Frustrated and Unwed

[tabsie3210]

Don’t be embarrassed…I understood what you meant, the first time you wrote it…

Thanks. I still feel dumb, though. I got my BA in English Lit - you’d think I’d know how to use the English language correctly!

 

[Aislin]

Thanks to everyone who’s let me vent and who has responded to my complaint. It’s nice to have people to back you up when you’re feeling frustrated and lonely.

One of the big things I’ve noticed is that most people talk about the whole NFP vs. Condoms thing, saying that I should lower my standards somewhat to make it more likely I’d find a boyfriend.

I notice that while they’re talking about these things in the context of a marriage, nobody has mentioned the real reason that I’m more concerned about meeting a guy who believes in NFP instead of condom use, and who would, by preference, be a virgin - that I don’t want sex outside of marriage and have been pushed for it before!

I’m sorry, but I’d love to hear someone like flyingfish explain how accepting a guy who might want to use condoms in marriage keeps him from pushing me to have sex before we’re married.

See, as I stated before, of the guys I’ve dated, only one never pushed me, and the others dumped me because I wouldn’t put out. Apparently waiting for marriage was a bad thing to them.

BF #5 was the worst, because I was truely in love with him and proposed marriage more than once, much to his hemming and hawing. He would dump me any time he wanted to have sex so he could go find someone else to sleep with until he got tired of that (I was a terribly dumb girl, so maybe that’s why God blessed me with not marrying when I was younger - to save me from an idiot like that).

If a guy is going to use NFP, he’s more likely to be willing to forego premarital sexual relations than a guy who thinks condom use is okay. And if a guy has had sex regularly with the people he’s dated, he’s not going to be likely to take seriously the whole, “I don’t wanna until we’re married” bit. He might say that he won’t push me, but that hasn’t held up according to my experience.

And yet, the argument on this thread has been about whether or not it’s okay for me to marry a guy who wants to use a condom. Guys, think about this for a minute - if I’m going to marry a guy that wants to use a condom while married, what is the likelihood that he won’t want to “practice” before we’re married, since, after all, that’s what condoms are for - to prevent pregnancy?

Not very good.

So, why is everyone focusing on this non-existant husband of mine? The thing is, if I find a guy who’s willing to respect me outside of marriage, then it’s likely we’ll have mutual respect for each other inside of marriage.

And there is where I have trouble. Most of the guys I know wnat sex whenever they date someone, because it’s “okay” to sleep together according to modern secular belief.

Personally, I know I’m a sinner and mess, but I don’t want to go to hell for something as petty and silly as sexual immorality. I’m alive right now, but I’m not getting out of this life alive, and I don’t want to muck up my chances on the other side by forgetting that this is just a stop-over on the way to eternity. I’d rather die alone on the streets and go to heaven than die in a warm bed with lots of people around and go to hell.

And didn’t Our Lady tell the kids at Fatima that most people go to hell for sexual sins these days? Yeesh.

I want to find a husband. If I’m going to do that, then I want the BOYFRIEND he’ll be before he’s my husband to respect me and not want to use me as a living blow-up doll just because he wants to get his rocks off and thinks he’s entitled. And hence the problem I’ve had with boyfriends.

I don’t really have anything to contribute, other than to say I’m a few years younger and understand completely where you’re coming from. I haven’t actually been out there and tried to date, but it’s not looking so good from the sound of it and what I’m told.

It’s sad that morals have become too big of a requirement these days!

 

[Jay82]

Here’s the bad news, most men close to your age fall into one of three groups, 1: the jerks you have been running into who have been jumping from one illicit relation to another or have been getting dumped for years. 2: those who hold the values you hold, value traditional marriage and are now married, and 3: Those who have had interest other than chasing women I have a friend who was single into his late thirties because he was interested in many charitable activities and other hobbies and was just never exposed to enough women to find that right person.

A man who is not “on the prowl” is probably not looking in those dating sites. You may want to consider getting involved in activities that men are getting involved with especially those activities that can become all consuming hobbies such as hunting, volunteer fire fighting, computers, etc.

That is an interesting grouping you listed above and I never thought of that sort of categorization, but I think there is some truth to it…from a personal standpoint I definitely fall in the third ‘group’ (and have for most of my life) and I know both girls and guys who could also be lumped into that ‘group’ as well, but I think I’ve branched out enough over the last couple years or so that this has changed. I’m still involved in a number of things, but I am definitely meeting lots of new people and trying new things.

I think royal archer provided good advice… if you have some hobbies or are interested in a certain activity/hobby then join a club, team, organization, etc and you’ll find a bunch of decent guys who haven’t really had the time to date or meet desirable women, yet are still hoping to find someone.

Tabsie,

There are indeed men who are still virgins (I know many people on this site act like they’ve never met one in their lives) in your age group (and beyond) and they feel the same frustration. I know someone posted earlier about a site called virgin2virgin.com, so if you ar ea virgin and feel you are most compatible with another virgin (after all, you have earned it!), then I will back you up against anyone who gives you grief over it.
.

Yep, there definitely are virgins out there still. Heck, I’m 27 and I am one, but the reality is that as we all get older, there are less and less virgins out there near our age. That being said, I know there are plenty of good guys/girls who aren’t virgins that would definitely wait for marriage if they were with someone who wanted to wait.