Friends and Money

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JLCecilia

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Alright, so I’ve got this sort of ‘work friend.’ We have hung out a couple times outside of work, but for the most part, I prefer just to keep it at work - sometimes my patience is challenged w/ her even then.

We have Outlook at work and we frequently IM each other throughout the day. Well, a couple months ago, she’d IM me every day for nearly a month about her money troubles. I guess she charged her $5k wedding to a credit card where she’s paying 30% int and she was shocked to get a bill one day where the minimum payment was $450.00. She didn’t know what to do, so she had someone come out to appraise her house for a lien on their mortgage. They were denied and when she tried to charge the $300+ appraisal fee to one of her many cards, it was denied. She had to convince her husband to sell their farm truck that he loved for $1k in order to pay off a card or two as well as the appraisal fee. In the course of 2 days, the money was burning a hole in her pocket and as a reward for paying off one of 8 credit cards, she went and charged a $300 patio set to her Home Depot card.

I finally told her that I couldn’t sit idly by and keep my peace - I told her that she basically needed to straighten up. Although my husband’s and my situation is not as dire as hers, things are tight and I told her I simply do not spend what I don’t have. I certainly wouldn’t charge anything and I refuse to finance ever again b/c I am sick of being burdened w/ the extra payment month after month. People don’t realize that when you charge or finance something, you end up paying anywhere from 6% or more extra in finance charges whereas you could save that money and there would be a great deal more pride and appreciation for your purchases if you just save up and pay cash!!

She agreed w/ me and appreciated my honesty, but that lasted for about a week. She has since taken a 2nd job, but instead of paying off her debt which is the whole point of this job, it’s just a means for more stuff and she continues to tell me every Monday about this or that that she has her eye on. She cannot sit still at lunch and driving an SUV and w/ the price of gas, insists on running all over town. She is constantly asking me to run to the cafeteria for a refill and just overall has a slack attitude at work despite her fear of our bosses. I just can’t take it anymore and I don’t know what to do!

At my whits end.
 
Be thankful that she’s only a ‘work’ friend and that her honesty about this issue might prevent you from getting more involved in the friendship.

Take a lesson from her in how NOT to manage your money. She may or may not learn from her mistakes, but you can’t stop her from making them in the meantime.

If you think she is open enough to listen, you could suggest a course in money management offered by Crown Ministries. They offer a 10-week small group study on what Scripture teaches about money and possessions. Here’s the website:

www.crown.org
 
You sound very clever and I think you know what it is you need to do - for both your sakes.
  1. Never offer her any money
  2. Offer her info on money management
  3. Disassociate yourself from her as soon as you can.
    If she is as slack in her work attitude as you say perhaps its best if management doesn’t associate you two as one in the same - it’s your call?
  4. Pray for her and her family
 
She sounds like my co-workers ex-wife! Ex for the same reasons!

This woman honestly thought that money grew on trees, and a credit card could be payed back “someday”… “How can we be overdrawn?? There’s still checks in the checkbook!” :eek:
You sound very clever and I think you know what it is you need to do - for both your sakes.
  1. Never offer her any money
  2. Offer her info on money management
  3. Disassociate yourself from her as soon as you can.
    If she is as slack in her work attitude as you say perhaps its best if management doesn’t associate you two as one in the same - it’s your call?
  4. Pray for her and her family
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I’ll agree with everything here except #3… change “disassociate” to “distance” and I’m good.
 
Well, I think she got the kick in the pants that she needed about her work ethic at least. She showed me an email that she got from our boss basically telling her to stop taking longer than 30 minute lunch breaks and just making up her time and asking off 1/2 days.

I just told her w/ as many times as this has been addressed in our monthly meetings, I just quit leaving for lunch - you’d think getting lectured by your boss would straighten you up, but I guess it takes a personal email rather than addressing us as a group. I have told her before that by the time you get from your desk to your car and back, your lunch is practically over. I have just had to find other ways to do my errands, such as buying my stamps 2 or 3 books at a time from the vending machine at the post office.

I’m hoping that staying in for lunch will mellow her busy-bodiedness as it has for me. Rushing around at lunch just takes it out of you and you just feel flustered and restless the rest of the day. Yes, when we all were called out for abusing our lunch breaks, it hurts your ego and you just throw up your hands and say, ‘well I guess I just won’t take a lunch break at all!’ You know, childish responses like that. But eventually you learn to be still (hopefully).

Like now, I eat my lunch at my desk and just go out in the lobby and crochet -a luxury that my 1yo son doesn’t allow me at home. I’m praying that she won’t despair over this little ego-wound and she’ll learn to make good of it like the rest of us have had to.

Lots of prayers. It sounds like she is behind on her bills and her auto-deducted bills are resulting in overdraft fees which is why she is constanly running all over the place trying to tie up all the loose (fraying) ends. Poor girl.
 
if this was my friend or coworker making these communications at work I would simply tell her that I am finding that personal emails and IMs are taking up too much of my time and from now on I am spending my time at work actually at work, and giving up on personal use of company computers, and suggest she do the same for the sake of our future at this company.

I would also tell her I make it a personal practice not to discuss finances, sex and religion with other people.
 
I agree with what everyone else has said. I would definitely avoid the IM/email thing. I recall that when I was working, they monitored that stuff VERY closely (and internet, too.)
 
Yeah, our IMs are pretty short and few, most of this info I obtain when we go on break. I will be going to confession for this, but I’m open to comments on this one (what am I getting myself into? Sometimes you just need to vent!)

Not long ago, I came across an offer via email for a very valuable piece of staple furniture - for FREE!!! And something that I’ve been wanting for a long time but we never had the money for. I emailed my husband honestly thinking he wouldn’t go for it. Stupid me, I forwarded the email to this person saying what an awesome deal it was. I guess I should have mentioned that I was waiting for my husband’s response on getting the item, but I guess I was so excited I overlooked it. Before either of them responded to my email, and without asking me if I was going for the item or if I minded if she acted on it, she called in and got the item. I was livid for about a day. I got over it and realized that we just didn’t have the space for it in our home and we’d have to haul what we had off to storage and it would just be more work than I was up for.

I honestly thought I was over it, I just didn’t want to see her or talk about it until I cooled off. Well, she confessed to me today that she went and bought some accessories for this item (with the earnings from her 2nd job that’s supposed to go toward credit card debt). However, when she was at the store, she set her bag down and walked off without it. When she went back for it, it had been stolen, receipt in the bag.

I know I am going to have to do some time in the confessional for this one, but I was secretly relishing in this for what transpired before. In retrospect, I feel like God is testing me for purity of heart and I have failed big time.
 
Well, I have come to the conclusion that this co-worker of mine is not really interested in being friends or in my advice, even though she opens the conversation up to it time and time again - maybe I’m just misconstruing things b/c Lord only knows that I love to tell people what to do.

Anyway, a couple days ago, our supervisor laid into her a little bit - which she’s notorious for. All of us have had our moments w/ her, but sometimes you really just have to suck it up and do what she tells you. So this co-worker comes to me and says she’s done, she’s applying for another part-time job to supplement her other part-time job when she quits this one. She says she’s not one to sit around and take this abuse. I’m laughing to myself b/c for someone who has no education, much less a degree, where we work is one of the best places in town to be employed. She’s not as high and mighty as she thinks. And the job she’s going for is in customer service - now tell me you’re not going to have to deal w/ difficult people there!

So she IMs me today and asks if she can use me for a reference. I don’t respond right away b/c I’m on a call, in fact, I turn off my email. So what does she do, but come over to ask me personally which phone # to use, home or work. When she sees I’m on a call, instead of patiently waiting till I have time for her, she writes it on a sticky note and comes back over!

At first I was torn whether or not it was a good idea to let her put my name down, and although I shouldn’t go thru w/ it b/c I’m feeling spiteful, if they call me, I’ll simply be honest about her tardiness issue. She even told me that she put on her resume not to contact her current supervisor and ‘will explain’ for the reason as to why not. I’m thinking, yeah, that’s the way to do it - give your prospective employer the impression that you can’t deal w/ difficult people when you’re going to be dealing w/ the public! Yeah, going in there w/ guns blazing sounds like a brilliant plan!

So this afternoon she started asking me about teller work, guess this place is looking for tellers too. I just told her that when mom worked there, balancing your drawer was a difficult task but it was mandatory and mom had a hard time w/ it. So she responds, ‘did she just not try to make the best of it?’ I had to bite my tongue, the the opportunity presented itself later in the convo where I told her not to get discouraged about what transpired between her and the boss the other day, just like she said, you have to make the best of it. I didn’t say this to her, but the impression I get from her is that the boss told her she wasn’t doing something right and instead of owning up to it and trying to do a better job, she just presumes that our boss was being rude.

At this point, when I threw her words back at her, she retreats to lick her wounds and just says ‘sorry to bother you w/ my situation, I won’t bug you any more.’ I’m thinking PRAISE GOD! and, yeah right, she’ll just be at it again tomorrow. I think she was fishing for an apology from me for telling her to basically suck it up like everybody else.

I think up to this point, this is why I have had a hard time just plain being honest w/ her. I will often just turn off my email, and I even put my headphones in and try to ignore her when she comes over. And when she asks if I want to make yet another trip to the cafeteria, I am constantly telling her that it is not a good idea to be getting up so much. Basically, I cannot be honest w/ her b/c it’s like she’s baiting/inviting me into conversations where she knows she is going to hear the plain ol’ truth, but when I give it to her straight, she wants me to feel guilty for not telling her what she wants to hear.

What the heck is this? Maybe I should just give her a good reference so she can go the heck away!
 
I wouldn’t give her a reference/letter - simply because you cannot honestly recommend her abilities & traits as a good employment asset. (You’d be compromising your own integrity).

If she goes ahead and puts your name down on an app., and you get called just state the truth - "I did not agree to be a reference for “Ms. “X””, so I really can’t say anything… "

(by saying nothing will fill in the blanks to the prospective employer. I had to do the very same thing with an apprentice who basically stabbed me in the back (metaphorically). I get a call from a competing shop to verify his credentials. Saying “no”, or being silent is sometimes louder than words).
 
Thank you Jay2 - perfect words for her prospective employer, I will remember them.

Well, it turns out that the job she was going for has been filled and she was advised by a ‘friend’ there to go for a higher-up job which typically requires a degree, but they said they’re willing to train. I kind of see this going nowhere. I have a feeling that she is going to keep running into walls - like God is telling her to stay put and face the music - she has a lot to face and it seems she is constantly running away.

Finally at work yesterday I just turned my email off. Of course, this didn’t stop her from coming over to my desk since I wasn’t responding to her emails. As I said before, I had my earphones in listening to Catholic talks on CD and I tried to ignore her, but she wouldn’t have it. At this point, I am ready to ask my supervisor to intervene, although considering their history of run-ins, I’m not sure where this will lead and I’m honestly a little afraid to face her if she suspects I had anything to do w/ it.

At the end of the day, I go it to clear out my messages, and here’s what I got: ‘I work this Saturday, next Saturday, and the Saturday after that, so when do you want to go shopping? I can try to see if I can schedule a day off.’ The next message comes 3 hours b/c I haven’t responded to her email:‘Or if just don’t want to go, that’s okay too.’

There has got to be a term or a phrase for this kind of behavior and I just can’t seem to put my finger on it. I just want to tell her to grow up. Of course she’d lick her wounds for the rest of the day and then she’d be right back at it again. It’s like she loves playing the victim, I just don’t get it. Right now I am just praying for God to send us in different directions, away from each other.
 
JLCecilia said:
So this afternoon she started asking me about teller work, guess this place is looking for tellers too. I just told her that when mom worked there, balancing your drawer was a difficult task but it was mandatory and mom had a hard time w/ it.
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Teller, or any other job in the banking industry, is probably not for her. Any job that involves access to money usually requires a credit check. She would not be hired due to her bad credit because the company would consider her to be a high risk for stealing from the company.
 
I just don’t get it.
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:confused: **I don’t get it either!:confused: **
Why don’t you just ignore her and when she doesn’t get the hint, tell her you aren’t interested in discussing job hunting (which btw, does not endear anyone to their current boss!) or money at work and YOU are busy working. So she goes off to pout, so what. Go on with your job and let her pout. If she doesn’t back off, then yes, take it to your boss that she is impeding the work of others.
**No need to get nasty, but sadly some people do need to be hit over the head with blunt discourse to get the message across.:cool: **
 
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