Frustrations with friendships and staying single

[maryjk]

Nope. Ultimate betrayal. If you complain to your family about something your spouse has done, they will always remember the incident, even after you’ve long forgiven and forgotten. It’s only natural, they want what is best for their loved one. You have an obligation to present your spouse to your friends and family in the best possible light. That’s not a risk you should take.

You should never share anything with anyone without your spouse’s explicit permission first.

My husband is pretty terrific. But he does have flaws.

But I never mention those flaws to anyone. Never.

 

[simpleas]

All this talk about who to confide in within the family or friends, confide in a pet! At least they listen to all your concerns, it’ll go in one ear and out the other, no comments, judgements, hate from them! LOL.

It is nice to hear how some people can belong to each other and support each other in marriage

It is difficult for people who do not naturally desire the opposite sex, marriage and children. I suppose we shouldn’t be selfish in thinking that when others find another to share their life with that they should still have time for their closest friends. People move on, it is true, I try to be happy for them.

 

[Xantippe]

All this talk about who to confide in within the family or friends, confide in a pet! At least they listen to all your concerns, it’ll go in one ear and out the other, no comments, judgements, hate from them! LOL.

It is nice to hear how some people can belong to each other and support each other in marriage

It is difficult for people who do not naturally desire the opposite sex, marriage and children. I suppose we shouldn’t be selfish in thinking that when others find another to share their life with that they should still have time for their closest friends. People move on, it is true, I try to be happy for them.

People often immerse themselves in new relationships and new babies, but if you’re patient and wait a bit and see them on their own terms for a while (like showing up to 2-year-olds’ birthdays when invited or walking around a zoo or elsewhere or hanging out at the playground chatting or hanging out at McDonald’s with coffee while the kids do the indoor playground), there’s hope that they will eventually surface with some free time (for instance, when kids are in school).

What is not going to work is expecting that you’ll do the same stuff and have the same amount of time together that you used to.

 

[Markus2007]

I’m single. I want to be single - I have absolutely no interest in settling down and being married. I don’t want kids and the thought of having sex with a man physically repulses me (as it always has). The trouble is I’m at the age where it seems all my friends are getting married. As I have mostly male friends, that means I’m rapidly becoming an awkward problem to be handled. Most women don’t seem to want their boyfriends or husbands to have very close female friends. Even female friends, it seems once they get a boyfriend or get married they don’t want to spend much time with single friends. Plus when they marry they start having kids and suddenly everything’s so centered around the children there’s no time for any friends unless it’s on a “playdate” or something else with another mother.

I’m just left feeling like I’m second-class around here. Like I can’t develop deep, meaningful relationships because the sort of intimacy I want is only ok within marriage. I know I couldn’t marry, I couldn’t provide (and don’t desire) the physical intimacy. But I’m left feeling like I can only have shallow relationships otherwise. I can’t bear to develop relationships anymore knowing I could be dumped at any moment for a wife who doesn’t like our relationship. To make matters worse, I’ve talked about SSA before, even though I haven’t acted on it since coming to the church, which means even men often aren’t comfortable with their wives being close friends with me.

I just feel like the price is too steep. I feel like the dignity of marriage means that people like me are relegated to being second-class, like our deep relationships only exist on the permission of a significant other who may not even want to get to know us. I don’t know what to do - I want relationships where I won’t be an awkward other, where I won’t have to worry that I’ll be tossed aside again. Where I won’t have to worry about my friends coming to me and saying “I’m sorry but my wife/husband/date isn’t comfortable with you anymore.” And I don’t know how I can get that.

I don’t even like living on my own. But what am I supposed to do? Adults aren’t supposed to have roommates or really close friends. And with the field I’m in practically everyone I meet is a man.

So you don’t want to be married to a man, but you don’t want to live alone either and desire deep and meaningful relationships (friendships).

Could it be that you are simply being called to religious life? Maybe as a sister in a convent?

 

[PrayerShark]

Nope. Ultimate betrayal. If you complain to your family about something your spouse has done, they will always remember the incident, even after you’ve long forgiven and forgotten. It’s only natural, they want what is best for their loved one. You have an obligation to present your spouse to your friends and family in the best possible light. That’s not a risk you should take.

You should never share anything with anyone without your spouse’s explicit permission first.

Agree to disagree I guess. My family certainly doesn’t hoard away incidents to bring up later, nor do they use it for fuel for gossip or a wedge to divide. It’s sad to hear that you don’t have a support base in you family to help carry some of the burden when it appears.

I don’t disagree with you all about your spouse being the first person you should talk to about problems. But there are going to be times when your spouse is going to be next to useless; for example, post-natal depression. Beyond the natural reassurance that your husband is going to support you through it, he’s certainly not going to understand it and you’d get more out of talking to someone who has gone through the same thing.

 

[Xantippe]

Agree to disagree I guess. My family certainly doesn’t hoard away incidents to bring up later, nor do they use it for fuel for gossip or a wedge to divide. It’s sad to hear that you don’t have a support base in you family to help carry some of the burden when it appears.

I don’t disagree with you all about your spouse being the first person you should talk to about problems. But there are going to be times when your spouse is going to be next to useless; for example, post-natal depression. Beyond the natural reassurance that your husband is going to support you through it, he’s certainly not going to understand it and you’d get more out of talking to someone who has gone through the same thing.

Not mom, though, unless the wife is 100% OK with that.

There are literally millions of English-speaking women on the planet besides your mom that have been through post-partum depression and understand it and can tell you about it. Plus, there’s your doctor’s nurse line. And books and articles!

Unless the wife has a truly amazing relationship with her MIL and approves communication, discussing her medical issues with your mom behind her back is a fatal error. I think men often do not understand that their wife does not have the same relationship with their mom that the men do. Your mom is not their mom. I remember, some years ago, my mom mentioning that this was something my dad didn’t quite get. Whenever my mom and dad hit an economic rough spot, he’d move us all in with his parents, not understanding how incredibly awkward that was for my mom.

Protect your wife’s dignity.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Agree to disagree I guess. My family certainly doesn’t hoard away incidents to bring up later, nor do they use it for fuel for gossip or a wedge to divide. It’s sad to hear that you don’t have a support base in you family to help carry some of the burden when it appears.

I don’t disagree with you all about your spouse being the first person you should talk to about problems. But there are going to be times when your spouse is going to be next to useless; for example, post-natal depression. Beyond the natural reassurance that your husband is going to support you through it, he’s certainly not going to understand it and you’d get more out of talking to someone who has gone through the same thing.

Post Natal Depression was something my wife had following our 3rd child. Not only was I not “next to useless” I was her comfort, and her help through this time.

As it should be.

As her husband I not only was the person who spent the most time with her, but I also had been with her night and day through having and after our other children. Not her mom, not a SSA BFF (to bring it back to the OP) I knew her normal state and that this new state was abnormal. I held her as she cried. I helped her work through it and get the help she needed. ESPECIALLY with something so intimate as a family dynamic. Her pain is my pain BECAUSE we are one.

Had she turned to another, especially a male friend. It would have not helped but rather added a further complication to the situation.

 

[maryjk]

Post Natal Depression was something my wife had following our 3rd child. Not only was I not “next to useless” I was her comfort, and her help through this time.

As it should be.

As her husband I not only was the person who spent the most time with her, but I also had been with her night and day through having and after our other children. Not her mom, not a SSA BFF (to bring it back to the OP) I knew her normal state and that this new state was abnormal. I held her as she cried. ** I helped her work through it and get the help she needed. ESPECIALLY with something so intimate as a family dynamic. Her pain is my pain BECAUSE we are one.
**
Had she turned to another, especially a male friend. It would have not helped but rather added a further complication to the situation.

Sometimes I think people forget that two become one.

My husband’s pain IS my pain. And my pain IS his pain.

No one else on earth shares that with me. And I don’t want my husband to share that with anyone else. Not a parent, not a friend.

And it isn’t because I didn’t have an awesome relationship with my mom. Nor that my mom didn’t have a great relationship with my husband. We all loved each other very much. As my parents aged and became sick, they moved in with us. After my mother died. (In my front room) My father lived with us until his death. We were all very close.

But they were not my husband. And they were not one with me.

Even the courts see the relationship between husband and wife as sacred. Keep in mind, a person cannot be forced to testify against their spouse.

 

[PrayerShark]

Xantippe:

Not mom, though, unless the wife is 100% OK with that.

There are literally millions of English-speaking women on the planet besides your mom that have been through post-partum depression and understand it and can tell you about it. Plus, there’s your doctor’s nurse line. And books and articles!

Unless the wife has a truly amazing relationship with her MIL and approves communication, discussing her medical issues with your mom behind her back is a fatal error. I think men often do not understand that their wife does not have the same relationship with their mom that the men do. Your mom is not their mom. I remember, some years ago, my mom mentioning that this was something my dad didn’t quite get. Whenever my mom and dad hit an economic rough spot, he’d move us all in with his parents, not understanding how incredibly awkward that was for my mom.

Protect your wife’s dignity.

Okay, but that a priori assumes there is an issue between the wife and the mother-in-law. That is no always the case. My wife and mother get on really well and are actually quite close. My wife has mild Aspergers syndrome and she’s not the easiest person to be friends with, but my mother sees past this and to my wife that means a lot. I think it’s great. When my father was diagnosed with cancer mum put on a strong front for dad’s benefit, he was naturally scared and mum was his rock. Inside though, mum was likewise scared and falling apart, but talking to my wife, brother and I allowed her to at least vent and pull herself back together. It wasn’t going to help dad by breaking down in front of him that she was scared he was going to die. Dad came through fine in the end and I think part of that was thanks to the positive attitude mum embraced in front of him.
Hosier Daddy:

Post Natal Depression was something my wife had following our 3rd child. Not only was I not “next to useless” I was her comfort, and her help through this time.

As it should be.

As her husband I not only was the person who spent the most time with her, but I also had been with her night and day through having and after our other children. Not her mom, not a SSA BFF (to bring it back to the OP) I knew her normal state and that this new state was abnormal. I held her as she cried. I helped her work through it and get the help she needed. ESPECIALLY with something so intimate as a family dynamic. Her pain is my pain BECAUSE we are one.

Had she turned to another, especially a male friend. It would have not helped but rather added a further complication to the situation.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have bothered trying, nor am I trying to take away the power-house effort you did in helping your wife. What I’m saying is that you not being a woman are not going to totally get it. It doesn’t mean you love her any less or you’re not trying hard enough, it’s just that you haven’t been through the same thing so it’s hard to relate to. If at the time your wife spoke to another woman who had gone through the same thing and found that talking to her therapeutic and beneficial, would you begrudge her such an opportunity at getting better?

 

[Xantippe]

Okay, but that a priori assumes there is an issue between the wife and the mother-in-law. That is no always the case. My wife and mother get on really well and are actually quite close. My wife has mild Aspergers syndrome and she’s not the easiest person to be friends with, but my mother sees past this and to my wife that means a lot. I think it’s great. When my father was diagnosed with cancer mum put on a strong front for dad’s benefit, he was naturally scared and mum was his rock. Inside though, mum was likewise scared and falling apart, but talking to my wife, brother and I allowed her to at least vent and pull herself back together. It wasn’t going to help dad by breaking down in front of him that she was scared he was going to die. Dad came through fine in the end and I think part of that was thanks to the positive attitude mum embraced in front of him.

**I believe both Blue Eyed Lady and I mentioned a serious illness exception.

Your wife may be an unusual person who doesn’t mind having her MIL in her business, but 95%+ of women would resent it fiercely if their MIL was informed of their health issues, beyond the most necessary details.
**

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have bothered trying, nor am I trying to take away the power-house effort you did in helping your wife. What I’m saying is that you not being a woman are not going to totally get it. It doesn’t mean you love her any less or you’re not trying hard enough, it’s just that you haven’t been through the same thing so it’s hard to relate to. If at the time your wife spoke to another woman who had gone through the same thing and found that talking to her therapeutic and beneficial, would you begrudge her such an opportunity at getting better?

Lots of women don’t get it, either.

It wouldn’t be unusual for a MIL to take a suck-it-up-buttercup attitude to a PPD DIL that could permanently damage the relationship, both between MIL and DIL and husband and wife. “Why doesn’t Suzie make more of an effort! She’s just lazy!” People do say things like that.

This is very dangerous stuff.

I think my MIL is great, but I don’t want my husband confiding my personal medical issues in her, unless I were to become totally incapacitated, in which case, that’s totally OK by me.

 

[PrayerShark]

Lots of women don’t get it, either.

Sure, hence why I said in response to Hoosier Daddy:

If at the time your wife spoke to another woman who had gone through the same thing and found that talking to her therapeutic and beneficial, would you begrudge her such an opportunity at getting better?

It wouldn’t be unusual for a MIL to take a suck-it-up-buttercup attitude to a PPD DIL that could permanently damage the relationship, both between MIL and DIL and husband and wife. “Why doesn’t Suzie make more of an effort! She’s just lazy!” People do say things like that.

This is very dangerous stuff.

I think my MIL is great, but I don’t want my husband confiding my personal medical issues in her, unless I were to become totally incapacitated, in which case, that’s totally OK by me.

Illness doesn’t not equal incapacitation. My father was quite mobile and lucid during his cancer and there was nothing to stop my mother telling him about her anxiety, but it would have been quite detrimental to the situation.

Your wife may be an unusual person who doesn’t mind having her MIL in her business, but 95%+ of women would resent it fiercely if their MIL was informed of their health issues, beyond the most necessary details.

My mother is not in my wife’s “business” they have a relationship formed on mutual respect and friendship. You cannot impose your own experience as some form of blanket normal for the rest of us. I’m also somewhat nonplussed as to why health issues would be the only topic of discussion. Where has this come from? 95%?

I believe both Blue Eyed Lady and I mentioned a serious illness exception.

To be honest I think you’re both ‘cherry picking’.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have bothered trying, nor am I trying to take away the power-house effort you did in helping your wife. What I’m saying is that you not being a woman are not going to totally get it. It doesn’t mean you love her any less or you’re not trying hard enough, it’s just that you haven’t been through the same thing so it’s hard to relate to. If at the time your wife spoke to another woman who had gone through the same thing and found that talking to her therapeutic and beneficial, would you begrudge her such an opportunity at getting better?

So another woman, in another marriage with another husband in another family, with another set of hormones, with a different view of depression, with different life experiences is better than I would be as her HUSBAND?! That would be a sad marriage in deed. God made the two genders so that "man: (mankind) would not be alone. And he commands us to leave our birth families and cleave to our spouse. God designed this. It is a misuse of this gender identity that gives way to the false idea that “a man could just not understand” There are male doctors, male priests, male counselors, male pharmacists. And they all treat female issues. To segregate out “woman” power as some sort of knowledge that is beyond the marital bond is to misunderstand not only genders but marriage in general.

I get your point, but I think it is just as foolish as the “Good ole boys club” playing golf and cutting deals that women just could not understand.

I know my wife better than anyone. Anyone. And she knows me better than anyone. Ever. And if I had an issue as life threatening as PPD could be and I went to someone else first and foremost. She would be betrayed. Now, that being said, I could very well encourage her to seek out women who have had the same issues and talk to them. But that would be after lying next to me, breathing my air and talking about or intimate lives and feelings.

That is what a marriage is.

It is funny because you act like “I tried real hard” But that is not the reality of it at all. I didn’t have to try hard, because her pain was my pain, because we have a healthy marriage and because I would help her get healthy. No outside intervention was needed. But if it was, I would be the first to suggest it. In fact, I did suggest it. But it wasn’t needed, the problem was fixed by our relationship. We were fortunate, many problems like that cannot be, and in those situations professional or anecdotal help may be needed by friends or family members. We would have gladly taken that step.

would you begrudge her such an opportunity at getting better?

Of course not! Why would any husband do that?

I would be the first to suggest it. But you can bet your bottom dollar I would know about the problem before it got to that point.

 

[PrayerShark]

Hoosier Daddy:

So another woman, in another marriage with another husband in another family, with another set of hormones, with a different view of depression, with different life experiences is better than I would be as her HUSBAND?! That would be a sad marriage in deed. God made the two genders so that "man: (mankind) would not be alone. And he commands us to leave our birth families and cleave to our spouse. God designed this. It is a misuse of this gender identity that gives way to the false idea that “a man could just not understand” There are male doctors, male priests, male counselors, male pharmacists. And they all treat female issues. To segregate out “woman” power as some sort of knowledge that is beyond the marital bond is to misunderstand not only genders but marriage in general.

I get your point, but I think it is just as foolish as the “Good ole boys club” playing golf and cutting deals that women just could not understand.

I’m not trying divide the sexes here. But there are going to be constants among women who suffer postnatal depression that they can relate to. There is no guy on earth who’s going to have the same perspective as another woman, as they’ve never been pregnant.
Hoosier Daddy:

I know my wife better than anyone. Anyone. And she knows me better than anyone. Ever. And if I had an issue as life threatening as PPD could be and I went to someone else first and foremost. She would be betrayed. Now, that being said, I could very well encourage her to seek out women who have had the same issues and talk to them. But that would be after lying next to me, breathing my air and talking about or intimate lives and feelings.

That is what a marriage is.

Again, I’m not advocating that a person bypass their spouse. What I’m saying is their will be a limit sometimes to how much that person can help. That is, there’s nothing wrong with other people joining the conversation to help.
Hoosier Daddy:

It is funny because you act like “I tried real hard” But that is not the reality of it at all. I didn’t have to try hard, because her pain was my pain, because we have a healthy marriage and because I would help her get healthy. No outside intervention was needed. But if it was, I would be the first to suggest it. In fact, I did suggest it. But it wasn’t needed, the problem was fixed by our relationship. We were fortunate, many problems like that cannot be, and in those situations professional or anecdotal help may be needed by friends or family members. We would have gladly taken that step.

I’m not alluding to anything as I don’t know you at all “Mr Stranger on the Internet”. But I’m giving you credit where credit is due. Not every husband would stand by their wife with a sometimes crippling mental health issue such as depression. A lot of men would do anything to avoid the problem and hope it fixes itself. To be there for your wife and confront the issue is admirable and that’s all I was saying.
Hoosier Daddy:

Of course not! Why would any husband do that?

I would be the first to suggest it. But you can bet your bottom dollar I would know about the problem before it got to that point.

I guess we’re on the same page then?

 

[maryjk]

Again, I’m not advocating that a person bypass their spouse. What I’m saying is their will be a limit sometimes to how much that person can help. That is, there’s nothing wrong with other people joining the conversation to help.

But that is the basis for this discussion. Someone else using my husband in that way is the basis for this discussion. When my husband and I married, we became one. He isn’t “one” with anyone else. THAT is part of the sanctity of the marriage.

I’m not alluding to anything as I don’t know you at all “Mr Stranger on the Internet”. But I’m giving you credit where credit is due. Not every husband would stand by their wife with a sometimes crippling mental health issue such as depression. A lot of men would do anything to avoid the problem and hope it fixes itself. To be there for your wife and confront the issue is admirable and that’s all I was saying.

What a sad testimony to their marriage.

When we say that a spouse shouldn’t go to a friend to talk negatively about their spouse, or that a spouse shouldn’t go to friends or family. We don’t mean that married couples can’t ever talk to family or friends. Although I would say that about negative talk about your spouse. We don’t mean that we believe that if your spouse loves you enough you won’t ever need medical intervention. Or even that they won’t need a support group.

What we are talking about is that a marriage creates a bond. A bond to one person that changes every other relationship that person has.

That means that if you are having marital problems, you discuss it with your partner. That means that if you are having marital problems, you don’t go to Mom and discuss it with her. Or Dad, for that matter. And you shouldn’t go to your friends. Your problem is with your spouse, it is wrong to discuss it with anyone else. (Again, if you are in an abusive relationship, all bets are off.)

If your spouse has a medical problem, your spouse is the one to authorize releasing that information. Not you. If you wife has DDP, and hasn’t told your mother, then you don’t go blabbing to Mom about Susie’s DDP.

For me, I have Lupus. My husband does a lot around the house. *And I am a housewife. * When my husband is feeling overwhelmed, he comes to me. I let our parish know, and they start sending meals. It lightens his burden. *He *doesn’t go to his mom. He comes to me. We figure out what can be done to help him.

I can’t imagine how worthless I would feel if he went to his mom, and she organized the help. My first thought would be, “why didn’t he tell me.”

THAT is the relationship that should be created when two marry. Having a spouse that has that kind of relationship with someone else (back to the OP) would be devastating to a marriage.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I’m not trying divide the sexes here. But there are going to be constants among women who suffer postnatal depression that they can relate to. There is no guy on earth who’s going to have the same perspective as another woman, as they’ve never been pregnant.

Again, I’m not advocating that a person bypass their spouse. What I’m saying is their will be a limit sometimes to how much that person can help. That is, there’s nothing wrong with other people joining the conversation to help.

I’m not alluding to anything as I don’t know you at all “Mr Stranger on the Internet”. But I’m giving you credit where credit is due. Not every husband would stand by their wife with a sometimes crippling mental health issue such as depression. A lot of men would do anything to avoid the problem and hope it fixes itself. To be there for your wife and confront the issue is admirable and that’s all I was saying.

I guess we’re on the same page then?

It sounds like we have different experiences affecting our opinions. I am sorry you have a different view of marriage or what a husband should be.

Not every husband would stand by their wife with a sometimes crippling mental health issue such as depression

Well shame on them.

Marriage is designed so a husband , every husband, would do that. Why is it you feel that somehow a same sex person who went through the same thing would be more loyal than a husband. It seems you have two issues. 1) You think that a man could not handle the problem. (and, you may have a point, not because of gender though.)

1. Many husbands would not help. This is different from your original point and points to a misuse or misunderstanding of marriage and the role of a spouse.

I would also like to point out that in your scenario where a woman seeks a sisterhood of pain with a person who has gone through this ignores the marriage and treats one partner as separate from the other. This is not a good idea. When my wife is hurting or dealing with something as personal as PPD I am affected. Our family is affected, so it needs to be a family solution.

The point of this thread is having an intimate relationship with a spouse of someone else. My relationship with my wife is greater, and more intimate than her own mother. And vice versa.

How can we be a team if she is getting her play calls from someone else?

 

[maryjk]

How can we be a team if she is getting her play calls from someone else?

I love how you put that.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I love how you put that.

Thank you.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I’m in a rush but I just wanted to drop in and say that I agree with HD 100%. Everything he’s saying sounds a lot like my own husband’s outlook.

As someone who has suffered extreme bouts of mental illness, there is NO ONE, that I would rather lean in than my husband. My mom suffers from similar issues and would completely understand, but I wouldn’t even want to talk to her over my husband.

And if anyone else had extreme issues like that, they would certainly not be free to use my husband for support like that.

 

[PrayerShark]

Hoosier Daddy:

It sounds like we have different experiences affecting our opinions.

Sure, and I’m open to hearing what other people have to say.
Hoosier Daddy:

I am sorry you have a different view of marriage or what a husband should be.

To be honest, I don’t think our views of marriage are that different. But it is as you say, that we have had different experiences.
Hoosier Daddy:

Well shame on them.

Marriage is designed so a husband, every husband, would do that.

Getting married doesn’t suddenly give you super powers to overcome all the problems of human nature. There are husbands (and wives) out there that do not hold onto their vows and the reasons can be varied and complicated. I guess that’s a topic for another thread?
Hoosier Daddy:

Why is it you feel that somehow a same sex person who went through the same thing would be more loyal than a husband.

It’s nothing to do with loyalty! It’s about perspective my friend and you’re right, it’s not necessarily to do with gender. I just brought up postnatal depression as an example. I guess another example would be a soldier coming back from a war-zone with PTSD. Everyone is different, but they’re going to find it easier to talk to one of their comrades who’s been through the same thing compared to their spouse who hasn’t.
Hoosier Daddy:

It seems you have two issues.

1. You think that a man could not handle the problem. (and, you may have a point, not because of gender though.)
2. Many husbands would not help. This is different from your original point and points to a misuse or misunderstanding of marriage and the role of a spouse.

I don’t have any issues, I’m trying to raise points of contest. To be honest I’m having difficulty working out what you’re trying to say here. Are you agreeing with me? Can you elaborate a little more? I’m just trying to get on the same level with you.

maryjk:

When we say that a spouse shouldn’t go to a friend to talk negatively about their spouse, or that a spouse shouldn’t go to friends or family. We don’t mean that married couples can’t ever talk to family or friends. Although I would say that about negative talk about your spouse. We don’t mean that we believe that if your spouse loves you enough you won’t ever need medical intervention. Or even that they won’t need a support group.

Mary, you’re a dear, but what are you going on about?

BlueEyedLady:

I’m in a rush but I just wanted to drop in and say that I agree with HD 100%. Everything he’s saying sounds a lot like my own husband’s outlook.

As someone who has suffered extreme bouts of mental illness, there is NO ONE, that I would rather lean in than my husband. My mom suffers from similar issues and would completely understand, but I wouldn’t even want to talk to her over my husband.

And if anyone else had extreme issues like that, they would certainly not be free to use my husband for support like that.

I’ll let the heathen give a more substantial response before I reply.

 

[Xantippe]

Mary, you’re a dear, but what are you going on about?

“Sharing” with mom about wife’s PPD could easily devolve into griping and violating wife’s privacy. In fact, I think you’d have to be absolutely saintly for this not to happen.