Friendships and Social Anxiety?

[AnolisSagrei]

I was just thinking today about how tired I am of everything being so complicated. I feel like so many people are able to live life without constant anxieties, and I don’t understand how to do that for myself.

I feel like friendship is such a crucial thing and yet it is so hard to keep up with. I have several people I call friends, in the true sense of the term, and I love them dearly. Growing up in an abusive household, I never got to make friends and I had very little confidence in myself. I still see problems today. For one thing, I constantly worry that my friends will leave me, either intentionally or we will drift apart. There’s no basis for this fear, but the thought just kills me inside. I also constantly struggle with feelings that I do not deserve them, that I don’t deserve to be loved and encouraged and interact with these truly wonderful people.

I am alone so much, which I do not mind, except that I want to share my life with people I understand, and who understand me and accept me for who I am. I am not clingy with my friends, I give them plenty of space and probably avoid contacting them sometimes even though I want to so much, just to make sure that I don’t become overbearing (another one of my fears).

My friends have repeatedly told me the opposite of these bad feelings but I still struggle with it on and off. It doesn’t help that the first real feelings of love I was able to have was for these people, because I did not grow up in a normal family. I feel affection and admiration for them intensely, but I do not know how that would measure up to the average person’s feelings for their friends. I always want to do something to show them how grateful I am that they are my friends, but I can think of little but pray much for them, and sometimes helping them with things when they need it.

I usually have these negative feelings whenever I don’t hear from someone right away, or the phone or IM or email goes unanswered for a time. I do not expect instant replies at all, and I know that there is always a good reason why they aren’t speaking with me immediately, but it brings up those irrational feelings again.

Am I doomed to suffer with this for the rest of my life? Is there a way to get over it? Does anyone else go through this from time to time?

I’m just feeling sad about this right now. I didn’t mean to ramble on.

 

[SecretCatholic]

Your anxiety is something that you must deal with.You already know its source, which may help you conquer it. Most, if not all, anxiety comes from not living in the moment.

Jesus said “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34)

That said, true friendship is a very powerful and warm love. You are not wrong about that.

 

[mountee]

Quite honestly you seem like a perfect friend who is trying to be considerate of your friends time and trying not to be a burden. However, you also sound like someone who could really use some counseling and I hope there is a way for you to arrange that. Counseling will provide you an opportunity to resolve the early abuse and to learn some techniques to help you socially.

Memorare

REMEMBER, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly to thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother; to thee do I come; before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

 

[AnolisSagrei]

Thank you both for your replies.

SecretCatholic, I definitely do have trouble living in the moment. I find it difficult to live and cherish today’s aspects because I spend so much time worrying about the future’s and how it might all end someday (or something ridiculous like that).

Mountee, the Memorare is my favorite prayer, or one of them, and I pray it many times a day, especially when I am feeling down. Thank you for that. As for counseling, I am in university at the moment and so cannot afford it unless there is a free or inexpensive route to take. I will look for a Catholic Charities in my area (does anyone have any advice on that?) or see if my uni can help. I’m not certain the campus counseling center would help with non-academic, personal issues, but I suppose they might.

One thing that particular aggravated this was when I was a young girl, quite depressed and living in a miserable Purgatory of a home, I had a couple of things which did help me to feel better, one of them going to Mass, but these were taken away from me and forbidden. And ever since I feel deeply insecure about the good things in my life, worrying that these too somehow will be taken from me.

I also feel bad acting in this manner because I’m afraid that it might hurt my friends for me to be worrying about such things as if I did not trust them.

 

[Irishmom2]

Many colleges and universities have free counseling available, and yes, they deal with personal issues. Personal problems can affect your academics, so they are there to help. Look into it at your own school, many times, it is just not common knowledge that it exists. I hope that you will find help for your concerns. May God bless you and guide you.

 

[SecretCatholic]

SecretCatholic, I definitely do have trouble living in the moment. I find it difficult to live and cherish today’s aspects because I spend so much time worrying about the future’s and how it might all end someday (or something ridiculous like that).

Then we have something in common.
But we must continue to try to focus on today, so that tomorrow will be more fruitful.

 

[CharityTraveler]

I was just thinking today about how tired I am of everything being so complicated. I feel like so many people are able to live life without constant anxieties, and I don’t understand how to do that for myself.

I feel like friendship is such a crucial thing and yet it is so hard to keep up with. I have several people I call friends, in the true sense of the term, and I love them dearly. Growing up in an abusive household, I never got to make friends and I had very little confidence in myself. I still see problems today. For one thing, I constantly worry that my friends will leave me, either intentionally or we will drift apart. There’s no basis for this fear, but the thought just kills me inside. I also constantly struggle with feelings that I do not deserve them, that I don’t deserve to be loved and encouraged and interact with these truly wonderful people.

I am alone so much, which I do not mind, except that I want to share my life with people I understand, and who understand me and accept me for who I am. I am not clingy with my friends, I give them plenty of space and probably avoid contacting them sometimes even though I want to so much, just to make sure that I don’t become overbearing (another one of my fears).

My friends have repeatedly told me the opposite of these bad feelings but I still struggle with it on and off. It doesn’t help that the first real feelings of love I was able to have was for these people, because I did not grow up in a normal family. I feel affection and admiration for them intensely, but I do not know how that would measure up to the average person’s feelings for their friends. I always want to do something to show them how grateful I am that they are my friends, but I can think of little but pray much for them, and sometimes helping them with things when they need it.

I usually have these negative feelings whenever I don’t hear from someone right away, or the phone or IM or email goes unanswered for a time. I do not expect instant replies at all, and I know that there is always a good reason why they aren’t speaking with me immediately, but it brings up those irrational feelings again.

Am I doomed to suffer with this for the rest of my life? Is there a way to get over it? Does anyone else go through this from time to time?

I’m just feeling sad about this right now. I didn’t mean to ramble on.

Hi Anolis Sagrei
I have went through a similar situation and am on the same path of healing myself.
Just last year i was not sure if i could change my life. Thank god i kept going and i am now going to therapy. Some days are tougher than others but i am telling you there is light at the end of the tunnel. It may be hard to believe but it is true. Please find a therapist and start working on this and give it time to work. If the therapist isn’t a good fit speak up and change to a new therapist. It may take a while to start feeling relief from these feeling, but DO NOT GIVE UP. I wanted to give up last year and thank god i didn’t. I am now starting college this year because i seeked help. Also another thing that help is prayer. Prayer gave me the strength to keep going on the dark days.

 

[Christy_Beth]

I was just thinking today about how tired I am of everything being so complicated. I feel like so many people are able to live life without constant anxieties, and I don’t understand how to do that for myself.

I feel like friendship is such a crucial thing and yet it is so hard to keep up with. I have several people I call friends, in the true sense of the term, and I love them dearly. Growing up in an abusive household, I never got to make friends and I had very little confidence in myself. I still see problems today. For one thing, I constantly worry that my friends will leave me, either intentionally or we will drift apart. There’s no basis for this fear, but the thought just kills me inside. I also constantly struggle with feelings that I do not deserve them, that I don’t deserve to be loved and encouraged and interact with these truly wonderful people.

I am alone so much, which I do not mind, except that I want to share my life with people I understand, and who understand me and accept me for who I am. I am not clingy with my friends, I give them plenty of space and probably avoid contacting them sometimes even though I want to so much, just to make sure that I don’t become overbearing (another one of my fears).

My friends have repeatedly told me the opposite of these bad feelings but I still struggle with it on and off. It doesn’t help that the first real feelings of love I was able to have was for these people, because I did not grow up in a normal family. I feel affection and admiration for them intensely, but I do not know how that would measure up to the average person’s feelings for their friends. I always want to do something to show them how grateful I am that they are my friends, but I can think of little but pray much for them, and sometimes helping them with things when they need it.

I usually have these negative feelings whenever I don’t hear from someone right away, or the phone or IM or email goes unanswered for a time. I do not expect instant replies at all, and I know that there is always a good reason why they aren’t speaking with me immediately, but it brings up those irrational feelings again.

Am I doomed to suffer with this for the rest of my life? Is there a way to get over it? Does anyone else go through this from time to time?

I’m just feeling sad about this right now. I didn’t mean to ramble on.

You aren’t doomed to have this for the rest of your life. There is a way out, and, yes, there are those who have gone through this sort of stuff. I’ve been diagnosed with Major Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Anxiety Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m not going to tell you that God will heal you if you say the right prayer for the right amount of time or what have you. He doesn’t work that way. He can lead you to a counselor who can work with you on this. Don’t think that once you get a counselor, that you can’t change if it isn’t a good fit. I’ve been through several, yet I can’t say that I’ve gotten much help. Other than I better understand what I have and a bit on how it affects my relationship to others.

Don’t give up. Keep plugging away at it, and know that there are those here who will pray for you and walk with you in your time of need.

 

[Luvz2travel]

If you have true friends that stand by you and value you then that’s a great treasure to have. As to the anxiety unless you find meds that work it’s probably something your always going to have. Anxiety issues are inherited a lot of times. Mine own are and I tried meds and councelors…nothing worked. So I just deal with them the best I can. I can’t say I have really ever had friends but that’s another story. We all have our burdens. Try to find the good in your life where you can and work from there. Even if you think there isn’t much. Say for example your healthy and have a decent paying job and can meet you bills…and find more from there. Prayers.