Friends before marriage

[Sina]

When I met my husband, it was honestly love at first sight. I can’t say we were friends before marriage … I mean, we were FRIENDS but not JUST friends.

I thought the thread was talking about putting your friends before your marriage and I thought " NO WAY!" hah.

 

[KCT]

You’re not an odd duck here. I totally agree with you. It is not necessary to be friends before you become romantically involved. You can do both at the same time. Friendship and romance go hand in hand.

I guess what I see happening is that once there’s romance and lovey dovey feelings, friendship issues are more easily overlooked because one is ‘in love’. Behaviors and attitudes are excused too easily. People put up with things they otherwise wouldn’t.

Once a person is ‘in love’ it’s hard to see clearly and take a step back. At least it seems so for some. —KCT

 

[KCT]

I thought the thread was talking about putting your friends before your marriage and I thought " NO WAY!" hah.

I certainly could have been read that way! I didn’t even realize until now!! —KCT

 

[mizznicole]

I agree w/ St. Lucy…

My husband and I had a pretty quick dating/engagement/marriage. The thing is, though, we’re older, know ourselves better, and met through a Marian apostlate. So there were a lot of shared values already leading us to the same place. We became friends and “lovers” at the same time. And I can say after a year of marriage and a baby coming we love each other so much more–because that love is based on deep friendship, respect, and faith.

I think it’s more important to have an honest view of the other person rather than a rigid friendship requirement. In fact, I think a lot of conservative 20/30 year olds get in the trap of being “friends” when they are not - they are emotionally involved, but because they aren’t kissing they don’t claim to be dating. I’ve seen it so many times and it’s so destructive. Better to be straight-forward, and do not be afraid! Especially if the guy is truly dedicated to Our Lady and St. Joseph…seriously, don’t pass those ones up.

 

[CatholicSam]

I don’t know if being romantic first before “friends” causes trouble later. We were friends first (from the moment we started talking to each other, we couldn’t shut up!) and remain best friends to this day I think being friends first and then romantic later is more in line with the “courtship” process anyway, so maybe that has something to do with it too. We did go on our first date a week after meeting, so we weren’t “just friends” for long

 

[St_Gabriel]

I’d say we were friends, but we had a short engagement. I wanted to take it slow and was looking for a friendship outside of my regular circle of friends instead of rommance. But I got to say, that I knew that he was “the one” I was going to marry on our first date.

 

[newf]

I guess what I see happening is that once there’s romance and lovey dovey feelings, friendship issues are more easily overlooked because one is ‘in love’. Behaviors and attitudes are excused too easily. People put up with things they otherwise wouldn’t.

Once a person is ‘in love’ it’s hard to see clearly and take a step back. At least it seems so for some. —KCT

I think the blurred vision people get happens when they have sex before marriage. This is so dangerous because you really do excuse things that ordinarily you wouldn’t. This is not what I mean by being romantically involved. I am talking about a pure and chaste relationship that is headed toward marriage.