his, who he had told me about before. I didn’t end up going though. I could ask him to tell her to invite her, but I don’t know if I even feel comfortable going out to dinner with an 80 year old man who i don’t know too well. I guess I am not used to having friends this much older than me. plus, I feel it’s weird that he wants to take me to dinner when he has a wife. Maybe lunch but dinner just seems weird to me, even though I don’t think he means anything by it but friendship. i didn’t respond to the email. Do any of you think I am overreacting or is this actually weird to anyone else?
Click to expand...
You’re not overreacting. You’re just not comfortable here. It’s possible that he is being genuine and not hitting on you, but we can’t read his mind.

Your comfort level is enough reason to not go out to dinner with him by yourself.

Doesn’t mean you can’t still be friends, but okay to have boundaries.
 
So, how should I decline when he asks to take me to dinner or to visit him at the office?
 
On the surface of it,it sounds like an old man trying to regain his youth,
Well , that won’t end well,
tread carefully when walking on a dark floor covered in mousetraps ,
Just an old saying, but seems to fit the situation,
If you can’t avoid the situation, you could say you might go if you take your boyfriend,
 
Dunno…it could be sketchy. Or he could just be a nice old guy who has taken a shine to you. In what context did you meet him?
 
If he had not said “I think you’re beautiful” I would have said he’s just a nice old man with money to burn. We meet lots of those in the Church. But he’s married, isn’t bringing his wife to meet the sweet young woman getting a start in business, and that “compliments” thing makes me think: old fox looking for a young chick.

Pray for him. He still needs to grow up.

Having said that, try to stay open to friendships of all ages. I have friends across a broad spectrum, and some of the older men (even older than me, yes) do flirt, but I know they are harmless and they are just as friendly with most everyone else.

Don’t judge by age, but go with your first impression, and their actual actions. I do feel like this guy has sent out enough signals for you to be wary.

You don’t have to give a huge reason. Just say, no thanks, but it’s so kind of you to offer.
Smile, walk away.
 
If it’s purely a friendship, he won’t mind if go to dinner and bring one or two girlfriends with you.

Friends introduce friends to eachother… And become mutual friends.

I personally would not go alone. If he minds…then there is your answer.

Edited to add…if u have nothing in common with him, you don’t need to be friends with him if prefer not to. Age is irrelevant.
 
mommy_k said:
If it’s purely a friendship, he won’t mind if go to dinner and bring one or two girlfriends with you.

Friends introduce friends to eachother… And become mutual friends.

I personally would not go alone. If he minds…then there is your answer.

Edited to add…if u have nothing in common with him, you don’t need to be friends with him if prefer not to. Age is irrelevant.
Click to expand...
Great advice, but don’t just bring your female friends, … include a few male friends as well. If he acts upset, then there’s your answer.
 
Thank you everyone! I don’t think he would mind if I brought a girl friend with me, but I don’t think any of my girl friends would want to go anyway. I guess i was thinking about his wife too. Even as friends and with an age difference, i think the fact he thinks I’m beautiful and wants to take me to dinner makes me feel uncomfortable. Like the other poster wrote, if he didn’t think I was beautiful I probably would feel better about it. Even at 80, if I was that age and my husband wanted to take a girl out to dinner who he thought was beautiful, I would feel upset I think. I feel bad too because he is nice and I don’t think he means any harm at all because when the first time he asked and I asked him to tell his lady friend to come, he did say she would join. But, I never ended up going. For now, I don’t think I’m going to reply back. I would have liked to have an older friend who I could ask for business advice or just in general, but the fact he has mentioned about my looks a little much makes me feel uncomfortable.
 
This man being married and telling you you’re beautiful and wanting you to go to dinner without his wife present is red flag number 1. The fact that he has another “lady friend” to include in this is red flag number 2. Doesn’t matter if the man is 18 or 88.

A man acting as a mentor or business career advisor will invite you without making compliments that would be considered inappropriate or even sexually harassing in a workplace environment.
 
LOL! Just had to say that! Reminds me of my brother who at 85 is harmless, but you can see the wheels in his eyes go 'round and round! Again I say LOL! They are just “never to old” are they? Stay home, read a good book, watch a good show or just go out with your friends. As I had six brothers I kind of know how they think-even the best of them!😃 Be at peace of thinking the situation is a bit weird, and yes, do pray for him and also his wife. Peace
 
I would never go out with a married man without his wife.
I would just tell him that.
Think how she would feel.

.
 
Cupcake143 said:
He had interviewed me for a job position once.
Click to expand...
Sadly, this is the crrepiest part of the post. You do not befriend people you meet at a job interview. But business boundaries. Unless he gave you the job, and you have daily contact, it is wrong to be friends.

I would just run away UNLESS, he brings his wife to these occasions
 
Anglewannabe said:
Sadly, this is the crrepiest part of the post. You do not befriend people you meet at a job interview. But business boundaries. Unless he gave you the job, and you have daily contact, it is wrong to be friends.
Click to expand...
This is a good point. Standard business etiquette is that when someone interviews you but you do not get the job, the interviewer does not contact you again unless he is seriously looking to fill another position and in that case the discussion should be business-only on the level of a second interview - no “you’re so pretty” stuff because that’s generally verboten in an interview.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top