Funeral music . .

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on_the_hill

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How much discretion would I have if I were to pick the music for my own funeral? Yes, maybe it seems morbid, but once in a while a song hits me profoundly enough that I want it in my life’s soundtrack. And don’t worry, I don’t have any intentions of shoving off any time soon. I’m 52. Given family history, I might be only about half way through.

For example, I really like “Lord of the Dance.” I’m aware that it is somewhat controversial, but it appears nonetheless permitted in the Catholic Mass (that’s where I know it from).

If I were being sent off to the great salvation, that’s the sentiment I’d want people to have–light and joyful, and a little rebellious in the face of death.
 
Many people have their funeral plans (songs, readings, even the priest they prefer) on file at our parish. This is a wonderful gift to give your family, pre-planning to this degree.
 
For me it would be easy, just take my copy of the Graduale Romanum! Mind you there are some choices in the GR that I would have to make… but it would all come from there!

Post-VII version please. No Dies Irae at my funeral.
 
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It’s a thoughtful and helpful thing, to take one extra burden off your loved ones during a difficult time as they’re dealing with stress and loss.

One checklist from here—

Choose funeral director
Burial or Cremation
Decide whether to have funeral at church, cemetery or crematorium
If church funeral, decide whether you want a Catholic funeral Mass, or funeral without Mass
Fix date of the funeral
Make a list of those you would like to attend
Help with Catholic funeral readings
Help with Catholic funeral music choices
Decide what family/friends will do at the funeral. For example, bear coffin, do readings, compose and read bidding prayers, place pall on the coffin, place Bible and crucifix on the coffin, bring up the bread and wine at funeral Mass
Decide whether you want someone to speak in memory of the person
Instructions regarding flowers
Details of designated charity in lieu of flowers
Finalise Order of Service
Arrange a reception after the funeral

Obviously, you can’t do all of them at this point— hopefully fixing your date is a long ways away! —but you can do a lot to make your intentions known, about those things, and also other end-of-life things as well— if you’re open to organ donation, and if so, to what degree (ie, corneas can be donated from a cadaver, but other organs have to be harvested before they fully die); whether you’re interested in being embalmed or prefer not to; getting your burial plot/niche/whatever lined up if you have a preferred place you want to be; any markers installed and paid for; etc.

Hugs!
 
You can pre-need your funeral arrangements with your favorite funeral home, and specify other stuff like funeral hymns, designated charity etc in your will.
Of course it’s up to the priest whether he permits your selection. Some churches have a list of funeral music and expect you to pick from that. Other churches are more open. Also if you’re not going to die for another 35 years, there might not be a musician who’s ever heard of “Lord of the Dance” by that point.
 
I want this one, but ultimately it’ll be whatever my survivors pick.

 
Some hymnals have hymns listed by topic, and that sometimes includes funerals. You may be able to choose something from there that would be appropriate.

I definitely agree that pre-planning for your death is not morbid. It’s a good idea!

When someone dies, there are a number of details that need to be ironed out. For some people, it can become overwhelming. Having a plan already worked out eliminates the need to try to focus on organizing a lot of things at a time when one’s faculties are not in optimum shape.
 
There is certainly some latitude as far as picking one’s own funeral music, within limits.

As for me, I’d really love to have Durufle’s Requiem done at my funeral, if possible. It’s perhaps my single favorite work of sacred music.
 
Many parishes have a ministry team/person who arranges funerals.
Keep this in mind:
they have a difficult job, and it’s good to help them keep it simple with readings and music and other things.
The musician(s) may not be familiar with your favs, AND they may not have time to practice. Funeral choirs typically have repertoire. How Great Thou Art, Amazing Grace, etc…
It’s my feeling and intention that if I’m asking people to do out of the ordinary things -they ought to be compensated. -In my opinion- that’s being courteous when asking someone to look up sheet music and practice etc.,…

When my Dad passed the rest of the family who are no longer practicing wanted what amounted to a secular celebration with a Mass inserted. Kenny Rogers’s special song, a talk after the Eucharist. Funeral ministry leader was rolling her eyes for sure.
 
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My wife does music for many funerals in our parish. From what she tells me, most parishes/priests are fairly open about music requests. She tells of one lady who wanted Take me out to the ballgame. at her funeral and the did it as a recessional as, at that point, the Mass is over.

The Lord of the Dance is in our hymnal so I would not see any issue with it at a funeral.

Thank you for thinking of your relatives. I have had to plan four funerals for relatives who left no instructions.

Patrick
AMDG
 
I always shake my head when someone speaks of planning their funeral.

It’s not about you, as tragic as the occasion is for you. It’s about the family and what they can deal with. Ultimately it will be what they say that goes.

The same goes for having a beloved priest do the honors; he may be ill, or on a retreat, or on pilgrimage timezones away when your final catastrophe comes.

ICXC NIKA
 
GEddie said:
I always shake my head when someone speaks of planning their funeral.

It’s not about you, as tragic as the occasion is for you. It’s about the family and what they can deal with.
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Right–which is why I’d like to leave them with an uplifting song.
Preplanning can be very helpful for family who are dealing with grief. I agree, though, that one wouldn’t want to go overboard with requests that put a burden on the family.
 
GEddie said:
I always shake my head when someone speaks of planning their funeral.

It’s not about you, as tragic as the occasion is for you. It’s about the family and what they can deal with. Ultimately it will be what they say that goes.
Click to expand...
I don’t necessarily see a problem with planning one’s own funeral, especially if done in a reverent way. I would want a Mass that glorifies God through beautiful music and fosters a sense of prayer. That’s not making it about myself.

Where I do see problems is when people plan funerals and choose music and the like that’s secular, self-referential, or reflects their personal interests. That’s not what the funeral is about and that is not what the Mass is about.
 
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It can be very helpful for the relatives if the person who has died has made some wishes known especially if he/she is the only Catholic in the family or one of the few persons in the family who took their faith seriously.

It could be pretty basic like wanting to have a Catholic funeral with Mass, pick some hymns to choose from, XYZ could be done/said/sung at the reception instead of during the Mass etc.
 
My grandmother had made all her choices. It took quite a burden off the family especially as some didn’t go to church much except for the usual baptisms, weddings and funerals. They may have had difficulty in knowing what to choose. So not only did my grandmother cover the practicalities it avoided any potential disagreements among family members. She was in her late 80s when she died and had made the choices a few years before. I know from experience how helpful it is but I don’t feel quite ready to think about it yet 🥺
 
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