From your experence why does NFP feel better than contraception?

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The quote from Galatians is being tortured, please let it off the mat! To say that it condemns pleasure in sex is unwarranted. It’s referring to disordered and evil desires, desire for sex, in ofitself, is NOT an evil or disordered thing. Nothing could be more natural in fact.

The Galatians passage refers to not just disordered sexual desire, by the way, but any evil fleshly desire, for violence, for domination, for money and power, for food or drink, etc.
Nate is speaking only I think about such disordered desires. In particular the disordered seeking of pleasure as the purpose of life…in a kind of hedonistic philosophy. And of course contraception being an act contrary to marital chastity such too is included in what Paul is writing about.
 
[Originally Posted by Blacksword View Post
Except no one has ever said that pleasure was the whole of the unitive bond. It is a not insignificant part of the unitive bonding that sex brings about, but not all there is in the bond. Too much hay from the straw men going down in here!/QUOTE]
 
Nate13;8239129:
No, it is both wrapped up in the unitive purpose and the underlying motivation. The pleasure causing effects of chemistry in bond-creation and strengthening are, as a matter of biological fact, inextricably linked and reinforced by having sex. It is a cycle feeding on itself through the reinforcement of motivation, desire, experience of pleasure, followed by renewed motivation. You cannot separate it in the way you try too. Pleasure is a valid, healthy, and good part of the unitive ends of sex. It is NOT just for ultimate salvation, but for the strengthening of the bonds of a couple through life, helping in holding them together for their good and the good of their children.
Well then here we find our differences and the difference you really have with the Church. Contraception is not the difference it is only a side effect of the true difference. You conclude that pleasure can be the purpose or one of the purposes by which we commit act. This is a Utilitarian attitude and rejects Personalism as spoken about in Love and Responsibility. When pleasure becomes the purpose of eating the act of eating becomes disordered. The same applies to sex. When we realize that these are simply motivations and never the ends by which we commit an act we align ourselves with the Church and Scripture as the Church interprets it.

The reasoning behind why the Church reemphasized “unitive” as one of the purposes of sex is because of the fact that if it is simply left at procreative this allows for interpretation that results in a gross misrepresentation of the marital debt, which can result in what amounts to rape in marriage. By specifying the unitive aspect it reiterates the fact that sexual intercourse in marriage is supposed to mirror Christ’s love for his Church. Christ does not love the Church for any physical purpose, but rather for a spiritual purpose.
 
Uh no I will not leave the Galatians passage alone because it encompasses this topic. Also, please understand this is not my interpretation of “unitive” it is the Church’s opinion reiterated in my own imperfect yet hopefully sufficient way. And yes I understand the passage condemns all seeking of pleasure as the purpose of life including sexual pleasure. Physical pleasure is never the purpose we do anything. Spiritual pleasure on the other hand is another thing entirely.

Scratch out physical and emotional and you got it 🙂 Not a purpose of sex… Its a motivation…
Who ever said seeking pleasure as an end in itself was good? Please tell me? I’m not Bentham.

And so you are now saying physical and emotional pleasure are of no value whatever? Of no part or consequence in unifying two people and bringing them closer? Ok, whatever.:rolleyes:

Tell you what: don’t preach it, live it. Sell everything you own, join a monastery, and live the rest of your days eating only bread and water, and I’ll say you’re being consistent at least with such an extreme and unnecessary view. After all, eating delicious food is tantamount to gluttony on your reasoning, and owning televisions, houses, cars, or anything really, might give pleasure, which is then automatically greed and avarice!:rolleyes:
 
Who ever said seeking pleasure as an end in itself was good? Please tell me? I’m not Bentham.

And so you are now saying physical and emotional pleasure are of no value whatever? Of no part or consequence in unifying two people and bringing them closer? Ok, whatever.:rolleyes:

Tell you what: don’t preach it, live it. Sell everything you own, join a monastery, and live the rest of your days eating only bread and water, and I’ll say you’re being consistent at least with such an extreme and unnecessary view. After all, eating delicious food is tantamount to gluttony on your reasoning, and owning televisions, houses, cars, or anything really, might give pleasure, which is then automatically greed and avarice!:rolleyes:
Nope never said they weren’t of value, I said they are never the purpose of our actions. I can appreciate something and see it as a motivation for why I’m doing it but if I’m eating to gain pleasure its gluttony. When we lose sight of the purpose of eating we see the historic rates of obesity and heart disease in America. I don’t claim to follow this perfectly but I do claim to recognize the goal and strive for it. I currently have a problem with how much soda I drink because of stress haha. I use soda to help get rid of stress and if I don’t break the habit soon it will catch up with me later on, although soda is better than drugs or alcohol haha. The point is that we set our sights on the goal and go to confession when we fail but never take our eyes off the prize.
 
Blacksword;8239167:
Well then here we find our differences and the difference you really have with the Church. Contraception is not the difference it is only a side effect of the true difference. You conclude that pleasure can be the purpose or one of the purposes by which we commit act. This is a Utilitarian attitude and rejects Personalism as spoken about in Love and Responsibility. When pleasure becomes the purpose of eating the act of eating becomes disordered. The same applies to sex. When we realize that these are simply motivations and never the ends by which we commit an act we align ourselves with the Church and Scripture as the Church interprets it.

The reasoning behind why the Church reemphasized “unitive” as one of the purposes of sex is because of the fact that if it is simply left at procreative this allows for interpretation that results in a gross misrepresentation of the marital debt, which can result in what amounts to rape in marriage. By specifying the unitive aspect it reiterates the fact that sexual intercourse in marriage is supposed to mirror Christ’s love for his Church. Christ does not love the Church for any physical purpose, but rather for a spiritual purpose.
I never said the purpose, I stated an obvious and undeniable fact of biology: sexual pleasure received in sex is part of the, or, if you like, promotes, the unity brought about by sex. And I am no Utilitarian. I, unlike you, in all likelihood, have a degree in Philosophy. I know what Utilitarianism is, thus the Bentham reference, and I assure you, I do not hold to it as an ethical framework. In fact, some comments here in that vein make it obvious that a number of posters don’t actually thoroughly understand what Utilitarianism is, but use the term a lot as a throw-away, kind of like how “socialist” is often used in politics by people who don’t really know what it actually is.
However in the interest of attaching labels, when we come to the point your perspective of holding only the spiritual of value and assigning none to physical things has a name: Gnosticism. The Gnostics assigned value to only spirit, and said all physical things were inherently evil, based in part on Platonic philosophy of forms v. particulars. I think we know how that philosophy was reacted to by St. Paul.👍
 
Blacksword;8239167:
Well then here we find our differences and the difference you really have with the Church. Contraception is not the difference it is only a side effect of the true difference. You conclude that pleasure can be the purpose or one of the purposes by which we commit act. This is a Utilitarian attitude and rejects Personalism as spoken about in Love and Responsibility. When pleasure becomes the purpose of eating the act of eating becomes disordered. The same applies to sex. When we realize that these are simply motivations and never the ends by which we commit an act we align ourselves with the Church and Scripture as the Church interprets it.

The reasoning behind why the Church reemphasized “unitive” as one of the purposes of sex is because of the fact that if it is simply left at procreative this allows for interpretation that results in a gross misrepresentation of the marital debt, which can result in what amounts to rape in marriage. By specifying the unitive aspect it reiterates the fact that sexual intercourse in marriage is supposed to mirror Christ’s love for his Church. Christ does not love the Church for any physical purpose, but rather for a spiritual purpose.
You know something funny about analogies: they are meant to show a point, but always break down at some point. Your marriage can be analogous to the Church as bride in some respects, but not in all respects, and decidedly is dissimilar in others…unless you think every husband is actually Jesus that is!😃

The fact that Jesus loves his bride and accomplishes a spiritual end for her does not somehow mean there is no physical component to marital love and sex, or that pleasure is not a good and normal part of the unifying bonds of sex.🤷
 
@Blacksword
This is your definition of unitive:
I would say unitive connotes the physical, emotional, and spiritual joining and closeness brought about between two people from a joining of the flesh, from sexual joining together.
The unitive bond is a purpose of sex and your definition includes the physical and emotional effects of sex which implies that you see them as part of the purpose. If you have a Philosophy major I bet you do understand all of this better than me haha. Utilitarianism relates to when we make our ultimate goal in life to be pleasure. You are right in saying I went overboard in applying this term since you only see it as part of the goal of life I guess. However I believe the term still applies in some respect since you do in part from your definition see pleasure to be one of many things in which we order our life around. While you don’t fully embrace Utilitarianism you don’t fully embrace Personalism either.

I condemn Gnosticism and know what Paul had to say about it. The body and its functions are good, but that still doesn’t ever allow for pleasures of the flesh to be the purpose or a purpose of our actions. To do so is to make an action disordered.
 
@Blacksword
I think I’ve got my point across and I’m going to bed. Don’t trust my words but rather look into Church teaching and see if you can find anything that states pleasures of the flesh can ever be the purpose or a purpose of any action without being disordered. Any comments you leave will be looked at in the morning.
 
Nope never said they weren’t of value, I said they are never the purpose of our actions. I can appreciate something and see it as a motivation for why I’m doing it but if I’m eating to gain pleasure its gluttony. When we lose sight of the purpose of eating we see the historic rates of obesity and heart disease in America. I don’t claim to follow this perfectly but I do claim to recognize the goal and strive for it. I currently have a problem with how much soda I drink because of stress haha. I use soda to help get rid of stress and if I don’t break the habit soon it will catch up with me later on, although soda is better than drugs or alcohol haha. The point is that we set our sights on the goal and go to confession when we fail but never take our eyes off the prize.
Sigh, yeah, and I never said pleasure was the purpose of our actions either…going in circles!🤷

You bring up a salient point here though: all those holding an extreme, border-line ascetic view on this issue, when you see someone eating an Oreo, do you tell them they are sinning and to get to confession? That they are in grave win of gluttony? Because there is absolutely NO reason to EVER eat a candy bar other than pleasure-seeking. In fact, this seems a much more clear cut case of pleasure-seeking as an end in itself!
 
Hey Blacksword

I respect what you have to say, so I’m going to request that you not :rolleyes: at my posts. If you don’t like something I’m saying, please just tell me. We can discuss it rationally and maybe even come up with some ‘useful discourse’.
Oh good grief! You know, you wouldn’t have to be married to someone to have sex with them either, how is married sex different from fornication really?!
Physically it’s not. The act can be identical, but Catholicism teaches for moral reasons that one is licit while the other isn’t.
Oral sex between you and your spouse is different from homosexual sex because you are YOU, you both are opposite sex married people, obviously. With that kind of generalization no sexual behavior is acceptable, or anything else. There’s always some way in which two totally different things are similar if we move to extremes of generality. Why is a raven like a writing desk? They’re both “things”, tangible solid objects after all, so totally the same!:rolleyes:
My question was a simple one. Oral sex, by definition, may be performed on either sex by either sex. The act is the same, there is essentially no *physical *difference whether an opposite sex couple or a same sex couple does it, correct?
Yes, asking about the acts at such a general level of comparison that it removes every substantive actual difference between the two, and then saying the two are the same. Not very sensible.
I was asking about the acts at a specific level-the physical.
And on further thinking for only a few moments, I also realize the implicit argument your question makes assumes the consequent, and actually argues for a conclusion I don’t think you mean it to.
I’m not following you here. If it’s not important, we could move on, but if it is, would you restate this more clearly? I’m just a simple kind of girl. :o
Your argument implied in this question is that all sexual contact outside of intercourse is analogous to homosexual acts, and therefore immoral. This means though that ANY oral genital contact is immoral, even as foreplay, a position all on here say is not correct. For surely it’s not the question of whether a homosexual act is taken to completion that determines it’s immorality?:D:D
Honestly, Blacksword, I was just asking a question about the physical similarity between an opposite-sex couple and a same-sex couple performing the same act to climax. Would you like to discuss the possibility of there being a moral difference between the two?
 
@Blacksword
This is your definition of unitive:

The unitive bond is a purpose of sex and your definition includes the physical and emotional effects of sex which implies that you see them as part of the purpose. If you have a Philosophy major I bet you do understand all of this better than me haha. Utilitarianism relates to when we make our ultimate goal in life to be pleasure. You are right in saying I went overboard in applying this term since you only see it as part of the goal of life I guess. However I believe the term still applies in some respect since you do in part from your definition see pleasure to be one of many things in which we order our life around. While you don’t fully embrace Utilitarianism you don’t fully embrace Personalism either.

I condemn Gnosticism and know what Paul had to say about it. The body and its functions are good, but that still doesn’t ever allow for pleasures of the flesh to be the purpose or a purpose of our actions. To do so is to make an action disordered.
Utilitarianism holds that maximization of pleasure and/or minimization of pain, are the only and sole considerations in determining the morality of actions. Thus, what I’ve said in appropriately pointing out that physical pleasure and emotional bonding are part of the unitive ends of sex is not utilitarian at all. The ordering of our lives to pleasure IS one of the many considerations we consider in determining our actions in life. It is not the ultimate goal, and thus not utilitarian, nor do I hold that it is even of primary importance in life, but obviously it is a consideration in determining actions and mority, yes. Or do you go out of your way to hurt yourself or cause pain? Who burns themselves on a hot stove purposefully repeatedly so as to not order their lives unduly to easier? We go to amusement parks, see movies we enjoy (we don’t generally torture ourselves watching bad movies on purpose after all!), and generally do take pleasure as A (not THE) consideration, or pain of an action. No one jumps at the chance to be waterboarded or racked! Except Bill Murray’s character in Little Shop of Horrors I guess…anyway, good night to you.
 
That’s my point. You can’t compare the acts in isolation and use that to determine whether or not they are moral.
I wasn’t determining the morality of anything, just making an observation.
There is a right time and place for certain acts.
I agree. Of course, that doesn’t apply to acts that are intrinsically disordered, right?
Grrrrrrr, typo!

EDIT:
Oddly, I still knew exactly what you meant, even with the typo. 🤷 Your context made sense. 😃
 
Hey Blacksword

I respect what you have to say, so I’m going to request that you not :rolleyes: at my posts. If you don’t like something I’m saying, please just tell me. We can discuss it rationally and maybe even come up with some ‘useful discourse’.
Sure, I’ll certainly provide such as much as I am able.
Physically it’s not. The act can be identical, but Catholicism teaches for moral reasons that one is licit while the other isn’t.
My question was a simple one. Oral sex, by definition, may be performed on either sex by either sex. The act is the same, there is essentially no *physical *difference whether an opposite sex couple or a same sex couple does it, correct?
The point here is that the fact that oral sex CAN be performed by any two people on each other of either gender configuration you like is NOT relevant to determining its morality. I can participate in oral sex with someone other than my wife, the fact that we are of opposite genders does not affect the morality of that action. It would be wrong regardless as that person is NOT my wife.
I was asking about the acts at a specific level-the physical.
No, you were making a comparison between two very different things, a husband and wife having oral sex v. two unmarried homosexuals having sex of really any sort. These are not analogous UNLESS you first move the comparison to such a general level that you have thereby removed the very specific factors that differentiate the two things. A dog is just like a cat when move to a general level of comparison wherein we purposely take out the differentiating things about them.
I’m not following you here. If it’s not important, we could move on, but if it is, would you restate this more clearly? I’m just a simple kind of girl. :o
No, this is kind of important, since it’s a basic logical fallacy in your argument.😉 Your argument, from the question you posed, essentially seeks to establish that oral sex to completion is intrinsically disordered and evil because it is analogous to or possible to be participated in by people of any gender configuration by first assuming the very intrinsic evil of oral sex you are arguing for.
Honestly, Blacksword, I was just asking a question about the physical similarity between an opposite-sex couple and a same-sex couple performing the same act to climax. Would you like to discuss the possibility of there being a moral difference between the two?
As I said before, the argument you put forward would render ANY oral/genital contact, as foreplay or otherwise, immoral. Homosexual acts, or homosexuals participating in oral sex, are not considered disordered and immoral because they are taken to completion, they are considered disordered because they are between two unmarried persons who are of the same gender! So, my point is, if you are saying oral sex between spouses is essentially the same as it would be as between a homosexual couple, then it is essentially equally as immoral to participate in at all! The things that make there a clear moral difference between these two things clearly have nothing to do with completion in of itself, but rather the specifics of WHO is participating in the act, chiefly. Sexual contact between married spouses is different than between homosexuals or unmarried people, clearly. Again, unless you want to somehow argue that homosexuals having oral sex but stopping short of climax are somehow committing less of a sin?:rotfl: If you want to make that argument, go for it, but I think that’s a tough one to make!
 
Sigh, yeah, and I never said pleasure was the purpose of our actions either…going in circles!🤷

You bring up a salient point here though: all those holding an extreme, border-line ascetic view on this issue, when you see someone eating an Oreo, do you tell them they are sinning and to get to confession? That they are in grave win of gluttony? Because there is absolutely NO reason to EVER eat a candy bar other than pleasure-seeking. In fact, this seems a much more clear cut case of pleasure-seeking as an end in itself!
This actually brings up one of the things about NFP and HV that simply does not make sense to me. If someone can explain this to me, please do. I really want to figure this out. Simply quoting Church documents at me doesn’t really EXPLAIN the logic to me. This is why I have a hard time with this teaching (keeping in mind I still practice it). If you can’t explain it to me other than “the Church says so,” well, that’s fine too. But I’m really hoping for more.

Alright, here it goes:

First, let’s rule out consequentialism. I understand that there can be just and unjust means to achieve an end. In the case of NFP when trying to avoid pregnancy…the end is to avoid pregnancy.

Eliminating any forms of hormonal birth control, which can cause abortions (I “get” that), that leaves condoms. A couple can also use condoms to avoid pregnancy. In the case of NFP and condoms, the intent (avoiding pregnancy) is the same.

Someone mentioned earlier that one is abstaining to avoid and the other is using something else to avoid. But this doesn’t seem to logically make sense because the NFP couple is also using tools (charts, thermometers, modern scientific technology) to achieve the same ends.

The argument against contraception is that it separates the unitive and procreative aspects of sex, but NFP is also trying to have one, without the other. It seems that the only real difference between NFP and condoms is that one is “natural” and the other is artificial. But we don’t condemn other things for being “unnatural”–medicines to help one sleep, for example. We don’t tell an insomniac to use a prescribed method of relaxation to help him sleep, especially if we know that medicines are better capable of achieving this.

The idea of seperating two purposes is also odd to me (and this is how Blacksword’s post prompted me to write this). The two purposes of eating are for nourishment and enjoyment. But we don’t call eating junk food a sin. The Church also doesn’t condemn certain forms of wine tasting that involve spitting out the wine. Here, a person would only be enjoying the taste of food, and not even receiving it into his body. This is analogous to condom use, in which the act of sex is enjoyed, but the semen is rejected.

It would thus seem that the only thing that makes artificial forms of birth control sinful is the fact that it is “unnatural.” At the same time, being “natural” is what makes NFP good. But it seems odd that this distinction isn’t held in other areas of life.

As for “natural” meaning “natural law,” this concept confuses me too, as it argues for a sense of morality that is universally perceived across cultures. The concept made sense to Aquinas, when the world was very Euro-centric, but if anthropology has shown us anything, it’s that there are very few moral rules that are universal cross-culturally. I’m not arguing for moral relativism here, but simply trying to say, that the Church needs to either seriously engage the study of anthropology or use something other than natural law to make its case. I’m fine with simply leaving that as a matter of faith. But the natural law argument is perhaps one reason why 90% of US Catholics are not convinced. It simply doesn’t make much sense.

:confused::confused::confused:

P.S. Please don’t attack me as looking for an excuse to use ABC. I’m honestly trying to understand this teaching. I want to know that practicing extended abstinence with my husband is not in vain. And perhaps make my cross a little lighter by making sense of the teaching.
 
Eliminating any forms of hormonal birth control, which can cause abortions (I “get” that), that leaves condoms. A couple can also use condoms to avoid pregnancy. In the case of NFP and condoms, the intent (avoiding pregnancy) is the same.

Someone mentioned earlier that one is abstaining to avoid and the other is using something else to avoid. But this doesn’t seem to logically make sense because the NFP couple is also using tools (charts, thermometers, modern scientific technology) to achieve the same ends.
As you said, there’s nothing illicit about the end of avoiding pregnancy if the reasoning is sound. What is questionable is the means.
The argument against contraception is that it separates the unitive and procreative aspects of sex, but NFP is also trying to have one, without the other. It seems that the only real difference between NFP and condoms is that one is “natural” and the other is artificial. But we don’t condemn other things for being “unnatural”–medicines to help one sleep, for example. We don’t tell an insomniac to use a prescribed method of relaxation to help him sleep, especially if we know that medicines are better capable of achieving this.
What is meant when it’s said that the act must be open to life is that it must conform to the procreative end of the sexual act – i.e., with intravaginal ejaculation. That’s all.

We don’t call medicine unnatural because it works to facilitate a natural and healthy function. Contraception by contrast works to inhibit a natural and healthy function and therefore to subvert it. The definition of sin is using one’s faculties in a manner contrary to their respective ends.
As for “natural” meaning “natural law,” this concept confuses me too, as it argues for a sense of morality that is universally perceived across cultures. The concept made sense to Aquinas, when the world was very Euro-centric, but if anthropology has shown us anything, it’s that there are very few moral rules that are universal cross-culturally. I’m not arguing for moral relativism here, but simply trying to say, that the Church needs to either seriously engage the study of anthropology or use something other than natural law to make its case. I’m fine with simply leaving that as a matter of faith. But the natural law argument is perhaps one reason why 90% of US Catholics are not convinced. It simply doesn’t make much sense.
But it does make sense (and with due respect, it’s difficult to see how you’re not endorsing relativism if you think that’s a convincing argument against natural law).

“Goodness” is measured by the degree to which a thing instantiates its essence. This is why, for instance, we can refer to clubfoot as a birth defect – it cannot be a defect unless there is a norm arising from nature from which it deviates.

Natural law simply applies this principle to human behavior and extracts from it a moral code. Thus since human behavior involves the use of various faculties, and since our faculties point toward various ends, goodness consists in using those faculties appropriately and sin consists in using those faculties in a manner contrary to their ends.
 
@Brav3N3wWorld

Let me try to explain it this way.

How does a human pregnancy occur? It occurs because a couple has sexual relations, an egg is present, it is fertilized by a sperm cell, and a new life is formed.

That new life is a new human with an eternal soul. There really are no words to explain how incredible it is, an action between two people can culminate in a person, in the image and likeness of God.

So it must follow that the action, sexual intercourse, must be good because it can lead to a person.

So any action to deliberately frustrating that outcome, must not be good. So oral sex, masturbation etc, frustrate that outcome, those actions cannot lead to pregnancy, yet use sexual organs to end in sexual climax.

Using a condom, is similar. Condom use says to God…“I don’t like your design of woman being fertile and infertile depending on the time of the cycle, I prefer that she is always infertile, so we can have intercourse whenever we like and not have to worry about creating a baby.”

Now, say a couple who is married need to postpone having a child? Let’s say for grave reasons. How can they do that in a moral way?

Abstaining is a possibility, abstaining from sexual intercourse avoids pregnancy.

Periodically abstaining also can avoid a pregnancy. A couple avoids fertile periods during the cycle. They can choose to be intimate during not feritle days of the cycle.

God designed women to be fertile only a few days during the cycle. If a couple is intimate during an infertile day, they cannot conceive, because she is naturally infertile. The couple is together in an ordered fashion, in a way that could lead to a pregnancy by their actions objectively. The fact that she is fertile or infertile is not something they have caused.

Using NFP is working with a system of fertility God created. If a couple needs to avoid a pregnancy, they avoid the fertile time. They don’t make the fertile time go away.

I see the objection that NFP is the same as ABC because the couple gets to still have sex. I don’t really understand the objection. If a couple uses no method, most of the time sex does not result in a pregnancy.

The Church has never said that couples should time sex to occur exactly at ovulation, conceive, and then abstain until it’s time for the next baby. If it does say that, than I’ll concede that NFP is just like ABC. But the Church does not teach that,
 
Beautiful replies, Mary Gail 36 and sw85.

Brav3N3wWorld,

I can tell you that NFP has truly been a blessing in our married lives and that ABC was a scourge on my previous marriage. There is no question that, in my earlier marriage where we used ABC, that the condoms and the oral sex were depraved. We were married in the Church, yet we violated the covenant we made to “lovingly accept children from God and to raise them according to the law of Christ and His Church.” We put our selfish goals first. There is nothing wrong with professional goals, but when they are placed as the supreme god of the marriage, to the point that we intended to remain childless until these goals were reached, well, there is a problem. We were also terribly afraid of fertility, since we were ignorant of it, since we had not studied NFP. So, the few times that we did engage in sex with ABC, we were terrified by the thought of pregnancy. There was no trust in God, rather we placed our faith in ABC and other immoral acts. I had no concept of “mortal sin” since I was not raised Catholic and this concept was not raised in RCIA. However, my ex-husband knew that what were doing (albeit very infrequently) was wrong. Not surprising, the marriage lasted only 2 years. It was annulled within 6 months.

You may think that I am very different than you because I am older and have sinned in ways which, Praise God, you and your husband have not. However, I thought about Church teaching the very same way as you when I was younger. I thought it was a bunch of old white men in Rome who were telling us what to do. I remember thinking that they were jerks. You are different than me in that you took the time to study and read BEFORE you married, but still don’t feel that NFP is good. I respect you for having the good faith to continue to seek answers to your questions. I think Mary Gail 36 gave an excellent reply about how incredible the sexual powers are which God placed in our bodies. I feel that NFP is part of my spiritual life in that I can know and experience the fertile signs in my body which was designed by God. It is truly amazing. Now that we are trying to conceive, I realize how fragile conception is. Even sex during the fertile time does not guarantee a pregnancy. It is truly in God’s hands. We just walk with Him from day to day and make decisions according to how He has made us and whether it is better and more loving to abstain for a just cause in order to postpone pregnancy or to enjoy the marital embrace and be open to life. NFP truly is a study of the mystery of the human person.
 
Sigh, yeah, and I never said pleasure was the purpose of our actions either…going in circles!🤷

You bring up a salient point here though: all those holding an extreme, border-line ascetic view on this issue, when you see someone eating an Oreo, do you tell them they are sinning and to get to confession? That they are in grave win of gluttony? Because there is absolutely NO reason to EVER eat a candy bar other than pleasure-seeking. In fact, this seems a much more clear cut case of pleasure-seeking as an end in itself!
I can sympathize, but I think you’re wrong. It is not true that there is no reason ever to eat a candy bar. A candy bar has calories. Calories are one of the purposes of eating. So, even though you may say that a person doesn’t need those calories, and those calories are unhealthy, and I’d even give you that we’re all probably committing more acts of gluttony more than we realize–it’s still arguably different.
 
As you said, there’s nothing illicit about the end of avoiding pregnancy if the reasoning is sound. What is questionable is the means.
As an observation, is there any other area in Catholic teaching where the physical is absolutized? I can’t think of any. I think this is why most people have so many questions about sexual morality–Catholic spirituality seems inherently less concerned with physicality in every other area.
 
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