Future Wife

  • Thread starter Thread starter Latinitas
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
L

Latinitas

Guest
Hi CAFers,

I strongly prefer that Catholic young ladies (age 17-25, say) answer this question.

Since this is only my second thread on CAF, I feel I should introduce myself. First off, I am 17, male (I often forget that this is not obvious) and a senior in high school. I converted to Catholicism last year, and was baptized at Easter vigil, having not been baptized previously, since the rest of my family is secular-Protestant. I am a very serious Catholic now, and a staunch traditionalist (although I fully accept the Second Vatican Council and the validity and Catholicity of the Novus Ordo Missae (if celebrated solemnly and properly)). I attend a Protestant school, which when I first entered eight years ago was a very serious, evangelical Christian school, but has since turned into a school with serious Christian teachers (although Protestant) but with a very secular student body, one that could easily be a public student body (and I live in the SF Bay Area, where secular means secular).

Knowing that about me, I now being the main reason why I opened this thread. I am not going to lie, but I am blessed when it comes to physical attractiveness. Sure, I many not be Brad Pitt, but God has blessed me with good looks, and consequently, I have girls try to flirt with me and try to get me to go out with them. But, as I said above, virtually no other student at my school shares my values, and water and oil don’t mix well, and so I end up kindly and tactfully dismissing these attempts. However, this has taken its toll on me over the years I have been at this school, and although I have an intense personality, I also have a natural shyness, a shyness which I have tried to combat for years, with a bit of success, but one that lingers nonetheless. I have come to worry that because of my shyness, I will miss the opportunity to find my future wife, whoever she may be.

The second main reason I started this thread was that I worry about being infatuated with my future wife. While I’ve had a few crushes in the past, it was really only this year that I realized that I am called to be married. Now I know that someone out there is going to say “you’re too young to know that, you’re too young to be thinking about marriage etc.”, which would certainly have been true even a year ago, but I am fully convinced that I ready to be married. Consequently, I eagerly do want to meet my future wife soon, and have decided to start looking for her now, but most especially when I go off to college next year (to an Ex Corde Ecclesiae college, of course). I also find myself thinking about her constantly, even though I don’t even know who she is or who she will be. I already deeply love her, and have thought about what I’ll do for her and I want to tell her how much I love her. I look forward to being married to her and having children with her. I am motivated not to commit acts of lust by love of her (partially, love of God is also a major point), and often think about how my actions affect her. I want to ask if it is good that I think about such things (I do think about other things as well, all mainly spiritual and religious), or if I am just being plain creepy.

Once again, I would prefer that only young Catholic women answer this question.

Now that I feel like I poured all my life plans into this question (half-sarcastic), I am starting to doubt why I even started this thread now.
 
OK. I’m not a young Catholic woman so I won’t try to answer your question. (I’m not even sure exactly what your question is - but I’m kind of dense).

I will say that I don’t think you are too young to know that you are called to be married. When I was that age, I too had an aching deep down in my soul for my future wife. But be patient. I didn’t find mine until I was 26. But good things come to those who wait.

Peace,
John
 
Well i am 3 years younger than u (Almost Catholic, hold the same values u do, female) and i dont think its creepy…
 
I would be careful not to become fixated on this, and I would be careful that your idealism doesn’t let the her pass you by, if you meet her in less-than-perfect circumstances.
 
Latinitas said:
Hi CAFers,

I strongly prefer that Catholic young ladies (age 17-25, say) answer this question.

Since this is only my second thread on CAF, I feel I should introduce myself. First off, I am 17, male (I often forget that this is not obvious) and a senior in high school. I converted to Catholicism last year, and was baptized at Easter vigil, having not been baptized previously, since the rest of my family is secular-Protestant. I am a very serious Catholic now, and a staunch traditionalist (although I fully accept the Second Vatican Council and the validity and Catholicity of the Novus Ordo Missae (if celebrated solemnly and properly)). I attend a Protestant school, which when I first entered eight years ago was a very serious, evangelical Christian school, but has since turned into a school with serious Christian teachers (although Protestant) but with a very secular student body, one that could easily be a public student body (and I live in the SF Bay Area, where secular means secular).

Knowing that about me, I now being the main reason why I opened this thread. I am not going to lie, but I am blessed when it comes to physical attractiveness. Sure, I many not be Brad Pitt, but God has blessed me with good looks, and consequently, I have girls try to flirt with me and try to get me to go out with them. But, as I said above, virtually no other student at my school shares my values, and water and oil don’t mix well, and so I end up kindly and tactfully dismissing these attempts. However, this has taken its toll on me over the years I have been at this school, and although I have an intense personality, I also have a natural shyness, a shyness which I have tried to combat for years, with a bit of success, but one that lingers nonetheless. I have come to worry that because of my shyness, I will miss the opportunity to find my future wife, whoever she may be.

The second main reason I started this thread was that I worry about being infatuated with my future wife. While I’ve had a few crushes in the past, it was really only this year that I realized that I am called to be married. Now I know that someone out there is going to say “you’re too young to know that, you’re too young to be thinking about marriage etc.”, which would certainly have been true even a year ago, but I am fully convinced that I ready to be married. Consequently, I eagerly do want to meet my future wife soon, and have decided to start looking for her now, but most especially when I go off to college next year (to an Ex Corde Ecclesiae college, of course). I also find myself thinking about her constantly, even though I don’t even know who she is or who she will be. I already deeply love her, and have thought about what I’ll do for her and I want to tell her how much I love her. I look forward to being married to her and having children with her. I am motivated not to commit acts of lust by love of her (partially, love of God is also a major point), and often think about how my actions affect her. I want to ask if it is good that I think about such things (I do think about other things as well, all mainly spiritual and religious), or if I am just being plain creepy.

Once again, I would prefer that only young Catholic women answer this question.

Now that I feel like I poured all my life plans into this question (half-sarcastic), I am starting to doubt why I even started this thread now.
Click to expand...
Well, I think that there’s a fine line between idealizing a person and loving a person. I would try and make certain that you realize first of all that if God has someone in mind for you, she’s only human! Be realistic about your expectations and try not to dwell too heavily on a romanticized view of someone who may not exist. Also, just make sure that your wants correspond with God’s plan; though you make think yourself drawn to marriage, after further discernment, you may find a call to religious life. Hope this helps and God bless!
 
Aggies08 said:
I would be careful not to become fixated on this, and I would be careful that your idealism doesn’t let the her pass you by, if you meet her in less-than-perfect circumstances.
Click to expand...
😃 I posted without seeing this reply, but I agree 100%!
 
It’s admirable that you are keeping your future wife in mind as you strive to remain pure. The fact that you deeply love her already without knowing her is so great. Keep up the good work.
 
As a married 24 year-old Catholic woman I think the absolute best thing you could be doing is focusing on preparing yourself for marriage by working hard in school and learning the skills you will need to be able to support your family later. I don’t know where you live but in the USA the average age of marriage for men is about 29 and the average age for women is about 27. I took this as a suggestion that the best time to really start looking is early to mid-twenties, since a lot of people seem to be ready for marriage then. You have several more years before you enter this age group and so you have time to prepare yourself to be the best husband you can be. However, this is by no means a “dead-line” and you shouldn’t worry about it even if you marry at a much later age.

It is alright to entertain the occasional “marriage fantasy” but I’d be careful not to loose yourself to those, because they are fantasies. You don’t know who the person you end up with will be and what they will like, or what will make them happy. I view marriage fantasies in the same category as future jobs, or future houses, or various other life things. They probably do not reflect any reality of your future at all but are mostly harmless as long as you don’t fixate on them. Afterall, we can’t help but wonder what our future will be life from time to time. You do want to becareful not to put your future wife on a pedastal. You need to accept that she will be human and have plenty of weaknesses and flaws just like all the rest of us. You don’t want to be closed off from the possiblities just because a girl you meet isn’t what you imagined. After all, God knows the type of woman that will bring out the very best in you.

As for shyness, I wouldn’t worry. My husband was incrediably shy when I first met him. So much so, that I thought about not dating him because I was worried his shyness would prevent us from have conversations while we spent time together. However, I liked him a lot so I put my misgivings aside and took a risk. As they say, the rest is history 🙂
 
Latinitas said:
I am a very serious Catholic now, and a staunch traditionalist (although I fully accept the Second Vatican Council and the validity and Catholicity of the Novus Ordo Missae (if celebrated solemnly and properly)).
Click to expand...
Any mass needs to be celebrated solemnly and properly but shortcomings in this regard don’t make a mass invalid (let alone only NO but not TLM).
 
Sounds creepy to me. Don’t obsess on this kind of stuff, especially if you haven’t even met her yet. Focus on yourself and let God worry about who you’ll marry.
 
I thank you all very much for the replies, and the honesty, and have seriously taken them to heart. Thanks much.
Any mass needs to be celebrated solemnly and properly but shortcomings in this regard don’t make a mass invalid (let alone only NO but not TLM).
Click to expand...
So true, but I was referring to the Catholicity of the un-solemn Masses, not the validity.

Other replies are still just as welcome.

Benedicat Deus
 
Latinitas said:
Hi CAFers,

I strongly prefer that Catholic young ladies (age 17-25, say) answer this question.

Since this is only my second thread on CAF, I feel I should introduce myself. First off, I am 17, male (I often forget that this is not obvious) and a senior in high school. I converted to Catholicism last year, and was baptized at Easter vigil, having not been baptized previously, since the rest of my family is secular-Protestant. I am a very serious Catholic now, and a staunch traditionalist (although I fully accept the Second Vatican Council and the validity and Catholicity of the Novus Ordo Missae (if celebrated solemnly and properly)). I attend a Protestant school, which when I first entered eight years ago was a very serious, evangelical Christian school, but has since turned into a school with serious Christian teachers (although Protestant) but with a very secular student body, one that could easily be a public student body (and I live in the SF Bay Area, where secular means secular).

Knowing that about me, I now being the main reason why I opened this thread. I am not going to lie, but I am blessed when it comes to physical attractiveness. Sure, I many not be Brad Pitt, but God has blessed me with good looks, and consequently, I have girls try to flirt with me and try to get me to go out with them. But, as I said above, virtually no other student at my school shares my values, and water and oil don’t mix well, and so I end up kindly and tactfully dismissing these attempts. However, this has taken its toll on me over the years I have been at this school, and although I have an intense personality, I also have a natural shyness, a shyness which I have tried to combat for years, with a bit of success, but one that lingers nonetheless. I have come to worry that because of my shyness, I will miss the opportunity to find my future wife, whoever she may be.

The second main reason I started this thread was that I worry about being infatuated with my future wife. While I’ve had a few crushes in the past, it was really only this year that I realized that I am called to be married. Now I know that someone out there is going to say “you’re too young to know that, you’re too young to be thinking about marriage etc.”, which would certainly have been true even a year ago, but I am fully convinced that I ready to be married. Consequently, I eagerly do want to meet my future wife soon, and have decided to start looking for her now, but most especially when I go off to college next year (to an Ex Corde Ecclesiae college, of course). I also find myself thinking about her constantly, even though I don’t even know who she is or who she will be. I already deeply love her, and have thought about what I’ll do for her and I want to tell her how much I love her. I look forward to being married to her and having children with her. I am motivated not to commit acts of lust by love of her (partially, love of God is also a major point), and often think about how my actions affect her. I want to ask if it is good that I think about such things (I do think about other things as well, all mainly spiritual and religious), or if I am just being plain creepy.

Once again, I would prefer that only young Catholic women answer this question.

Now that I feel like I poured all my life plans into this question (half-sarcastic), I am starting to doubt why I even started this thread now.
Click to expand...
You are 17 and you just converted. Please concentrate on learning about your faith before making assumptions. Please also concentrate on your studies, paticipate in sporting activities (this will help your shyness) and fixate less on your future wife. To be blunt, perhaps you should not go on about your good looks.

I wish you all the best in your life. God bless.
 
Latinitas,

For now, pray for her health, and that she follows the path to God, the way of holiness, and that when God wants you to meet, you’re a man worthy of her, and she a woman worthy of you. I’m 21, and I wanted to die single and a virgin, but God called me to a married life when I was on my second year of college. Years later, as I was growing more and more spiritually thanks to the Holy Spirit who brought me to Opus Dei, I met my fiancé. And I’ll be forever thankful to God for such a blessing. God knows what He is doing, He is God. Trust Him. And pray for your future wife, and for you do be a good son of God.

Blessings,
Elizabeth
 
I’m not a woman, but I want to say this: Considering you’re only 17…I wouldn’t be worrying so much about it. I’m 25 and I haven’t found Mrs Right. Ive been in relationships that ended very poorly, and some that did not. I was “fully convinced” that i was ready to marry my first girlfriend. Then our interest in each other quickly faded after 6 months. Then I started looking into religious life for a while but I’ve since come back to looking for my future wife. I don’t mean to make this sound like a personal attack…but you’re sounding as if at 17 years old, you’ve been through so much. Life gets a lot more real after high school and college, and if you’re stressed about this stuff now, just wait until you’re in your mid 20’s! I say this with charity, but you may need to relax a bit about this. God will guide you to your wife when He KNOWS you are ready to meet her. Not when you think you are 😉
 
Latinitas said:
I strongly prefer that Catholic young ladies (age 17-25, say) answer this question.
Click to expand...
FYI: I do not fit this demographic.
Latinitas said:
I fully accept… the validity and Catholicity of the Novus Ordo Missae (if celebrated solemnly and properly)
Click to expand...
The validity of the sacrament of the Eucharist depends on the minister, form, matter, and intent; though they should be, whether people are reverent does not affect this. The Ordo Missae is certainly licit; only departures from it (such as prohibited or unapproved additions, subtractions, or changes) may not be; and, again, though they should be, whether people are reverent does not affect this.
Latinitas said:
I already deeply love her
Click to expand...
Whether you can love a person you do not actually know, much less deeply, is dubious. It is by no means certain that “your wife” even refers to a real person, since you are not married and it is still possible you will not. :o
 
Hello Latinitas,

I agree with most replies here, don´t concentrate too much on this topic- it won´t take you closer to your goal. I don´t want to repeat all the " this is because of your age" comments you propably got from parents and friends, but it seems that you are in this period of youth when you feel that you need the full adult live NOW, with all consequences, wich also includes marriage. Many teens and young adults know this feeling…your post sounds enthusiastic, faithfull, energetic, this is wonderful, please don´t get me wrong, but I think this is the problem, too. A serious decision as marriage should be made when you are in a balanced mood (which includes that you have seen some bad and bright days, too)- and you will need much more patience for your daily life with your future wife as you seem to have now while you´re hoping to find her 😉

So, the most important for you to think of - besides your education (I think you know this already 😉 )- is :

What can YOU do for your future wife? How will she know that you are right for her?
This is more important than teh reversed question, because it will help you to work on you to become the man you would respect and love as a woman, and as every human you will see that this is hard work and necessary for every relation ship.

By the way, I am 20 years old, female, married- but this doesn´t matter. An old man will be probably a better help for you than a young girl, so please be open enough to see all the guidelines god gives us in every single meeting with other people every day 🙂

God bless you!

Alice
 
Hi, I’m 21 and female (and I’m super traditional). I don’t think that matters too much except that I do feel I can help.

Thinking too much about marriage while you’re in high school may lead to serious sexual frustration. This happened to me and it was devastating.

Yes, pray for her, but don’t be too obsessive! A simple prayer “for my future wife. That she may continue to grow in love for You, Jesus, and may be protected from harm” or something would suffice.

Concentrate on school, learning about Catholicism, and preparing for college/life.

High school is totally different from the real world. I just graduated college. Life changes fast!

I don’t agree with some other posters that you should wait until your mid-twenties to think about marriage. I mean, you should make sure you’re somewhat financially sound and mentally/emotionally ready for marriage before you actually marry, but I think that marrying young is okay as long as you’re in it for the right reasons and sure about what you are getting yourself into. There’s a difference between mature, Catholic couples and the culture that focuses on selfishness, careers, and hook-ups over marriage and family. I’m hoping to marry my boyfriend soon. He’s 24.

Personal stuff: I thought I was called to marriage . . . then I felt that I needed to explore the religious life, so I did . . . now I feel called to marriage again and for good. Make sure you’re open to whatever God wants. Also, I didn’t meet anyone worth dating right away. Just be patient.

I recently read on here that it can be a bad idea to date someone exclusively unless you plan on marrying in 12-18 months because it can be very difficult to remain pure. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 years, so I’m clearly not following that advice. Still, we don’t have problems in that department because we’ve learned from past mistakes, for better or for worse. Many couples could struggle with this so it’s something to consider as you head off to college.

Side note: Yeah, SF is crazy. Been there a few times. Really awesome FSSP church in Sac if you want to check it out.
 
I think it was Crystallina Evert (Jason Evert’s wife) who began writing letters to her future husband long before she met him, or maybe it was the other way around. But it was a good outlet, and her future spouse really enjoyed reading the letters later.
You might find this a good outlet, and help in keeping on track to become the man God wants you to be. By the way, their books are great.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top