Frustrated with all the talking after Mass

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crenfro

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Hello.

Recently I discussed with my pastor about the loud talking right after Mass. He said because the church was a large building and because the parish hall was difficult to get to - it has an elevator for the handicapped - that silence after Mass is not a realistic expectation. To me, he seemed reluctant to deal with it.

I have had to change my time at Adoration at the other church I was attending Mass because there was so much loud talk. When I mentioned it to one of the priests, he said the noise was “great” because it was an effect of the Eucharist. After that I cried all during Adoration - I guess probably one of the best places to be for a good cry.

I’ve called up Fr. Mitch Pacqua on his open line show about this and he said I should get a sign that says “silence please.” So I’m trying to figure out if I should get an elegant little fold-up sign that I can carry in my purse, and trying to figure out how much such a thing will cost.

I’m really having a time with anger/resentment towards priests these days - not the good, orthodox ones, but ones who tinker with the liturgy and don’t seem to care to preach the fullness of the Gospel. And that’s quite unChristian of me and I need prayers and help.

Please respond, if you have a charitable comment.
 
crenfro said:
Hello.

Recently I discussed with my pastor about the loud talking right after Mass. He said because the church was a large building and because the parish hall was difficult to get to - it has an elevator for the handicapped - that silence after Mass is not a realistic expectation. To me, he seemed reluctant to deal with it.

I have had to change my time at Adoration at the other church I was attending Mass because there was so much loud talk. When I mentioned it to one of the priests, he said the noise was “great” because it was an effect of the Eucharist. After that I cried all during Adoration - I guess probably one of the best places to be for a good cry.

I’ve called up Fr. Mitch Pacqua on his open line show about this and he said I should get a sign that says “silence please.” So I’m trying to figure out if I should get an elegant little fold-up sign that I can carry in my purse, and trying to figure out how much such a thing will cost.

I’m really having a time with anger/resentment towards priests these days - not the good, orthodox ones, but ones who tinker with the liturgy and don’t seem to care to preach the fullness of the Gospel. And that’s quite unChristian of me and I need prayers and help.

Please respond, if you have a charitable comment.
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It is not a reasonable expectation? 40 - 50 years ago one could hear a pin drop in church - before and after. Everyone respected sacred silence. However, most believed in the Real Presence. Stats say only 25% now.
 
You can’t control the behavior of other people, only yourself and your reactions.

If you allow 5-10 minutes for people to leave after Mass, you will probably have an almost silent church to pray in. If the silence is important to you, then 5 minutes isn’t much of a sacrifice to achieve it.

I’ve had to work on this myself on the other end. I like quiet before Mass to prepare myself, but it’s not there. I’ve learned to find a quiet space inside myself where I can pray and get myself ready.
 
If you go to a Latin “tridentine” Mass offered by the FSSPs you can here a pin drop after Mass :D:thumbsup:
 
I understand your disappointment with the talking after Mass. At least they could wait till they get outside and then talk and visit all they want.

Many parishioners at my parish were delighted when our priest talked about silence last Sunday. He said that it is important to learn to live with silence as that will help our interior prayer life. He then said that after his homily when he goes back to sit down that there will be five minutes of silence. It would be nice if he reminded us of that every Sunday.
 
I agree – there is silence in my parish before Mass, but chatter afterwards. I want to shout, 'Hey, Jesus didn’t leave! He’s still here in the Tabernacle!"

I also agree with Leticia. Attend a Latin Mass (EF) and you will have beautiful silence and reverence both before and after Mass. Even little children sense they are in a sacred place and are quiet. And the priests and altar servers GENUFLECT every time they enter the sanctuary or cross in front of the Blessed Sacrament.

The OF has lost the mystery of the Sacrifice. It doesn’t have to be this way. :crying:

Jim Dandy
 
SuscipeMeDomine said:
You can’t control the behavior of other people, only yourself and your reactions.

If you allow 5-10 minutes for people to leave after Mass, you will probably have an almost silent church to pray in. If the silence is important to you, then 5 minutes isn’t much of a sacrifice to achieve it.

I’ve had to work on this myself on the other end. I like quiet before Mass to prepare myself, but it’s not there. I’ve learned to find a quiet space inside myself where I can pray and get myself ready.
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I agree. It takes some work to get to that interior space, but it is doable with God and a dose of patience. And once you realize that it’s possible to get to that quiet space within and ignore the rest, it becomes easier and easier to maintain that space. 🙂
 
SuscipeMeDomine said:
You can’t control the behavior of other people, only yourself and your reactions.

If you allow 5-10 minutes for people to leave after Mass, you will probably have an almost silent church to pray in. If the silence is important to you, then 5 minutes isn’t much of a sacrifice to achieve it.

I’ve had to work on this myself on the other end. I like quiet before Mass to prepare myself, but it’s not there. I’ve learned to find a quiet space inside myself where I can pray and get myself ready.
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I agree with this comment I usually take a bathroom break and a little walk outside if it’s nice out for 10 minutes and by then most of the “noisemakers” will be gone and then I can go back in and settle in for adoration. I could spend hours, I LOVE it…a little time for them to clear out and then it’s back to quiet.
 
Well, I don’t know. I’m torn on this one. I think it’s wonderful that everyone is inspired to chat with each other. I really doubt the disciples were in complete silence every time our Lord was present. I’m more for silence before Mass then after. Isn’t it true that during the Mass we become united with one another through our Lord? Why then would we be silent and ignore one another after?

At our parish people seem to save the chatter for once they’ve stepped outside but some people chat within the foyer (not the nave). Usually within 5-10 minutes of Mass ending there is silence in the nave. I wait until then to do my prayers because before Mass the choir is practicing and there’s noise, noise, noise. That’s more a pet peeve to me then noise after, if I’m being honest.

Anyway, where would you put the sign? On your pew?
 
buffalo said:
It is not a reasonable expectation? 40 - 50 years ago one could hear a pin drop in church - before and after. Everyone respected sacred silence. However, most believed in the Real Presence. Stats say only 25% now.
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That is sad commentary. I moved to where I live now–middle of the Bible belt, to be close to my daughter , 10yrs ago. I noticed the visiting and noise right away and complained to DD and she told me she thought the parish caught the practice from all the Baptists in the area. I had lived before in large Catholic populated cities, and had always experienced the quiet and reverence. 🤷:)Peace, Carlan
 
buffalo said:
It is not a reasonable expectation? 40 - 50 years ago one could hear a pin drop in church - before and after.
Click to expand...
I will be the first person to admit that noise, especially unnecessary noise, before & after Mass can be very distracting to me.
I have become quite adept at “tuning it out”, for the most part. 😉

There is something though, that I have come to realize,
that I don’t think always gets taken into account when I hear statements such as this.

I live in a mid-sized city, that 50 years ago was a manufacturing hub,
filled with immigrant families and a church on every corner.
Kids went to the parish school, families got together and had picnics,
game nights, etc. Everyone walked to Church,
because most people didn’t have cars, they didn’t need them.
Every neighborhood was a little world unto itself with the Church at the center.
Everbody knew everybody else’s business- who was sick, who need a job, who just had a baby, they were there for each other.
People were always quiet in Church because everyone saw each other every day.

Now, in the 21st Century, people are much more spread out.
I attend the parish I grew up in. It is a large, suburban parish.
People, even the ones who live in the neighborhood drive,
and many travel 5 miles or more.
Some of the people who I see at Church,
some of whom, I have known my whole life;
I only get to see at Church. :sad_yes:

Our lives are much more complicated now. We don’t have the “neighborhood” feeling that was the norm 50 years ago.
Think about it, how many of you know when your neighbor’s birthday is,
or what their parent’s first names are? 🤷

I live in an old neighborhood, that, 50 years ago, had 5 Catholic Churches,
each with multiple priests, complete with school & convent full of sisters,
within a 2 mile radius of my home.
Now there is ***ONE ***Church (no school), with 1 full-time priest,
2 deacons, 1 SSND and a retired priest who helps out.
It is a poor area, which is plagued with drugs & prostitution,
but this parish is a vibrant presence!😃

I am not trying to make excuses;
just looking at things from a different perspective, I guess.:blushing:
I actually think it is terrible that society has become so disconnected.
I try to do my part, and meet my neighbors, and get involved in the neighborhood.
I have thought about joining the parish that is up the block from me.
I do attend some of the social functions, and occasionally attend Mass there,
and I know the priest quite well, but for now, I feel I belong and my “home parish”.
 
You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to silence a noisy parish. Learn to control your own reaction to the noise rather than trying to control and silence others. Have you been to a library lately? Sign of the times.

Find another Mass time or find another parish. Be cautious about crusading against the cacophony, for no one can hear you above the dismal din. Before and after Mass, no one can hear you unless you scream.
 
nickybr38 said:
Well, I don’t know. I’m torn on this one. I think it’s wonderful that everyone is inspired to chat with each other. I really doubt the disciples were in complete silence every time our Lord was present. I’m more for silence before Mass then after. Isn’t it true that during the Mass we become united with one another through our Lord? Why then would we be silent and ignore one another after?

At our parish people seem to save the chatter for once they’ve stepped outside but some people chat within the foyer (not the nave). Usually within 5-10 minutes of Mass ending there is silence in the nave. I wait until then to do my prayers because before Mass the choir is practicing and there’s noise, noise, noise. That’s more a pet peeve to me then noise after, if I’m being honest.

Anyway, where would you put the sign? On your pew?
Click to expand...
I think it would displaying a sign which said “silence please” may or may not work, depending on your church. I know at mine, it would not work at all. We are a very friendly multi-generational church. The same people go to the same Mass week in and week out and like to catch up after Mass. Everyone from toddlers to elderly meanders out, catching up with one another after Mass. Nothing loud, just friendly chit-chat. Usually after 15 minutes the church is cleared and quiet.

This used to happen at the beginning of Mass as well until the pastor made an announcement about the importance of putting ourself into quiet prayer before Mass. Everyone complies. However nothing was mentioned about after Mass which implies he is OK with it.

It may be better for you spiritually to do as others have suggested. Take a break until everyone clears out. Then reset and put yourself back in the presence of God.
buffalo said:
It is not a reasonable expectation? 40 - 50 years ago one could hear a pin drop in church - before and after. Everyone respected sacred silence. However, most believed in the Real Presence. Stats say only 25% now.
Click to expand...
Forty years ago, I remember the church was dead silent before and after Mass. I also remember my father trying to get out of the parking lot yelling, “You just spent an hour praying and now you’re trying to kill one another getting home!!!”

Now when I go to church everyone talks and is so friendly after Mass which extends out to the parking lot as well.

–The Mass is ended. Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.
 
Problem A) People have no respect for others anymore, so they don’t care if they’re disturbing others.

Problem B) Everyone is so worried about “offending” anyone anymore that priests don’t want to deal with the problem because…

Problem C) …people don’t give proper respect to priests either. No one wants to speak the truth or hear the truth.

Problem D) The HOLY SACRIFICE OF THE MASS isn’t thought of as that very thing anymore ~ a SACRIFICE. Now it’s a “meal”, so people are too used to thinking of what we do on Sunday as a ‘gathering of community to celebrate Eucharist.’ And while that is also what it is, it really downplays the fact that we are there to WORSHIP GOD, not “come to the table in a fellowship of praise.” So the sense of reverence has been lost in the ‘interest of fostering ecumenical comradery.’ And that has had a serious effect on people’s sense of the sacred.

Our former pastor dealt with the problem by stating several Sundays at the end of the Mass to please remember those here who are trying to pray and to keep the visiting to a minimum until they got out of the main body of the church. He was ignored. So he implemented that after Mass, as people were leaving, that the organ was to be played until the church emptied, and it did make a significant impact. People still talked, but the volume and amount of talking did diminish. It took time, but it made a difference eventually. He wasn’t afraid to speak the truth. It’s ok to be friendly, but charitably so. Show friendliness as well to those who are still wanting to pray by respecting them.
 
This is such a coincidence. Just today I wrote a letter to my pastor at my home parish about noise after Mass. it is normal occurrence but today there was a large family group catching up on things, the ladies setting up for a funeral yelling across the church, and the Rosary ladies shouting the Rosary as if the Blessed Mother was hard of hearing. Each group got louder and louder trying to be heard over the others. I like to pray after Mass and I tried to tolerate it for at least 15 minutes before I had to leave. I also wrote a letter to the pastoral council.

I only go to mass at home parish twice a week and it is always noisy after mass but today was the worst.
 
I_Thirst said:
You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to silence a noisy parish. Learn to control your own reaction to the noise rather than trying to control and silence others. Have you been to a library lately? Sign of the times.
Click to expand...
I agree. We have a chapel where the daily Masses are said, and after each Mass, there are people who stay on to say the Rosary together. And all the old duffers can’t seem to wait till they’re OUTSIDE the church to greet one another. Very disruptive, and disrespectful of the prayer they KNOW is still going on. But what can you do? My poor neck went into spasm for all the times I whipped around and tried to shush these gabby people. But I’ve learned to tune it all out (for the most part!) and just get on with our own devotions. They usually all manage to exit before the first decade starts anyway.

On Sunday, in our main church, before each Mass, there is always recorded Gregorian Chant playing from somewhere in front. I thought my pastor, who is very learned and intellectual, and a great teacher, played it for us to familiarize ourselves with true Roman Catholic music. When I mentioned this to him one day, he laughed and said, “Are you kidding? All I’m doing is trying to cut down on the chatter!!!” 😃
 
nanacat said:
On Sunday, in our main church, before each Mass, there is always recorded Gregorian Chant playing from somewhere in front. I thought my pastor, who is very learned and intellectual, and a great teacher, played it for us to familiarize ourselves with true Roman Catholic music. When I mentioned this to him one day, he laughed and said, “Are you kidding? All I’m doing is trying to cut down on the chatter!!!” 😃
Click to expand...
:rotfl:

Just think what would happen if he actually had Gregorian chant during Mass.
 
Hello again.

Thanks for all the thoughts.

Today I realized I need to lighten up and quit looking at the splinter in the other guy’s eye and concentrate on the redwood tree that blocks my own eyes.

Also, I’d not taken my antidepressants for two days, so, l wasn’t really too reasonable… And I decided to volunteer for something at the parish that they need help with…

I did print out though something that the priest wasn’t aware of and will hand it to him when I see him.

Very grateful for these forums. Please keep me in your prayers.
 
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