Friends that are gay and lesbian

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I have been friends with a man who is gay for about 4 years. Turns out he wasn’t really my friend. He just always wanted to get money from me which unfortunately I gave him because he is on disability. When I stopped giving him money, he no longer wanted to talk to me. I pray for him. He is HIV positive.

Secondly, he introduced me to his two lesbian friends who have been partners for 30 years and are well-to-do and enjoy doing what they want. I have been friends with them for about 5 months and have gone to dinner with them, played scrabble at their house and just chatted. They are very nice to me. I am getting concerned. I am a straight woman and widowed. Occasionally, I see my friends kissing or hugging and it bothers me. I’m beginning to feel my spiritual life may be declining since I have been friends with them. They now have there troubled 15 year-old grandaugther living with them because of problems at home and may get custody of her. They called me tonight and want me to pick her up at school tomorrow 6/9/08:confused: at 11 am and watch her until 4:30 pm at my house and they will pick her up after they meet with her counselor. Personally, I feel a 15 year old should be able to be home alone, but they don’t trust her and she steals so I will have to be careful. They want me to go to dinner with them after they pick her up. I am not going because I need to go to confession (which I doubt they would understand) and I and bothered by the situation. Any help or insight would be appreciated. The puzzling fact also is one woman is a lesbian and her partners tell me that she is straight and was married with two children, but could not help who she fell in love with. That I don’t understand. I feel I should stop being friends with them because I think there could be trouble. I do not judge them, but it is getting difficult to be friends with lesbians.
SandyK
 
Sandy, I can’t comment on much, but do trust your instincts about what you yourself are advisable to do or not. Trust that the Holy Spirit can speak gentle warning ot directions into one’s heart and mind.

If, as you say, you feel that your spiritual life is declining due to peoccupation with the stresses and uneasiness you feel about any of your friends or acquaintances, you first responsibility is to the welfare of the soul God has entrusted to you. It may also be uncomfortable to quietly but firmly withdraw, but I ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and to give you wisdom and determination.
God bless you, Trishie
 
God calls us to love everyone- that is, to want what is best for them and to help them achieve that goal. He does not call us to be friends with everyone.

God says He wants mercy above sacrifice. He does not call us to translate “mercy” into “putting yourself into relationships that cause you so much discomfort and strain on your spiritual life”.

Praying for these women is love. Taking their troubled and unknown teenaged granddaughter into your house for hours at a time is foolishness.

God gave us the gift of discernment, the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and a Guardian angel to pray for us. All of these things are causing warning bells to go off for you. Heed them.
 
I’m not sure what to say, other than what Trishie and Cari has already said. I have a gay friend, but I wouldn’t be comfortable with the situation you described. I will pray that the Holy Spirit will guide you towards the best course of action, whatever that may be. :signofcross:
 
I suppose the question is are you wanting to back away from the friendship because they are lesbians or because they are using you. I mean it seems odd that they don’t have any problem with you taking the risk of their 15-year old problem child stealing from you…they just don’t want her stealing from them? Doesn’t that strike you as a bit odd? Your first friend you mentioned also used you. This might be something you need to exercise a bit more prudence over. IMHO, their sexual orientation is less of an issue than their abuse of the friendship.

Pray for them…and let them carry their own crosses. Sometimes other’s crosses look more attractive and interesting than our own and we want to help when the better course might be to pray and trust the Holy Spirit.
 
StCsDavid said:
I suppose the question is are you wanting to back away from the friendship because they are lesbians or because they are using you. I mean it seems odd that they don’t have any problem with you taking the risk of their 15-year old problem child stealing from you…they just don’t want her stealing from them? Doesn’t that strike you as a bit odd? Your first friend you mentioned also used you. This might be something you need to exercise a bit more prudence over. IMHO, their sexual orientation is less of an issue than their abuse of the friendship.

Pray for them…and let them carry their own crosses. Sometimes other’s crosses look more attractive and interesting than our own and we want to help when the better course might be to pray and trust the Holy Spirit.
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I agree. Being friends with sinners in not the problem, methinks; the kind of sin isn’t relevant unless one is party to their sin.

Forget for a moment that these women are lesbians…the situation with the troubled 15 year-old is a bit strange. It sounds like you don’t want to get involved in the supervision of this child; I wouldn’t either. Personally, I would either let them know that I was uncomfortable watching this child and won’t be able to do it anymore, or find excuses not to be available to do so.

Sounds to me like you’re being used…and it’ wouldn’t surprise me if they up the expectations.

As far as being uncomfortable with the displays of affection, that’s a different matter. If you bring it up, that you’re uncomfortable with it, it’s very possible that they’ll be offended. 🤷 That’s a call you’ll have to make. Either that or see them less or deal with it; that’s about the extent of your choices.

Personally, again, it would make me uncomfortable too. I also get uncomfortable with PDAs in general, since I’m not a huggy-kissy kind of person anyway.

PDA=Public Display of Affection.
 
Thank you for enlightening me. The fact that they are lesbians does not bother me. PDA is something I don’t like seeing in gay or straight people. I think it’s something that should be kept between two people in the privacy of their own home and not in front of others.

I should not have agreed to “babysit” their 15 year old grandaughter today. I’m stuck now. She is a real problem and her father is on heroin and trying to get clean and her mother has sex with other men from what my friends told me. The young teenager comes from a dysfunctional family home life and they are afraid to leave her in their house alone because she steals, yet she will be in my house. Doesn’t make sense.

I am going to gradually pull away from them and make excuses that I am busy. I do like them, but they are taking advantage of me. They are trying to change me also. They tell me to buy more fashionable clothes, get my hair cut and colored and dress younger. I dress fine. I’m a bit conservative and told them I will not wear those tops you mentioned I should buy because I don’t feel comfortable showing half my breasts. They thought that was ridiculous and that I wasn’t up with the times. One of the ladies brother is in a band and plays hard rock and they invited me to go to the bar/club to see him with them. For one, I don’t like hard rock and I’m not much of a drinker. I listen to light rock or mostly spiritual music. I just feel disgusted.
SandyK
 
Don’t be disheartened; you’re doing an act of charity. Who knows, you might be an example that they might someday follow.👍
 
SandyK said:
Thank you for enlightening me. The fact that they are lesbians does not bother me. PDA is something I don’t like seeing in gay or straight people. I think it’s something that should be kept between two people in the privacy of their own home and not in front of others.

I should not have agreed to “babysit” their 15 year old grandaughter today. I’m stuck now. She is a real problem and her father is on heroin and trying to get clean and her mother has sex with other men from what my friends told me. The young teenager comes from a dysfunctional family home life and they are afraid to leave her in their house alone because she steals, yet she will be in my house. Doesn’t make sense.

I am going to gradually pull away from them and make excuses that I am busy. I do like them, but they are taking advantage of me. They are trying to change me also. They tell me to buy more fashionable clothes, get my hair cut and colored and dress younger. I dress fine. I’m a bit conservative and told them I will not wear those tops you mentioned I should buy because I don’t feel comfortable showing half my breasts. They thought that was ridiculous and that I wasn’t up with the times. One of the ladies brother is in a band and plays hard rock and they invited me to go to the bar/club to see him with them. For one, I don’t like hard rock and I’m not much of a drinker. I listen to light rock or mostly spiritual music. I just feel disgusted.
SandyK
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This may be an opportunity to show this child some structure. Tell them she is going to go to Mass with you. And pray the rosary outloud in front of her and ask her to join. Also pray to Saint Michael as you are getting into dangerous ground. If it is not meant to be the girl will flee, satan flees when you draw nearer to God, and the friends will not want to have anything more to do with YOU not you them. satan is everywhere but you don’t want him in your home. They are stealing your joy and love of the Lord Jesus that you have built up and won’t give any in return or acknowledge God. Prayers
 
dessert said:
This may be an opportunity to show this child some structure. Tell them she is going to go to Mass with you. And pray the rosary outloud in front of her and ask her to join. Also pray to Saint Michael as you are getting into dangerous ground. If it is not meant to be the girl will flee, satan flees when you draw nearer to God, and the friends will not want to have anything more to do with YOU not you them. satan is everywhere but you don’t want him in your home. They are stealing your joy and love of the Lord Jesus that you have built up and won’t give any in return or acknowledge God. Prayers
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Good intention, but she’s suppose to be watching the girl, not testing her. I’m not sure this is the time and place to start evangelizing.
 
Thank you both. The girl doesn’t know the rosary. She is not catholic. One of her grandmother’s is catholic, but told me I haven’t been to church in 30 years. I will not give up the Lord for anybody. I’ll try to show her an example today. I will never babysit her again.

I will be cleaning my house while she is here and stop to take her out for pizza. It’s a terrible situation and I don’t want to be a part of their problem. The young girl told me she has seen them nude before. That is awful.

I’m praying for them. I’m just so disgusted. They are very well-off and said I should move into a bigger and better home. Well, with the economy the way it is, I would not even consider it and I don’t have the kind of money they have.
SandyK
 
SandyK said:
Thank you both. The girl doesn’t know the rosary. She is not catholic. One of her grandmother’s is catholic, but told me I haven’t been to church in 30 years. I will not give up the Lord for anybody. **
I’m glad to hear that. You must stand up and speak the truth.** I’ll try to show her an example today. **
Take the rosary and tell her to sit down and pray or show her how that is a good example. You may never see her agin she will remember when a nice lady like my grandmother prayed with me and say I will want to pray again. Her grandmother is praying for her now.** I will never babysit her again.

I will be cleaning my house while she is here and stop to take her out for pizza. **
Cleaning her soul too will be a miracle. I know you have to watch her as she may steal but she have never had anyone tell her before, just tell her the truth, god has brought this little one to you.It’s a terrible situation and I don’t want to be a part of their problem. The young girl told me she has seen them nude before. That is awful.
Yes this is more than awful, she is opening up to you and this is your opportunity to speak of chastity, tell her about Mary our blessed Virgin Mary being the most wonderful mother in the world, if you have a blessed medal give it to her or a holy card of Mary share.**

I’m praying for them. I’m just so disgusted. They are very well-off and said I should move into a bigger and better home.**
they are speaking lies to you and you know the truth, they are trying to appeal to you as satan did to eve. ** Well, with the economy the way it is, I would not even consider it and I don’t have the kind of money they have.**

There money is appealing No? but it is devil money earned with out the grace of God. Sweep the dust off your feet don’t listen to their lies. **
SandyK
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I know you are upset but go to confession and get washed clean of this whole mess. I’m guessing that when you visit church with this girl the priest will just happen to be there. 👍
Even they, the women and the devil know that they are sinning and want to just use the girl, but God wants something better if she will come to God, she also has a guardian angel as we all do pray and speak to her angel. God Bless and I am praying for you now that you may regain your strength and and witness.
 
I think the problem OP is facing is not the sexual orientation of her friends, but her understanding of the nature of true friendship. If I find myself repeatedly getting into relationships of any kind that are one-sided, where I feel myself being controlled or manipulated by others, taken advantage of, even to the point of becoming resentful, that is probably a sign I need to be more careful in choosing friends, and thinking about what it means to be a friend, and to have one.
 
puzzleannie said:
I think the problem OP is facing is not the sexual orientation of her friends, but her understanding of the nature of true friendship. If I find myself repeatedly getting into relationships of any kind that are one-sided, where I feel myself being controlled or manipulated by others, taken advantage of, even to the point of becoming resentful, that is probably a sign I need to be more careful in choosing friends, and thinking about what it means to be a friend, and to have one.
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That’s how I read it as well. I think that these women are using her and it has nothing to do with their orientation.
 
Sandy, I recommend you back out of the relationship. If you are a good Catholic and these two start performing PDAs in public while you are with them you are tacitly signaling to others that know you that you approve of their lifestyle and accept it. They are going to try to integrate you into their lifestyle and “pimp” you to gain relational clout with their other straight friends (introducing you to their friends) or to nurture you into “straight friend” who they can point to as “enlightened and accepting” of their disgraceful and disordered lifestyle.

You can still care for these individuals. But do not get sucked into their social modus operandi since they will slowly change you over to their way of thinking or their manner of dress and their values. You can be a better friend to them by signaling that you do not approve of their lifestyle but care for them spiritually. Pray for them but unless you really think you can convert them its probably more harmful to you to stay around them.

James
 
Chill, man 🙂 🙂 🙂
I know all about being lesbian and it’s not that bad. Women look good, you guys all agree I guess, so where’s the difference? Perhaps they’ll let you join them. Play scrabble and enjoy living close to them and a friendly god 👍
 
laurate said:
Chill, man 🙂 🙂 🙂
I know all about being lesbian and it’s not that bad. Women look good, you guys all agree I guess, so where’s the difference? Perhaps they’ll let you join them. Play scrabble and enjoy living close to them and a friendly god 👍
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:confused:
 
SandyK said:
I have been friends with a man who is gay for about 4 years. Turns out he wasn’t really my friend. He just always wanted to get money from me which unfortunately I gave him because he is on disability. When I stopped giving him money, he no longer wanted to talk to me. I pray for him. He is HIV positive.

Secondly, he introduced me to his two lesbian friends who have been partners for 30 years and are well-to-do and enjoy doing what they want. I have been friends with them for about 5 months and have gone to dinner with them, played scrabble at their house and just chatted. They are very nice to me. I am getting concerned. I am a straight woman and widowed. Occasionally, I see my friends kissing or hugging and it bothers me. I’m beginning to feel my spiritual life may be declining since I have been friends with them. They now have there troubled 15 year-old grandaugther living with them because of problems at home and may get custody of her. They called me tonight and want me to pick her up at school tomorrow 6/9/08:confused: at 11 am and watch her until 4:30 pm at my house and they will pick her up after they meet with her counselor. Personally, I feel a 15 year old should be able to be home alone, but they don’t trust her and she steals so I will have to be careful. They want me to go to dinner with them after they pick her up. I am not going because I need to go to confession (which I doubt they would understand) and I and bothered by the situation. Any help or insight would be appreciated. The puzzling fact also is one woman is a lesbian and her partners tell me that she is straight and was married with two children, but could not help who she fell in love with. That I don’t understand. I feel I should stop being friends with them because I think there could be trouble. I do not judge them, but it is getting difficult to be friends with lesbians.
SandyK
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This is like a terrible, terrible case of homophobia. Good gravy.

Can you control who you fall in love with? No. If you’re gay, that’s just what happens, folks. Maybe you can get into Freudian psychology or something, but, come on. There might be trouble with that granddaughter. There would only be trouble with the lesbians if you let there be trouble. They can’t convert you to lesbianism.

Get over all this insecurity and misinformation. Just because the Catholic Church doesn’t condone the act of homosexuality doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends with gays, and that gays are intrinsically bad people.
 
No, this is not like a terrible cae of homophobia.

Perhaps you can’t control who you fall in love with, but a person can control and choose who they sleep with. It’s possible they are born that way. They deserve respect like anyone else.

I agree with you that they can’t convert me to lesbianism. They were trying–telling me they knew a woman named Vicky who they thought I would like. Telling me to come to one of there sex toy parties and talking about dildos and sex. Straight, gay or lesbian, I wouldn’t go to a sex toy party.

I’m not misinformed. Ofcourse we can be friends with them. I don’t feel gays are intrinsically bad people at all. There people like all of us --some are nice, some aren’t. No different than the straight society.

The gay guy got over $3,000.00 from me. I thought I was helping him pay his bills. He used the money for other things I was told by his lesbian friends and also I was told he laughed at me and sent my e-mails to his lesbian friends (the e-mails were very nice) and told them he didn’t like me. He didn’t like me, but didn’t mind taking my money. I was his friend, he wasn’t my friend it turned out.

They are trying to get me in the middle of their problems with the grandaughter and her father who is on heroin and the mother has problems. They are in the middle of a custody battle right now. The 15 year old girl is all messed up and I doubt that is her fault. I left her alone in my house for 5 minutes and found her going through my jewelry box. The lesbians got angry with me because I cut my hair short and said I liked your hair the other way. They tell me to wear sterling silver jewelry and not gold and to dress more fashionable. They are trouble and are trying to get me involved with this kid. This is not a terrible case of homophobia–it’s a terrible case of catching them in lies and they could perhaps hurt me. They are pretty rough. I can’t go into it all. I’m getting away from them because of drugs as well and the gay guy has problems. He is HIV-positive and said if he got mad enough, he would cut himself and put his blood on somebody! Sounds like great people right? Duh?
SandyK
 
SandyK said:
I have been friends with a man who is gay for about 4 years. Turns out he wasn’t really my friend. He just always wanted to get money from me which unfortunately I gave him because he is on disability. When I stopped giving him money, he no longer wanted to talk to me. I pray for him. He is HIV positive.

Secondly, he introduced me to his two lesbian friends who have been partners for 30 years and are well-to-do and enjoy doing what they want. I have been friends with them for about 5 months and have gone to dinner with them, played scrabble at their house and just chatted. They are very nice to me. I am getting concerned. I am a straight woman and widowed. Occasionally, I see my friends kissing or hugging and it bothers me. I’m beginning to feel my spiritual life may be declining since I have been friends with them. They now have there troubled 15 year-old grandaugther living with them because of problems at home and may get custody of her. They called me tonight and want me to pick her up at school tomorrow 6/9/08:confused: at 11 am and watch her until 4:30 pm at my house and they will pick her up after they meet with her counselor. Personally, I feel a 15 year old should be able to be home alone, but they don’t trust her and she steals so I will have to be careful. They want me to go to dinner with them after they pick her up. I am not going because I need to go to confession (which I doubt they would understand) and I and bothered by the situation. Any help or insight would be appreciated. The puzzling fact also is one woman is a lesbian and her partners tell me that she is straight and was married with two children, but could not help who she fell in love with. That I don’t understand. I feel I should stop being friends with them because I think there could be trouble. I do not judge them, but it is getting difficult to be friends with lesbians.
SandyK
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**My opinion, Sandy:
  1. Do not visit their home any more.
  2. Do not get involved with the granddaughter, or to pick her up after school or babysit for her. This is not your responsibility at all. Tell them they will have to make other arrangements.
  3. Talk to your priest about the situation.
  4. Don’t give them any money.**
 
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