Friends-or so called friends

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pixieloulou1982

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So I am really excited about my step into Catholicism. I phoned my local priest who is equally enthusiastic, as is my families local Priest and did what most people do and made a facebook post about my happiness.

I am happy, excited and feeling really good, then the judgements came from so called friends.

They’re acting like I am strange now, I explained to them God has always been in my heart, and I have always had a strong faith. But now, because I am excited at beginning my journey into Catholicism they are acting like I am going to change, that I will no longer be the person I am. One so called friend stated she feels uncomfortable thinking I am going to judge her and lecture her on her lifestyle. I tried to explain I am her friend and will always be there for her and do not judge, but she went on a tangent and a rant and basically said I was an idiot for having faith.

I have no changed, I am still the same person. It just upsets me.
 
Just be light for her. Let you faith be so strong that it infects her as well. Pray for her, too. I know many like her and I know that they are just one tragedy away from God. Be a beacon and be patient.
 
Dacinom said:
Dear one,
Welcome to the church!

Please know that a lot of the comments you received may not be a personal attack on YOU but an attack on the Catholic church. I know it is hard to separate the two but if someone was really your good friend they would say “congratulations” or they would keep their negative feelings to themselves.

I noticed in your post you said “I do what most people do and made a Facebook post about my happiness” and I have to disagree with you. I beleive MOST people do not do this. I caution you please do not seek spiritual support from your Facebook friends. Many people literally have hundreds of “friends” on that website. Although Facebook it is good for many things and a popular social media site, I don’t think it is necessarily the place for sharing deep and personal stories because many “friends” really are not as you have painfully discovered.

Jesus loves you so much, he understands the pain you are going through. If the negative comments were made from someone you thought was a close friend then you are probably very hurt. Think of how Jesus felt when Peter denied even knowing him! Jesus knows how you feel, he knows the pain of rejection. You will find peace through Mass and prayer, not Facebook I would stay away from it for a while since you were so hurt. Hope this helps a little, God bless.
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Thank you for your message. I will say, I am going to defend my actions of posting on facebook due to the fact 1: I only have actual real life friends and family on my page-totally 11 people. These are people I have known of many years in real life. and secondly, I live 25 miles away from anyone I know, and as such use the internet as a great means of keeping in contact with my friends through email and online social networking, and finally, why should I not announce how I feel? I am an extremely open person, and as such have no shame in letting those who have watched me struggle finally come to a means to accept my faith and be happy.
 
One of the pitfalls of our Internet world is the lack of face to face conversations where you have an opportunity to hear voices and see faces because sometimes it makes the words seem different than when they are just written. FB is not a place I share anything personal which might offend someone. I do believe that happens even with family and close friends. The Catholic Church is under attack constantly even by “Catholics”. I think you are on the receiving end of these attacks, don’t take it personally. Pray, pray, pray, God will take care of you, always. Welcome to our faith.
 
pixieloulou1982 said:
So I am really excited about my step into Catholicism. I phoned my local priest who is equally enthusiastic, as is my families local Priest and did what most people do and made a facebook post about my happiness.
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Welcome Home…👍 Happy angels… :harp:
I am happy, excited and feeling really good, then the judgements came from so called friends.
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To be expected…
They’re acting like I am strange now, I explained to them God has always been in my heart, and I have always had a strong faith. But now, because I am excited at beginning my journey into Catholicism they are acting like I am going to change, that I will no longer be the person I am.
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This is natural and not at all uncommon. In truth, through your conversion and your growth in holiness, you ARE going to change. In that change you will hopefully become an even better friend than you already are.
One so called friend stated she feels uncomfortable thinking I am going to judge her and lecture her on her lifestyle. I tried to explain I am her friend and will always be there for her and do not judge, but she went on a tangent and a rant and basically said I was an idiot for having faith.
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Well - this person may pull away from you even if you do not pull away from her. That too is normal - and would be normal under most any circumstance, not just due to faith.
Friends come and go and exist on many different levels. As we (and they) mature, change, move around, get married, change jobs etc…Often times we “grow apart” from various friends for various reasons. So - like I said…It’s natural and normal.

You have made your position known and so has she…It’s too bad that this particular person is so insecure in your friendship that she thinks you capable of such behavior, but that is her decision.
Overall you’ll probably find that your friends run the gamut from acceptance through various modes of interest/curiosity/indifference, all the way to dismissal. It’s just the way of the world…
I have not changed, I am still the same person. It just upsets me.
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Yes it will for a time…Pray to the Father for guidance, for humility and Love for these friends. Recognize that you WILL change (if your conversion is a true one), but that change will not be a negative, but a positive. Your true friends will soon see this.

Peace
James
 
Best wishes! You may find that making an effort to develop new friendships with other Catholics will be helpful, whether through a prayer group or retreat or Bible study. I think it was C.S. Lewis who said something to the effect of faith being an important foundation for a close friendship. Of course, continue to remain open to your other friends…but if they are hostile toward religion, their attitude toward you may indeed change. If you remain open toward them, however, they may eventually soften their attitude.
 
pixieloulou1982 said:
So I am really excited about my step into Catholicism. I phoned my local priest who is equally enthusiastic, as is my families local Priest and did what most people do and made a facebook post about my happiness.

I am happy, excited and feeling really good, then the judgements came from so called friends.

They’re acting like I am strange now, I explained to them God has always been in my heart, and I have always had a strong faith. But now, because I am excited at beginning my journey into Catholicism they are acting like I am going to change, that I will no longer be the person I am. One so called friend stated she feels uncomfortable thinking I am going to judge her and lecture her on her lifestyle. I tried to explain I am her friend and will always be there for her and do not judge, but she went on a tangent and a rant and basically said I was an idiot for having faith.

I have no changed, I am still the same person. It just upsets me.
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Welcome to the faith. As was earlier stated the “attacks” are not against you but the church and misguided perceptions of her. One thing you can take from this is a better understanding of true friendship and who indeed is a friend. Don’t loose hope though and give it time, true friends will come around and accept you for who you are.
 
Welcome! As for ‘so called’ friends, be a friend to them and pray for them. :):cool::angel1::gopray2::hug3:
 
If she gives you the time, then in time she will know that you will still be you. If she don’t give you time, then just be there for her when she does decide to accept that you haven’t changed your personality.She may be scared that she thinks that is may be loosing you? We hurt the ones we love and push away the ones we love in fear. Give her the space to vent her fear. She will not admitt to it as fear but that what it could be. Simply a fear of loosing you and she don’t want that. Be strong and gentle and don’t let her comments get to you but turn them on its head and think how would you feel if you thought you were loosing her before this started. I am certain, as one can be without being there, that is whats the bottom of it.She is simply fearful that shes loosing you as a friend. Ask God to take care of the situation:)
 
pixieloulou1982 said:
I have no changed, I am still the same person. It just upsets me.
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Actually, this is not true. You have changed, you are changed, you will continue to change. Yes, Catholicism does & will change you - it will allow you to become more fully the person you ought to be. It won’t always be a gentle process, but it will always be a kind one, and you will see that it will take you to places you had never thought to be. And you will be glad of it.

but you can re-assure you’re friends - you aren’t about to grow an extra head!
 
Welcome,
And cudos for your courage for posting about your faith on facebook. That takes a lot of courage. I don’t use facebook or social media (I’m 45) but am guessing your a lot younger than I am. I think that younger folks are more openly anti-church than older folks are.

You know in your heart what is right and good. Your friends can choose to accept you or not. I got a lot of different friends in my mid 20’s when I stopped drinking. I was going out to bars a few nights a week, every week…then stopped going to bars altogether. So my friends who went to bars and I lost touch as that was our social connection, going to bars to drink.

With your situation how much will your lifestyle change? You do not have to go around talking about Jesus when your with your friends every time it’s your turn to talk, right? And it sounds like your friend is fearful of being judged by you.

Prior to my re-discovering my faith (like 4 months ago- went to confession 1st time in 17 years) something about my perception of Catholics bothered me. I was of the opinion that they were in your face judgemental preachers. I’ve always believed that it’s God’s job to judge, not mine or anyone else’s. But this perception by me of some Catholics bothered me. I would think to myself “why are they not getting their own house in order, why are they preaching about such and such to so and so?”

What I’m going to Church for, praying for, being a Catholic for, is because I sensed a calling, my father told me it was probably the Holy Spirit working within me that brought me back to the Catholic Church. But I am going there to change myself, to improve myself, and in turn to be a better husband, father, son, uncle, etc… I am worried about my own behavior, not so much other people’s. So maybe if your friends can see that you are making this change for yourself, but have not annointed yourself as a priest with a mission of going around preaching to them about what they do wrong according to scrpture, etc they will learn to ease up and continue to accept you for who you are.

My understanding of facebook is that it’s more younger people and there is a lot of ‘hooking up’ that happens, and it’s more connected to party lifestyle (over generalization). So I am not surprized by your friends reaction. Just be cool and smooth her out. I believe you can find a way to talk to her to let her know you don’t intend to appoint yourself as ‘the good angel’ on one of her shoulders", always telling her what to do as God would have it done on an ongoing basis.

There is a time and place for everything. You have your faith on your facebook page, so now any of your friends who are interested in that will feel comfortable talking to you about such subjects. But don’t start a war with this friend, proving who is right or whatever. Im not sure what kind of lifestyle you lead and if you will be modifying it based on your faith, but this could change the dynamics of your relationships with some of your friends. Something to be mindful of. Good Luck and God Bless!
 
So sorry to hear your friend flipped out on you like that. 😦 Could your friend have had a lousy experience with religion at some point in the past? If that’s the case, then that might explain some of it. Or does she take whatever horrible thing she hears about religion on TV, reads about or hears through other people and runs with it?

Whatever her reasons are, it still hurts nonetheless. I’m kind of in the same boat myself with a longtime friend of mine. I’m afraid i’m gonna lose her once it gets out that i’m joining the Catholic Church. I’ve talked about her before, but anyways, we don’t see much of each other anymore. In her defense, she seems to have become more accepting of the idea of religion in recent times, so maybe her conversion isn’t too far away. My plan is to live by example, and when my friend asks about church teachings, i’ll tell her. I’m not gonna beat her over the head with it, that’s not my thing.

Maybe your friend needs to realize that just because you’re becoming Catholic doesn’t mean you’re going to be a major toad to her. That’s not what being Catholic is all about. Maybe she also needs to understand that what she probably hates is what she thinks is the Catholic Church. But the caveat is, people like her have to want to know more about the church, and until that happens, you’re not gonna get anywhere new.
 
I had friends do the EXACT same thing when I made my announcement on FB. I was so happy, I wanted to share my joy with everyone, and they tried to rain on my parade! :mad: I still remember one of my friends’ comment was, “Oh geeze, are you serious?”

Don’t give these people a second thought. The only one who matters is God and I know He’s proud of you for taking this step! 😉 May you be surrounded by blessings in your faith journey! 🙂
 
As others have said, this is not at all unusual. I don’t think there is a convert out there who has not paid for it one way or the other. Offer it up - unite this feeling of sadness and dissappointment with the suffering of Jesus on the cross. This is a good way of approaching difficulties of our daily life so they don’t go to waste, so to speak.

Be prepared to lose some friends because there are people who are unforgiving when it comes to religion. But that is their decision. You can also point out to your friend that tolerance and respect go both ways: she is the one judging you and accusing you of things you have no intention of doing. She is probably not aware of her double standards, so you could gently point it out to her and help her grow up a bit.

And you will change if you let God into your life. It is impossible to stay the same. The whole purpose of our spiritual journey is to become more Christ-like, to get closer to God and become the person He wants us to be. And that person can only be an improvement of the current version of ourselves., so don’t fear this change.

Welcome home!
 
pixieloulou1982 said:
One so called friend stated she feels uncomfortable thinking I am going to judge her and lecture her on her lifestyle. I tried to explain I am her friend and will always be there for her and do not judge, but she went on a tangent and a rant and basically said I was an idiot for having faith.

.
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First of all, it appears to me that your friend has judged herself. Her conscious is probably naggin her at things she is doing that are sinful and she keeps pushing that little voice down. When you come out and say ‘I will be Catholic’, you make it that much harder for her to be in denial. So rather than look at herself like a mature person would do, she has a childish tantrum and takes it out on you.

For example, if she asked you to go see a movie and it is R rated and full of nudity, you may say something like 'I am sorry but I do not wish to go see those movies. Automatically she will her ‘you are bad for seeing those movies’. By no means is that what you said, but nonetheless, it is what she heard. And you can politely say ‘I think it is sinful behaviour to make such a movie.’, there is nothing judgemental in that statement, it is an opinion and an expression of faith in God. You never judged the people and said they would go to hell, you just pointed out a fact about the Catholic religion. That is NOT what she heard.
JRKH said:
. Recognize that you WILL change (if your conversion is a true one), but that change will not be a negative, but a positive. Your true friends will soon see this.

Peace
James
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👍

I REALLY hate to break it to you, but becoming Catholic does not mean you now have religion and God’s help on your terms. It means you do everything God’s way to the best of your ability. Don’t fool yourself, becoming Catholic does not mean everyday you will wake up to the sound of harps and visions of angels caring for you and then you go on about your life the way you always have. You will have struggles and need to make a lot of changes.

Even in little thinks such as ‘sorry, I can’t go camping for the weekend if I will not be able to go to church on Sunday’ will become huge issues. Or when you do go through the actual process of becoming Catholic (which I am not even sure what it is) there will probably be a mass and you may not want to invite her if she is unsupporitve - another change

Or, you will meet Catholic friends and want to get together with them to discuss faith issues and since she is not into it, you won’t invite her or you will but she will decline being with your new friends. Please don’t fool yourself into thinking becoming Catholic is something you can compartmetalize into Sunday morning only.

If you have her over and she uses the Lord’s name in vain in your house, if you let it go, you will suffer a lot of guilt for not speaking up. And if you don’t feel guilty, I would wonder how faithful you are. Changes are on their way

Don’t let my post discourage you, please see it as a possible reality

CM
 
There is an old quote…that is perfect here…

“Would you rather look foolish in front of men for the sake of God -
or would you rather look foolish in front of God for the sake of men?”

Kind of says it all…

Peace
James
 
pixieloulou1982 said:
So I am really excited about my step into Catholicism. I phoned my local priest who is equally enthusiastic, as is my families local Priest and did what most people do and made a facebook post about my happiness.

I am happy, excited and feeling really good, then the judgements came from so called friends.
Click to expand...
First and foremost, you’re dealing with Facebook. If your FB page is set up like a great many others, you probably have a lot of acquaintances, versus close personal friends.

FB is what you make it. I have one friend (a Kung Fu master) that posts that his page is not about free speech, and if anyone posts anything that isn’t positive on his wall he’ll defriend them. I’ve done the same with some people, even some I know fairly well. For example, there are some people that are obsessed with talking about politics in a very negative way. I don’t want to posts like “why do Republicans hate America” everyday, so I just defriend them.

The point is these people aren’t your friends. Friends would not be talking about positive changes in your life negatively. Either remove them or hide them as you see fit. Your true friends will show their true colors soon enough, and more people that have similar interests will be your new friends soon enough.
 
Welcome aboard! I’m also a convert and it was the best decision that I have ever made (aside from picking a really wonderful Catholic husband). My friends are mostly cafeteria type Catholics but were positive or at least neutral. I had trouble with my family of origin about my conversion though so I understand how hurtful your friend’s comment is. Don’t apologize for being Catholic and just continue to be a good friend. Your friend may come around or she won’t. Your action in converting is probably threatening to her. You may eventually convince her of the wisdom in your decision or you may lose her as a friend. In the meantime try to cultivate firenships with practicing Catholics who will help you in your journey. God Bless!
 
JRKH said:
There is an old quote…that is perfect here…

“Would you rather look foolish in front of men for the sake of God -
or would you rather look foolish in front of God for the sake of men?”

Kind of says it all…

Peace
James
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Great post!
 
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