Funeral conflict

[Jabronie]

My best friend’s dad passed away last night. He’s been like a brother to me for over twenty years. I was the best man in his wedding and he was the sole groomsman for both my brother and me in our weddings.

So here is my concern: I want to be there for my friend so badly, but my wife and I are expecting our third child any day now. Her due date is March 8. The rosary and funeral are an hour away, so I’m worried about being out of town if my wife goes into labor.

What would you do in my shoes?

 

[Xantippe]

My best friend’s dad passed away last night. He’s been like a brother to me for over twenty years. I was the best man in his wedding and he was the sole groomsman for both my brother and me in our weddings.

So here is my concern: I want to be there for my friend so badly, but my wife and I are expecting our third child any day now. Her due date is March 8. The rosary and funeral are an hour away, so I’m worried about being out of town if my wife goes into labor.

What would you do in my shoes?

Ask your wife how she feels. She may feel like she can manage.

An hour away is not really “out of town.” If your wife is OK, just make arrangements for your wife’s transportation and for childcare and then if you get a call during the funeral, just get back as quickly and safely as you can.

But I’m sure people will understand if you don’t go–just make sure and send flowers and an appropriate card.

Oh, and make sure your wife’s hospital bag is packed.

 

[Jabronie]

Ask your wife how she feels. She may feel like she can manage.

An hour away is not really “out of town.” If your wife is OK, just make arrangements for your wife’s transportation and for childcare and then if you get a call during the funeral, just get back as quickly and safely as you can.

But I’m sure people will understand if you don’t go–just make sure and send flowers and an appropriate card.

Oh, and make sure your wife’s hospital bag is packed.

Thanks. That’s kind of what I’m thinking. With our other two kids, it’s not like labor took five minutes; there was plenty of warning.

Oh yeah, our hospital bags MUST be prepared tonight. Thanks for the reminder

 

[Burt_Macklin]

An hour isn’t really what I would consider out of town. I’d say that you are good to drive to the funeral and then turn around in the same day. You’d really only be gone for about 4-5 hours so it shouldn’t be that much of a problem.

 

[Xantippe]

Thanks. That’s kind of what I’m thinking. With our other two kids, it’s not like labor took five minutes; there was plenty of warning.

Oh yeah, our hospital bags MUST be prepared tonight. Thanks for the reminder

Good luck!

 

[OraLabora]

I’ve had sort of similar situation; my mother was on her death bed and I wanted to be with her as she passed, but my sons were playing in a piano recital; the oldest was 11 and the youngest was 6 and they all were playing. The recital was about half an hour from the hospital.

I told the hospital to call me immediately if there was a change in her status, and I told the piano teacher who was holding the recital, that i would be sitting next to the door and might need to make a hasty exit if the hospital called.

Luckily my mother stayed somewhat stable, and I went to the hospital after. The hospital put an easy chair in her room for me to sleep on and I stayed with her all night. I was with her, and awake, when she passed at 5 am.

In your case I’m not sure I’d go to the funeral. When my wife had our third child, labor went very fast. When it started, we immediately went to the hospital (10 min drive from home) and my wife delivered within an hour of onset of labor. Honestly, I wouldn’t risk it. A first child yes I’d perhaps risk it; my wife’s first labor lasted from about noon to 6 pm, and we left for the hospital at 3 pm.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

My best friend’s dad passed away last night. He’s been like a brother to me for over twenty years. I was the best man in his wedding and he was the sole groomsman for both my brother and me in our weddings.

So here is my concern: I want to be there for my friend so badly, but my wife and I are expecting our third child any day now. Her due date is March 8. The rosary and funeral are an hour away, so I’m worried about being out of town if my wife goes into labor.

What would you do in my shoes?

I would plan on attending the funeral. Ask your wife right before you leave how she is progressing. That will give you an idea of where she is at. An hour away is not much. Break funeral protocol and have your phone on so she can text you if there is any change. Have a backup plan for her to go to the hospital should you not be able to get home. You can meet up at the hospital and be pretty certain to make the birth. No need to stress, things will work out. This is the third kid, she knows when labor starts or not.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Oh, and OP:

Round these parts an hour drive is maybe cut in half by an expectant dad who just got the “call”…

Once when my daughter was extremely ill. I went home to check on the others and shower. I lived 30 minutes from the hospital. My wife called me panicked because our baby was having sever complications. I was back at the hospital in 10 minutes flat with corn in the grille of my car…

 

[Xantippe]

Oh, and OP:

Round these parts an hour drive is maybe cut in half by an expectant dad who just got the “call”…

Once when my daughter was extremely ill. I went home to check on the others and shower. I lived 30 minutes from the hospital. My wife called me panicked because our baby was having sever complications. I was back at the hospital in 10 minutes flat with corn in the grille of my car…

So that’s an extra consideration–skipping the funeral could mean not being a hazard to others on the road on the drive back.

 

[Memaw]

I would plan on attending the funeral. Ask your wife right before you leave how she is progressing. That will give you an idea of where she is at. An hour away is not much. Break funeral protocol and have your phone on so she can text you if there is any change. Have a backup plan for her to go to the hospital should you not be able to get home. You can meet up at the hospital and be pretty certain to make the birth. No need to stress, things will work out. This is the third kid, she knows when labor starts or not.

Good advice. Most babies are not born on the exact due date unless by c-section. Drive carefully and let us know how you did. Prayers for all. God Bless, Memaw

 

[SMHW]

My best friend’s dad passed away last night. He’s been like a brother to me for over twenty years. I was the best man in his wedding and he was the sole groomsman for both my brother and me in our weddings.

So here is my concern: I want to be there for my friend so badly, but my wife and I are expecting our third child any day now. Her due date is March 8. The rosary and funeral are an hour away, so I’m worried about being out of town if my wife goes into labor.

What would you do in my shoes?

Are the rosary and funeral one after the other or are they on different days?

If they are on different days then plan on going to the rosary (and have your cell phone handy.) If you make it to the rosary and back home then you can decide later whether or not you can make to the funeral but at least you will have gone to the one.

If the rosary is right before the funeral then you might at least make it through that even if you have to skip out before the funeral.

Obviously if your wife goes into labor before you leave town then she gets priority. Third babies do usually come more quickly. Are you truly just an hour away? Weather, time of day, and traffic do play a role so make sure you really know how long the trip will take.

 

[Lorelei12]

I think it depends on how your wife feels about it, and whether you can arrange some alternate transportation for her to get to the hospital if she needs it, and also have plans in place for your other kids.

Personally, where we live “an hour away” can mean 2-3 hours in rush hour, so I probably wouldn’t feel comfortable with it. But I had no other way to get to the hospital aside from my husband driving or an ambulance. If you can make arrangements that your wife is okay with, it would probably be fine.

 

[OraLabora]

Oh, and OP:

Round these parts an hour drive is maybe cut in half by an expectant dad who just got the “call”…

I’m not sure that’s possible. An hour’s drive at 60 mph on the highway means about 60 miles. To do that in a half hour you’d have to be doing 120 mph, no traffic lights or stop signs or other obstacles. At that speed you’re likely to attract the attention of the local constabulary… halving journey time means doubling the speed, simple math.

As I recall, my wife was about a week early with our 3d, and as I mentioned start of labor to delivery was 1 hour flat. if the OP thinks his wife can forgive him if he’s not there to drive her to the hospital and be with her during labor, then by all means…

 

[Snowwhite16]

I would call your long time friend on the telephone right now and tell him your heart is with him and his entire family. "Sally is a few days from giving birth and we feel just awful we can not come in person to your fathers funeral’ We will come to see you when we are able.

Sir, I have no doubt your friend of so many years would say your obligation is with your wife. And it is.

Send a mass card, maybe arrange from a local restaurant to deliver the family a warm meal. OR donate to his fathers charity.

Best wishes to your new child.

My first child, I was in labor for 12 hours. My second I never made it to the hospital and our son was born at home. UNPLANNED. My daughters first child came after 2 days of very hard labor.

 

[Polycarp1]

I was at a crucial playoff game and the guy beside me had an empty seat beside him. I said to him its strange that somebody would pay so much for a premium seat and then not show up to see the game. He said “Oh that’s my wife’s seat we had season tickets but she passed away. “I’m very sorry”, I said, “But couldn’t you have found someone; friends or family to come to the game with you…It seems a such shame to have it unoccupied”. “Oh no” he said, " They are all at the funeral!”

 

[GEddie]

I was at a crucial playoff game and the guy beside me had an empty seat beside him. I said to him its strange that somebody would pay so much for a premium seat and then not show up to see the game. He said “Oh that’s my wife’s seat we had season tickets but she passed away. “I’m very sorry”, I said, “But couldn’t you have found someone; friends or family to come to the game with you…It seems a such shame to have it unoccupied”. “Oh no” he said, " They are all at the funeral!”

LOL but did you in fact know this someone???

Some golfers were queued up at the tee when a funeral procession rumbled along on the adjacent road.

One of them, an older fellow, bowed his head and doffed his cap as the hearse rolled past him.

“That’s very sensitive of you,” his friend remarked.

“It was the least I could do after 35 years of marriage!!!”

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I’m not sure that’s possible. An hour’s drive at 60 mph on the highway means about 60 miles. To do that in a half hour you’d have to be doing 120 mph, no traffic lights or stop signs or other obstacles. At that speed you’re likely to attract the attention of the local constabulary… halving journey time means doubling the speed, simple math.

As I recall, my wife was about a week early with our 3d, and as I mentioned start of labor to delivery was 1 hour flat. if the OP thinks his wife can forgive him if he’s not there to drive her to the hospital and be with her during labor, then by all means…

Oh geesh people. Of course it was possible! off roading it enabled me to bypass about 8 stop lights…

But it seems that people are just focusing on the driving which is universally talked about in commercials or movies or TV shows with a frantic father to be driving crazy to get his wife to the hospital. But on CAF I guess it becomes a debate of mortal sin and mathematical possibilities… I swear people! Sometimes I just want to bang my head against the wall:banghead:

Which now you can debate the morality of self punishment by smacking a cranium against a brick wall… And the math behind the force behind it.

 

[GEddie]

YHMV.

(Your head may vary)



ICXC NIKA

 

[UbiCaritas]

If I were pregnant and DH was in a similar situation, I’d have no problem with him going, provided as mentioned before that he at least have his phone in his pocket and on vibrate so he could dash out the door, and so long as that was explained to the family beforehand.

To put that in context, though, until a few months ago DH worked about an hour away. I couldn’t very well expect him to not go to work for the last month of DD’s pregnancy. We had contingency plans in place: two neighbors who would drive me to the hospital in an emergency, a friend who would pick up DH from work (he took the bus part of the way in) and get him to his car faster than waiting for a bus, and so forth.

That having been said, I’d like a long and happy life, so I wouldn’t dream of telling a pregnant woman how she should feel under similar circumstances. What does she think?

 

[Secant]

OP,

You also may want to consider how long your wife’s labors have been. If my husband had to fly across the country, no big deal, he could be back in time to see the baby. If my cousin’s husband had to borrow a cup of sugar from the neighbors, he better be prepared to catch on his way in the door.

Also consider where you live. If you, like me, live where an hour’s trip means 60 miles, no traffic, stoplights/signs, and plenty of back roads where pedal to the metal won’t likely hurt anyone or attract the attention of a cop, assuming the one officer on duty isn’t busting another meth lab anyway, then it’s really not much of an issue. If you live in a much more urban area, you may want to send a really nice flower arrangement and donate some money to a favorite charity instead. (Another choice, offer to pay for something at the funeral - if pride isn’t an issue, this can be really nice for the family of the dearly departed, who usually aren’t even thinking at this point.)