Friendship man-woman

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Kathrin

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Does anybody know if there is anything in the Catechism about friendships between a man and a woman?
I have a good friend who is a man. Yes in the beginning I think he wanted more than friendship, but I made my stance clear to him and somehow we could remain just friends.

Now I am planning a camping trip with my aunt and her husband, and we have talked about this friend of mine joining us too. It would be really good for him too, he hasn’t been away for a very long time. i told him definitely I wouldn’t share a tent with him and I think he understands. Since we are a group of 4, that would be ok, wouldn’t it? To go on a trip together? Any thoughts?

I am going back and forth with this. A part of me thinks it might be really fun, another part is afraid that it might not be ok in some way, that it might get too stressful…The boundaries have to be really clear, I told him that too. That the boundaries between friendship and relationship must not be blurry, but clear. Sometimes it is difficult though. Is a hug already violating the boundaries? etc.

It started almost as a joke, him joining us, but somehow now we are talking serious. I can’t really tell him now no you can’t come.

What do you think?

Kathrin
 
Here is a CCC reference for you:

scborromeo.org/ccc/para/2347.htm

**2347 **The virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship. It shows the disciple how to follow and imitate him who has chosen us as his friends, who has given himself totally to us and allows us to participate in his divine estate. Chastity is a promise of immortality. Chastity is expressed notably in friendship with one’s neighbor. Whether it develops between persons of the same or opposite sex, friendship represents a great good for all. It leads to spiritual communion.
That being said, going on a camping trip where it appears you are a couple could be a near occasion of sin or a scandal.

Could you invite some other people along, make it an “odd number”? Have girls tents and boy’s tents, no mixed sleeping even for married folks (I’ve been on camping trips that were that way to assist those along who were single avoid scandal).
 
kage_ar said:
Here is a CCC reference for you:

scborromeo.org/ccc/para/2347.htm

**2347 **The virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship. It shows the disciple how to follow and imitate him who has chosen us as his friends, who has given himself totally to us and allows us to participate in his divine estate. Chastity is a promise of immortality. Chastity is expressed notably in friendship with one’s neighbor. Whether it develops between persons of the same or opposite sex, friendship represents a great good for all. It leads to spiritual communion.
Click to expand...
Love this! 🙂
kage_ar said:
That being said, going on a camping trip where it appears you are a couple could be a near occasion of sin or a scandal.
Click to expand...
Well my relatives, that is my aunt and her husband, know me very well, know that at 34 I am a virgin and am really not looking for a relationship. I am very special in that way. I have had many male friends.
Definitely I don’t want to appear as a couple to other people.
kage_ar said:
Could you invite some other people along, make it an “odd number”?
Click to expand...
Since we’re going with my relatives’ car I really don’t think I could do that.
kage_ar said:
Have girls tents and boy’s tents, no mixed sleeping even for married folks (I’ve been on camping trips that were that way to assist those along who were single avoid scandal).
Click to expand...
My relatives will sleep in their car. I have a little tent. My friend would have to bring his own. I made that clear to him.
 
Ok, I really want to do this right, neither being too scrupulous nor denying somebody my valid friendship.

These are the points:
  • Yes, he did once hope for more than friendship. But we developed a good friendship in which we can talk about things, he helps me with my scrupulosity issues and I help him with relationship issues, depression etc…
  • I definitely do not want to do something that is a sin. I know there may be no clear answer on this one, I doubt there is something in the catechism for whether or not it is ok to go on vacation with peiople of the opposite gender.
  • I am afraid that if he does come along this may be any sort of temptation for him, I would like to set clear guidelines, but then that would be kind of weird too maybe. For example, do I have to tell him it is not ok to go swimming all together, because I don’t want him to see me in a bathing suit? But then again, often friends, mixed groups, go swimming together. So is it ok or not?
  • A very important point: He has been struggling with much depression and stuff and said things like he could never go away again, and now he IS kind of thinking about joining us and I think it would be really good for him. It would somehow feel not-friendhsip like if I told him now, no you can’t come!
  • He agreed that we would be kind of independent, that we all travel together but do things on our own too, maybe even all going our own ways for the day, stuff like that.
I just talked to him on the phone. We are going to talk about this again. I want to make things clear. Should I talk to a priest too? Is there any reason to think it is a sin if he joins us, even with things made clear? That wouldn’t be good.

Torn,

Kathrin
 
But thank you for replying anyway! 🙂
Thank you especially for the beautiful reference on friendship.
 
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