Frustrated with my husband,a convert to the faith

[Jeanne_S]

My husband a convert of almost ten years,continues to frustrate me with his continued lack of acceptance of much of our Catholic faith.This has oftentime led to arguments,my getting defensive and hurt by his obvious nonchalant attitude.Honestly,I am not sure why he even bothered to convert in the first place.
The biggest issue is his Sola Scriptura mindset,add to that the fact that he doesn’t believe the Euchrist is anything more that a representation of Christ’s body. This was brought up again just now,when I mentioned the fact that today’s gospel reading was very clear re the body and blood of Christ.I asked him if this piece of scripture was part of his bible knowledge as a Lutheran,or was it omitted?My reason being,I don’t understand how anyone could deny Christ’s intention after reading this Gospel. Outside of attending Mass in Sundays,being involved with the Kof C’s,he really doesn’t seem to be making any kind of effort to grow in his new faith.

 

[josephback]

To my understanding Luther taught consubstantiation, which is similar but not identical to transubstantiation. Either way, it’s not just a symbol. Luther changed many things, but knew that to deny Baptism or the Eucharist as sacraments cut one off from the historic church.

Back before I converted I attended a Bible Study where John 6 came up and a Catholic gentleman was challenged about or brought up John 6. A former Catholic emphasized the end of the passage where Jesus said these words are “spirit and life,” or something to that effect. My point is there might be factors other than reason that are getting in the way of his accepting this point.

 

[OraLabora]

My husband a convert of almost ten years,continues to frustrate me with his continued lack of acceptance of much of our Catholic faith.This has oftentime led to arguments,my getting defensive and hurt by his obvious nonchalant attitude.Honestly,I am not sure why he even bothered to convert in the first place.
The biggest issue is his Sola Scriptura mindset,add to that the fact that he doesn’t believe the Euchrist is anything more that a representation of Christ’s body. This was brought up again just now,when I mentioned the fact that today’s gospel reading was very clear re the body and blood of Christ.I asked him if this piece of scripture was part of his bible knowledge as a Lutheran,or was it omitted?My reason being,I don’t understand how anyone could deny Christ’s intention after reading this Gospel. Outside of attending Mass in Sundays,being involved with the Kof C’s,he really doesn’t seem to be making any kind of effort to grow in his new faith.

Arguments, nagging and butting heads will get nowhere. I’m in a mixed marriage (me Catholic, my wife Evangelical Anglican).

Might I instead suggest prayer and leaving him be. And live your own faith to the fullest, but expecting nothing in return.

I’m a Benedictine oblate, and my wife was initially hostile to this aspect of my faith. Rather than argue about it, prayer and just letting her get to know the abbey and its monks gradually and at her own pace did the trick. It was the ability of one of the monks to listen to her during a family crisis that won her over to Benedictine spirituality even though she remains an Anglican. She even came to the Benedictine Oblate’s World Congress in Rome with me in 2013!

I pray for her conversion every day. But I don’t argue matters of faith with her, and nor her with me.

Faith is not something you can force on people. You either get it, or you don’t. I spent 22 years outside the Church before “getting it”. God has His own timetable!

 

[Jeanne_S]

Arguments, nagging and butting heads will get nowhere. I’m in a mixed marriage (me Catholic, my wife Evangelical Anglican).

Might I instead suggest prayer and leaving him be. And live your own faith to the fullest, but expecting nothing in return.

I’m a Benedictine oblate, and my wife was initially hostile to this aspect of my faith. Rather than argue about it, prayer and just letting her get to know the abbey and its monks gradually and at her own pace did the trick. It was the ability of one of the monks to listen to her during a family crisis that won her over to Benedictine spirituality even though she remains an Anglican. She even came to the Benedictine Oblate’s World Congress in Rome with me in 2013!

I pray for her conversion every day. But I don’t argue matters of faith with her, and nor her with me.

Faith is not something you can force on people. You either get it, or you don’t. I spent 22 years outside the Church before “getting it”. God has His own timetable!

Thank you,good advice.I will work on my end

 

[boomerang]

You could remind him that the Church has always believed in the real presence and that this belief has been lost by protestants in recent history:

Quoting Justin Martyr, 155 AD:

And this food is called among us Εὐχαριστία [the Eucharist], of which no one is allowed to partake but the man who believes that the things which we teach are true, and who has been washed with the washing that is for the remission of sins, and unto regeneration, and who is so living as Christ has enjoined. For not as common bread and common drink do we receive these; but in like manner as Jesus Christ our Savior, having been made flesh by the Word of God, had both flesh and blood for our salvation, so likewise have we been taught that the food which is blessed by the prayer of His word, and from which our blood and flesh by transmutation are nourished, is the flesh and blood of that Jesus who was made flesh.

 

[Confiteor_Deo]

You should learn apologetics concerning Sola Scriptura and the Blessed Sacrament of the altar so that you can defend the Faith. Present to him solid evidence that the Church is right in what she believes so that he will change his mind. Now that he is Catholic, he can’t maintain the Protestant mindset anymore; however, nothing will improve with arguing or heated debate, so avoid this as best as you can.

 

[7_Sorrows]

I will pray for you and your husband Jeanne on this matter. I know you want to be on the same page. I kind of have the same problem with my daughter-in-law. I finally gave up trying to get her to join the Catholic Church. She would just become more obstinate. So I just try to live my life as the only Catholic in the family and I pray for them.

 

[Blue_Goose]

Arguments, nagging and butting heads will get nowhere. I’m in a mixed marriage (me Catholic, my wife Evangelical Anglican).

Might I instead suggest prayer and leaving him be. And live your own faith to the fullest, but expecting nothing in return.

I’m a Benedictine oblate, and my wife was initially hostile to this aspect of my faith. Rather than argue about it, prayer and just letting her get to know the abbey and its monks gradually and at her own pace did the trick. It was the ability of one of the monks to listen to her during a family crisis that won her over to Benedictine spirituality even though she remains an Anglican. She even came to the Benedictine Oblate’s World Congress in Rome with me in 2013!

I pray for her conversion every day. But I don’t argue matters of faith with her, and nor her with me.

Faith is not something you can force on people. You either get it, or you don’t. I spent 22 years outside the Church before “getting it”. God has His own timetable!

This is sound advice. Lead by living your faith!

 

[wmw]

It maybe that he is acting out defensively. Change is hard, he’s feeling the pressure of conforming to the faith that he has externally accepted, but internally is having conflict. He likely subconsciously likes to see you squirm and get frustrated to match his hidden conflict. He feels you have the upper hand in this area and needs to occasionally get the better of you.

Understand this and don’t fight back. Don’t become smug either. Learn to love that he cares. He wouldn’t be this antagonistic if he didn’t care. Find that help mate attitude, as in trying to get into the position of “If this is important then lets find this out together”. Let him take the lead on the investigation and support that what he thinks is important, {but , without being said out loud, may need more faith formation}.

 

[johnnyc176]

My husband a convert of almost ten years,continues to frustrate me with his continued lack of acceptance of much of our Catholic faith.This has oftentime led to arguments,my getting defensive and hurt by his obvious nonchalant attitude.Honestly,I am not sure why he even bothered to convert in the first place.
The biggest issue is his Sola Scriptura mindset,add to that the fact that he doesn’t believe the Euchrist is anything more that a representation of Christ’s body. This was brought up again just now,when I mentioned the fact that today’s gospel reading was very clear re the body and blood of Christ.I asked him if this piece of scripture was part of his bible knowledge as a Lutheran,or was it omitted?My reason being,I don’t understand how anyone could deny Christ’s intention after reading this Gospel. Outside of attending Mass in Sundays,being involved with the Kof C’s,he really doesn’t seem to be making any kind of effort to grow in his new faith.

I think you are correct to be concerned. Since he is active in the K of C maybe you could suggest taking a look at these courses that are associated with the K of C…

kofc.org/un/en/cis/index.html

 

[Jeanne_S]

I am sorry that you are going through this, it is painful when you are not on the same page as your spouse and it can hurt very deeply.

May I suggest to compliment your husband and to share what JOY you have with him in common? Compliment your husband on how you are so happy that he converted and that it brings you much happiness to attend Mass with him. Concentrate your emotional energy on what you have in common with your husband rather than what separates you. This way, when you find common ground you can hopefully grow in love, and over time he might be drawn in. Perhaps try and tell him that you are proud to be his wife and that you are happy he converted to the faith? Those are wonderful words from a wife! Try to do what you can to say those things to him and that you are happy to go to Mass with him.

“I was drawn to the Eucharist by nagging and clever arguments” is something that I have never heard anyone say EVER. Your husband has all the scriptures, books and teachings available to him if he wants to look at them but he isn’t interested. What is needed here is love, and lots of love.

Remember too that the conversion of your husband’s heart is going to be the work of the Holy Spirit, not you so pray for him. Also remember that it is really no surprise that your husband is not embracing all of these teachings, after all when Jesus Christ was here on earth in the flesh, many people did not embrace fully what He said either! If people can disregard the perfect words of Jesus Christ coming out of His perfect mouth, of course it is no surprise then that many people could disregard the words and teachings of His church.

Perhaps you could start going to Eucharistic adoration if it is available in your area? After some time has passed, invite your husband to attend with you? He might say no, but every once in a while gently invite him.

Clearly you are not changing his heart by your tactics, that is obvious, you might even be contributing to his heart hardening. Therefore I would stop whatever you are doing immediately since it could be having negative spiritual consequences. Satan will tempt you to nag and pester your husband because it is a weakness for you, and Satan doesn’t want your husband to grow in his faith, don’t give in to the temptation. Please be assured of my prayers.

Thank you for your suggestions,lots of good advice.
I am a weekly adorer,yes we are blessed to have a 24 hr.adoration chapel.Just for clarity,I don’t nag him about his faith.In fact the only time I really even butt heads with him,is when on occasion matters of faith will comeup and he almost always says something counter to what the CC teaches.He has brought pretty much all of his Protestant beliefs into his conversion.You and others who have responded are correct in your advice.I will just continue to pray for him and lead by example.

 

[OraLabora]

In fact the only time I really even butt heads with him,is when on occasion matters of faith will comeup and he almost always says something counter to what the CC teaches.

He’s baiting you! When he does that, don’t bite. It will eventually frustrate him and he’ll back off. Just change the subject and if he insists, “I don’t feel like discussing that right now. Would you like some coffee and biscuits?”

 

[HelenRose]

My husband a convert of almost ten years,continues to frustrate me with his continued lack of acceptance of much of our Catholic faith.This has oftentime led to arguments,my getting defensive and hurt by his obvious nonchalant attitude.Honestly,I am not sure why he even bothered to convert in the first place.
The biggest issue is his Sola Scriptura mindset,add to that the fact that he doesn’t believe the Euchrist is anything more that a representation of Christ’s body. This was brought up again just now,when I mentioned the fact that today’s gospel reading was very clear re the body and blood of Christ.I asked him if this piece of scripture was part of his bible knowledge as a Lutheran,or was it omitted?My reason being,I don’t understand how anyone could deny Christ’s intention after reading this Gospel. Outside of attending Mass in Sundays,being involved with the Kof C’s,he really doesn’t seem to be making any kind of effort to grow in his new faith.

This is between him and God. It really is none of your business. You have no, none, nada, right to dictate what someone else’s spiritual growth should be. Thank God that he comes to Church with you. I know I sound harsh but… you can only push him away by trying to control what belongs to God. His soul belongs to God not you.

 

[SyroMalankara]

My husband a convert of almost ten years,continues to frustrate me with his continued lack of acceptance of much of our Catholic faith.This has oftentime led to arguments,my getting defensive and hurt by his obvious nonchalant attitude.Honestly,I am not sure why he even bothered to convert in the first place.
The biggest issue is his Sola Scriptura mindset,add to that the fact that he doesn’t believe the Euchrist is anything more that a representation of Christ’s body. This was brought up again just now,when I mentioned the fact that today’s gospel reading was very clear re the body and blood of Christ.I asked him if this piece of scripture was part of his bible knowledge as a Lutheran,or was it omitted?My reason being,I don’t understand how anyone could deny Christ’s intention after reading this Gospel. Outside of attending Mass in Sundays,being involved with the Kof C’s,he really doesn’t seem to be making any kind of effort to grow in his new faith.

He must be influenced by more Reformed or non-denominational types - the Confessional Lutherans on this site are strong adherents of the Real Presence, although their understanding is slightly different than ours. The only Lutherans I’ve heard deny the Real Presence are a few contemporary ELCA types, those who are Lutheran in Name only (cultural Lutherans), and those who attend other groups.

 

[Jeanne_S]

This is between him and God. It really is none of your business. You have no, none, nada, right to dictate what someone else’s spiritual growth should be. Thank God that he comes to Church with you. I know I sound harsh but… you can only push him away by trying to control what belongs to God. His soul belongs to God not you.

As his wife and RCIAsponsor BTY,isn’t it my duty to get him to Heaven,to correct any misguided notions he has re the Catholic faith.Yes,you were harsh,of course it is my business re the well being of his eternal soul

 

[Kal2012]

As a convert myself, I can tell you that you don’t just drop all of your memories and experiences at the door when you finish with Easter Vigil. Conversion is an ongoing process.

There are teachings that I still struggle with, even though I know they are correct teaching. (which is why I joined the church in the first place).

I can understand being frustrated and wanting to make sure that he gets into heaven; however, ultimately, he’s the one responsible for his salvation. We can’t save other people. We can only guide others as they go through their journey.

As a friend of mine says, sometimes we need to stop talking/pushing and let the Holy Spirit work instead.

 

[TimothyH]

Bid the older women likewise to be reverent in behavior, not to be slanderers or slaves to drink; they are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be sensible, chaste, domestic, kind, and submissive to their husbands, that the word of God may not be discredited. (Titus 2:3-5)

Likewise you wives, be submissive to your husbands, so that some, though they do not obey the word, may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, when they see your reverent and chaste behavior. (1 Peter 3:1-2)

-Tim-

 

[HelenRose]

As his wife and RCIAsponsor BTY,isn’t it my duty to get him to Heaven,to correct any misguided notions he has re the Catholic faith.Yes,you were harsh,of course it is my business re the well being of his eternal soul

How well is your method working?

Controlling and nagging is not the best approach.

 

[Jeanne_S]

How well is your method working?

Controlling and nagging is not the best approach.

Did I ever once mention that I nag him or try to control him?Those are your words,not mine,I merely stated my frustration at his apparent disinterest in knowing his faith.If we argue it is usually because he has said something outrageous re the Church,I attempt fraternal correction and oftentimes an argument will ensue.

 

[HelenRose]

Did I ever once mention that I nag him or try to control him?Those are your words,not mine,I merely stated my frustration at his apparent disinterest in knowing his faith.If we argue it is usually because he has said something outrageous re the Church,I attempt fraternal correction and oftentimes an argument will ensue.

Okay I will apologize. However, may I suggest you ask your husband if I am wrong. Does he feel pushed and controlled. If he does not agree with me then - I am truly sorry for my words.