Friend's husband is changing his name

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ELKnight

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One of my girlfriends is really upset because her husband John all of a sudden wants to be known as Mohammed. She says he insists she start calling him that and introducing him by that and that she be obedient and submissive in this matter. She is a very conservative Catholic and is very distraught and embarrassed over this. What advice can I give her?
 
To run before he throws a burqa over her.

Seriously, she needs to talk to her priest. Immediately. This sounds like he either grew a brain tumor overnight or he’s converting to Islam. And she does not need to get dragged into that!

You don’t change the rules on someone mid-game! If she didn’t marry a Muslim, she doesn’t need to stay with him, especially if he goes fundamentalist on her. The implications of this for her practice of the faith or the faith of her children can be ominous.

If they don’t have any children yet, I would advise her now is not the time to make one!
 
I wonder if he really is going crazy. When they married he was a lapsed Catholic and she came into the Church several years later. She is really angry with him, yelling at him and asking why he is doing this to her, and he doesn’t understand why she is upset, he says it’s just a name and chance for her to please him. She might be pregnant with number 7, and then this comes up out of nowhere, I guess. I don’t know all the details but it seems really bizarre.
 
ELKnight said:
One of my girlfriends is really upset because her husband John all of a sudden wants to be known as Mohammed. She says he insists she start calling him that and introducing him by that and that she be obedient and submissive in this matter. She is a very conservative Catholic and is very distraught and embarrassed over this. What advice can I give her?
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LOL, OK. :rotfl:

What about Mike or Joe…that sounds better. 😃
 
Hey, just be thankful it’s not Adolf … or Osama … or Beelzebul … or that weird symbol Prince used instead of a name for a while …

Yes, she should ask him exactly why he’s changing his name, and why that particular name - and what he’d think if she changed HER name to Mohammad as well, since it’s ‘just a name’.
 
He doesn’t like being named after his father because his father drank to much and abandoned him when he was a kid. He wants his name to reflect his spirituality. This is really weird because there is not a mosque within a hundred miles from here. There are no Muslims here.
 
Wow, what madness. This is a valid, sacramental marriage, right? Tell her to talk ot her priest or bishop ASAP and find out what her options are and what she should do next.
 
Unless there is something I don’t know that impedes the validity of the marriage, she married in the Church and it’s valid.

the weirdest thing is that her husband doesn’t see why she would have a problem with this. He thinks other people will find the name change thing fascinating and it will give him a chance to talk about what he thinks about religion. He doesn’t think other people will be turned off by it at all.

Isn’t this something teenagers and college kids do? Not adults in their mid-30’s with families?

I think I will tell her to talk to her priest, but I’m really not sure what someone could say to be of help.
 
ELKnight said:
He wants his name to reflect his spirituality. This is really weird because there is not a mosque within a hundred miles from here. There are no Muslims here.
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Has he decided to become Muslim? If this is his motive for the name change it would make some sense. But if there is no other Muslims within a hundred miles, he might find himself sorely lacking in community and perhaps ostracized, as well.
 
What interesting responses! If the man in this case was non-Catholic and wanted to convert to Catholicism post-marriage and perhaps even adopt a Christian name, how many of you would suggest he was insane and she should run for the hills? How many would be offended if they were told such a story with the same reactions and the conversion was TO Catholicism?

I think the H in this case has clearly moved in the direction of a religious conversion and likely done a poor job of communicating the transformation of his beliefs to his W and/or including her in the process. This doesn’t require panic, divorce or fleeing. It does require some communication on the part of the couple. If this is a sincere conversion, the W cannot expect or unilaterally demand that he abandon it~any more than any of us would support a non-Catholic spouse forbidding a conversion TO Catholicism. She can express her concerns about the compatibility of their belief system and practices and explore with him the ways they might reconcile their differences.

In the end, it will pose a profound challenge to them as individuals and married persons. However, we must assume their marriage is valid and worthy of the effort to preserve it until proven otherwise.
 
Island_Oak said:
I think the H in this case has clearly moved in the direction of a religious conversion and likely done a poor job of communicating the transformation of his beliefs to his W and/or including her in the process. This doesn’t require panic, divorce or fleeing. It does require some communication on the part of the couple.
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I would agree with this. The wife here would be best served by putting her panic and anger on the back burner and getting her husband to explain his reasons without her being judgmental. (This is not because the wife is wrong for making judgments but because she can’t expect the husband to be forthcoming if she’s unwilling to hear what he says.

It is hard for me to believe that a non-Muslim sympathizer would pick the name Mohammad. So it seems highly probable that this man is considering conversion. The fact that there are no other Muslims in the area is irrelevant.

Now the wife does have the right to refuse any new demands by the husband that she submit to the religious tenets of Islam. She doesn’t have to suddenly obey him. And she certainly does not have to convert. If this man is truly considering a conversion then the wife should seriously consider what this would mean for any children.
 
Now the wife does have the right to refuse any new demands by the husband that she submit to the religious tenets of Islam. She doesn’t have to suddenly obey him. And she certainly does not have to convert. If this man is truly considering a conversion then the wife should seriously consider what this would mean for any children.
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This is a case of comparing apples and oranges.

If you know much about fundamentalist Islam, you would be concerned as a Catholic parent that your spouse was doing this. There were words in the OP’s post that he wanted her to call him that as a sign of submission and obedience. When you start throwing those words around to your wife that indicates this could get very nasty.

Will he then start demanding she cover herself and remain in the house unable to shop without his accompaniment? Will he demand his children grow up as Muslims?

My comments were all made because he seems to be taking this beyond a mere name change.

Catholicism doesn’t condone killing your daughter if she dates, or making your wife wear a burqa. This whole situation just sounds like the beginning of a huge spiritual struggle that will divide a family. And usually Satan is right at the center of those working hard. In this case, he’s found a man who has issues with his own father, is searching for something, and seems to have found the answers in all the wrong places. Satan, the Deceiver, picked a ripe one.
 
“Catholicism doesn’t condone killing your daughter if she dates, or making your wife wear a burqa.” Neither does Islam. And in the States most woman if they do wear a head covering, it’s more likely the hijab. Which I’ve seen pointed out, is similar to a nun’s habit. It’s for modesty purposes.

Always find it interesting how stereotypes about Islam flare up on this forum, specifically in the Non-Christian religions subforum. Here too, I guess.

Most of these stereotypes seem to be more about Arabic law than Islam. Saudi Arabia has very strict laws that they say are Islamic, but Islam has no version of a Pope and there is no clergy. The rules and guidelines to being a good Muslim are lax, and ill-defined. So some people taking it to an extreme measure doesn’t mean it all follows suit.

I don’t think she should run away as quickly as possible. Talking to her husband is probably a really good idea. And seeing if he wants to convert to Islam. And as for a mosque- there is no “one must go to the mosque every Friday” rule in Islam, you can pray at home or where ever you happen to be.

As for obey… I’m sure that’s twisted by people just like Christianity’s “submit to your husband” is. One can take that to an extreme level or be reasonable about it. If he is taking things to the extreme level, she should be cautious. Talking to him and to a priest is a good idea. See if there might be a mosque in the area and talk to an imam.

Islam is an Abrahamic religion, Allah is the same God that is worshiped in Judeo-Christian faiths. Pehaps he is taking the long way back to Catholicism?

And most of all, pray for him to return to the True Faith.
 
From what she says he still intends to honor his vow to raise the children Catholic and says he won’t ask her to wear a head covering or get married in a mosque or convert or anything. He just wants her to respect his religious beliefs by calling him Mohammed and not serving him pork (although she can still eat it and feed it to the children).

She doesn’t want to encourage him to believe that stuff and thinks the family will be ostracized by their extended family and friends. It’s a small town and most people are Catholic here. Not too many non-Christians, so it would be different to say the least. A lot of the men around here have a lot of ugly things to say about Islam.

She doesn’t want to call him Mohammed because she doesn’t like Islam’s treatment of women, specifically that women’s bodies are objects that belong to their husband and are to be used for his pleasure and polygamy and that it is okay for men to look at pornography. So she would have to call him the name of a person who is revolting to her.
 
ELKnight said:
From what she says he still intends to honor his vow to raise the children Catholic and says he won’t ask her to wear a head covering or get married in a mosque or convert or anything. He just wants her to respect his religious beliefs by calling him Mohammed and not serving him pork (although she can still eat it and feed it to the children).

She doesn’t want to encourage him to believe that stuff and thinks the family will be ostracized by their extended family and friends. It’s a small town and most people are Catholic here. Not too many non-Christians, so it would be different to say the least. A lot of the men around here have a lot of ugly things to say about Islam.

She doesn’t want to call him Mohammed because she doesn’t like Islam’s treatment of women, specifically that women’s bodies are objects that belong to their husband and are to be used for his pleasure and polygamy and that it is okay for men to look at pornography. So she would have to call him the name of a person who is revolting to her.
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How exactly did this happen, especially in a small town? I’m surprised she didn’t know about this sooner.

We have the same God as the Muslims, I wonder why he doesn’t want to just stick with Catholicism, which is older than Islam…
 
Pro-Life Teen, I have lived in a Muslim country. It was one of the more moderate ones, and it was still difficult as a woman. My opinion is not based on stereotypes. It’s based on what I saw of Islam in practice.

You like a religion that codifies marital rape as a right of a husband?

How many people who convert to Christianity insist on being called Jesus?

This guy sounds like he’s ready to go completely overboard with the whole thing.

Since the OP hasn’t said if he is dabbling in Shi’a, Sunni, Sufi or the radical Salafist strain of Islam, we don’t know. But you might want to research phrases like “honor killings” and “sharia” and decide for yourself if the anti-Islam opinions here are legitimate.

Islam came along 700 years after Catholicism. And it is antithetical to the dignity of women that Christianity teaches. I dont’ care what they “say” in practice it is obvious that women are second-rate in their world.

A wife has reason to be wary that her husband is starting down this path.

By the way, it is not only “Arab” influences… Christians are killed in Pakistan, Afghanistan, North Africa and other areas. It’s not the race, it’s the outlook of their faith that causes them to call us “infidels.”
 
JPUSC said:
How exactly did this happen, especially in a small town? I’m surprised she didn’t know about this sooner.

We have the same God as the Muslims, I wonder why he doesn’t want to just stick with Catholicism, which is older than Islam…
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I don’t really know. He reads a lot, but he isn’t even of Arab descent or anything. He is just a white guy from Kentucky. I know he had to receive the Sacraments growing up, but his mom didn’t like the Church and became involved with some very anti-Catholic Baptists when he was in high school.

I don’t know if she was maybe ignoring the signs, but she doesn’t like to talk about her husband’s faults to other people so maybe she knew about it. It looks like he has some books about Islam and some anti-Christian books, but he also has a lot of Protestant Bibles and books about non-Christian religions as well. I think all the pro-Catholic books are hers, but if there is a good one she could recommend to him he would read it. She just got him a book by Christopher West and he is really looking forward to reading it.

He couldn’t be under another person’s influence because he doesn’t spend much time on the internet and there aren’t any people with Muslim names around here that I know of.

He doesn’t like the Church here because they are always subtly supporting Democrat politics in the Church and he is a conservative Desert Storm veteran. He doesn’t appreciate the priest calling the war unjust and saying the stimulus package is from Jesus. But now he thinks celibacy is disordered and Trinitarianism is polytheistic and God wouldn’t have let Jesus die, and praying to saints is wrong and you shouldn’t have to go to Confession. I still see him at Mass, but he isn’t reverent, he doesn’t stand or kneel or receive Communion, and sometimes he just stays in the foyer with the baby instead of sitting with his family.
 
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