Friendship advice

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Elisabethelisa

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Hi everyone!

So I have a really good friend with whom I disagree on a lot of things. I’m usually really tactful and respectful when I don’t agree with someone, but for some reason she’s just getting on my nerves lately and I just feel like I’m saying the same things to her over and over again.
  • She is married but hasn’t been leaving with her husband for almost 2 years.
  • The only reason she hasn’t started the divorce process is because of some law regarding child support…etc… but she doesn’t mind dating other men at all.
  • She is only interested in guys with loads of €€€ because she wants to be treated like a princess ( no comment please! I’m tired of telling her the difference between money and happiness/ pleasure and well-being …etc )
  • We completely disagree whenever abortion and sex are brought up in a conversation.
  • She is such an attention seeker and she knows it and I just can’t stand it.
That’s mainly what’s bothering me because whenever I see her or talk to her over the phone that’s mainly the only things she talks about. I just feel like banging my head against the wall. But I really like her, we still have a lot in common and I know her heart is not “dark”. She’s been dating that (really rich) guy for a bit more than a month. She recently told me he has been treating her like s*** from the beginning but she wouldn’t say anything just because he is rich so she might as well give it a try. :eek:
Anyway I just don’t know how or **what **to tell her anymore because at the same time she’s really sensitive and she is the type of person who always have something to say on everything. But she is my friend so I I can’t turn my back on her.

Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Elisabeth
 
Friendships come and go. Perhaps it is time to let this one die a natural death. You do not need to maintain friendships with people who drain you.

Many people think they have to be friends with someon just because they have been friends in the past. This simply isn’t true.

Just let go.
 
1ke said:
Friendships come and go. Perhaps it is time to let this one die a natural death. You do not need to maintain friendships with people who drain you.

Many people think they have to be friends with someon just because they have been friends in the past. This simply isn’t true.

Just let go.
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Agreed 👍
 
I’d say, all you can do is lead by example. If you want to keep hanging out with her, you’ll at least be a shining light and example of how people should really act.

The conscience stings when we’ve offended God and His love; it could be that her constant talking about what she’s doing is her way of trying to process that. With enough time, maybe she’ll see (by your example) that she’s been doing things all wrong.

That being said: You also can’t change people by yourself, and shouldn’t be expected to. God can work through you and allow her the grace to choose Him and His way of life, but only if she allows Him inside her heart.
 
Im in the exact same boat with my “bff”. The friendship is slowly dying, and i have no intentions of bringing it back to life.
 
Lochias said:
I’d say, all you can do is lead by example. If you want to keep hanging out with her, you’ll at least be a shining light and example of how people should really act.

The conscience stings when we’ve offended God and His love; it could be that her constant talking about what she’s doing is her way of trying to process that. With enough time, maybe she’ll see (by your example) that she’s been doing things all wrong.

That being said: You also can’t change people by yourself, and shouldn’t be expected to. God can work through you and allow her the grace to choose Him and His way of life, but only if she allows Him inside her heart.
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Nicely said, Lochias!
 
Elisabethelisa said:
Hi everyone!

So I have a really good friend with whom I disagree on a lot of things. I’m usually really tactful and respectful when I don’t agree with someone, but for some reason she’s just getting on my nerves lately and I just feel like I’m saying the same things to her over and over again.
  • She is married but hasn’t been leaving with her husband for almost 2 years.
  • The only reason she hasn’t started the divorce process is because of some law regarding child support…etc… but she doesn’t mind dating other men at all.
  • She is only interested in guys with loads of €€€ because she wants to be treated like a princess ( no comment please! I’m tired of telling her the difference between money and happiness/ pleasure and well-being …etc )
  • We completely disagree whenever abortion and sex are brought up in a conversation.
  • She is such an attention seeker and she knows it and I just can’t stand it.
That’s mainly what’s bothering me because whenever I see her or talk to her over the phone that’s mainly the only things she talks about. I just feel like banging my head against the wall. But I really like her, we still have a lot in common and I know her heart is not “dark”. She’s been dating that (really rich) guy for a bit more than a month. She recently told me he has been treating her like s*** from the beginning but she wouldn’t say anything just because he is rich so she might as well give it a try. :eek:
Anyway I just don’t know how or **what **to tell her anymore because at the same time she’s really sensitive and she is the type of person who always have something to say on everything. **But she is my friend so I I can’t turn my back on her.
**
Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Elisabeth
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That’s pretty much the only thing you have left. You say you have a lot in common, but unless you share her dysfunction and lack of morals, what do you REALLY have in common?? :confused:

Does her friendship actually ADD anything to your life? How do you define “good friend?” I want you to really think about this before answering. Is a “good friend” someone who embodies such deep disagreements with your faith? Can someone who has none of those moral values actually BE a “good friend?” You describe her as “really sensitive,” and I suspect that means that if you criticize her in any way, she will freak out and cry or get angry at you.

You see, I would describe such a person as being shallow, and without a solid moral foundation. Life is too short for me to waste on people like that. I do not spend time with people who do not add anything to my life. I would rather be alone than in the company of someone like your friend, who seems to care more about money and being treated like a princess (but not God’s princess!) than they do about things as crucial as protecting LIFE.

🤷

I’d start minimizing the time I spend with this person, and putting the time toward a better use instead. Anyway, she probably won’t miss you a whole lot, since it will leave her more time to date those rich guys.

your mileage may vary.

p.s. She’s not Catholic is she?
 
I would ask her if she believes prostitution is a desirable occupation? Dating some one just because they are rich is a form of prostitution. It degrades the female person. It is an unequal relationship, and the man has contempt for her because she is willing to prostitue herself for his money!

Her desire to be treated like a Princess is inborn & written in her soul. I believe God places that in the female heart, so she will look for a man who will cherish her. A man who will lay down his life for her. A man willing to sacrifice for her & his children. A Man who has gained such graces by a soul conversion to God! Only God can turn an ugly frog (selfish man) into a Prince (A man who know’s how to love as God loves, with eternal love)

To attract a Prince, a woman must become a Princess! She must discover her true identity, self worth, and dignity in God. God has decared she is Priceless!
 
Lochias: Thank you! That’s exactly what I’m trying to do, but I just feel like so far it’s not doing anything. Last month I gave her a blessed Medal from Rue du Bac so that she can keep it with her and maybe try to change her views. I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

Regina: Thank you for the (name removed by moderator)ut especially: She must discover her true identity, self worth, and dignity in God I truly believe she has low self esteem issues that’s why I just can’t give up on her even though there is a lot we don’t agree with.

1ke and Juliane I totally get your point, we all go through that stage when we have to choose friends we want to keep and those we need to let go. I won’t get into details, but as I said, knowing her and her childhood we have a lot in common, but everyone reacts and grows differently. I had and still have God, 5 brothers and 2 sisters when she didn’t have no one so…

Julianne : "unless you share her dysfunction and lack of morals, what do you REALLY have in common?? " I believe that if I was sharing the same “values” I wouldn’t have any problem with her and I wouldn’t be on CAF.
**“Does her friendship actually ADD anything to your life?” **And I also believe that sometimes it’s not only about what people add to you life but what YOU can add to theirs especially when you know they’re going the wrong way and not necessarily doing it on purpose.

And no she isn’t Catholic but at least her husband was raised so and strangely enough she is the one who insisted on having their son baptised and going to catholic private school so there is still hope for her I guess.

Anyways, thank you all for you post.
 
But if you shared the same values you wouldn’t have a problem. Exactly. You don’t share the same values, nor does it sound like she wants to share your values. You stated that she does not take your advice. She is married but dates other men. Why would you want to remain friends with her again? You don’t share the same values, and she cheats on her husband? And by the way, she is doing this on purpose.

As for remaining friends because of what she gets from you? What is she getting? She does not value your thoughts, and she is not influenced by your values. You are someone for her to tell her secrets to. So again, what are you getting out of this? I understand that you have known her a long time, but that alone is not a resaon to still be friends. Use your energy to make new friends.
 
"I understand that you have known her a long time, but that alone is not a resaon to still be friend" This I explained already.Can we all focus on what and how to tell her things so she go back the right path? And not that I shouldn’t be talking to her because she is the way she is and gets on my nerves sometimes.

As for cheating on her husband, they both decided to see whoever they wanted to, so from their point of you it’s not cheating. I don’t agree because they’re not divorced, but at least they’re not lying to each other.

We all know what she is doing is WRONG. But even though I wouldn’t want to stay friend with her, I won’t just go like that and let her in the darkness.
 
Elisabethelisa said:
"I understand that you have known her a long time, but that alone is not a resaon to still be friend" This I explained already.Can we all focus on what and how to tell her things so she go back the right path? And not that I shouldn’t be talking to her because she is the way she is and gets on my nerves sometimes.

As for cheating on her husband, they both decided to see whoever they wanted to, so from their point of you it’s not cheating. I don’t agree because they’re not divorced, but at least they’re not lying to each other.

We all know what she is doing is WRONG. But even though I wouldn’t want to stay friend with her, I won’t just go like that and let her in the darkness.
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There is absolutely nothing you can say or do that will change her behavior. We all have friends that we know are making bad and harmful choices that we wish we could pull out of it but we can’t. The choices are to either watch them go down a hard path knowing that they will fall, or deciding that we just can’t be around this and breaking off the friendship.

I’ve made both choices at one time or another depending on the circumstances.
 
From your description, your friend sounds like she’s filling her self-esteem vaccum with conquests - men, money, things. She’s distracting herself with material conquest.

So why would she pursue a friendship with a person who is the polar opposite?

Is it because you listen and are the only real friend she has? Behavior like hers could run off a lot of would-be friends.

Is it because she knows, in her heart, that she’s playing with fire, and she’s hoping you’ll pull her out of harms way before the explosion?

Some other reason?

You have to follow your heart on this, but I’d start with frank honesty. And I’d start limiting my exposure to her if your talks are increasingly frustrating. If she values your friendship, she’ll notice and possibly reflect on it. If she’s using you, she’ll be gone quickly and you’ll know that you’re better off without that kind of single-sided friendship.
 
Elisabethelisa said:
"I understand that you have known her a long time, but that alone is not a resaon to still be friend" This I explained already.Can we all focus on what and how to tell her things so she go back the right path? And not that I shouldn’t be talking to her because she is the way she is and gets on my nerves sometimes.

As for cheating on her husband, they both decided to see whoever they wanted to, so from their point of you it’s not cheating. I don’t agree because they’re not divorced, but at least they’re not lying to each other.

We all know what she is doing is WRONG. But even though I wouldn’t want to stay friend with her, I won’t just go like that and let her in the darkness.
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You’re not going to save her. You may think you can, but you can’t. It’s up to her, and God. Here’s a challenge. Sit down with her and go over what she is doing that is wrong. Don’t condemn her, but do get honest with her. If she freaks out and yells at you - “What business is it of YOURS?” etc. then recognize that she’s not paying one whit of attention to what you are trying to do. She’s got her own POV and it’s not going to change without some heavy intervention from the Holy Spirit. Pity, but that’s my experience.

🤷

Pray for her. Tell her, “When you stop acting like an idiot, call me.” 🙂
 
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