Friends with Ex?

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Brightest_Star

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I’m not sure if this is the right place but…

Recently heard through the grapevine (he said this to a my best friend) that my ex was wondering if I’d be willing to be friends with him even though he was back with his ex-girlfriend.

?

She was wise and told him he’d have to ask me himself. So now I need an answer…

Most of me says ‘no’, I’d rather not deal with him or anything from his life.
Another part says ‘hang on, maybe it’s wrong to cut someone off who wants friendship’.

Then another part pipes up and says ‘you’re a fool if you think this man really wants to be friends’.

Advice please. I swear I will listen.
 
If the friendship is to have any future, I’m thinking you need to listen to “most of yourself” for the time being. Instead of “no way”, another idea is to say, “Maybe someday, but not now. No hard feelings, I hope you have a good life, but not any time soon, no.” That ought to appease the little bit of the rest of you that is considering the idea because you do not like to burn bridges.
 
I do not think you should have any contact with him. At one point in time, you had feelings for him, and those feelings could come back. You’re now with someone else and shouldn’t worry about an old boy friend; ) He’s in the past and stays in the past!
Brightest_Star said:
I’m not sure if this is the right place but…

Recently heard through the grapevine (he said this to a my best friend) that my ex was wondering if I’d be willing to be friends with him even though he was back with his ex-girlfriend.

?

She was wise and told him he’d have to ask me himself. So now I need an answer…

Most of me says ‘no’, I’d rather not deal with him or anything from his life.
Another part says ‘hang on, maybe it’s wrong to cut someone off who wants friendship’.

Then another part pipes up and says ‘you’re a fool if you think this man really wants to be friends’.

Advice please. I swear I will listen.
Click to expand...
 
Brightest_Star said:
I’m not sure if this is the right place but…

Recently heard through the grapevine (he said this to a my best friend) that my ex was wondering if I’d be willing to be friends with him even though he was back with his ex-girlfriend.

?

She was wise and told him he’d have to ask me himself. So now I need an answer…

Most of me says ‘no’, I’d rather not deal with him or anything from his life.
Another part says ‘hang on, maybe it’s wrong to cut someone off who wants friendship’.

Then another part pipes up and says ‘you’re a fool if you think this man really wants to be friends’.

Advice please. I swear I will listen.
Click to expand...
Jesus Christ said to forgive 70X7 times.
But He also said us to be simple as doves but wise as snakes.
Could I say better?
 
Brightest_Star said:
I’m not sure if this is the right place but…

Recently heard through the grapevine (he said this to a my best friend) that my ex was wondering if I’d be willing to be friends with him even though he was back with his ex-girlfriend.

?

She was wise and told him he’d have to ask me himself. So now I need an answer…

Most of me says ‘no’, I’d rather not deal with him or anything from his life.
Another part says ‘hang on, maybe it’s wrong to cut someone off who wants friendship’.

Then another part pipes up and says ‘you’re a fool if you think this man really wants to be friends’.

Advice please. I swear I will listen.
Click to expand...
I think the simple fact that you are having so much conflict in your choices speaks to the fact that you are not quite ready to be friends with this guy.
 
I’d suggest reviewing the reasons he is your “ex.” I’ll bet the clues you need are there.
 
DJK100 said:
I think the simple fact that you are having so much conflict in your choices speaks to the fact that you are not quite ready to be friends with this guy.
Click to expand...
This. People can be friends with their exes, my husband is still friends with a few of the girls he dated before me. But they were friends from the time they broke up, there wasn’t any of the conflicting feelings you’re experiencing. There is a reason your gut is telling you to put the past in the past, you would be wise to listen to it.
 
Thank you all, I’m going to take this advice and keep the past in the past. I really can’t see how being friends is at all for the best. Your answers just confirmed it for me.
Thanks again.🙂
 
A clean cut heals fastest. Why reopen an old wound?

If it’s been a couple years or less, stay away. If he was your ex twenty years ago, that’s another story.
 
Listen to “most of you”. He is an ex for a reason, don’t let him manipulate you into something that will benefit only him.
 
http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos...667234512_1345410047_32241567_709511086_n.jpg

My recommendation?

Don’t. Being just friends is a consolation prize offered by the heartbreaker who is not ready to let go of the benefits that were to be had by your companionship. It’s a very selfish offer. Sometimes it’s even done as a backup plan in case their hope to get with someone else fails.

On the other side, it may be an attempt by the other person to get back together.

My suggestion is tell this boy that you guys are done. Stop all contact. It will help you both move on. No point in clinging to something which is gone.
 
The friends thing always gets me. Imagine yourself 10 years down the road, married with 3 kids. Exactly how good of “friends” do you think you will be with your ex? None of my exes were even invited to my wedding. My wife made that abundantly and crystal clear.
 
Brightest_Star said:
I’m not sure if this is the right place but…

Recently heard through the grapevine (he said this to a my best friend) that my ex was wondering if I’d be willing to be friends with him even though he was back with his ex-girlfriend.

?

She was wise and told him he’d have to ask me himself. So now I need an answer…

Most of me says ‘no’, I’d rather not deal with him or anything from his life.
Another part says ‘hang on, maybe it’s wrong to cut someone off who wants friendship’.

Then another part pipes up and says ‘you’re a fool if you think this man really wants to be friends’.

Advice please. I swear I will listen.
Click to expand...
🤷😊
 
First of all, define ‘friend’. If you two have a lot of mutual friends and they have to take turns inviting you to a party and all he is asking is to be able to go to a group outing where the whole gang is there and you see each other at the event but spend your time with others, that is one thing

However, if his idea of friend is you to get together just the two of you… I need to be blunt ‘HE IS A JERK’.

I put myself in his current girlfriend’s shoes. He broke up with me, dated you, broke up with you and is back with me and now wants to be your friend??? Don’t buy it. He obviously can not make up his mind between the 2 of you and is trying to keep his doors open for whatever girl he feels like seeing.

Don’t do it, you deserve better. Not to mention, if you do meet a nice guy, what will he think of this?

CM
 
When giving advice, similar to this, to friends I always say the same thing.

There is not much hope that being friends with an ex will work out. It could…but only if you weren’t intimate with him and you had an amicable break-up.

Not that I’m assuming you were intimate with your ex. I’m just saying that IF you were…there is virtually no hope you could be friends with him. Intimacy muddles your true feelings and emotions for anyone. It introduces that big, green, ugly monster known as jealousy.

My Fiance and I are not friends with our respective ex’s for this exact reason.
 
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