Frustrated With Wife and Overall Situation

[Aggies08]

Have you sat down and done the budget with her? Does she understand how stressed you are, and how tight money really is?

I worked until delivery with all three of my kids; if she has a normal pregnancy, hopefully you can help her to get a job. Even if it is just nights or weekends. Could she take care of another child in your home during the day? That can bring in a good second income on it’s own, and then you won’t be needing to buy work clothes/associated working costs… it’s not a long-term career/income increasing option though, as there is no ladder to climb/salary to increase.

 

[Serap]

Have you sat down and done the budget with her? Does she understand how stressed you are, and how tight money really is?

I worked until delivery with all three of my kids; if she has a normal pregnancy, hopefully you can help her to get a job. Even if it is just nights or weekends. Could she take care of another child in your home during the day? That can bring in a good second income on it’s own, and then you won’t be needing to buy work clothes/associated working costs… it’s not a long-term career/income increasing option though, as there is no ladder to climb/salary to increase.

Yes babysitting from 8 to 5 is a great idea!!!

 

[agnes_therese]

Mr. Ramsey simply has no authority to teach a Catholic anything about tithing to the Church (or anywhere else for that matter) and those that extol him should be very careful about their support and their elevation of him.

And again, I have never heard him tell a Catholic to tithe. And the person to whom you were originally responding didn’t claim that he does – in fact, that post doesn’t even mention Dave Ramsey. I don’t see why you keep bringing this into the conversation; it really has nothing to do with the OPs problem.

P.S. Following someone’s financial advice doesn’t mean you’re “elevating” him.

 

[Aggie414]

And again, I have never heard him tell a Catholic to tithe. And the person to whom you were originally responding didn’t claim that he does – in fact, that post doesn’t even mention Dave Ramsey. I don’t see why you keep bringing this into the conversation; it really has nothing to do with the OPs problem.

P.S. Following someone’s financial advice doesn’t mean you’re “elevating” him.

Ditto. I am an avid listener of David Ramsey. He prefaces everything he says as he is coming from a viewpoint of an Evangelical Christian but he never demeans anyone’s religion. In fact, he’s even said if you’re not religious to give to something as it develops the giving muscle. In his case, he just happens to tithe.

But regardless, it’s a way to get started and to develop a plan.

 

[YADA]

Ditto. I am an avid listener of David Ramsey. He prefaces everything he says as he is coming from a viewpoint of an Evangelical Christian but he never demeans anyone’s religion. In fact, he’s even said if you’re not religious to give to something as it develops the giving muscle. In his case, he just happens to tithe.

But regardless, it’s a way to get started and to develop a plan.

I agree with you - I listen to Dave Ramsey and though he calls charitable giving a tithe - he is not adamant about what percentage people should give nor exactly to what charity a person contribute … he does instruct on the principal of stewardship from a Christian perspective and he happens to be an Evangelical … All our gifts/talents and the fruits there of - originate in our God - Jesus Christ … and Dave Ramsey makes no apologies for that belief …

Not to derail this thread - in my experience - many Catholics fight the idea of a Tithe - it promotes a certain percentage of income - and they want to fight that - because we are taught to give according to our means and be a cheerful giver - none of which I argue with

… However, what always gets to me is how this - cheerful NT Church idea to not feel constrained by the tithe - translates into how we give … which is - sad to say - poorly … and even still the Church is a phenomenal good in the world …

If we took our stewardship seriously - we would change the world so much more .- That transformation of the world would be the Story - and would give far greater Glory to our Lord …

On Charitable giving/Tithing - One way I think of it - God commanded a Tithe [10 percent] to the Hebrew people - he gave them Moses, the Law [10- Commandments] and the Prophets …

As a Christian - I know that we have Moses, the Law and the Prophets - PLUS the Church, the Sacraments and the Sacrificial self giving Love for our salvation by Jesus upon the Cross … With all that - we are called to respond by giving back to our God - *cheerfully and in proportion to what we have received *… And somehow this translates into something far less then 10 percent and if someone [like Dave Ramsey] mentions a tithe - we feel like we can disparage them and their faith in and love for that same Jesus

I try to give in relation to what God gives to me and how it relates above … 10 percent is where I start my response to God’s great gift to me … and i move from there - because God provides … and when times are hard [like 15 months of unemployment 2009/2010] - it hurt to cut back on giving - the most flexible area of my budget - but God provides - God is good - and I did not have to cut back to zero …

Anyway - perhaps its a good thing I am not giving financial advice … listening to Dave Ramsey would save you money

The important thing is to be responsible and a good steward!

 

[Michael57]

And again, I have never heard him tell a Catholic to tithe. And the person to whom you were originally responding didn’t claim that he does – in fact, that post doesn’t even mention Dave Ramsey. I don’t see why you keep bringing this into the conversation; it really has nothing to do with the OPs problem.

P.S. Following someone’s financial advice doesn’t mean you’re “elevating” him.

I was responding to another poster that brought the subject up, you injected yourself into the conversation and I replied to you.

So, who keeps bring it up? (Why, that would be you). :tiphat:

P.S. Speaking of a person in glowing terms that seem nearly in adoration and awe fits my definition of elevating.

(and why does one place a “post script” in a digital communication anyway… I guess I’ll have to ponder that great mystery)

Have a great day and Peace be with you.

 

[Cat]

I hate to come here and vent, but you guys are always so helpful at getting me to see things from another perspective. The quick background is my wife is a stay at home mom, she lost her job when around 3 1/2 years ago. We have a two-year-old child at home and are soon to be having another.

Financially we are drowning right now. I am literally working three jobs, at about 75-80 hours per week. I am a teacher, which for those of you who know, it is mentally exhausting on its own. I am beyond exhausted, stressed, and just beaten down. Although she is about two months pregnant, my wife has been saying she is going to get a job, but does nothing more than say she is going to. I try to be as supportive as possible, but lately I’ve been pushing it a bit more.

I feel like a jerk trying to get my pregnant wife to work, but I can’t keep this pace up. There are several days throughout the week where I work around 17 hours, and don’t get to see my son for more than 10 minutes in the morning before I leave (if I’m lucky and he’s awake).

I know I’ve been short tempered with her lately, and I continue to pray for more patience and understanding, but I feel like I am zombie, and have nothing left. There is no way out of this, because we need the money from all of the jobs to pay our bills. Even now as I finished writing this, I’m not sure why I wrote other than to get it off my chest. Thanks in advance for any support or words of wisdom.

1. What kind of work does/did your wife do? Does she have a degree, certificate, or license in a field? Basically what I’m asking is whether her income would truly be a help to the family? It actually costs money to go to work.
2. Are you a certified teacher with a Bachelor’s or Master’s Degree in teaching?
3. Can you ask relatives for help? I’m not necessarily talking about asking for money, but perhaps food, household items, repair work on car and home, childcare so that you can get some rest, gifts for the children on holidays and birthdays, etc? That’s what families are for.
4. Can you contact your various creditors and ask for reduced payments?
5. Are you eligible for ANY aid from the government; e.g. WIC? Are you eligible for ANY aid from local agencies, e.g., food pantries, children’s holiday gifts, children’s programming/sports?
6. I agree with everyone else that you need to go over your budget with an absolute heart of steel, and eliminate anything that is not a necessity and sell anything that you absolutely do not need to live. If you can live with only one car, do it. If you do not have to drive somewhere to survive, then don’t drive there. If you have a pet, give it away, or ask friends or relatives to take care of the pet until you are at a place where you can afford the pet. If you have cable TV, dump it. The grocery list should be planned down to the penny, and no impulses and no junk, and if possible, take advantage of any food pantries in your area that allow you to have free food–get it and USE it. Using coupons will help you to save a dollar or two each week, but that could be important money–it might be your “fun” money to be able to buy a soda once in a while. Just be merciless with yourselves. This is when it can be wonderful to be able to ask relatives for help; perhaps you really love Cheetos, but you can’t justify buying them. Well, most relatives would be happy to drop a bag of Cheetos off at your house once a week!
7. I agree with those who say to examine your three jobs, and see if you can maximize your earning. If you make more money at one of the non-teaching jobs, see if you can work more hours at that job, and perhaps switch to a tutoring center instead of teaching. Depending on what your qualifications are, perhaps you need to find one job that will pay a higher wage, and dump all three other low-paying jobs.

I’m surprised that you don’t make more money teaching; in our area, teachers make darned fantastic good honkin’ salaries and have enviable benefits.

Also, male teachers are in high demand in the big cities, and even more so if you happen to be a minority. Have you considered taking a different teaching job that pays more? Or are you possibly teaching as a non-certified individual in a setting that doesn’t pay much? If that’s the case, perhaps you should dump teaching and work hard on finding a manual labor or office job that pays you more.

Good luck to you.

 

[Xantippe]

Michael57 said:

“But his ideas about tithing as an evangelical christian reduce God to the role of an ATM, if you look carefully at how they apply it and talk about it.”

While that is correct about some evangelicals, it does not apply to Dave Ramsey. DR says the following about tithing:

1. He says that he tithed all the way into bankruptcy, and all the way out. Tithing didn’t keep him from going bankrupt.
2. DR says that God doesn’t need your money, and God is going to love you nonetheless.
3. DR says that the main importance of giving is to change the giver. DR says that people who only take in money and don’t give it away are like ponds with inlets but no outlet–they get scummy.

“The Society of St Vincent de Paul has trained counselors that will sit with a family to work out their budget and teach them how to plan and execute it. They will stick with the family over an extended period of time to help as issues arise. They are Catholic and abide with the Faith of our Fathers. I recommend that the OP contact them, or some other Catholic organization that fulfills a similar function.”

That is fantastic. I have heard of their work. Unfortunately, I don’t know it personally, but I have listened to lots of Dave Ramsey, read a couple of his books, and done Financial Peace University, and our family got out of debt, saved an emergency fund, saved a house downpayment, and bought a house on DR’s plan (more or less), so I am very familiar with DR’s program and I would have to stick to recommending DR’s program, as I don’t know the nuances of other organizations.

DR’s organization brings the following that may or may not be present elsewhere:

1. charisma
2. humor
3. peer support
4. the radio show

Learning to stop overspending is as hard as learning to stop overindulging in other addictions and people who are doing that need a lot of help wherever they can find it.

Also, if you ask your pastor, I bet he doesn’t think that over-giving is the burning problem in your parish. (I know mine doesn’t.)

 

[Xantippe]

YADA wrote:

“Not to derail this thread - in my experience - many Catholics fight the idea of a Tithe - it promotes a certain percentage of income - and they want to fight that - because we are taught to give according to our means and be a cheerful giver - none of which I argue with
… However, what always gets to me is how this - cheerful NT Church idea to not feel constrained by the tithe - translates into how we give … which is - sad to say - poorly … and even still the Church is a phenomenal good in the world …”

Yes! On the one hand, we should give what we can give happily, but on the other hand, there are a lot of New Testament verses that suggest that not giving will get you into a heap of trouble. Some cites:

Luke 16 (the parable of the rich man and Lazarus, the poor man at his gate–the rich man finds himself in hell, much to his surprise)

Matthew 25 (the parable of the sheep and the goats–the goats find themselves in hell, much to their surprise): “For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’”

James 2: “15 If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and be filled,” and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that? 17 Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself.”

YADA said:

“If we took our stewardship seriously - we would change the world so much more .- That transformation of the world would be the Story - and would give far greater Glory to our Lord”

Yes.

 

[Aggie414]

I was responding to another poster that brought the subject up, you injected yourself into the conversation and I replied to you.

So, who keeps bring it up? (Why, that would be you). :tiphat:

P.S. Speaking of a person in glowing terms that seem nearly in adoration and awe fits my definition of elevating.

(and why does one place a “post script” in a digital communication anyway… I guess I’ll have to ponder that great mystery)

Have a great day and Peace be with you.

If Dave Ramsey is so anti-Catholic (your perspective) why is his Financial Peace University class taught at my local Catholic Church? Enjoying a person’s perspective and insight is not elevating and it’s certainly not adoration and awe.

 

[MarkInOregon]

I hate to come here and vent, but you guys are always so helpful at getting me to see things from another perspective. The quick background is my wife is a stay at home mom, she lost her job when around 3 1/2 years ago. We have a two-year-old child at home and are soon to be having another.

Financially we are drowning right now. I am literally working three jobs, at about 75-80 hours per week. I am a teacher, which for those of you who know, it is mentally exhausting on its own. I am beyond exhausted, stressed, and just beaten down. Although she is about two months pregnant, my wife has been saying she is going to get a job, but does nothing more than say she is going to. I try to be as supportive as possible, but lately I’ve been pushing it a bit more.

I feel like a jerk trying to get my pregnant wife to work, but I can’t keep this pace up. There are several days throughout the week where I work around 17 hours, and don’t get to see my son for more than 10 minutes in the morning before I leave (if I’m lucky and he’s awake).

I know I’ve been short tempered with her lately, and I continue to pray for more patience and understanding, but I feel like I am zombie, and have nothing left. There is no way out of this, because we need the money from all of the jobs to pay our bills. Even now as I finished writing this, I’m not sure why I wrote other than to get it off my chest. Thanks in advance for any support or words of wisdom.

I am not sure what to tell you, but I will share my story with you and maybe it will help. At about the same time your wife lost her job my wife did also and with that job went 62% of our income. We had five children–one of which was in a small private catholic university and two others who were in catholic grade school. I didn’t know how we would make it, but we have. It took a big change in how we lived. We had to scramble. We had too fill out special circumstances forms for the university–a couple of additional grants were found and my daughter now has some student loan debt we didn’t plan on. There was embarassment and humiliation–my parents had to co-sign for the student loan because of our changed circumstances. The grade school wiped out the rest of our tuition for the year so that we didn’t have to pull the kids out of school. It’s a great community that we are a part of, but it is embarassing to find onesself in that situation.

We used to eat out a lot and at home we had take out a lot. Life was always rushed. Rush to pick up the kids at night, home, something to eat, home work, kids ready for bed,dishes, wife home from work, kids to bed, laundry, rush rush rush.

Today life is different. We have had to cut a lot of things out of our budget–many of the changes have been good–fewer presents at Christmas, we don’t eat out, we don’t bring home take out, we walk more places, we don’t buy a lot of DVD’s or CD’s anymore, we just do with less. And while paying bills or that unexpected car repair or dr bill can be a stress–overall life is less stressfull. I’m not rushing home from work worrying about getting the kids picked up from daycare, etc.

They’re rebooting our server so I need to close. It has been great having my wife home our three younger children have benefited tremendously and love having mom around when they get home from school. I’d say it is much better than daycare. I wish we had done it earlier–for all of our children. There are lessons to living with less that are good. And I think we underestimate the value of having mom home with the children.

Got to go.
The peace of Christ,
Mark