Friends who are "less than Catholic"?

[shalria]

Hello all.

My name is Shalimar and I’m a recently converted Catholic (recently as in last October).

The reason I come to this forum today is for advice on having friends who…well, don’t necessarily help me grow in Christ. Now these are friends I’ve had for at least a couple of years, friends I’ve met through school and various other things…the problem is that I made these friends before I had come to Christ and many of my friends are atheist/agnostic/indifferent.

Many of them I’ve also talked to about Christ, the Church, God, and the Bible, but I guess I can’t seem to get through to them…many of them participate in extramarital sex, homosexuality, drugs, idolatry (to an extent), drunkenness, and some even witchcraft?

NOW the problem I’m having is that none of these people are downright EVIL…they treat me well, respect my beliefs/practices…but I guess it can be disheartening and frustrating to come to them and expect them…to, well, behave like Christians and to understand God and Jesus?

Please help, I don’t know what to do. I’m worried that I’m being too judgmental of them. +I know it’s basically my duty to be Christ to them and evangelize them if I can. It’s just wearing me down and I don’t know what to do. Every time I spend time with them I feel like I’m growing a little farther away from them. I also feel sad that I can’t really discuss my faith with them in depth.

Maybe friendships based on things other than Christ (shared interests, longevity, proximity) are the friendships that aren’t meant to last long.

I am very new to all this & any responses (especially those relating to scripture) are appreciated.

Blessings!

Shalimar

 

[EasterJoy]

Well, first off, it is a good idea to make friends of your brothers and sisters in the faith and to invest considerable amounts of your leisure time and volunteer time with them. If you do not have such friends, ask for some. (Matt. 7:7-11) It is also OK (and actually necessary) to avoid going places with anyone where the main focus is to pursue sin (such as drunkenness, casual sex, or inciting others to envy or lust), preferring instead activities that are hospitable to virtue. There is no problem with eating with sinners, but do not go out to places where you know you’ll only be watching them get drunk and try to pick up on strangers.

So be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and handed himself over for us as a sacrificial offering to God for a fragrant aroma. Immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be mentioned among you, as is fitting among holy ones, no obscenity or silly or suggestive talk, which is out of place, but instead, thanksgiving. Be sure of this, that no immoral or impure or greedy person, that is, an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty arguments, for because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the disobedient. So do not be associated with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light, for light produces every kind of goodness and righteousness and truth. Try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the fruitless works of darkness; rather expose them, for it is shameful even to mention the things done by them in secret; but everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for everything that becomes visible is light. Therefore, it says: “Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.” Watch carefully then how you live, not as foolish persons but as wise, making the most of the opportunity, because the days are evil.
Eph 5:1-16

If you cannot expect a good outcome from talking about the Gospel, then don’t. (Matt. 7:6). Also, see first and foremost that you advise yourself act in a virtuous way, being patient, kind, humble, and so on, correcting primarily when your only alternative is to condone sin, lest you chide others more than chide yourself. (Matt. 7:1-5)

 

[venite_adoremus]

First, welcome to the adventure of grace! It’s a roller coaster, being led by the spirit of God. Scripture warns us of the sacrifices that may have to be made by believers…the loss of family, friends, the esteem of the world. It’s wonderful that you are giving witness of the faith to your friends. Plant the seed of ideas, but remember, the seed sown among thorns or along a well-beaten path may not come to the same fruition as the seed planted in rich soil. (Check out the parable of the sower and the seed, one of my very favorites, and the first gospel I heard preached in a Catholic church at the first Mass I ever attended!) It is not your job to convert the world. It is all our jobs to prepare the way of the Lord, but it is the Holy Spirit that converts the heart. Just as happened in your case. Don’t hesitate to pray, without ceasing, for your friends.

Saint Augustine struggled with the notion of “in the world, but not of it” in his writings, a treatise we now call The City of God. It’s heavy reading, but explores some of the problems you’re starting to experience. As believers, we feel the embrace of grace, and for the new believer, Satan “ups the ante” on the tug of sin–he’d like nothing better than to get you “out” of the very faith you’ve just come “into.” Make full use of the Sacrament of Penance. As a wise pastor once told me, penance is not to be feared, but embraced. Frequent confession keeps the light bulb of grace burning brightly. Receive Holy Communion frequently. Read scripture (is there a scripture study group in your parish?). Pray constantly. Build the armor of God. And don’t worry about what others do. Set a good example, and the rest will follow.

 

[SecretCatholic]

I think in most cases, the best evangelization (this is a word, no?) we can do is being shining examples of what Catholics/Christians should be. And when we fail (because we always do, to some extent) we take that opportunity to show humility, repentance and sincere apologies the way a Christian should.

This is pretty big in itself, since most people are not big on humility or repentance and avoid apologizing, even when they know they’re wrong. These are just natural “fallen” tendencies that we humans have. Giving a super-natural show of spirituality does a lot for witnesses.

Your friends know that you’re Catholic. Lead by example. Don’t encourage talk of sexual conquests, improper sexual behavior, drunkenness other immoral acts. When they talk to you about them, its probably best not to be heavy-handed or appear judgmental. Just ignore the comments, or change the subject when appropriate.

Keep being their friend if they are respectful and not insisting on leading you into temptation. As time passes, when they see the strength of your resolve and example, they may well come to you for advice or information of Catholicism. Or you may be the influence they need in their lives down the road to lead them towards God.

I would discourage you from breaking off these friendships just because these individuals are not Catholic or because they are sinful people (for we all are). The point at which you should consider ending relationships is when they are in direct opposition to your path to God- when they are seriously leading you astray. Anyone pushing or dragging you into immoral activities is no friend.

 

[Viki63]

I agree with others that it’s important for you to find Christian (Catholic if possible) friends, and spend most of your time with them.
Before I became a Christian, I had a friend who converted. She stopped hanging around with the rest of our group – not that we were doing any evil things, but she was more interested in reading her Bible and praying. She prayed like crazy for me. For which I will always be grateful, because God made himself known to me in a real and unmistakable way.
But at one point, we all thought she was crazy. She was actually the only wise one of us.
She didn’t learn until much later that God had answered her prayers for me. So don’t be discouraged.
But when you are with them, just be yourself, but avoid sin and sinful conversation. I had a boss who used some sacrilegious language, not even talking to me – I was moved to make the sign of the cross when I heard it – she never used it again, that I heard.
God bless.

 

[Celtic_Maiden]

I had the same problem when I converted, so I gradually moved away from friends who did not share common goals and interests, while still keeping in touch with just a few. We grew apart, there interest were not my interests, I wanted to learn more about my new Faith and try to practise it, which casual sex, drunkenness , bad language disgusted me, so I moved on , and this gradually is what you will have to do and also keep them in your prayers.

 

[Demetra2]

I know that it can be a challenge to have friends who don’t have God in their lives. You are correct in acknowledging that they are not evil. This type of person is just very uninformed about God and often spiritually lazy. Look for the good in them and try to reveal your love of Christ through your actions. Just try to be a good and trustworthy friend that they feel safe with. Don’t hide your Catholic belief but don’t always be talking about it. Actions speak louder than words. You may be the only Catholic that they have a close relationship with so you have an opportunity to evangelize in a subtle way now and perhaps someday they may be ready to hear more about your faith and your love for Christ.
It is important for your spiritual growth to find some Catholic friends too, so go out and join some Catholic groups.

 

[shalria]

Thanks so much to all the repliers. I think…I think that I’m seeing some recurring themes in many of the responses.

So I will do as I have been doing…that is, remaining friends with these people and praying for them. Also, I will try and make friends with more Catholic people who can help me follow Christ.

This has been easier than I thought. Thank you & God bless!