Frustrated with my local parish

  • Thread starter Thread starter Jabronie
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Jabroni,
I am so with you. I grew up catholic, left the chuch after high school, led sinful lifestyle as a rock musician for many years, cleaned up, got married, had kids, joined evangelical church for 10 years, returned to catholic church 2 months ago (pretty typical story, I know). Anyway, after being onlya a nominal catholic as a kid, and now taking catholicism seriously as an adult, I too have been angry when I see wannabe-rick-warren Catholic parishes. But I realize, “who am I” to get mad , I used to be the same way. After talking to many cradle catholics who think that ‘contemporary’ masses represent progress, I’m convinced that our opinions sadly represent the minority view now. But I remain hopeful, as the exodus from ‘seeker’ churches to catholicism accelerates, that trend will reverse.
 
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SMHW:
I think the rules about which parish you may register in vary from diocese to diocese. Nowdays most places in the United States let you register in the parish of your choice. But others require you to respect physical parish boundaries.

In any case, there’s no rule about attending the parish of your choice. You’re just required to SUPPORT your home parish. (But if you regularly attend a parish other than your own it’s a good idea to put something in that collection basket too since you are making use of that parish’s resources.
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Registration isn’t canonical and it varies from PARISH to PARISH. Some are more “welcoming”; some feel, for whatever reason, that they should adhere to the geographical boundaries…
 
I can understand what you are saying, I would feel the same
way if I experienced what you did!
 
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dljl:
Jabroni,
I am so with you. I grew up catholic, left the chuch after high school, led sinful lifestyle as a rock musician for many years, cleaned up, got married, had kids, joined evangelical church for 10 years, returned to catholic church 2 months ago (pretty typical story, I know). Anyway, after being onlya a nominal catholic as a kid, and now taking catholicism seriously as an adult, I too have been angry when I see wannabe-rick-warren Catholic parishes. But I realize, “who am I” to get mad , I used to be the same way. After talking to many cradle catholics who think that ‘contemporary’ masses represent progress, I’m convinced that our opinions sadly represent the minority view now. But I remain hopeful, as the exodus from ‘seeker’ churches to catholicism accelerates, that trend will reverse.
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I also returned to the Church after an 8-10 year break. I wonder if some of the cradle Catholics out there wonder why us reverts and converts always get so bent out of shape over things like this :whacky:
 
Other than altar girls, the local RC parish isn’t much different than it was ten years ago. They use a piano and the lady that signs the responsorial psalm and the like sounds like a dying duck. Sure people say hi or nod heads to say hi at the beginning, and yes people talk a little on the way out. But why not? People don’t talk loudly during mass, and there is a hum when everyone is leaving… I’ve never seen liturgical dancing, puppet homilies, or whatnot. I think the best part of the TLM is the polyphony and the Gregorian Chant… which I seen done in the mass either in English or Latin. I have never seen guest lecturers (homilists). Perhaps I see the Liturgy as a public celebration meant to be done as a community. Even if people just come because, there is a deeper connection to them coming to mass even if they don’t realize it, which they will in time.
 
When I first came back to the Church, i did some “shopping” for parishes. There is a parish not far from home, where I also attended grade school. It was perfect, I could even walk to Mass! 👍

However I encountered some problems. I wasn’t comfortable with their (to me) non-traditional Mass. There were a lot of children running around, and there was a lot of talking during Mass. The priest also tended two other parishes and didn’t hold daily masses. Not that any of this is wrong, just not for me.

I finally found a church I was comfortable in, there were daily masses, the priest actually interpreted the Gospel and how it affects us daily. I didn’t register because I was afraid he would tell me to go back to my local parish. He sat down to talk to me, asked where I lived and what parish was near me. I told him everything stated above, but made it very clear I was most comfortable in his church. His only dicouragement was that his parish was small.(Perfect!!)

So anyway, I love my new church and my new “family”! Guess what I want to say is, let the priest in the parish you want to attend know why you want to be there (and that you want to volunteer!). He may change his mind.

Good luck,
Maggie
 
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Jabronie:
Allow me to complain for a moment. I live in a part of town where if I cross the street to the west I’m in a nice parish. If I cross the street to the north I’m in a great parish, the one I usually attend. The problem is since I live on the wrong side of the street I am unable to register with either of the “nice” parishes and I’ve finally had it with the one I’m supposed to attend.

This weekend I tried to go back with an open mind, after all they did send me envelopes with my name on them. I really want to get involved with a church, maybe usher, or bible studies, that sort of thing. So I wrote a check, put it in the envelope and went to Mass with an open mind.

Here are my observations:
  1. No rosary before Mass. Just some guy playing a piano.
  2. A freaking trap set. Where’s Tommy Lee?
  3. Everyone is talking, except for the 60% of family who showed up late.
  4. Most of the music is contemporary.
  5. “Our Father.” 95% of the people there (include 100% of the choir) are holding their hands up in the air like a bunch of idiots. I get dirty looks for not holding hands with anyone.
  6. Apparently “Mass has ended - go in peace” means stand up, start talking, loudly. Hardly anyone left; they all just stuck around in the chapel discussing the college football game or some other nonsense. I like stay and pray for a little while after Mass, so I knelt down and tried. The noise was just too much, so I left, bitter and angry.
So what should I do? Should I talk to the local priests? They both seem like levelheaded guys. Or should I contact the diocese and try to get my membership transferred to the church that I really want to attend?

I don’t know if I should be happy or sad that the mass on the college campus is about a thousand times more traditional than this one.
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All the things that annoy you about this parish could really interfere with your faith. Talk to your priest about announcing quiet (sacred silence) time before Mass, but good luck getting the people to be obedient.

If there were that many things that I took issue with, I would just go to another parish. And ask to have your donation envelopes transferred over. Vote with your feet!
 
I “unregistered” from the parish I registered in last fall. The priest is very conservative, but the talking at the end of Mass is intolerable. The pastor even talks and laughs in the Church after the Masses, so I guess his example is followed, but it is annoying. I left that parish for another reason. The pastor and a friend of mine, who has been in the parish for ten years, is a member of 3rd Order Carmelite, and a good, holy person, had a falling out. Rather than Father trying to discuss the matter in a rational way, for three months he didn’t talk to her, or respond to her request for forgiveness, and told her she could no longer come back to the church for Mass, for Adoration, for the Sewing Group, or anything. She was literally “kicked out” of her parish.

It is very interesting how the Chancery tries to ignore you when you ask them for assistance. In my view, I don’t think he can kick her out unless she has posed some threat, or been jumping up and down in the pews every Sunday, or spray painting graffiti on the building. Even at that, a person is usually given a second chance. I don’t get it. Have any of you ever heard of a parishioner getting kick out of their parish. :eek:

Thanks.
 
Deacon Ed:
The rosary is a private devotion. It is not a part of Mass, nor is it necessarily a precursor to Mass.
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The point made in the original post was that it was too loud before Mass to allow for his personal prayer.
Deacon Ed:
There is nothing inherently wrong with drums in the liturgy. In fact, it’s an essential component in the Ethiopian Catholic Church (Ge’ez Church).
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We are in the Roman Catholic Church, not the Ethiopian Catholic Church. As I have said before, Mass isn’t meant to be a multicultural showcase. In our culture, drums are agitating (whether the agitation is appreciated or not depends on individual tastes), and Mass is not the place for that- some drum may be ok- but you shouldn’t be able to hear it from outside the church.
Deacon Ed:
Again, nothing wrong with this [contemporary music- my edit]. The selection of music seems to be a significant issue for some people, yet it boils down to personal taste. As a musician, liturgist and deacon I frequently don’t like the music (even when I was scheduling it) that is available – but music directors have to work with what they have, and that includes the people in the pews.
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Deacon Ed:
If you are referring to the orans position that is hardly an “idiot[ic]” position. It is the ancient position of the Church in prayer.
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We are not in the ancient Church.
 
I am trying to imagine what a lady at a piano singing like a “dying duck” would sound like. I laughed outloud at that one! It’s hard putting up with all of these humans, what are we to do?! :rolleyes: I must say though I admire people who at least get out there and volunteer, though I must say some should not be soloists 😉 That’s why sometimes I prefer a mass with no music.

Having a mass just the way we would like it or at least adhearing to proper rules, can be hard to find for each of us. But it’s kind of like those big expectations about Christmas or Thanksgiving being this grand happy occasion and the turkey burns, people start fighting… etc. We need to educate where needed, but keep loving, huh. Maybe we just need something from the vatican to be the tie breaker. I wonder if anything is in the works. Maybe we could get the Pope in our discussion and he might give us some ideas! 🙂 I liked that comment about showing up 10 minutes early for mass. Better work on that one.
 
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