From Darkness to Light

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fewbob

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I have lived the majority of my life in darkness far away from God - more interested in money, power, women, friends, drinks and a good time. It is only these last few years that I have really discovered the loving God we really have. After wasting so much time I am trying my best to catch up on lost time. My problem lies in the fact that occasionally my mind wanders off to the past. I cannot believe that I was saw far away from God. I cannot get over what I did and find it difficult to forgive myself for my past sins. I know the Lord has forgiven me but will i ever forgive myself? Any advice please?

May God bless you all…
 
Our past always has a way to sneak up on us, even when we want it the very least of all. And, you will find yourself in moments of weakness where you willreturn to the past, and you may commit some of the same sins that you are turning your back on. My grandfather used to tell me something that I didn’t really understand when I was a kid. He would tell me, “You have to go through Good Friday to get your Easter.” Consider your past and the occasional revisit to it as your Good Friday. You, like the rest of us, were part of the crowd that shouted, “Crucify him! Crucify him!” But think of where all of this is leading you to! Stay on the path, and you will get to your Easter!

I am so happy for you on your journey home. You will stumble. You will likely even fall flat on your face. But the advice I always give is to keep this in perspective: the saints were merely sinners who fell down, but kept getting back up.
 
fewbob said:
I have lived the majority of my life in darkness far away from God - more interested in money, power, women, friends, drinks and a good time. It is only these last few years that I have really discovered the loving God we really have. After wasting so much time I am trying my best to catch up on lost time. My problem lies in the fact that occasionally my mind wanders off to the past. I cannot believe that I was saw far away from God. I cannot get over what I did and find it difficult to forgive myself for my past sins. I know the Lord has forgiven me but will i ever forgive myself? Any advice please?

May God bless you all…
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What greater forgiveness is there to know than that of your Creator and if He can forgive you then this should be incentive enough for you to forgive yourself. There is no greater forgiveness than God’s. In not forgiving yourself, you place your sin above the mercy and forgiveness of the Creator of the universe.
 
fewbob–

I have walked and am walking in your moccasins. Thank you for posting.

I think I have learned that the past will be with me always no matter how much I want to forget or change it. I know in my mind that I am forgiven especially after confession, a sacrament in which I have started to, once again, participate regularly. But, although I have said to myself, “I forgive you,” my heart doesn’t follow. I don’t feel forgiven, by myself, my God or anyone else.

I was such a slave to sin that I think I’m still suffering the after effects. My conscience tells me that not feeling this forgiveness, maybe not allowing myself to feel it, is another act of arrogance, sinful pride. It’s possible that I’m not submitting to the Father’s forgiveness.

While I’m trying to sort this stuff out, I pray. I pray for relief of myself and for the knowledge of God’s love. Psalm 51 really helps me. I pray for the humble spirit and contrite heart mentioned there.

Slowly but surely I think my guilt is fading. At least I don’t dwell on the past anymore. It pops into my consciousness from time to time, but only as, “Well that happened. Nothing I can do now.”

Blessing, grace and peace to you, fewbob.
 
I have a very checkered past myself and struggle with guilt and shame. My priest has been helpful in hearing my confession and counseling me in the art of loving myself as God loves me. What my priest has told me is basically take the past as lessons and be grateful in what choices I can make today to live the life I want to live. So perhaps your priest or someone in your faith community can help you. I also think volunteering or finding an other way to help people is an other way we help ourselves. Try to be human, not perfect. That is what my priest has also said to me. Good luck
 
Wow - I am impressed with all the love and concern… thank you. I am also grateful for your advice. May God bless you all.

I will go through my Good Friday and will look forward to Easter 🙂

Big Hug to you all.
 
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