Future engagement ring - female minds wanted

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Something that hasn’t come up-and I hate being overly practical about such a romantic issue-but if the male is planning on getting the ring through credit or some sort of payment plan then he needs to talk with his fiance’ first. Yes, this takes away the surprise but if you go into debt for the ring then your combined incomes will be paying for it anyway. Not much of a gift if you are both working to pay off the ring. Your fiance’ needs to know going into the marriage how much debt that is being racked up for her.

If you are one of the smart guys who has actual money in savings to draw from then please discount anything that I just wrote.😛

I am odd but not only would I prefer to pick out my own ring but I dislike diamonds because all couples have one.
 
We got mine on Ebay. It’s an antique, platinum diamond ring. We got it for under $400 and its been appraised for $2000. We also couldn’t find a wedding band to match so we had one made to match it. This cost us under $400 as well.

My mom and I have very different tastes. What she thinks I"d like isn’t always the case. Plus it was more special that my dh picked it out himself

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While ideally it would be fantastic if family members knew and had the exact same tastes, that was most definitely not the case for me. I have very different taste than my mom and all three of my sisters…so I’m really glad DH didn’t ask for their (name removed by moderator)ut! 😛

DH (he was DB then 🙂 ) and I met online so it’s no surprise that we did the majority of our window shopping on the web. He’d email me a link and ask me to rate the ring on a scale of 1 to 10. That way he knew exactly my taste in jewelry. We also set a price limit on the ring…I didn’t want to be walking around with a small fortune on my hand…🤷

And ultimately DH picked the perfect ring. I didn’t see it until he proposed and it was simply gorgeous.

Here’s the link for the setting…

diamondsonweb.com/shopping/sdetail.mhtml?cat=12&c_gid=2&useajax=no&sku=1977
 
maria29 said:
We got mine on Ebay. It’s an antique, platinum diamond ring. We got it for under $400 and its been appraised for $2000. We also couldn’t find a wedding band to match so we had one made to match it. This cost us under $400 as well.

My mom and I have very different tastes. What she thinks I"d like isn’t always the case. Plus it was more special that my dh picked it out himself

http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r291/mariaa29/scan0001.jpg
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I don’t like diamonds normally, but I really like that ring.👍
 
Thank you all for your responses. There’s so much information that I haven’t yet processed it but will refer back to this in the coming months. I really feel like the luckiest guy!

OSUbride0708 - I’m from Oregon. I thought maybe it is possibly we know each other by your name but then I realized from your location OSU probably stands for Ohio State 🙂

To some of the other comments I have no plans of going into debt over this because we want children and lots of them. I have good financial sense and know my spending limit would be up to $3k cash (well on a credit card put paid the next month).

Thank you again!
 
Okay, you are incredibly sweet! I hope your married life will be blessed.
  1. When my fiancee proposed he did a very traditional thing and asked my father’s permission. That made me love him more!
  2. He enlisted my mom’s help who can be very sneaky! She was able to find out my ring size, what I wanted, and help plan the whole thing.
  3. My aunt set aside a diamond for my engagement ring many years ago and he used it, for me marriage is not just two people it’s a blend of two families. Using heirloom bits of my family made it more special!
  4. He asked just before Thanksgiving dinner at my grandmother’s house in front of most of my family. We all cried!
Okay, so what I’m trying to say is that for me including my family and keeping all of it a secret from me were the best parts of it. I don’t know how much you would want to include the teenage sisters, but her mom is likely a must. Hope this helps, God bless.
 
I think, given what you said about your beloved and her family, it would be very touching 🙂 This is just MY opinion and your girl may feel diferently, but I do shudder at the whole ‘asking for permission’ thing. I think it is beautiful to ask for a blessing, to talk to the family beforehand, to announce your intention to wed and how much you love, respect and will take care of their daughter/sister, etc., and maybe give the chance for them to bring up something they might see as an issue. But if you know you are ready to get married, you don’t need somebody’s ‘okay’. And if you DO need to ask somebody, ‘do you think we’re ready to get married’, then you aren’t. Asking for permission, to me, reeks of viewing the woman as an object or property who can be ‘given away’ (which is not even allowed in Catholic ceremonies).

Sorry, that was just a big rant and based mostly on semantics 🙂 I think you guys sound like a lovely couple though and I’m really excited for you 🙂

I was originally going to get a ring that was set aside for me, but it was lost…I had told my then boyfriend what it was like though, and we had a lot of talks about what interested me and what my preferences were and even did some window shopping. He proposed on a camping trip with a beautiful, simple ring: a yellow gold band with one 1/4 carat round cut cubic zirconium. I don’t wear a lot of jewelry and have very small hands, so I didn’t want something big, and we are both very frugal and I told him flat out I think diamonds are a waste of money. I adore my ring - I love it’s simple elegance and I think the fact that it is just a stone on a band really makes the stone more sparkly.

The funny thing is, a month or so later, we found my grandmother’s old diamond ring, which I was supposed to have. It looks very similar, so we are going to use it for a wedding ring, and maybe put the stone from my engagement ring in a pendant or something like that (they can’t be worn together, unforunately)

Here are a few pics:
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Hi!

Congratulations on finding the perfect girl for you!

I am not engaged or even married but here’s my opinion.

-You can definitely ask the help of her family. However, you should make sure that you also know what your gf may like. Don’t let the family member’s own style/taste get in the way of what you think your gf will like.

-Her ring size?Well, don’t you hold her hand most of the time. C’mon now!LOL. 😃

-You know what beats the whole fuss about the engagement ring??? The way you will give the engagement ring or the way you will ask her to marry you. I think you should prepare for that too. Cuz ladies consider that too. LOL.

Alright, that’s my opinion. =D
Goodluck and keep on serving the Lord as a couple.
God Bless!
 
ultramontane said:
To some of the other comments I have no plans of going into debt over this because we want children and lots of them. I have good financial sense and know my spending limit would be up to $3k cash (well on a credit card put paid the next month).

Thank you again!
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I want to reassure you that you can do very well for less than 3 grand! I went in expecting to spend about that much, and ended up spending waaaaaaaay less. My wife’s engagement ring was an estate piece that cost a mere $300-- but get this: it was the only gold ring with a deep blue sapphire in town. We were so fortunate to have found it by chance! And we still have fun trying to guess the ring’s history. 😃

We did something slightly unusual in this day and age and got a separate ring for the wedding. She’s Irish and has wonderfully delicate hands, so I got her a claddagh from a jeweler in Ireland. It cost us only about $500. celtic-weddingrings.com/Product.asp?ID=357

I was able to set the rest of the money I had planned to spend aside for a lovely honeymoon.
 
When we were getting engaged, my husband and I shopped for the rings together. We got a matching set of men’s and ladies diamond rings. 🙂
 
Nanny_PK said:
My friend did this: He picked out the center stone and had them place it in a temporary setting. He proposed, gave her the ring; and then they went to the jewelry store and she picked out the setting she liked…
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A good approach if you aren’t sure what your fiancee would like and want to surprise her.

Without wanting to sound harsh, since you sound so thoughtful and charming, do NOT solicit opinions, take polls, surveys, votes or anything of the kind of mothers, sisters, aunts or grannies. None of them will be wearing this ring for even 5 minutes, much less the next 40 + years. The ONLY opinion on style/design that matters is your fiancee’s. You know and set the budget, she should have and be encouraged to exercise complete autonomy in picking out her ring and not having to bow to the pressures, politics, whims or preferences of any extended family members. This is a principle best learned early on~autonomy in decision making is a skill that will serve you well and avoid many a family skirmsih.
Asillia said:
…I do shudder at the whole ‘asking for permission’ thing. I think it is beautiful to ask for a blessing, to talk to the family beforehand, to announce your intention to wed and how much you love, respect and will take care of their daughter/sister, etc., and maybe give the chance for them to bring up something they might see as an issue. But if you know you are ready to get married, you don’t need somebody’s ‘okay’. And if you DO need to ask somebody, ‘do you think we’re ready to get married’, then you aren’t. Asking for permission, to me, reeks of viewing the woman as an object or property who can be ‘given away’ (which is not even allowed in Catholic ceremonies).

Sorry, that was just a big rant and based mostly on semantics 🙂
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You’ve totally missed the boat on this one. Your lack of understanding twists the intent and misapprehends the significance of this gesture. My husband did this for me~I use this wording deliberately~when were were both students in law school. There was precious little opportunity for anyone to get the impression I came from a family or was marrying a man who viewed me as their “property” or weak-willed little honey.

Rather, it was a gesture of humility and respect–directed to my father, the symbolic head of my family of origin, as an acknowledgement of the high level of responsibility and care he exercised in raising me and supporting his family, and a commitment to my family to adopt this same level of care and dedication in seeking to marry me and raise our family. For my husband it was a nod to tradition and a show of deference, not a plea for permission. There is a world of difference.

My father still talks about getting that phone call (we were in school in another state) to this day and we’ve been married for almost 20 years. My husband now tells my (teenage) daughters that any man who fails to ask for their hand from him first is probably not worthy of marrying them and won’t understand and appreciate our family traditions. And this usually modern-thinking mom can’t help but agree.
 
I agree with IslandOak. I don’t believe in asking others for their opinion on a ring they won’t be wearing.:o Only you and your fiancee’s opinion should matter.

Here is some shopping advice to get the most for your money. Buy your ring from a jewelry wholesaler who specializes in diamonds. I would avoid the store with the beautiful blue box and bow, unless you want to spend that much, and other retailers. I would either by the stone already set, or just the stone and get it set elsewhere from a wholesaler who does not contribute to the blood diamond/conflict diamond situation. There are many out there, you just have to really do some homework to find reputable ones. The Jewelry Channel on tv has exquisite pieces, for reasonable prices. I like 1 carat solitaires or greater for example. I lost my original engagement ring…and then we purchased a new ring…that I just fell out of love with the style, I guess. It wasn’t a solitaire. To avoid blood diamonds, I opted last year, to replace my original engagement ring with a beautiful moissanite ring. It tests like a real diamond, and is roughly $500 per carat as opposed to $1000 per carat as a diamond. Many couples are opting for moissanite because it is so stunning, and looks, and tests like a diamond. I have known a few horror stories where a stone can appear greyish in certain lights, but I really have been sooooo happy with mine. (Plus I could get it in 1.25 carats for so much less than a diamond would have been in this same setting.)

Just wanted to throw that out there, in case she opts for something beautiful but less pricey–and wants a larger stone.
Well, my first ring that I lost was a diamond…so was the second, I guess by the third, hubby was done spending $$ on diamonds.😊 Whatever makes you smile when staring at it I say!😃

Congrats on finding true love…I hope that things work out for both of you!🙂
 
jmcrae said:
When we were getting engaged, my husband and I shopped for the rings together. We got a matching set of men’s and ladies diamond rings. 🙂
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I agree to shop for them together, too…and if you like the element of surprise…then, maybe have her pick a few styles…and then you pick the final one…which would be somewhat surprising. My husband knows my taste now, but back then…I don’t know if he would have.:o
 
Island Oak, I think we mostly agree on the value of the custom and its importance and beauty, what it can represent, etc, just not on the semantics. I have nothing against a man talking to his girlfriend’s father or family, I just don’t like referring to it as ‘permission’. And I did say it was just MY personal opinion. It would have been a nice gesture if my fiance had talked to my parents, but as we live in a different state, he’d only met them once so that didn’t happen.

Anyway…I don’t know if I totally agree about not asking others’ opinions on the ring (ironically 😉 )…you have a good point, but if it turns out that some of her relatives really know her tastes, it could work out. And although there can still be some element of surprise even if you take her ring shopping with you…I think it’s not quite the same. But if you can’t trust her family to know what she is going to want, then the next time you go to the mall or something, you can just stop at the jewelry store and see what kinds of styles she likes, but without picking out a specific ring/setting, etc. Does she have any idea you are about to propose?
 
My boyfriend straight-up asked me what I liked. We looked at rings, and he pointed out a few that he liked, and I pointed out a few that I liked. He still hasn’t proposed “officially” yet, but I know it’s coming because I know he has the ring picked out. :extrahappy:

He saw a friend wearing a simple gold band with one tiny diamond (okay, cubic zirconium) inlaid in it. He asked the friend where he bought it, and the friend sold it to him on the spot, and offered to find one in my size. I saw the one my boyfriend bought and admired it, so my boyfriend told me it’s going to be my engagement ring. No secrets here, I guess! 😃 I even know how much it costs.

It looks like the middle ring in this picture, but with one “diamond” instead of three. It’s exactly my style. Very simple, goes with anything, and won’t get caught on clothing or skin.

http://www.mariamorgandesignerjewellery.co.uk/images/wring4_lge.jpg
 
My husband:
  1. Wanted the proposal to be a surprise.
  2. Wanted to propose with a ring
  3. New that I would be wearing the ring the rest of my life, and that I would probably want to chose it.
So, he wrote the best most romatic poem, wrote it on a tiny piece of paper and made an origami ring with the paper. It fit perfectly on my finger! He gave it to me on a boat in Biscayne Bay in Miami, and I will never forget that momemt.

The next day we went shopping for “real” rings together. It was the most fun day I have ever had.
 
My daughter is 23 and even though she isn’t even dating anyone now I am well aware of what kind of ring she would like. First go to the mother…depending on the ages of the “teenagers” I’d would discern about asking them. If they are young…they may become too focused on “falling in love” but if they are older they should be mature enough to handle the “secret” with discretion.
 
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