FUNERALS : dress code

[RedSoxWife]

Hi all,
I would like to get your (name removed by moderator)ut on this topic. In Ireland, in recent years, it seems that many people have abandoned the traditional “black” dress code when attending a funeral.
Now, many may be seen dressed up to the nines as though going to some function or party.
I am saddened by this development and see it as crass and disrespectful.
What is the custom as practised in your part of the globe?
Many thanks.
God Bless,
Colmcille.

My grandmother’s funeral was this last November and my mom and I were the only ones who wore black (most of the women weren’t even in dresses). A lot of people looked like they were dressed for a picnic… We’re in California…

 

[colmcille1]

Hi all,
Thank you so much for your continuing contributions. I find them all fascinating.
At a recent funeral mass in my home town, most of the mourners wore black. I did not know the man or indeed that the Sunday mass was a funeral else I would have been similarly clad. The deceased was a mechanic. So I reckon, for Ireland at any rate, the relationship with the deceased is not necessarily reflected in their funeral attire.
My sister-in-law told me of school-run moms she met recently who had just come from a funeral. They were dressed up as though going to a wedding! Their hair was done, they sported nice jewellery and the make-up was liberally applied. It was like they were vainly competing with other “mourners”. Very shallow.
(I’m just wondering aloud here: would it be impolite to issue a “black dress code” addendum to a newspaper death notice?)
God Bless,
Colmcille.

 

[PatriceA]

Hi all,
Thank you so much for your continuing contributions. I find them all fascinating.
At a recent funeral mass in my home town, most of the mourners wore black. I did not know the man or indeed that the Sunday mass was a funeral else I would have been similarly clad. The deceased was a mechanic. So I reckon, for Ireland at any rate, the relationship with the deceased is not necessarily reflected in their funeral attire.
My sister-in-law told me of school-run moms she met recently who had just come from a funeral. They were dressed up as though going to a wedding! Their hair was done, they sported nice jewellery and the make-up was liberally applied. It was like they were vainly competing with other “mourners”. Very shallow.
(I’m just wondering aloud here: would it be impolite to issue a “black dress code” addendum to a newspaper death notice?)
God Bless,
Colmcille.

“Black dress code” here in the United States means tuxes and gowns, so I don’t think that would work in these parts. Personally, I would find it in bad taste to add a dress code to a newpaper death notice. I like to believe people are doing the best they can with how to address appropriately. I would be ashamed if when my mom passes away, her friends or members of our family didn’t pay their last respect because they couldn’t meet the dress code for any reason. I’d rather share in my grief with all those that felt the same, than be concerned about the way they were dressed.

 

[CB_Catholic]

Hi all,
Thank you so much for your continuing contributions. I find them all fascinating.
At a recent funeral mass in my home town, most of the mourners wore black. I did not know the man or indeed that the Sunday mass was a funeral else I would have been similarly clad. The deceased was a mechanic. So I reckon, for Ireland at any rate, the relationship with the deceased is not necessarily reflected in their funeral attire.
My sister-in-law told me of school-run moms she met recently who had just come from a funeral. They were dressed up as though going to a wedding! Their hair was done, they sported nice jewellery and the make-up was liberally applied. It was like they were vainly competing with other “mourners”. Very shallow.
(I’m just wondering aloud here: would it be impolite to issue a “black dress code” addendum to a newspaper death notice?)
God Bless,
Colmcille.

I think it would be in poor taste to issue a “black dress code”. In the first place, some people may not have anything black, that means they wouldn’t go or have to buy an outfit. Also, a lot of times people go to funerals from work. They may have been given some time off to attend the funeral, and don’t have time to change.

Around here, people usually wear a nice outfit, like they were going to Church, but not necessarily black, and that includes the family. But if they are coming from work, they may have their work clothes on. Of couse, some nationalities have different customs, and in some areas of the country, white is the traditional color for funerals, mostly in the South.

I can truly say that when my family members have passed, the last thing we noticed was their clothes. We were grateful that people showed up to pay their respects. I cannot remember what anyone wore to the funerals, but I can remember a lot of the people who came.

 

[colmcille1]

I think it would be in poor taste to issue a “black dress code”. In the first place, some people may not have anything black, that means they wouldn’t go or have to buy an outfit. Also, a lot of times people go to funerals from work. They may have been given some time off to attend the funeral, and don’t have time to change.

Around here, people usually wear a nice outfit, like they were going to Church, but not necessarily black, and that includes the family. But if they are coming from work, they may have their work clothes on. Of couse, some nationalities have different customs, and in some areas of the country, white is the traditional color for funerals, mostly in the South.

I can truly say that when my family members have passed, the last thing we noticed was their clothes. We were grateful that people showed up to pay their respects. I cannot remember what anyone wore to the funerals, but I can remember a lot of the people who came.

Hi Carolyn,
Thank you for your reply.
I think your last paragraph pretty much sums up a very good point.
God Bless,
Colmcille.

 

[Phemie]

Hi all,
I would like to get your (name removed by moderator)ut on this topic. In Ireland, in recent years, it seems that many people have abandoned the traditional “black” dress code when attending a funeral.
Now, many may be seen dressed up to the nines as though going to some function or party.
I am saddened by this development and see it as crass and disrespectful.
What is the custom as practised in your part of the globe?
Many thanks.
God Bless,
Colmcille.

This thread came to my mind this morning when I attended the funeral of a 70-something devout parishioner, wife and mother. Her widower was dressed in a black suit, one daughter-in-law in a little black dress. Other than those two, the rest of her children, their spouses and her grandchildren (15-18 people) were dressed in red shirts and black pants or blue jeans.

 

[jmcrae]

Hi all,
I would like to get your (name removed by moderator)ut on this topic. In Ireland, in recent years, it seems that many people have abandoned the traditional “black” dress code when attending a funeral.
Now, many may be seen dressed up to the nines as though going to some function or party.
I am saddened by this development and see it as crass and disrespectful.
What is the custom as practised in your part of the globe?
Many thanks.
God Bless,
Colmcille.

Everyone who attended the last funeral I was at (this past Tuesday) was dressed in black.

Some of them were black party dresses, but at least they were black. I can’t criticize; I forgot my suit jacket, and was in a black t-shirt.