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Island_Oak
Guest
Looking for some wise advice in dealing with a friend…apologies in advance for the long post…
The woman in question has been a friend for about 3 years. We have spent a lot of time together in part because our spouses are business partners and our kids line up in terms of age/gender. We have travelled with them as a family and couples as well and have had lots of fun and plenty of good times.
While we have been close, in all honesty she has pursued the friendship and tried to establish a deeper “best friends” scenario more so than I.
Late in the summer, I feel she violated a confidence. She didn’t hide it from me, but rather discussed an issue with someone who she really had no business approaching on my behalf. She was well-intentioned, but it put me in an awkward position and frankly the gaffe surprised me since she had generally been very discreet and reliable in dealing with private matters.
Afterwards we found ourselves busy with the fall school/sports schedule, but I made little effort to see or contact her as I normally would have. When she approached me, I told her how I felt about this issue and she apologized sincerely and I know she regrets it.
However, I feel hesitant to reconnect with her. I am not holding on to resentment, but the more I withdraw the more she pushes back and pursues the friendship. I feel in some ways we are very different people and am not sure how much of my limited time I want to continue to devote to the relationship.
I think she assumes I’m still “mad.” How/Should I communicate that the issue is behind us, yet something in the friendship has changed? I’m not looking to hurt her or cut her out of my life entirely–much less cause conflict to/involve the husbands/kids. I just need some space and am having a hard time getting there without causing offense. Help?
The woman in question has been a friend for about 3 years. We have spent a lot of time together in part because our spouses are business partners and our kids line up in terms of age/gender. We have travelled with them as a family and couples as well and have had lots of fun and plenty of good times.
While we have been close, in all honesty she has pursued the friendship and tried to establish a deeper “best friends” scenario more so than I.
Late in the summer, I feel she violated a confidence. She didn’t hide it from me, but rather discussed an issue with someone who she really had no business approaching on my behalf. She was well-intentioned, but it put me in an awkward position and frankly the gaffe surprised me since she had generally been very discreet and reliable in dealing with private matters.
Afterwards we found ourselves busy with the fall school/sports schedule, but I made little effort to see or contact her as I normally would have. When she approached me, I told her how I felt about this issue and she apologized sincerely and I know she regrets it.
However, I feel hesitant to reconnect with her. I am not holding on to resentment, but the more I withdraw the more she pushes back and pursues the friendship. I feel in some ways we are very different people and am not sure how much of my limited time I want to continue to devote to the relationship.
I think she assumes I’m still “mad.” How/Should I communicate that the issue is behind us, yet something in the friendship has changed? I’m not looking to hurt her or cut her out of my life entirely–much less cause conflict to/involve the husbands/kids. I just need some space and am having a hard time getting there without causing offense. Help?