Funny Mass memories

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A few years ago, my husband and I went to Mass on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. Father’s homily was, of course, all about Mary. He talked about what she might have been like, and said, hands waving in the air, “Wouldn’t it be something to meet her? I really wish I could meet her in person. I mean, I would just love to meet Mary!”

At that moment, someone’s cellphone started ringing… and the ringtone was Handel’s “Hallelujah Chorus.”

Without missing a beat, Father said, “And I think she’s going to appear!”

The congregation laughed uproariously. Father said, “Or maybe not…” and continued on with his homily.
 
One time during the Penitential Rite, the priest said, “Let us call to mind our sins.” The momentary silence following was broken by the voice of a small child who said, “Uh-oh!” :rotfl:
 
This happened last Sunday:

The priest filling in for our pastor made fun of our deacon non-stop throughout the homily. Father also said “shit” during the homily and pretended not to notice when in fact he knew he made a ‘boo boo’ (this was with reference to Jesus’ parable). He also asked us if we had ever seen a burning bush. Two people raised their hands.

I’m not sure whether or not I should be concerned. Perhaps I’m still in shock? Was that a dream?
Prague said:
A few years ago, just after I moved to my parish, just as our priest elevated the host and all of our eyes were focused, over the loudspeaker used by the priest for his mic, we heard.

Center, we are now ascending to angels 45.

Somehow we were picking up a transmission from a military jet that had just gone over the church.

There wasn’t a straight face there.
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I don’t believe you. I don’t! That’s not possible! hahaha
 
This thread is great! I am shamelessly copying an old post of mine into this thread. I thought it was pretty funny!

This happened in the church in my old town, at daily Mass. It was hot outside, so the doors of the church were left open, and a hornet had flown in, and was hanging around the chalice. Father Bob picked up a purificator, apparently with the intent of using it to kill the hornet. The timing was impeccable:

“Let us offer one another a sign of Christ’s peace.”

WHAM!!!
 
In one of my former parishes, we had installed a new PA system, complete with cordless mics.
The first Sunday Father was beaming as he used the new technology for the first time. Just as he was beginning the consecration, the PA system broadcast the pending arrival of an ambulance at a nearby Presbyterian hospital.
Father never used the cordless mics again.

This same priest reluctantly agreed to celebrate an outdoor Mass on Sunday for a large Boy Scout encampment…he’d never done a field Mass before.
We set up the temporary altar in a tranquil area near the lake.
Everything went fine until during one of the many quiet times that were part of the traditional Latin Mass, when a voice carried across the lake, “Look what I caught. A beer can!”
 
Father was performing a baptism and while he was, the 3-year-old sister of the baptized was jumping up and down, back and forth in front of the baptismal font. As Father started to say a blessing, he got distracted by the little girl and said something like “may this light burn brightly and help you as you continue to…jump your way into the kingdom of heaven…”

Another time, a lector mistakenly announced that we were to hear a reading from the “letter of Paul to the Phillippines.”

At a parish where there was a commentator who gave some background info on each of the first two readings…one week the commentator was supposed to say something like “the book of Wisdom was written in the 6th century BC for Jews living in the pagan city of Alexandria, Egypt.” Only, the way the commentator said it was “living in the pagan city of Alexandria, Virginia.”
 
AFarmer said:
Years ago, the lector was reading the bit in Genesis 15 about the smoking fire pot. Back then the text was “smoking brazier”( or maybe we had an old lectionary). Well, if you haven’t guessed yet, we got a reading about smoking ladies underwear. Old Frank didn’t skip a beat though, even with the entire congregation giggling immaturely. I was pretty young then, but I still remember that one vividly. 😃
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That happened in my parish too.:rotfl:
 
Once when I was about 10 at Mass with my parents, a cat walked into the church during Mass. Father stopped saying Mass momentarily to shoo kitty out the door.
 
My pastor told a story of when he was at another parish, the doors were open during Mass because it was hot and the church had no AC. During his homily, a dog walked in the church and started barking. Fido was escorted out the door by an usher, but Father figured that his homily was probably too long and due to be ended at that point.
 
In my parish, the priest wears a clip on microphone. About 5 years ago, during the Ash Wednesday Mass, the priest who was pastor at the time forgot to turn it off when he went to the sacristry to wash his hands after distributing ashes. We heard the water running, then we heard Father tell the deacon and the lay people who also distributed ashes that there were “enough ashes left until Christ returns.”😃
 
lak611 said:
Once when I was about 10 at Mass with my parents, a cat walked into the church during Mass. Father stopped saying Mass momentarily to shoo kitty out the door.
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maybe the cat was catolic… lol
 
These are just too funny!!!

The only one I can come up with at the moment is this…

I was sitting in the middle of the pew when we all got up to receive communion. I’m always very conscious of getting back to my spot quickly and efficiently so I don’t botch up the order of everyone finding their place and everyone having to step over each other - I just hate that. Well, in my haste to get back to my seat, I smashed my foot into the foot of the kneeler SO HARD that I broke the foot of the kneeler in two pieces, and the man on the kneeler when down with a thud. I was so shocked and embarrassed, I yelped out OH MY GOD - ARE YOU ALRIGHT!!! Then proceeded to want to crawl right under the pew when I realized that every single person in the Church was looking at me because I was NOT quiet when I yelped.

There is a reason why past boyfriends have called me Grace. :o

~Liza
 
We had a newly ordained priest from Poland who was still trying to master the English language.

While reading the Gospel during Mass, he got to the part about Jesus curing the blind man and Father said, “Jesus cursed the blind man”

Everyone, including Father, had a good laugh over that one.
 
Once during a weekday Mass (the feast of St. Wenceslaus, September 28), the organist played “Good King Wenceslaus,” and many people wondered why because it wasn’t even close to Christmas and they may not have known Wenceslaus was the saint of the day. The organist was an older man, a Baptist, and usually quite dignified and serious, but every now and then his subtle sense of humor showed through.
 
First, let me set the scene. Our church is laid out in the shape of a cross… that is, in front of the altar steps, it branches out to both sides, with doors at the end of the cross’s “arms” and, high above the doors, large windows. Over each door (on the outside of the building), there is a sloping roof to keep rain out of the entrance ways. Got it?

Okay, once my mom and I had to sit in the very first pew, on the right hand side. The priest we had at the time had a habit of coming right down the steps during his homily, holding the mic (this was way before the wireless era), kind of like he was a talk show host. He was just starting his homily when my mom nudged me and pointed to the window on the left hand side of the church. There, perched on the roof, was a cat, a rather stringy looking cat, but one of those with the intense, crazed wide-eyed looks (I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.) On this occasion the gist of the homily was that we were being watched, that every move we made was under intense scrutiny, that no matter how unaware we were, SOMEONE WAS WATCHING US!

Of course, Father was unaware that, indeed, he was being watched and not just by God! As he spoke, he moved about, gesturing with his arms and, of course, whipping the mic cord around. I told myself sternly, “DO NOT look at the window!” but I could feel my mother shaking beside me and I looked. Sure enough, the cat was going bonkers watching the mic cord swooping around. By this time, the choir (which always sat at the right hand side, opposite the window in question) had noticed the cat flying around and there was an unusual amount of coughing and music books being held up to faces. I remember thinking, “Dear Lord, if that cat falls off the roof, please don’t let me bust out laughing!”

Thank God he didn’t and Father never had a clue and Mom and I laughed until we cried on the way home!
 
This took place back in the early 50s when I was 3. Back then the ice cream man rode a reversed tricycle. The ice cream was in a dry-ice compartment up front supported by two wheels and the salesman pedaled the tricycle. Across the handlebars were a series of bells which he rang to announce his presence. I associated bells with ice cream.

One Sunday my father was on his naval reserve duty and my mother had to take me to Mass. This was the TLM and so it was fairly quiet. When it came time for the Sanctus, the altar boys rang the bells and (from what my mother told me) I screamed out: “Mamma! The ice cream man!”
 
Thirteen years ago, my then-girlfriend and I attended a Catholic wedding for a friend of ours who had relocated to Rochester, NY. All went well for her and the groom until the homily.

Apparently he thought he had a bad case of jitters, but what he had was a bad case of the flu. Midway through the homily, he fell over, threw up, and passed out. He then awoke enough to go through with the exchange of vows while seated.

Paramedics arrived and waited in the sacristy. They gave him just enough to walk her down the aisle . . . and past the limo and into the waiting ambulance. Our friend accompanied him to the hospital, naturally in her full bridal gown. What a sight that must have been in the ER! She eventually came to the reception while he was treated for dehydration, and although a lot of the traditional reception things had to be dispensed with, everyone still had a good time. Too bad he missed it! 😃

They came to our wedding the following year. They look back on what happened and laugh now.
 
Me and my cousins went to their grandparents Anglican chuch. Its very much like Catholic, except for when they “let us pray” we stand up and they sit.

So four redfaced munhkins were standing in the front row of the church while the rest of the parish sat on Easter Sunday morning.😛
 
My husband asked me to pass this story on… didn’t actually happen at Mass, but it was close enough!

We attend Mass at a military hospital chapel. The priest wears a microphone that broadcasts the Mass over speakers to the hospital rooms and the auxiliary chapel (a meeting room down the hall). One morning, Father was rushing around getting ready for Mass and he clipped on his mic. Then, before putting on his vestments, he decided to make a quick run to the men’s room.

While he was, uh, attending to business, his pager went off. “Father Pat, would you mind turning your microphone off?”

The microphone is now the LAST thing he puts on before Mass!
 
brotherhrolf said:
This took place back in the early 50s when I was 3. Back then the ice cream man rode a reversed tricycle. The ice cream was in a dry-ice compartment up front supported by two wheels and the salesman pedaled the tricycle. Across the handlebars were a series of bells which he rang to announce his presence. I associated bells with ice cream.

One Sunday my father was on his naval reserve duty and my mother had to take me to Mass. This was the TLM and so it was fairly quiet. When it came time for the Sanctus, the altar boys rang the bells and (from what my mother told me) I screamed out: “Mamma! The ice cream man!”
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My wife recalls a similar incident once when she was at church. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear some altar bells came right off old Good Humor trucks. I searched the Net in vain for a .wav or .mp3 of the bells from a GH truck, but to no avail.
 
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