Frustrated/burnt out/feeling alone in social justice work

[DarkLight]

For background, I’m a young woman both with a background of domestic violence in my own past and a commitment to feminism and women’s rights issues. My primary area is in dealing with domestic violence and abuse among teens and young adults - including not only dating violence but gender and sexuality based bullying and harassment. This is an issue that goes far beyond simply talking about homosexuality…I want to speak up for the girl I knew who got called a “slut” because she was poor and had large breasts…for the guy that got called “gay” because he was quiet and enjoyed cooking and sewing…and honestly, having gone to a christian school, there are also things that go on against homosexuals that are frankly unacceptable no matter what you believe.

My mother - a very conservative woman and a stay-at-home mom - taught me to respect women’s struggles nonetheless. She told me about the troubles she had as a woman seeking higher education in the 80’s, how a lot of the men didn’t treat her with respect or acted like she was unwanted/unattractive for having higher education. My similarly conservative father taught me that it was ok for men to have “feminine” interests, that a good man took care of the home and was involved with his kids and didn’t just act like that was his wife’s job. I’ve encountered similar attitudes to the ones that they fought against in my own life, along with the ever-present assumptions that rape and abuse only happen to “improper” women.

The trouble is, I’m just feeling so burnt out and alone in this. I don’t have the time or energy to do a lot of work right now (grad school + ptsd), but I try to stay involved and hope to do more in the future. I often do find myself feeling that the church is hostile to my efforts, even though I truly believe these are issues that Christ would care about. I get tired of defending feminism to people who form negative judgement based on ignorance…it is akin to the people who defame Christianity for the actions of fundamentalists. I get equally tired of defending my own work to people who think women’s issues ended with the right to vote, who think rape and domestic violence are just things women claim to get back at men or excuse their own poor behavior. And most of all, I just get burnt out by feeling like I don’t have allies within the church on an issue that means so much to me - I know that can’t be true, but of the parishes I’ve been in the only ministries I can find advertised or talked about are abortion protests and NFP classes.

 

[DarkLight]

I’m not catholic but seriously considering it…I can honestly say this issue is probably the biggest barrier for me right now. I was effectively ostracized in the church I grew up in for pushing back against the people in charge when I thought they were dangerously wrong - I’ve had a lot of accusations thrown at both my own personal morality and what I stand for. I pushed back because I thought they were teaching things that ultimately led to dysfunction in the relationships between men and women - teaching women to be ashamed of their bodies and teaching men to fear their sisters in Christ. I find myself drawn in by the sacraments, but I don’t want to put myself in another place of frustration and defeat like that.

 

[MidnightSun12]

As a catholic who holds fairly traditional values, I have to say that I generally don’t agree with many of the values put forth by the modern feminist movement. That said, I don’t think that feminism is necessarly at all contrary to church teaching and can actually be quite wonderful. Unfortunately, the “bad” feminism does tend to overshadow it in today’s society:

Good Feminism:

• Women should respect their bodies as temples for the Holy Spirit through modesty… women are NOT objects!
• Which parent decides to remain in the home to raise children should be based on equal choice and the financial realities of the family…NOT on pre-assigned gender roles.
• Women who choose to be in the home to raise families should be respected and their roles should be recognized as being of EQUAL importance to the roles of women who choose to have careers!
• Women who have same-sex tendencies are to be loved by society and they should be encouraged to carry the cross of chastity while becoming the “best version of themselves” in the eyes of Christ
• Women need to be treated with respect and dignity by men

Bad Feminism:

• A woman’s rights over her body include mudering her unborn child
• A woman’s rights extend to engaging in same-sex activities
• The choice of a woman who chooses to have a career is superior to the woman who chooses to remain in the home
• Raising children in day-care and loveless institutions is a reality that should be encouraged in modern society.
• Masculinity is of lesser worth then femininity

 

[nodito]

DarkLight,

The issues you are so passionate are good ones and the Church does care deeply about them. If you read John Paul II’s Apostolic Letter Mulieris Dignitatem you’ll find that he discusses many of the historical injustices committed against women and the importance of working to restore women to their full dignity in our world today.

Other than empathy for your frustration and feelings of burning out, I can offer three suggestions:

1. Take a temporary break from social action work to concetrate on school, dealing with your ptsd, and to develop a commitment to praying for your causes. Prayer is effective, just as much so as protests and marches and and letters to the editor.
2. Consider the language you use to explain the work you do. Your potential allies might be turned off by your use of the phrase “feminism and women’s rights issues.” For better or worse, these terms have negative connotations among devout Catholics. They conjure images of radical feminism (and by textension, a hatred of men) and abortion rights. If you stop saying “women’s right issues” and just replace it with “violence against women” or “the dignity of women” you may find more support.
3. Once you’ve taken time off to deal with your own needs, consider advertising your work yourself and starting your own ministry at your parish. Catholics are concerned with social justice issues, but it takes a leader passionate about it to get it in the bulletin so others can join in.

God bless you and your work.

 

[nodito]

I was effectively ostracized in the church I grew up in for pushing back against the people in charge when I thought they were dangerously wrong.

You don’t need to discuss it here, but you might want to take your concerns with whatever it was that the hierarchy of you previous church was teaching to an orthodox priest or an apologist at Catholic Answers. You might find that your old church was way off and that their approach didn’t actually represent Catholic teaching. Or maybe they were speaking the truth but it was poorly explained to you. “Dangerously wrong” sounds, well, dangerous, and I think whatever it was warrants closer investigation.

 

[Jerusha]

DarkLight, I would recommend a retreat held by a community of sisters who are involved in that kind of work. You do need to refuel and take care of yourself or you will be of no worth to others. A nun working at a woman’s shelter affirmed my Catholicism and was a beacon for me in a very troubled time.

My ex had become a virulent young-earth creationist telling me that I worshiped the pope, who was an anti-Christ, and would preach at me for hours at a time. Spiritual abuse is just as serious as other forms of abuse.

Catholicism rejects the kinds of bigotry that you describe. Those who say that it does not need to review the CCC. Many Catholics turn a blind eye to such forms of abuse, because they are often associated with warped religious values, and they have difficulty dealing with that.

PM me for conversation if you want to continue.

 

[Kathryn_Ann]

DearDarkLight,

 God's blessings to you! 

 You sound like a most caring and compassionate person. May I ask if you have attended Catholic Mass somewhere near your home?

I think that if you could read about the life of Dorothy Day that you would feel such a kindred spirit in her. There are wonderful books about her, and a movie as well. The Founder of The Catholic Worker Movement, Dorothy Day had a great love of the downtrodden, and found a way to use her gifts to bless countless souls.

She too was always helping those in need, and came from a background of work in social justice, writing, and then found her way to The Church where all her talents were used for the good.  

 She experienced great periods of burn out and struggling, but she always rested in God. 

 I do hope you will return to this forum and let us know how you are. I believe you may be drawn to Our Lady, The Blessed Virgin Mary, who cares deeply for all those in distress. She always points us towards her Son, and we can find rest in Him even when we are weary. St. Paul said "When I am weak, I am strong.." meaning that he found his strength not in his own abilities but in Christ. 

  I want you to find that joy too. "The joy of the Lord is my strength." And Christ's compassion for us and His Joy in embracing all God's children, is ever present and endless. 

 May God bless you, having gone through such trials in your life. You are full of compassion because you have truly been there. What grace you must give to people in need, knowing something of what they have gone through.

Love in Christ
Kathryn

 

[DarkLight]

…

Thanks. I think I’m frustrated in part because “the dignity of women” is a touchy phrase for me…mainly because it’s one I think often conceals a lot of anti-woman bias. Fair or not, I’ve heard it used a lot of times to cover strict complementarian beliefs (i.e. men are the providers/protectors and women are the nurturers/homemakers). But I’m willing to think about terminology.

…

Just to be clear, that wasn’t a catholic church that I was discussing with that bit. I have an evangelical background and family,

…

Thanks. I grew up within Christian Patriarchy movement, which if anyone is familiar with it teaches some pretty warped gender and family values. I daresay there was some spiritual abuse going on, and I would definitely say it set me up for physical/sexual abuse later on. It’s made me very sensitive to how religious language can be used to demean women.

But this is something I’ve thought about talking to the priest about if/when I move to join the Church officially, alongside whatever classes are required.

…

Thanks again. Mary is another one of those rough points for me, because of the way she was held up as the “ideal woman.” Not that that’s incorrect, but the specific valuing of her virginity and motherhood as the way for all women were. (Disclaimer: I do think chastity is important, but I strongly oppose both emphasizing it as a “female” virtue and over-valuing it as a measure of a woman’s worth against other virtues. Not to mention the way that sins against chastity are often improperly treated as though they were permanent.) She was held up as the ideal of the submissive mother and homemaker giving her life to support the male leader.

I have been attending mass in my area - though that was the origin of the rather awful homily on birth control! But it is such a blessing.

 

[Abu]

The list given by Midnightsun, post #3 is a good one, particularly helpful for Darklight is:
“Women who choose to be in the home to raise families should be respected and their roles should be recognized as being of EQUAL importance to the roles of women who choose to have careers!”

The point I would make is that “feminism” like so many other “isms” can mean whatever one wants – often destructive of human nature, but femininity (opposite masculinity) can and should be defined as the Church does with all of the dignity and respect with which humanity is created.

The following from Bishop Thomas J Olmstead of Phoenix, Arizona, illustrates the thought:

lifesitenews.com/ldn/2010/aug/10081104.html
Bishop Olmsted: ‘Love Authentically’ by Acknowledging Disorder of Homosexuality"Why did God create both men and women, not just one sex? Is it merely accidental that one is born either a woman or a man? Is femininity or masculinity of little import?" Olmsted asked. "Does it not matter if a child grows up with no mother but two fathers? Does the pandemic of cultural ills born of fatherlessness in so many of our homes teach us nothing?

“Is it really all that difficult to fathom that God had a plan for marriage, which He wove into the very fabric of human nature?” he wrote. In fact, said Olmsted, the definition of marriage as between a man and a woman for the sake of procreation “is so deeply embedded in our human nature that every culture in history has recognized it and enshrined and protected it in law and custom.” “Marriage being exclusively between a man and a woman was not an idea created by these cultures but, rather, a truth received by them as something handed down from a higher authority,” he wrote.

 

[DarkLight]

The list given by Midnightsun, post #3 is a good one, particularly helpful for Darklight is:
“Women who choose to be in the home to raise families should be respected and their roles should be recognized as being of EQUAL importance to the roles of women who choose to have careers!”

The point I would make is that “feminism” like so many other “isms” can mean whatever one wants – often destructive of human nature, but femininity (opposite masculinity) can and should be defined as the Church does with all of the dignity and respect with which humanity is created.

The following from Bishop Thomas J Olmstead of Phoenix, Arizona, illustrates the thought:

lifesitenews.com/ldn/2010/aug/10081104.html
Bishop Olmsted: ‘Love Authentically’ by Acknowledging Disorder of Homosexuality"Why did God create both men and women, not just one sex? Is it merely accidental that one is born either a woman or a man? Is femininity or masculinity of little import?" Olmsted asked. "Does it not matter if a child grows up with no mother but two fathers? Does the pandemic of cultural ills born of fatherlessness in so many of our homes teach us nothing?

“Is it really all that difficult to fathom that God had a plan for marriage, which He wove into the very fabric of human nature?” he wrote. In fact, said Olmsted, the definition of marriage as between a man and a woman for the sake of procreation “is so deeply embedded in our human nature that every culture in history has recognized it and enshrined and protected it in law and custom.” “Marriage being exclusively between a man and a woman was not an idea created by these cultures but, rather, a truth received by them as something handed down from a higher authority,” he wrote.

Honestly, this is the kind of thing I’m trying to avoid. I grew up with the exact same rhetoric - men and women are created different, masculine and feminine are opposites. There was a lot of talk about equality, but at the end of the day it was always the same “men are leaders, women are followers” deal. Women are supposed to stay home and raise kids while the men go out and have careers and whatnot, because it’s their God-given roles, and if God wanted women out in the workforce he’d have just made them men. After all, it’s a God-given truth and the tradition of every culture that women are to stay home and be mothers and homemakers - to say otherwise is to deny that God created them male and female, and to try to erase the difference between sexes. I am highly suspicious of ANY theology that wants to put masculine and feminine as opposites - because I believe that it will degenerate into the same kind of “separate but equal” mess that I’ve seen repeated so many times. I believe the arguments that start with intrinsic differences in masculinity and femininity do logically end in prescribing separate spheres for the two, and that when tradition is brought in these spheres will end with the same poisonous doctrine of male authority dressed up in new clothes.

Please understand that I don’t mean to attack you. But these are the same arguments that I saw in Christian Patriarchy, only with a more extreme conclusion. And I don’t see the missing step that would justify one conclusion but not the other. I think to escape this kind of inequality we need not just a difference of degree, not just a grudging acknowledgement that maybe there are some situations where men and women can take on “opposite” roles, but a wholesale rethinking of the dichotomy in a way that unites men and women in their humanity rather than dividing them based on their sex. I’ve seen a lot of oppression cloak itself in the name of “dignity” and “natural roles” - after all, what better way to maintain oppression than to teach that one side is naturally meant to serve the other? All are equal, but some are more equal than others.

 

[MidnightSun12]

Honestly, this is the kind of thing I’m trying to avoid. I grew up with the exact same rhetoric - men and women are created different, masculine and feminine are opposites. There was a lot of talk about equality, but at the end of the day it was always the same “men are leaders, women are followers” deal. Women are supposed to stay home and raise kids while the men go out and have careers and whatnot, because it’s their God-given roles, and if God wanted women out in the workforce he’d have just made them men. After all, it’s a God-given truth and the tradition of every culture that women are to stay home and be mothers and homemakers - to say otherwise is to deny that God created them male and female, and to try to erase the difference between sexes. I am highly suspicious of ANY theology that wants to put masculine and feminine as opposites - because I believe that it will degenerate into the same kind of “separate but equal” mess that I’ve seen repeated so many times. I believe the arguments that start with intrinsic differences in masculinity and femininity do logically end in prescribing separate spheres for the two, and that when tradition is brought in these spheres will end with the same poisonous doctrine of male authority dressed up in new clothes.

Please understand that I don’t mean to attack you. But these are the same arguments that I saw in Christian Patriarchy, only with a more extreme conclusion. And I don’t see the missing step that would justify one conclusion but not the other. I think to escape this kind of inequality we need not just a difference of degree, not just a grudging acknowledgement that maybe there are some situations where men and women can take on “opposite” roles, but a wholesale rethinking of the dichotomy in a way that unites men and women in their humanity rather than dividing them based on their sex. I’ve seen a lot of oppression cloak itself in the name of “dignity” and “natural roles” - after all, what better way to maintain oppression than to teach that one side is naturally meant to serve the other? All are equal, but some are more equal than others.

I think you’re bringing up some really interesting points and I think you definitely have some legitimate concerns here!

Many of your concerns seem to be coming from the gender roles that exist from within the context of married life. Have you considered that a woman has the choice to not be married(?) In fact, there are at least a few places in scripture where it is made clear that marriage is actually a lower vocation when compared to consecrated single life. Married life is a lower calling because it subjects a person to the constraints of the flesh (and some of those constraints are the physical limitations that go with bearing children, and others are the gender roles that go with raising the children). I think if you are encoutering serious objections to the pervailing role of women in these lifestyles, then perhaps married life is just not your vocation…

I agree that there are still serious inequities that can occur from within marriage (I tried to list some of those above), but I believe that there are just going to be these prevailing gender roles when you choose to bring children into the world (for example, the man is just going to be the logical choice for the bread winner in a traditional catholic family where there may be 5+ children).

I believe that if you truly want to be free of the restrictions imposed by natural law, then you’re best off choosing single life as your vocation. This goes for men as well… if you truly want to be free of the restrictions of fatherhood, then you should choose single life. For example, Mother Teresa is a great example to all women just what kind of what kind of leader a woman can be in society (do you think she would have been able to do all the great things she did if she had the responsibilities of a biological parent?).

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

Honestly, this is the kind of thing I’m trying to avoid. I grew up with the exact same rhetoric - men and women are created different, masculine and feminine are opposites. There was a lot of talk about equality, but at the end of the day it was always the same “men are leaders, women are followers” deal. Women are supposed to stay home and raise kids while the men go out and have careers and whatnot, because it’s their God-given roles, and if God wanted women out in the workforce he’d have just made them men. After all, it’s a God-given truth and the tradition of every culture that women are to stay home and be mothers and homemakers - to say otherwise is to deny that God created them male and female, and to try to erase the difference between sexes. I am highly suspicious of ANY theology that wants to put masculine and feminine as opposites - because I believe that it will degenerate into the same kind of “separate but equal” mess that I’ve seen repeated so many times. I believe the arguments that start with intrinsic differences in masculinity and femininity do logically end in prescribing separate spheres for the two, and that when tradition is brought in these spheres will end with the same poisonous doctrine of male authority dressed up in new clothes.

.

This. 100%. This.

Agreed.

 

[ringil]

For background, I’m a young woman both with a background of domestic violence in my own past and a commitment to feminism and women’s rights issues. My primary area is in dealing with domestic violence and abuse among teens and young adults - including not only dating violence but gender and sexuality based bullying and harassment. This is an issue that goes far beyond simply talking about homosexuality…I want to speak up for the girl I knew who got called a “slut” because she was poor and had large breasts…for the guy that got called “gay” because he was quiet and enjoyed cooking and sewing…and honestly, having gone to a christian school, there are also things that go on against homosexuals that are frankly unacceptable no matter what you believe.

My mother - a very conservative woman and a stay-at-home mom - taught me to respect women’s struggles nonetheless. She told me about the troubles she had as a woman seeking higher education in the 80’s, how a lot of the men didn’t treat her with respect or acted like she was unwanted/unattractive for having higher education. My similarly conservative father taught me that it was ok for men to have “feminine” interests, that a good man took care of the home and was involved with his kids and didn’t just act like that was his wife’s job. I’ve encountered similar attitudes to the ones that they fought against in my own life, along with the ever-present assumptions that rape and abuse only happen to “improper” women.

The trouble is, I’m just feeling so burnt out and alone in this. I don’t have the time or energy to do a lot of work right now (grad school + ptsd), but I try to stay involved and hope to do more in the future. I often do find myself feeling that the church is hostile to my efforts, even though I truly believe these are issues that Christ would care about. I get tired of defending feminism to people who form negative judgement based on ignorance…it is akin to the people who defame Christianity for the actions of fundamentalists. I get equally tired of defending my own work to people who think women’s issues ended with the right to vote, who think rape and domestic violence are just things women claim to get back at men or excuse their own poor behavior. And most of all, I just get burnt out by feeling like I don’t have allies within the church on an issue that means so much to me - I know that can’t be true, but of the parishes I’ve been in the only ministries I can find advertised or talked about are abortion protests and NFP classes.

Grad school should keep you busy enough. Don’t take on too much. When I was in grad school (Social Work) that’s all I did or took an easy part time job on the side. Don’t get burnt out. You’ve got plenty of time to devote to charities you feel called towards.

God Bless

 

[DarkLight]

I think you’re bringing up some really interesting points and I think you definitely have some legitimate concerns here!

Many of your concerns seem to be coming from the gender roles that exist from within the context of married life. Have you considered that a woman has the choice to not be married(?) In fact, there are at least a few places in scripture where it is made clear that marriage is actually a lower vocation when compared to consecrated single life. Married life is a lower calling because it subjects a person to the constraints of the flesh (and some of those constraints are the physical limitations that go with bearing children, and others are the gender roles that go with raising the children). I think if you are encoutering serious objections to the pervailing role of women in these lifestyles, then perhaps married life is just not your vocation…

I agree that there are still serious inequities that can occur from within marriage (I tried to list some of those above), but I believe that there are just going to be these prevailing gender roles when you choose to bring children into the world (for example, the man is just going to be the logical choice for the bread winner in a traditional catholic family where there may be 5+ children).

I believe that if you truly want to be free of the restrictions imposed by natural law, then you’re best off choosing single life as your vocation. This goes for men as well… if you truly want to be free of the restrictions of fatherhood, then you should choose single life. For example, Mother Teresa is a great example to all women just what kind of what kind of leader a woman can be in society (do you think she would have been able to do all the great things she did if she had the responsibilities of a biological parent?).

Two issues here:

One, this is an issue I have with natural law in general. I think natural law theory has a tendency to be reductionistic. In the case of gender roles, I think this manifests in an over-emphasizing of biological sex that allows it to push into areas where it really doesn’t belong. I think trying to make pragmatic facts about biology into natural laws about who does what in the marriage is a dangerous path. I would disagree with the statement that there are “natural” gender roles within marriage or child-raising in any normative sense, for pretty much the same reasons that I mentioned above - because I think it devalues people of both sexes for their unique contributions as human parents by allowing biology to dictate who “should” be doing what role. I grew up in a family where my father fulfilled a lot of “feminine” roles and my mother a lot of “masculine” ones, and I believe this kind of thinking devalues their contributions as partners in raising a child in ways that best utilized their own personal strengths.

As a practical concern - one of my goals as a feminist is to push workplaces to become more parent-friendly in general. Exactly what this will look like is going to vary by the type of place, of course, but some samples would be:

• increased accommodations for pregnant women, so women who wish to keep working or need the money can stay employed
• more flexible schedules and greater availability of either part-time work or working from home, to both sexes
• greater ability and tolerance for bringing children into workplaces where that kind of thing is feasible, especially for nursing infants
• increased flexibility in child-care arrangements so that there are more options between “having a parent home 24/7” and “dropping your child off with strangers for most of the week.”
  Of course we’re not going to remove the effects of biology completely, but I see no reason why we can’t work to keep it from dictating choices where it isn’t really necessary.

Grad school should keep you busy enough. Don’t take on too much. When I was in grad school (Social Work) that’s all I did or took an easy part time job on the side. Don’t get burnt out. You’ve got plenty of time to devote to charities you feel called towards.

God Bless

Thanks. Unfortunately I’m one of those temperaments that gets burnt out just by being alone in caring…I really need someone in real life that I can share my frustrations and concerns with, and I just really feel like I’m stuck having to choose between people that share my faith and people that share my concerns. It doesn’t help that the whole HHS mandate is on everyone’s mind…and I’m kind of skeptical of the bishop’s response for reasons that have to do with medical privacy (as a woman with PMDD) and not support of unlimited contraception. Don’t want to get into that here, I just mention it as an example of an area where I feel frustrated and alienated and like I have to keep my own concerns to myself for fear of being seen as the enemy.

 

[ringil]

Thanks. Unfortunately I’m one of those temperaments that gets burnt out just by being alone in caring…I really need someone in real life that I can share my frustrations and concerns with, and I just really feel like I’m stuck having to choose between people that share my faith and people that share my concerns. It doesn’t help that the whole HHS mandate is on everyone’s mind…and I’m kind of skeptical of the bishop’s response for reasons that have to do with medical privacy (as a woman with PMDD) and not support of unlimited contraception. Don’t want to get into that here, I just mention it as an example of an area where I feel frustrated and alienated and like I have to keep my own concerns to myself for fear of being seen as the enemy.

Well, around CAF you might not find the most understanding audience in a way as CAF isn’t simply a Catholic site. It has really been high-jacked by the American right wingers and even the far right to a certain degree. I am quite liberal myself- not on the non-essentials mind you- but in regards to the role of Government and social responsibility. You will find a few of us around here but not so many. THough being socially liberal, I am also quite orthodox in my faith and what some would call “conservative” in my liturgical tastes. These two facets can exist at the same time though one would think not if one were to believe everything one reads around here. Know that CAF is not an accurate picture of the Church in real time.

So anyway, you write about support to families in the US and I TOTALLY agree. Western Europe, and for that matter, most countries out there have policies protecting and promoting the family unit. Indeed the US may have one of the most brief guaranteed maternity leaves in the world. Scandanavia and western Europe, the decried “socialist” countries have better policies regarding the family than the US…

I would add to your concerns regarding support for family, the issue of promoting the role of the father and extending “paternal” leave following childbirth. But in the US with it’s hyper-capitalist, profit driven model this doesn’t lend itself to the rights of the worker often times. It is the market, the business that is protected. In the US we all too often “live to work” instead of the other way around.

You also express frustration with the gender roles and how this has been expressed in Catholicism. Here is my take on the different and complementary roles of the father and mother in a family. I believe that the statement in the Gospels of the father as the “head” of the family is very true, but it is also a mystical truth. I think of myself as the “spiritual” head of my family in that it is truly my responsibility to ensure that my daughter is well catechised and that I lead by example a Catholic and christian identity. I do not believe this role of the father as the head means that I need to be the “final word” on earthly decisions or that I guide my family as a captain guides his ship. My wife and I make decisions together. Right now she is the “breadwinner” and I am the "“stay-at-home-dad” but I am looking for work, for example. I believe that some have come to the mistaken conclusion that the 50’s were the “golden age” of the family unit and that deviations of that are deviations from the good christian household.

You mention you thoughts on Mary as well. Yes, Catholics revere Mary as the “humble handmaid” of the Lord. We also praise her purity and unbridled love of our Lord. The reason of this isn’t to denigrate women at all but to praise the high theoplogical virtues of the theotokos, without whom, we would have no Savior. Indeed, though Mary is humble, she is also strong and independent. All good virtues of man can be found in her.

Chastity is required by both men and women. THough, you are right, women have been more targeted when the depart in this area of virtues, and that’s not right.

I hope some of this is helpful.

 

[DarkLight]

Well, around CAF you might not find the most understanding audience in a way as CAF isn’t simply a Catholic site. It has really been high-jacked by the American right wingers and even the far right to a certain degree. I am quite liberal myself- not on the non-essentials mind you- but in regards to the role of Government and social responsibility. You will find a few of us around here but not so many. THough being socially liberal, I am also quite orthodox in my faith and what some would call “conservative” in my liturgical tastes. These two facets can exist at the same time though one would think not if one were to believe everything one reads around here. Know that CAF is not an accurate picture of the Church in real time.

Honestly this is the whole problem. I often find my real-life area to be a similar field. I feel like there’s no place to ask questions or express doubts about what the Church is doing on certain issues, or even on certain teachings. Catholics are NOT obligated to agree with everything the church hierarchy believes and teaches, but I think that often gets forgotten. As I have said before, I am also a student of theology - something which is extremely important to me personally and spiritually, but something I feels is highly impeded in practice by a lack of charitable partners. I find many people speak as though those like me aren’t even in the room, making assumptions about our beliefs and motives, and I feel that I myself am being judged.

 

[MidnightSun12]

Two issues here:
As a practical concern - one of my goals as a feminist is to push workplaces to become more parent-friendly in general. Exactly what this will look like is going to vary by the type of place, of course, but some samples would be:

• increased accommodations for pregnant women, so women who wish to keep working or need the money can stay employed
• more flexible schedules and greater availability of either part-time work or working from home, to both sexes
• greater ability and tolerance for bringing children into workplaces where that kind of thing is feasible, especially for nursing infants
• increased flexibility in child-care arrangements so that there are more options between “having a parent home 24/7” and “dropping your child off with strangers for most of the week.”
  Of course we’re not going to remove the effects of biology completely, but I see no reason why we can’t work to keep it from dictating choices where it isn’t really necessary.

I wish you all the best in your journey. As long as you keep Christ as your beacon, I know you’ll make some remarkable changes in the lives of many young women!

 

[markomalley]

Catholics are NOT obligated to agree with everything the church hierarchy believes and teaches, but I think that often gets forgotten.

You might want to do a little more study:

Can. 747 §1. The Church, to which Christ the Lord has entrusted the deposit of faith so that with the assistance of the Holy Spirit it might protect the revealed truth reverently, examine it more closely, and proclaim and expound it faithfully, has the duty and innate right, independent of any human power whatsoever, to preach the gospel to all peoples, also using the means of social communication proper to it.

§2. It belongs to the Church always and everywhere to announce moral principles, even about the social order, and to render judgment concerning any human affairs insofar as the fundamental rights of the human person or the salvation of souls requires it.

Can. 748 §1. All persons are bound to seek the truth in those things which regard God and his Church and by virtue of divine law are bound by the obligation and possess the right of embracing and observing the truth which they have come to know.

§2. No one is ever permitted to coerce persons to embrace the Catholic faith against their conscience.

Can. 749 §1. By virtue of his office, the Supreme Pontiff possesses infallibility in teaching when as the supreme pastor and teacher of all the Christian faithful, who strengthens his brothers and sisters in the faith, he proclaims by definitive act that a doctrine of faith or morals is to be held.

§2. The college of bishops also possesses infallibility in teaching when the bishops gathered together in an ecumenical council exercise the magisterium as teachers and judges of faith and morals who declare for the universal Church that a doctrine of faith or morals is to be held definitively; or when dispersed throughout the world but preserving the bond of communion among themselves and with the successor of Peter and teaching authentically together with the Roman Pontiff matters of faith or morals, they agree that a particular proposition is to be held definitively.

§3. No doctrine is understood as defined infallibly unless this is manifestly evident.

Can. 750 §1. A person must believe with divine and Catholic faith all those things contained in the word of God, written or handed on, that is, in the one deposit of faith entrusted to the Church, and at the same time proposed as divinely revealed either by the solemn magisterium of the Church or by its ordinary and universal magisterium which is manifested by the common adherence of the Christian faithful under the leadership of the sacred magisterium; therefore all are bound to avoid any doctrines whatsoever contrary to them.

§2. Each and every thing which is proposed definitively by the magisterium of the Church concerning the doctrine of faith and morals, that is, each and every thing which is required to safeguard reverently and to expound faithfully the same deposit of faith, is also to be firmly embraced and retained; therefore, one who rejects those propositions which are to be held definitively is opposed to the doctrine of the Catholic Church.

Can. 751 Heresy is the obstinate denial or obstinate doubt after the reception of baptism of some truth which is to be believed by divine and Catholic faith; apostasy is the total repudiation of the Christian faith; schism is the refusal of submission to the Supreme Pontiff or of communion with the members of the Church subject to him.

Can. 752 Although not an assent of faith, a religious submission of the intellect and will must be given to a doctrine which the Supreme Pontiff or the college of bishops declares concerning faith or morals when they exercise the authentic magisterium, even if they do not intend to proclaim it by definitive act; therefore, the Christian faithful are to take care to avoid those things which do not agree with it.

Can. 753 Although the bishops who are in communion with the head and members of the college, whether individually or joined together in conferences of bishops or in particular councils, do not possess infallibility in teaching, they are authentic teachers and instructors of the faith for the Christian faithful entrusted to their care; the Christian faithful are bound to adhere with religious submission of mind to the authentic magisterium of their bishops.

Can. 754 All the Christian faithful are obliged to observe the constitutions and decrees which the legitimate authority of the Church issues in order to propose doctrine and to proscribe erroneous opinions, particularly those which the Roman Pontiff or the college of bishops puts forth.

You should also consider Motu Proprio Apostolos Suos (1998)…particularly the complementary norms that were prescribed within it.

So, for example, you may not like Centesimus Annus 48, Quadragesimo Anno 79, and other similar magesterial documents. But you can’t simply disagree with them either.

I know it can be tough. Dealing with the Church’s teachings on the Death Penalty are difficult for me. But we all must give that religious submission of the intellect and will, trusting that the Holy Spirit guides Holy Mother Church into all the Truth even if we personally can’t bring ourselves to understand it yet.

 

[DarkLight]

Believe it or not, I have done my research…and I know that there are different levels of church teaching. I try my best to follow, but there are cases where I cannot in good conscience agree with certain (non-infallible) parts of church teaching. Not just that I cannot agree, but that I am firmly convinced the church does harm. I have studied history enough to know that the church spoke out at first against things it now supports - for example, I know that at one time it condemned women’s suffrage. How should we respond, then, knowing that these things have been wrong before?