Future engagement ring - female minds wanted

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ultramontane

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Hello, I could really use the help of some Catholic female minds both young and experienced at being young šŸ™‚

I am in a courtship with an amazing traditional Catholic young woman whoā€™s beyond what I could ever dream up. Itā€™s hard to explain but Iā€™m certain my vocation is with her, as I feel marriage to her would be the best path for the salvation of my soul, and pretty sure she feels the same. This wonā€™t happen for a few months because of distance but at that time I hope to ask her father for permission to propose as I did when desiring to court.

My question to the Catholic female mind whether youā€™re a mother, grandmother, or sister is do you think itā€™d be a nice gesture for a young man to ask if youā€™d like to contribute ideas to the engagement ring? I can definitely tell you that this girl is not one how would care what particular cut, size, grade so its not like thereā€™s something I definitely know she wants to go after. Iā€™m debating in my mind whether this would be a nice action or seen as indecision on my part. I really love the whole family and this would be asking her mom and two sisters who are teenagers. So I thought maybe it would be nice to get them involved in a special time for their sister/daughter.

Thank you for your time šŸ™‚

~Catholic young man navigating unknown waters šŸ¤·
 
**I think itā€™s a great idea, assuming she gets along well with whatever family members you intend to ask. I know that me and my sis and mom are very close and know eachotherā€™s tastes and preferences so could be a big help.

And if you frame it in a ā€œIā€™d love to get her something really special and since you have known her for her entire life (assuming you are asking her mom etc) I would like to get your opinions, here are some styles I have been consideringā€ then it wonā€™t be seen as indecision or laziness on your part, rather a sweet and considerate gesture:thumbsup:**
 
I think your idea is so thoughtful! :love: Just beautiful!

My husband chose the size/style/cut of my engagement ring, and I love it ā€“ Itā€™s a small, simple, traditional diamond solitaire. Nothing showy, fancy, or gaudy. Itā€™s perfect because he gave it to me.
 
Yes, that is fantastic to have family involved.

I personally really like solitaires. Just the simple diamond (big or small) on a white gold ring.

Round or princess cuts are classic. A classic ring will be timeless. šŸ™‚
 
Dear ladies, thank you very much for the reassurance. I understand sometimes guys like myself have well intention ideas but when floated across women it becomes obvious there are flaws in the logic.

The young woman has a great family life which obviously appealed to me so there well be no problems there. I do plan on making the decisions but I wouldnā€™t mind keeping her family involved. Plus I need them as my source for ring size šŸ˜ƒ

This will be a great day even if itā€™s months away. For now Iā€™ll just continue to enjoy and praise God for the discernment of our courtship!

God bless and thank you again
 
I bought my gf a titanium ruby, she doesnā€™t like diamonds (South African girl). To be honest, diamonds are not worth what you pay for them.
 
Well Iā€™m a little (just a little:p ) out there and my personal taste would be a solitary sapphire instead of a diamond on a yellow gold band. But since your girl is more traditional I would think sheā€™d love a small solitary diamond. I agree with Malia (Feanaroā€™s Wife)'s advice. Do ask her mother and sisters and your sure to receive good advice. I donā€™t have sisters, but my mom would defiently know what Iā€™d like. Plus, my futrue husband would need to know iā€™m allergic to silver before he went ring shopping.

and yes, make sure you know her ring size;)

good luck!šŸ‘
 
Iā€™ve just recently gotten engaged. My fiance and I had talked about what I like in jewelry prior to being engaged, but he picked the setting himself.

We had talked about things like the fact that I donā€™t wear gold jewelry. We had also talked about colored stones as part of the setting. He had originally suggested rubies, which to us brings to mind the proverb about the worth of a good wife šŸ™‚ Sapphire is my birthstone and he bought me a lovely sapphire and diamond cross for Christmas and he found the ring from the same jeweler.

This is the setting and the center diamond is a princess cut diamond.

I would have been delighted with a ring from a cracker jack box just because it came from him, but the final ring he chose was beautiful.
 
My hubby-to-be and I would go to the mall, and he would stop at the jewelery stores and we would ā€˜window shopā€™, so he could see what I liked. I would ooh and ah over the ones I liked, and he obviously took notice. šŸ˜‰ Then he went and bought one that we had already looked at and knew I liked, but he actually chose which one. We picked out the wedding bands together, since we got a matched set and would both be wearing them. We got those with emeraldsā€“had to be something different. šŸ˜› So thatā€™s an idea tooā€“you pick the engagement ring, and both choose a wedding band set together. šŸ™‚
 
My husband took me shopping for my engagement ring. I was helping him mow his parents huge yard and he just said, ā€œCome on.ā€ We looked like weā€™d been mowing grass all day! Duh. The woman probably didnā€™t think we had a penny. šŸ˜› He had them bring the loose diamonds out and told me to pick whatever I wanted, so I did. Then after seeing what I liked, he chose a bigger stone in the same style! :love: We picked the setting together. We had already comitted to marrying each other, but he did get down on one knee and ask anywayā€¦not in the shop, but later that evening.
 
Teakafrog said:
My hubby-to-be and I would go to the mall, and he would stop at the jewelery stores and we would ā€˜window shopā€™, so he could see what I liked. I would ooh and ah over the ones I liked, and he obviously took notice. šŸ˜‰ Then he went and bought one that we had already looked at and knew I liked, but he actually chose which one.
Click to expand...
This is what we did too and it was so much fun. I think my husband liked having a little (name removed by moderator)ut from the person who would be wearing the ring. I have to add that all of that ā€œwindow shoppingā€ took nothing away from the breathtaking moment when he finally did propose!
 
I agree with asking mother and sisters for any tips and even going window shopping just to see what takes her breath away BUT in the end i think its nice if you surprise her with what you pick out. My husband loved my ring when he bought it for me and it ended up being exactly what i wanted.

Hindsight now is that i think the best thing for him to do would be putting all his money into getting one big diamond solitair. we were young and unable to get a big fancy ring at the time but he now wishes that my diamond was bigger. If you invest everything in one very good special jewel you can embelish it later down the road.
 
DH actually got me a engagement ring/wedding band set and I picked out his wedding band.

My advice would be to take her to the mall to window shop. She prolly already knows that you intend to pop the question sometime soon (btw- have you asked her dad yet?) and would enjoy looking at rings.

My two cents on the brand, though. I am a HUGE fan of ArtCarved. I am very very rough on my hands, as is DH, so we got ArtCarved rings. They can be exchanged if they get too small, if they are ever damaged, etcā€¦ My dadā€™s Aggie ring is ArtCarved. It fell out of his pocket on a mission once and ArtCarved replaced it for free.
My engagement ring is a 1 carat aquamarine princess cut solitaire with a band style that matches my wedding band below.

These are our rings:
His:
http://www.billbarnes.com/photos/11-WV5568-ART-Angle1.jpg

Mine:
http://www.billbarnes.com/photos/33-V2060L.jpg
 
My friend did this: He picked out the center stone and had them place it in a temporary setting. He proposed, gave her the ring; and then they went to the jewelry store and she picked out the setting she liked. So you could include her family in the cut of stone she likes and then let her pick out the setting.

Just my two cents for what itā€™s worth:D
 
hi Ultra - well there are so many ring choices out there. Maybe the best thing to do is just to shop around for a day or 2 and pick whatever you like. I am sure she would love it because you chose it.

Now, on a side note, just a little background incase you need it. There is white gold, yellow gold, platinum, and titanium (mostly for males) rings. My ring is yellow gold with a platinum setting (holding the diamonds in) - because the platinum makes it less likely I would ever lose a stone. Also, just something to mention about white gold - a lot of white gold rings because they are worn so much obviously, start every couple of years looking dull. This is because white gold is actually more of a gray color (yellow gold mixed with an alloy) and it is coated with something called rodium which makes it look white. Once this rodium fades, the ring will look more dull. This is easily solved though by having it recoated with rodium when it begins looking dull. I believe this costs 20-30 dollars, and she would have to part with the ring while itā€™s being done - so that is something to consider. Platinum would never need to be replated as it is 95% pure. And yellow gold wouldnā€™t have any problem either since itā€™s not coated with anything.

If you are thinking going above 14k gold (I would not recommend 10k - thatā€™s just my opinion), then it may be best to have the setting in platinum because 18k is a little softer and the ring could be more likely to damage.

Now as for the ā€œcolorā€ rating, lesser is better with D being the lowest. Having less flaws is a good thing, but can make the diamond expensive - I say as long as you canā€™t see any flaws with the naked eye (black spots for example), then I say the flaw rating doesnā€™t matter.

Now, as for chosing a setting, like I said just chose what you like. While I love a ring with a lot of sparkle (aka lots of diamonds - a big one with lots of small ones) I also love a solitare. My ring is more of a compromise - itā€™s a 3-stone ring. Just follow your gut - sheā€™ll like it b/c you picked it out.

Sorry if I went on and on - good luck!šŸ‘
 
ultramontane said:
My question to the Catholic female mind whether youā€™re a mother, grandmother, or sister is do you think itā€™d be a nice gesture for a young man to ask if youā€™d like to contribute ideas to the engagement ring? I can definitely tell you that this girl is not one how would care what particular cut, size, grade so its not like thereā€™s something I definitely know she wants to go after. Iā€™m debating in my mind whether this would be a nice action or seen as indecision on my part. I really love the whole family and this would be asking her mom and two sisters who are teenagers. So I thought maybe it would be nice to get them involved in a special time for their sister/daughter.
Click to expand...
This female Catholic mind will tell you there is no such thing as a standard female Catholic mind. šŸ˜‰

Iā€™m coming from a different viewpoint to most others here. The idea of anyone choosing jewellery - especially such a symbolic piece of jewellery - or anything else very personal on my behalf is bizarre (to this day no one has ever correctly guessed what I might like or what Iā€™m thinking or feeling or why) . I would 100% not have appreciated my fiance choosing my ring for me, which in my case would have shown there was something major about me that he did not ā€œgetā€. Setting a price limit, yes, choosing the actual ring, no (but then from memory we both paid for it and the wedding rings anyway).

But the point of me saying this is ā€¦ everyone around me knows thatā€™s the way I am. If your intended was anything like me, I think youā€™d know it too. So unless you are completely insensitive (which you clearly are not, otherwise you wouldnā€™t be asking) youā€™re on the right track.

Even if I didnā€™t appreciate my fiance choosing a ring for me (which you are already sure wonā€™t bother her) I would not see asking my sister/mother/grandmother for advice as indecision - it would clearly be a matter of you trying to make sure I ended up with something that I would like and give me a nice surprise at the same time.

So there you go - whilst I would not have appreciated my ring being chosen for me, it sounds to me like your fiancee (who is clearly different to me and has a very different family situation) will think itā€™s ā€œa nice actionā€ rather than ā€œindecisionā€. And it sounds like her family will think so too - I reckon theyā€™d love to be part of it and it will help set up great relationships in the future by showing them you have such confidence in their advice and in their relationship with your beloved that you want them to be part of this.

Hope that helps, in a roundabout sort of a way!
 
For me personally, my mother and I have VERY different tastes, so Iā€™m glad my fiance didnā€™t ask her what kind of ring I liked because I would have ended up with a pear shaped diamond in gold, which isnā€™t my style.

I went to adiamondisforever.com and designed one I liked, and even though the grand total for that particular ring was something like 78000, my then boyfriend had an idea of what I liked, which was a princess cut with two baguettes. He got the ring set in platinum because it holds up better than white gold. I do have to say, I love my ring, but discovered that finding a band was more diffiicult because of the setting, I had to get a wedding band with a bend in it so my ring would sit flush and not have a huge gap, so definetly speak with a jeweler about possible wedding bands to go with the ring
 
OldAgeGuru said:
I do have to say, I love my ring, but discovered that finding a band was more diffiicult because of the setting, I had to get a wedding band with a bend in it so my ring would sit flush and not have a huge gap, so definetly speak with a jeweler about possible wedding bands to go with the ring
Click to expand...
An excellent point and one I had a bit of a problem with - there are two rings involved and when choosing the first you might want to bear in mind what youā€™d like for the second so you know theyā€™ll be physically compatible!
 
I donā€™t think I would want my mom or my sister picking out my engagement ring for me, even though I know my mom knows me and would do a good job. Thereā€™s something special about the man picking it out I think. I was a little nervous about my fiance picking mine out but he did a wonderful job and It was just what I wanted.
Hereā€™s mine:
i199.photobucket.com/albums/aa137/OSUbride0708/2799119.jpg
Here are some more I really like:
http://zales.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pZALE1-4689151t400.jpg
http://zales.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pZALE1-3194376t400.jpg
http://zales.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pZALE1-3223191t400.jpg
http://zales.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pZALE1-3223184t400.jpg
http://zales.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pZALE1-4692299t400.jpg

Where are you from OP? You sound like someone I knowā€¦
 
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